Levi didn´t knew what he was doing anymore.
The past few months were one of the most stressed months in his life. Everything was focusing on him and honestly speaking he was fed up with it.
Everything started a few months ago.
A few months ago he thought he was doing the right choice...
But now...
During the failed mission capturing the female titan, Levi´s whole special operation squad got annihilated. Or so they thought.
There was a tiny ray of light shinning upon them. One member miraculously survived. Petra.
At first everyone believed including Levi she was dead until she regained conscious for a short moment, opening her goldbrown eyes.
Badly injured and uncertain of her outcome they managed to get her stable enough to bring her back inside the walls without loosing her.
It was then that Levi learned over her devotion for him from her father as he had to inform him over his daugthers well being and because it wasn´t certain if she would survive.
It was then that he found out over all the letters she wrote to her father whenever she could. Levi got them from her father and as he sat next to her bedside hoping, praying she would survive the next few critical days, like the doctors told him, he read every single one of them...
The doctors said even if she survived she wouldn´t be able to be a soldier anymore. They had to cut off one of her crushed legs which was unable to be saved. After she would wake up again she would need to get used to prostheses and learn how to walk again from scatch. Petra would never be able to forget these draumatic events which would forever mark her now damaged body along with the many new scars she got as well. Levi knew that.
It was then when Petra opened her eyes again, the second time since the accident, looking up with her still alive eyes at him while he was holding one of her letters in his hands that Levi decided he would stay by her side and accept the proposal of her father to marry her.
And now here he was standing infront of a large mirror getting ready for his wedding which was TODAY. Fixing his way too tight feeling black tie for the what felt like utmost time for him. It felt like it was choking him around his neck and the more minutes past and he tried to relieve the unconfortable feeling the worser it got.
He was wearing a elegant black suit along with black shoes fitting to his black tie and underneath was a white bottom up shirt. He would have preferred to wear his confortable white cravat instead but Petra wished he should try something else, something more tradiotional... so he resigned.
A knock on the door to his dressing room made him turn around as Eren peeked inside nerviously asking if he was already ready since everyone was waiting for him.
With a sigh and a last quick look in the mirror Levi nodded and went with Eren outside.
He wasn´t sure anymore what he was doing.
This was his wedding day which should be one of his happiest days in life. He should feel happiness from the bottom of his cold heart but he somehow felt nothing.
Only doubts.
And nothing changed even as his wedding started, not even as he saw all the many guests which attented to his wedding, not as his eyes caught his friends Erwin his best man or Mike, not as he stood infront of the altar waiting for his soon to be wife to come inside the two large double doors walking up the asile to him...
And certainly not as his eyes wandered up to the bridemaids Petra had picked out Mikasa, Sasha, Nanaba and Hanji which as soon as she noticed he was looking at her avoiding eye contact with him.
She looked so different wearing a light cream yellow down to the floor almost long strapeless dress which was hugging her slim body perfectly. Her hair was up in a propper not messy ponytail and Levi noticed she was wearing some make up. It was decent not ruining her natural looks. She wore a white pearl necklace and some small decent white pearl earrings...she looked beautiful he had to admit.
Since the past months Levi and Hanji barely saw each other. Hanji was avoiding him, while he was almost always besides Petra, helping her with her recovery, getting used to her artifical leg and planning the wedding there was no time for them to talk anymore. Hanji didn´t come to him anymore to talk for hours over some titans research she was doing, she wasn´t inviting him anymore to have lunch with her. In fact he didn´t really saw her at the cantine the past few weeks now that he was thinking about it.
For over 5 years they knew each other. Way longer as he knew Petra.
Usually they did spend each day together, talking to each other even if it was only over military work. They would sit together in the cantine to eat, Hanji would talk for hours sometimes to him while he was quietly, only halfway listening to her, enjoying his cup of tea... there were even times when they shared a bed together in times of need and sometimes even ended up naked in the process together making each other forget everything for just a little while.
And now?
Everything was different now.
As he took a closer look on her face now Levi noticed how strange she looked. The usual bright light in her brown eyes under her glasses and her cheery smile were gone. Her smile looked forced and out of place yet no one seemed to notice except him.
It made his stomach twist painfully seeing her like this.
Levi would have probably continued looking at Hanji if not the wedding music started to play all of a sudden and he had to force his head to snap back forward towards the double doors which opened revealing a stunning Petra making her way slowly up to him in her white wedding dress.
What was he doing?
The question kept running around inside his head.
Petra looked beautiful no question, his soon to be wife should be anything he should think about at the moment as she walked up to him flashing him a full of happiness filled smile yet in his mind there was only... Hanji.
Seriously, what was he doing for goddamn sake?
