Disclaimers: Own them? No, I'm just nuts! (Amanda, Murder on the Run)
I wrote this prior to the last regular episode airing in 2001 and just got around to posting it. The lines that are bolded and italicized are direct episode quotes or moments that came into my mind for each line. Consider there a spoiler warning for the whole series.
Diagnosis Murder: A Tribute
For eight years we watched them
Welcomed them into our homes
Felt like they were our closest friends
A part of our family
They made us laugh
They made us cry
Delores, Jack, Norman, Amanda, Steve, Jesse, and Mark.
Delores
Feisty, funny, Delores
For many now just a vague memory
A name on a website
Mark's female counterpart
But a lot more feisty
Delores: I don't have time for your practical jokes!
Mark: No, Delores (hee-hee) I really (ha-ha) need your help!
Jack
Tough, bad-boy Jack
Who can forget your squabbles with Amanda?
Your crazy wisecracks
"Now, there once was a young boy..."
Your interesting approach to solving problems
Sitting on Steve's shoulders trying to set off the smoke detector
Norman
Crazy, neurotic Norman
Most of your personality you wore on the surface
It was easy to know you right away
Your devotion to your hospital
"Better, now that we've got our hospital back."
Your paranoia
"Stay away from me, I'm cursed!"
Your desire to make others believe you were profound
"It's hanging over us like a black curtain of doom...and I'm the curtain rod!"
Your quickness to take offense when somebody questioned you
"The thought never crossed my mind."
Or answered your question with an answer you didn't want to hear
"I got a dead lady's flowers?"
Yet underneath, you still had a soft side.
"Hi, Stevie."
And then there was the Fab 4
Amanda
Sweet, reliable Amanda
Who can forget you sleeping in the doctor's lounge?
We saw you change so much
From the sibling squabbles with Jack
To the wise older sister role with Jesse
Amanda embracing Jesse in prison
You were always the quick wit of the group
"It's absolutely Norman-proof!"
"No, Norman, you're just nuts."
"Did they harvest the bark before or after the Indians ate it?"
"You didn't see his corpse."
You had a knack for not mincing words
"You sound like a killer."
"Actually, I was thinking about a murder."
"That is, unless you want this lady to know about your dead sex partner."
You always knew the right thing to say
"I'm proud of you, Norman."
"Mark, don't listen to him. It's not your fault."
In many ways, you were the emotional backbone.
Steve
Terse, determined Steve
Your father's reluctance to believe your suspect was guilty drove you crazy
"Uh-oh, why not?"
But you were always his biggest supporter
Drops his badge in the mud puddle in front of Burnside
You never lost sight of your priorities
"Yeah, I'm a cop, Delaney, but I'm a son first!"
You refused to accept a hopeless situation
"We don't know anyone's been harmed. You may know Karn, but you don't know my father."
And you never let anyone get away with harming your father.
"If you've done anything to my father, you're going to wish I'd dropped you."
"If this doesn't turn out right you're going to wish you'd never saw me."
"I'm going to find Rosser and then I'll kill him."
Like your father, you had a penchant for truth and justice
"You weren't wrong, the evidence was."
"If you were me, Didi Harris would be in jail for murder, not dead."
Your smile was rare, but we did see it.
Just like your sentimental side.
"I'm not going to alter my life by becoming an orphan."
"I love you, Dad."
"You didn't miss anything, Jesse. It wasn't there."
"Oh, I don't know. Be here if you need to talk, give you a pat on the back."
And like all your friends, you loved kids.
"That crazy pony.", hugs child.
No matter what, you were always there for your friends.
Jesse
Adorable, precious Jesse
You brought so much to the series
You were always so eager
"I figured I'd stake the place out."
"You want me to do something. Right away, sir."
Twirling the ignition wire to keep George from escaping.
"Anything."
And you had some of the best comments before and after Mark figured things out
"I'm always doing that."
Jesse: I know exactly what he's talking about.
Amanda: You do?
Jesse: Are you kidding? I haven't a clue.
Of course, that isn't to say you didn't have your fair share of figuring it out
"Maybe what we're looking for isn't in the bag."
"She didn't do it, Steve."
"He didn't do it."
You hated not being taken seriously
"I hate being humored."
And when people were mad at you
"Yes. Is it working."
I loved your logic
"Although technically you didn't have George."
Your determination
Following Mark when he was taken prisoner by George Karn.
Your knack for stating what we didn't need to hear at that moment
"It's just that murderers return."
Your attempts to make people feel better when you were scared to death yourself
"You didn't have to get all dressed up just for me."
"Well, at least Steve has pay-per-view."
Your knack for getting into trouble
"I didn't write this book, though."
"Mom always told me not to grab other kids' toys. I guess she was right."
The basketball agent's girlfriend putting him in a chokehold when he sneaked on to the property.
Your humor regarding Norman.
"Definitely the curtain rod."
"Just when you think that guy can't get any weirder."
"Maybe she could invent a cream where the rash stays, and Norman..."
