So, this is the debut of a story that has been floating around in my head for a while. It hasn't been edited... it's barely even been revised. I conjured this up in less than a half hour. Let me know, if anyone even happens to stumble across this story, what you think of it.

Dislaimer. I don't own Twilight.

Prologue

The sirens screamed bloody murder as they whizzed past my car. My heart beat frantically in my chest, and my throat closed. The emergency stopped a couple blocks ahead of me. Police began directing traffic toward a detour, so I pulled my truck to the side of the road and leapt out.

God, no. No. Don't let it be him. Not now. Not tonight. Not ever.

I ran past the officers, ignoring them as they called out after me angrily. I ran until I reached the scene of the crime. My eyes found the emergency crew huddled around the motionless body on the ground. It was then that I noticed the man's long, very familiar black hair blowing softly in the wind, some of it stuck in the sticky pool of blood. I let out a scream just as the doctor pronounced, "Dead."

I fell to the sidewalk and sobbed so hard I was surprised I did not cough up a lung. The pain was unbearable. How was my soul able to handle so much agony? My body felt as if it were being ripped in half.

He was dead. Dead. Things like this didn't happen to ordinary people. Not to me. But this was misery in it's unadulterated form.

I might as well have been dead too.

.

.

.

Sometimes, karma doesn't just bite you in the ass. It tears you to pieces. I never thought my misguided actions would destroy me so much as they did That Night. Maybe he would have left me for what I had done to him. I could have dealt with that. Maybe I would have never found love after him. Sucks big time, but still, I could have survived that too.

But this? This was unbearable. It was eating me from the inside out, and I wondered how long I would be able to take this. The dreams became more and more vivid each night, and the guilt was strangling.

I was a mess. I absolutely reeked. There was no point denying it. The only times I moved from my spot on the couch was when I got up to get more alcohol or grab something off the shelf of my pantry to eat from the box. My hair had been unwashed and my clothes unchanged for a week. I hadn't been sober since That Night.

Tears streamed down my cheeks, tracing the clean paths through the grime that they had already flowed through and stained. The pain in my chest was only a dull ache now. I was numb, unfeeling. The phone was unplugged, the door locked, the curtains drawn. I was probably out of a job since I hadn't showed for a while, but I couldn't find it in my to care, no matter how much I needed to make money. Money meant nothing to me right now. I had no family, no friends… no life. Everything that mattered to me was gone.

Suddenly, I was laughing. The sound of it was foreign. My voice was scratchy, sarcastic, and slightly hysterical. Just a year ago, I was pregnant, happy, and surrounded by the people I loved most. Now, I was on the opposite end of the spectrum. It was funny how life worked. The devil was a real bastard.

There was a loud pounding on the door, and I jumped and fell off the couch. Alarm suddenly seized me. It was them. They got him, and they were back for me. I shuddered violently and curled into a ball, willing myself to disappear.

"Please God, make them go away. Oh, please, God, do something for me, for once, you selfish prick! Please, please! Fuck! Please!"

"Bella! Open up this goddamned door. I fucking know you're in there!"

My body slowly unfroze. His voice sounded strangely like Emmett's. Was God playing tricks on me now? I just couldn't catch a break, could I? It was his plan all along to infinitely torture me.

Either that, or I was going crazy. I suppose the latter made the most sense. Of course I was crazy. I had gone around the fucking bend days ago.

"ISABELLA MARIE SWAN, OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT THE FUCK NOW, OR I'LL FLY DAD OUT HERE."

I gasped. Was it truly him? I crawled on my hands and knees to the door, and with a shaking hand, undid each of the four locks. I pulled the door open a crack, and then Emmett pushed it open completely. His serious gaze instantly dissipated when his eyes fell on me.

"Jesus fucking Christ," he whispered. I let out a choked sob. "Why didn't you call me, Bells? Why didn't you call anyone at all?" The tender note in his voice stabbed through my heart like a dagger. I didn't deserve that. I deserved to rot in hell.

He bent down and scooped me up into his arms before walking to the couch and pulling me onto his lap. I clung to his shirt and breathed in his familiar scent.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here for you, Isabella. I'm sorry. But I'm here now, and we'll deal with this. We'll get you back on your feet."

I didn't want to get back on my feet. I needed to repent for my sins, and I had a lifetime sentence. The person who had formerly been known as Isabella was completely gone. Nonexistent. Her life had ended That Night, along with Jake's. Thankfully, Emmett didn't speak for the rest of the night. He held me until I fell asleep, and I slept for more than 3 hours for the first time in a week.

.

.

.

"You can't live like this anymore."

I looked up from my protein smoothie Emmett had whipped up from me. It was repulsive, and I wasn't hungry any way. Maybe if I didn't eat, I'd waste away until I finally disappeared.

"Isabella?"

We had barely spoken since he'd arrived three days ago, so his statement had come out of no where. He helped me wash and clean up, and although I didn't see the point in it, he insisted. What was the point of trying to act as if everything were normal? It was all a façade, and I had no one to put a show on for.

"Like what?"

"You're a shell, Isabella. You can't take care of yourself right now. There's nothing left for you here."

My anger flared. "Excuse me? This is all I have left of my life, and you have no control over it."

He brought his hands together in a fist and rested his arms on the table. His huge muscles flexed and I rose an eyebrow at his attempt to be intimidating. No matter what he said, he was my older brother, and I knew he held no power over me.

"This isn't a life! You need to live, and you can't do that here!"

"Fuck you, Em. Jake died eleven days ago. Eleven. You expect me to fucking pick myself up and start anew immediately? Just fuck off. I don't even know why you're here. I don't want you here."

Emmett's eyes glowed red momentarily before dimming. "Lower your hackles, Isabella. I'm simply saying that I'm not leaving you alone."

"I'll make my own decisions, thank you very much."

He leaned forward and held my gaze. "Come live in Washington for a year. Just a year. Alright? Then you're free to go where ever you want."

God, it was tempting. But I didn't deserve any of that. "No. I'm staying here. I'll go back to work once you leave, and I'll get a new apartment."

His face softened. 'Despite your beliefs, I'm not an idiot. You're broke. You don't have a job, you can't pay your rent. You don't even have money for food. You have no choice, at this time, but to come home with me."

I let out a shocked, angry gasp. "How the hell do you know that?"

He rolled his eyes. "I'm an officer. I have a bit of access."

I dropped my head into my hands and the tears broke loose. My shoulders shook and when Em placed his hand on me, I flinched away. "Don't," I sniffed. He sighed.

"I do love you. You're my sister."

"I wish you didn't," I said, voice quivering.

"I wish you didn't feel that way."

Just a week later, I was on a plane, leaving Phoenix behind me. The place I had once been happy in. The place that I loved more than anything. Even though I was saying goodbye to it, I knew it would never fully leave me. I'd be back as soon as the year was up. I had no doubts.