A/n: i've kinda sworn off writing but that's like suicide. sasusaku angst kinda because desire. i don't own naruto.
Also, shout out to haruno-will-of-fire on tumblr. if i'm the moon, she's the sun.
Quench
The flicker of warmth against her forehead was a promise.
I'll be seeing you, he said.
There was no reason for her to deny the weight of his words that had settled into her heart, like a puzzle piece long gone, forever found. It could've been a misfit. They could've been a mismatch made in the fiery plains of revenge and searing pain. But she had always known: drowning in his warmth wasn't a mistake.
She could perish in fire, but her ashes would always find home in his arms.
.
.
.
So when onyx met jade again after four years, she threw off every cover keeping her cold and flung herself into the fire – his blaze consuming her, breathing life into her frozen recesses. He smelled of crushed leaves, flayed-off barks, and broken twigs, and her fingertips touching his face again for the first time could almost trace the buried scars left by needled branches.
She held his face between her hands, chancing a look into his eyes. But he willed them close, and she had almost drawn her hand back when he slowly leaned into her touch, sparking flitter of warmth against her palm.
And right there she knew it was his silent confirmation: I want to embrace your ashes.
.
.
.
In the afterglow, there was his touch against her skin and her touch against his. But there was something about skin against skin that didn't quite satisfy as if the distance between them didn't dwindle despite her back being pressed against his chest, his fingertip running along the curve of her hip, and his breath wafting across her cheek with his head nestled against her hair.
Sakura turned a thoughtful gaze on the bedside lamp, and she thought immediately of a moth circling around the light, drawing closer until its wings singed by heat put an end to its ambition.
"When are you leaving?" she began. The question had always rested in her mind ever since his return.
A long silence pulsed between them until Sasuke reached over to turn off the lamp beside her.
"Just sleep, Sakura."
She tucked herself in beneath the blanket, pulling it up, wrapping it around her as much as its size would allow, and tried to ignore the sharp loss of warmth and the hefty shift in bed.
.
.
.
She had always known he never meant to stay.
There was always something in Sasuke that she couldn't quite capture, something that had already slipped through her fingers before she could even touch it. It was like shoring up a collapsing connection that wasn't even tangible to begin with.
Sometimes his eyes would look into hers filled with what she wanted to believe was something akin to love only to feel that they were empty gazes. It was almost as if she wasn't there with her eyes boring into his, as if the little jets of air against her neck were disembodied, and as if his touch wasn't meant to linger and melt into her skin.
But she believed him every time he said he cared, that it was she that he wanted to hold, that only she deserved his thank you.
And yet, and yet she'd insist on the same question every time.
.
.
.
She was sitting on the floor, perusing through some medical scrolls stacked on a low table across the fireplace, while he was leafing through a book in tatters he said he had borrowed from Kakashi when she darted him a glance which he caught. Before he could look away, she spoke once more, putting energy into her question.
"When are you leaving again?"
When he directed his look back towards the woody pages, she moved to stoke the fire which then crackled, the dying embers flowering into life once more.
"Please answer me."
"What else do you want, Sakura?" he sighed heavily before standing up, carrying his book with him, striding across the room and in seconds, she briefly heard the rustle of wind outside and then nothing.
If only he knew how much she had tried answering the same question.
.
.
.
Suddenly he was leaving again, and she almost wanted to mock him, to say "I told you so." But she held her silence, staring at his back while he was busy polishing his sword.
He tentatively stopped to ask her. "How did you know?
"That you'd be leaving?" she let out a small, humorless laugh. "I've always felt like you're not really here with me, Sasuke," she whispered brokenly.
Sasuke heard this, however, and finally turned to her, searching her face.
She got up from the bed and paced a few steps towards him.
"No, not that, Sasuke. I know you care. I know what we have. I know you're not...far but it's just that I can't seem to get close to you enough and it frustrates me. I feel like you're slipping away from me every time you're not near me."
"I'm leaving the village but that doesn't mean I'm going away," he spoke with an even voice, his tone, flat.
"I know but," she swept her hand over her forehead, turning her back on him. "I'm just too greedy. I still can't believe that you're here beside me and holding me because it was never like that before. It was always a question between waiting and chasing after you. And yet, my feelings didn't seem to reach you so what if," tears were springing out of her eyes, "what if, Sasuke, I haven't really caught up with you and you decide to finally walk away and never come back. What if – "
And suddenly Sasuke was in front of her, tugging her head into his shoulder.
"I'm so sorry I know I'm being stupid –"
"Aa."
"But I love you so much, Sasuke-kun."
There was no response. There was only his other arm secured around her waist, holding her to him, and she told herself, it should be enough – her dissolving into ashes in his arms.
...
Fin.
this was hard to produce especially when i was too afraid to even begin...again.
also, i don't know what happened in the ending. i had several rejected drafts of it.
let me hear your thoughts ~