Okay, I know I promised I was going to write this decades ago, but I've just been so distracted lately with college, scholarships, and the always lovely FAFSA applications I just haven't had the time. So halt the executioner's blade, and enjoy my somewhat cheesy take on Death Note. For now this is only going to be a one-shot, and I can honestly say I have no plans to turn this into a full-length story.

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, and if I did L would have had his own story dedicated to him and all of his sugary goodness. I will state another disclaimer in the disclaimer by assuring you I love Light, but he was never barefoot and eating cake. He may have his potato chips, and he may eat them, but that is not enough.

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Donuts made the badge worthwhile.

I bit down greedily into my sweet, most certainly fattening powdered donut as I lounged against my cop car. It had to be some ungodly hour in the morning, but not quite early enough for the sun to be out. Without a doubt I would be a raging bitch come morning's light, but since I had just gotten off-duty and was currently chowing down on a donut, my mood was surprisingly content.

The city was illuminated with a variety of bright lights, giving it a surprisingly ethereal feel. I could almost mistake it for being beautiful if the streets weren't full of drunks, purse-snatchers, and giggly school girls in too short-skirts out past their curfew. Tucking a few dark strands under my cap I let loose a sigh, and not for the first time that day I muttered to myself about how much I despised the city.

"Miss, I do believe talking to yourself is a bad sign," A shadow whispered in my ear, causing me to jump and poise my hand over the holster containing my gun. "Of course, as long as the voices don't respond to you I suppose it's alright then…"

The outlandish man before me continued talking as if I wasn't an armed police officer. Granted, I probably didn't look very intimidating with powdered donut remnants smeared around my mouth but…

I continued to observe him, perhaps out of morbid curiosity, as the twenty-something-year-old man placed his thumb in his mouth and proceeded to suck on it like a baby. Unsure whether or not to laugh, the possibility of this man being mentally ill or slightly drunk crossing my mind, I decided to take the friendly, cautious approach. My rookie training had taught me to always seem non-threatening at first, so I wiped powdered donut off my hands and onto my uniform, and extended my slightly sugary hand to him.

"I don't believe we've met," I smiled awkwardly since this was an obvious statement, I would for sure remember meeting someone like him. "I'm Officer-"

-" Not to sound rude, but considering there's a serial killer running around killing those he knows the names and faces of, do you really think it wise to reveal your name to me? I could be Kira you know."

Ironically, not only did he sound rude, but he also sounded downright creepy as well. Given his rather emaciated physique I doubted he could physically over-power me, of course, that could just be my arrogance talking. My hand started to feel dejected from just floating there with no human contact, and with my pride slightly maimed, I returned it to my side.

"Right…" I said uneasily, debating whether or not I should pump a few rounds into him and then flatten him with my car for good measure, but upon further pondering that seemed a little too extreme. But I can honestly say if there wasn't a hundred-something-pound cop car right behind me, I definitely would have taken a few steps back by now. I wasn't entirely sure what to do, this being my first night on my own, plus the scariest person I had ever dealt with on the job had been a crotchety old lady with a cane complaining about the loud, rotten, no-good teenagers next door.

However, the difference between that night and this one was that then it had been a harmless, but admittedly terrifying old woman; now I was faced a strange man that resembled the walking dead.

"There's no need to be so frightened." The strange man reached inside my thoughts and plucked them out into thin air. "I have not the least bit intention of harming you."

The thought occurred to me that he could be lying, but there seemed to be something sincere in his otherwise emotionless eyes; it was as if he was someone who often spun the truth to his own whims, but from time to time allowed flashes of sincerity to emerge.

"Do you always go lurking around at night like the walking dead to scare people? Is that part of your charm or something?" I threw this at him, hoping to receive some sort of a response, but he didn't seem to care; much to the disappointment of my sarcastic mouth.

"I would imagine as a police officer you encounter many strange people at this hour, however given your reaction to when you first met me, I'm going to assume you're new to this job."

He had the most emotionless eyes I had ever seen, and yet they seemed to be reading me with such an accurate precision. Wait, why am I paying so much attention to his eyes?