It felt like time was almost standing still for him. Everything he could think about was the mad woman with her messy hair, her bright smile, her bright full of radiating life brown eyes. How they met, the time they spend together...everything.
This wasn´t right. He had to stop. He decided to devote his life to Petra. He was in the middle of marrying Petra. It was true he didn´t loved Petra as he accepted to marry her. But for her sake he planned to learn to love her, to be a good husband for her and take care of her. He wanted to love her...
Yet...
How could he only notice now how much Hanji actually did meant to him after he didn´t saw her for so long...
"And now will you Levi, take the hand of Petra Ral, love her, devote yourself to her in sickness and in health until dead do you apart. So please answer with yes" The words of the priests made him come back to reality. He turned quiet, his lips feeling dry as he looked down, his bangs hidding his expression at the moment. Petra who already vowed to love him looked worried at her groom.
"Levi...?"
"I..." Levi bit his lip as he closed his eyes regretfully for a moment until he looked up into his bride eyes. "...I cannot. I´m sorry... I cannot marry you Petra.."
Loud gasps from all sides were echoing in the large church. The guests were shocked. Did they just hear correctly?
Petra´s eyes widened as she felt her knees weakening. "What..? What are you saying.. Levi..?"
"I´m sorry...but I never fe-"
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING LEVI!?" The sound of a bouquet getting forcefully thrown onto the floor along with the yelling of the familar voice let Levi turn around only to face a furious Hanji, glaring at him painfully with tears daring to spill out from her eyes at any moment.
"Hanji..I.." Levi started.
"NO! You can´t just do that! Not after all this time! You can´t! I accepted your choice marrying Petra getting out of the way avoiding you! Why are you backing away now!? Do you even release how much you hurt her!? How much you hurt me!?" she yelled as the first tears run down her beautiful face.
Levi was taken aback hearing these words coming out of Hanji´s mouth. To see her like this.l. even Petra looked surprised he noticed as he stood between the two woman, his eyes moving to each one of them until they went again to Hanji as he took his first step to her.
Levi felt terrible but he had to do it.
This was the decision he decided on.
He didn´t know what he was doing exactly but there was no turning back now.
"Yes, I´m an asshole. I know Hanji. I´m a weak asshole which is unable to love a perfect beautiful woman who was devoting her whole self for me. Petra, never did anything wrong." Levi paused giving a short look backwarts to Petra. "I felt responsible for what happened and wanted to give you what you desired the most. But I´m unable to love you the same way as you do. That´s why I´m unable to marry you Petra."
"Levi..." Petra whispered as she was unable to do anything, to change something, except accept his honest apologise.
He continued walking torwards Hanji who backed away until she could feel hitting the cold wall. "I´m too much of an abnormal. Much more like someone right infront of me backing away like a scared dog with it´s tail between it´s legs. Shitty glasses that´s not like you"
Hanji glared suddenly thrusting her fist forward with all her strenth to hit him, to get him away from her but Levi dodged it with ease, grabbing her arm and keeping her in place, making it unable for Hanji to escape him despite her struggles. "Levi, let me go! LET ME GO!"
"Tch, I´m bad at this sort of thing. So you better listen now." He clicked his tonuge. "But after hearing your words before I think we are both failures at this sort of thing. Listen well, I cannot marry Petra because I´m wanting you. Your fucking abnormalness, your goddamn shitty smile is what I was missing making me have doubts and questioning myself for the past weeks only to notice way too late how much I care about you, shitty glasses."
"Eh...?" Hanji froze. "That´s a joke right...?"
"No." he answered her in the most serious voice he could bring out, never looking away from her once.
"I was ready already to let go off you... to let my feelings go... you asshole.." Hanji felt her cheeks heating up as she continued with her shaking voice. "I loved you for so long already but I never planned to say anything because of Petra. Now you ruined everything you ass.."
"You are an idiot also you look constipated you know?" Levi reached out and gently whipped her tears away with his thumb before letting both of his hands rest on her cheeks, caressing them. A small smile crazing her lips slowly. He was so gentle.
"Much better..." he smirked lightly, for the first time not having any regrets over what he would do next as he learned in and pressed his lips against hers while Hanji slowly put her arms around his neck.
They didn´t care anymore what screwed up day this was, or if a lot of people mainly Petra´s family were in fury and in utter shock over the scene they just had to wittness around them happening.
They just addmited they cared more than simply friends, comrades for each other and this was everything what mattered for them at the moment.
Erwin, Mike and Nanaba were one of the few standing at the sidelines watching the scene with a knowing smile on their faces. It was about time those two noticed how important they were for each other and were happy for their friends.
"Told you guys Hanji would crash the wedding at the end somehow." Nanaba elbowed the two guys grinning. "Means I won the bet and you two have to invite me and Hanji with her new boyfriend out for drinks."