You tried so hard to appear brave, but you didn't always manage it.
"What's the use? I mean, we both know what it means and there's nothing we can do about it." Swallows hard.
Yet it was your vulnerability that made you so adorable.
Getting dizzy as the smallpox took effect.
Unconscious after the hospital bombing and after being hit by the car.
"I'll fight this."
"I'm so scared."
"Steve. What's happening to me?"
You gave us some of the most heartwrenching moments of the series.
"You'd better get that. It might be a member of your staff who still trusts you."
"You left me."
"You don't care about me!"
"How can I sleep with everything htat's going on around here?"
"It hurts."
You also gave us one of the most heartfelt lines we ever heard.
"This is what made me want to become a doctor."
If we could have seen Mark at your age, I think we'd have been seeing you.
And finally, Mark
Dear, Mark
I think Amanda summed it up the bes.
"Only you, Mark."
Only you could drive me nuts with just a few words
"That's it!"
"Of course!"
"Why didn't we see it before?"
Only you could be the most reassuring character, and yet scare me half to death
"It could be anyone."
Only you could get me hooked on a series
And yet make me scared to watch an episode 30 seconds into it.
"We're all dying, Connie, from the moment we're born."
Only you could make me break my die-hard philosophy that main characters don't die
Amanda: It just doesn't make any sense what happened yesterday.
Only you could make me cry twice in the same episode
Amanda: It just doesn't make any sense what happened yesterday.
Mark: It's Constance's medical report.
Only you could the be person who never gives up
And then rip my heart out when discouragement finally hits
"They fired me, Amanda."
"They took it away from me."
Only you would rollerskate or ride on a scooter through the hospital
Or break your finger in a way that nobody else would even think of
"I wouldn't do that if I were you, Norman."
Only you would willingly inject yourself twice with a deadly virus to save another's life
Jesse: Then you've just committed suicide.
Jesse: You didn't try to stop him?
Only you could innocently accuse a criminal and they wouldn't even realize it
Only you could match Carter Sweeney with the best comeback I've ever heard
Carter: I think she's mentally ill.
Mark: It must run in the family.
Only you could provide one of the most profound lines the series ever had
"I did what had to be done."
Only you could fool a hard-nosed FBI agent and keep from getting arrested in the process
"Would it make you feel better if I promised to never do it again?"
Only you could give a line equal to Harrison Ford's "The good guys are here!"
"I can't stop your sickness, but I can stop you. I'm through with you."
Only you could give one of the most heartfelt expressions of friendship we ever heard
Then why did I come here? I could have stayed away, but I didn't. I knew you needed me."
Only you, Mark. Only you.
As the sun sets on this wonderful era,
All I can say is, "Thanks, everybody.
Thanks for all the memories."
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Episode References:
Delores: Episode with the laughing gas killer
Jack: I'm not sure where these scenes are from. The first was an episode where Mark kept telling the story about how he first met and helped Jack and Jack finally got fed up and started to tell it from his perspective. The other had Steve and Jack locked in a room by the bad guys and they deliberately set off the sprinklers to get the bad guys in and let them out.
Norman: 1) Murder of Mark Sloan; 2-4) Murder on the Run; 5-6) Murder of Mark Sloan
Amanda: 1) Murder Two; 2-3) Murder on the Run; 4) Slam Dunk Dead; 5) Murder Can Be Contagious; 6) Murder of Mark Sloan; 7-8) Murder on the Run; 9) Misdiagnosis Murder; 10) Resurrection
Steve: 1) Murder on the Run; 2) Obsession; 3-7) Murder on the Run; 5) X Marks the Murder; 6) Murder on the Run; 7) Murder of Mark Sloan; 8) Retribution; 9) Murder on the Run; 10) Murder of Mark Sloan; 11) Murder in the Air; 12) Slam Dunk Dead; 13) Blood Will Out; 14) Gangland
Jesse: 1) Witness to Murder; 2-4) Murder on the Run; 5) Murder on the Run??; 6) Physician, Murder Thyself; 7) Murder Can Be Contagious; 8) Blind Man's Bluff; 9) The Patient Detective; 10) Misdiagnosis Murder; 11) Dead in the Water; 12-13) Murder on the Run; 14) Witness to Murder; 15-16) Murder Can Be Contagious; 17) Out of the Past; 18) Misdiagnosis Murder; 19) Slam Dunk Dead; 20-22) Murder on the Run; 23-24) Murder Can Be Contagious; 25) Resurrection and Misdiagnosis Murder; 26) Misdiagnosis Murder; 27) Slam Dunk Dead; 28-31) Alienated; 32) Misdiagnosis Murder; 33) Bachelor Fathers; 34) Murder on the Run.
Mark: 1) Murder on the Run; 2-4) Just about every episode; 5-8) Murder of Mark Sloan; 9-10) Obsession; 11) X Marks the Murder; 12) Murder Can Be Contagious; 13) Blood Will Out; 14) Resurrection; 15) Obsession; 16) Alienated; 17) Resurrection; 18) Alienated