"Can you really blame a rookie for being a little petrified?" My hands flew to my hips, and even if I looked ridiculous, I was determined to be firm. "You look like you just crawled out of crypt intent on sucking the blood of innocent virgins."

Okay, maybe I was overacting a bit, but I was pretty sure it was the result of a sugar rush. His thumb went back into his mouth again, and he appeared to be considering my words for a moment. Ha! Take that! My victory was short-lived, however, when he opened his mouth again. After removing his thumb, of course.

"You have quite the overactive imagination," His voice took on this rather innocently smug sophisticated tone. "In fact, I don't remember threatening you in any way. As I recall, I simply warned you of the danger of throwing your identity around so carelessly. Of course, being an officer of the law, I would think you would already be aware of this."

Somehow he had managed to turn this conversation around with such superior wit that I now looked like the crazy one. Without so much as batting an eye not only did he injure my pride, but he also made me contemplate my place in the universe. What incredible wit!

"You…do you not see…you…" I stammered as I struggled to come up with something to fire back at him. All the while he just continued to stand there betraying no emotion, but I could just feel the smugness radiating off of him. "Do you realize not a single person talks the way you do?"

"Hmmm…yes I must admit I'm quite aware of that fact."

The smugness still resided in his voice, and no longer did I feel any traces of fear, but instead pure annoyance. Our conversation couldn't have been going on for more than five minutes, and yet already I was feeling compelled to bash my head against a brick wall.

"You are a one weird son of a bitch."

"Are you swearing because you lack the vocabulary to formerly express yourself, or is it a natural habit of yours?"

In a twisted way, it almost seemed as if he was genuinely curious to know the answer to his own question; as if by continuing to read me he could solve some great puzzle. I had never been analyzed before, and now that some stranger was studying me like some specimen under a microscope, I could honestly say I didn't like it. In fact, I detested it.

"You know, I don't even see why we're bothering to have this conversation," I let loose an exaggerated sigh to keep from knocking him to the ground and jumping up and down on his head. "It's obvious you have no respect for people because you don't care to understand them, and you clearly lack an ability to say appropriate things. In fact, I'm going to infer you say more inappropriate than appropriate things."

I couldn't see him clearly in the dark, but even if I didn't have a clear view of his face, I was pretty sure I had his attention. "You turn people off by insulting them, but I think deep down you like that. By purposefully pushing people away you don't have to trust anyone, and you can continue to live your own twisted life alone. That's why you're here talking to me, isn't it? Because you were lonely?"

A smile works its way onto his lips; it's a creepy and yet sad one only someone who hasn't truly smiled in years could possess. "What a brusque assumption. You've only just met me, and you couldn't possibly know anything about me, and yet you've determinedly settled upon your own inference."

He steps closer to me, and for a second I think maybe he really is going to kill me, but he stops once he's within a few feet of me. "You've certainly taught me something today; I won't be forgetting our meeting any time soon."

Flabbergasted, I open my mouth to respond, but he's already started to walk away. Waling with a slight hunch, his retreating back is all I can make out in the darkness before he turns to face me, that same warped smile on his face. "I'm sure you'll make a fine cop someday. I'm % 99.9999 certain."

A warm feeling overcame my stomach, and I couldn't help but feel a little flattered, even if he was just teasing me. It seemed odd for him to compliment me after we'd both insulted each other, but I suppose this was normal for such a strange man. The chances of me ever encountering him again were minimal, but as he had said before, it was unlikely I'd ever forget meeting him.

It wasn't until I had lost sight of him I realized he had stolen my donut.

The End

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Alright, certainly not my best story, but I wouldn't say it's my worst either. The writing is a little rushed I suppose, but since this was only a one-shot I just had to get it all out there. Before anyone asks, I guess I should throw a timeline out there somewhere. So just for the heck of it, we'll say this takes place a little after episode 6.

I must confess to having had a lot of fun writing L. He's just such an interesting character, and I hope I managed to stay true to him. So fave, review, whatever gives you pleasure. Although, I must press the importance of reviewing upon you. I need feedback, so please give me some!

With that in mind, bye for now!