A/N: This fanfiction is a public service message telling you that DRINKING IS BAD. [Even if it does let you undress Riza]
DICLAIMER: don't own it. Riza, however, owns my soul.
Sequel to "Stupid," though I suppose you don't have to read it. If you really don't want to. I mean, if you really really really don't want to read "Stupid"… I guess you don't have to*
It was in all the headlines that morning: "First Stable Trading Post With Ishbal Opened On Anniversary Of 'Promised Day'". It had been exactly a year, and relations were finally improving.
"Let's celebrate tonight," Mustang told his men. "I'm taking you all out to drink. No objections."
"But, sir, I have a date tonight with my girlfriend and-" Havoc started.
"Bring her with you, then." Mustang shrugged and went back to his paperwork.
Havoc's jaw dropped. "Th…thank you, sir," he said, sounding confused.
"You're underage, Edward," said Riza, sitting at a booth and sipping from a glass of beer. She made a disgusted face at it.
"I know, but my friends over there aren't," he said, pointing at some of Kimblee's former men, who were already getting pretty rambunctious.** "And since Mustang's paying, I told them to drink as much as they wanted." He grinned wickedly. Riza sighed.
"Speaking of which," he said, turning to look at where Mustang was sitting at the bar, talking with Falman. "He stopped flirting with women a while ago. Do you think he's-"
Don't say engaged, don't say engaged, she silently prayed.
"-gay?"
Riza's eyes widened.
"Nii-san," Al chided.
Riza giggled. "No, he's definitely not."
It was a rare thing to hear her laugh, and she never giggled. Al tugged on Ed's sleeve. "She drank a lot," he whispered, pointing to all the glasses on the table. The number of glasses would have been normal if all three of them were drinking- but only she was. Now that they looked at her closer, she was starting to look pretty drunk.***
"Oh no… Now that I think about it, I've never seen her drink before. Probably can't hold her alcohol," Ed said.
"Let's go get Col- General Mustang," Al said, eyes wide with worry.
"…so, therefore-" Falman was cut off by the two Elric brothers hurrying over to them. "Mustang!" Ed said sharply.
"Hm?" Mustang was glad for the interruption of Falman's dry, sleep-inducing speech.
"It's Hawkeye…" Ed said.
"She's… pretty drunk," Al explained.
Mustang stood up quickly and followed them back to the booth, where Riza was now trying to organize the glasses by size, but almost every time she tried to grab one, she'd miss and mutter, "Stop moving, or I'll shoot you." When she did manage to get one in her grip, she'd triumphantly growl, "Got you, Scar."
"Hey, Hawkeye," Mustang said, putting a hand on her shoulder.
"Hi, Roy," she replied, smiling, and patted his hand. The brothers would have laughed if this wasn't so terrifying to them.
"Look, we're going to go home now, okay?" He put out a hand to help her get out of the booth. She waved it aside, irritated, and got out herself, only to fall to the floor.
"Damn it, you guys, didn't you pay attention to how much she was drinking?" he demanded furiously as he tried to help her up, and, failing that, just picked her up.
"We… we…" For once, Ed was at a loss for words, ad Mustang looked down at them. He saw the concern in their eyes, and even tears in Al's. They really cared for and looked up to Hawkeye. He took a deep breath and smiled at them.
"Sorry. She'll be fine, you guys. She's just going to have a bitch of a hangover when she wakes up." He started to walk towards the door.
Al grabbed Mustang's wrist. **** "You're not just going to leave her at her apartment, are you? What if she falls like that again and hits her head?"
He sighed. "You're right." He thought for a moment. Riza mumbled something. "What?"
"I said… I can walk by myself, you know."
"No you can't. You'll be fine. I won't drop you. We're gonna go back to my house, all right?" he said gently.
"Oh, okay then." And with that, she rested her head on his shoulder and fell asleep. He carried her to the door and to his car, thankful that the bar was so dark; no one asked questions.
The Elric brothers went home soon after, shaken badly by the evening's events.*****
He nudged the door closed with his foot and brought her limp form over to the couch, where he put her down slowly. She was totally unconscious. He chuckled. Well, that was quite the adventure.
He looked down at her sleeping face and smiled gently, brushing her hair out of her eyes. She took a deep breath and her eyes opened. She looked at him for a very long time, seeming to be confused and trying to gather her thoughts. He didn't say anything.
"No… alcohol… at our wedding," she managed.
He laughed. "No. Definitely not." He kissed her forehead and she sighed.
"I…I…" she said slowly.
"What?" he asked.
"I… am going to throw up," she finished matter-of-factly. She sat up slowly. "Where's you bathroom?"
He helped her get up and walked with her to the bathroom, her leaning on him heavily. She staggered inside and shut the door in his face. "Um… if… if you need anything, I'll be right out here," he said. "Kay," she yelled. He walked back to the couch and sat down. This was going to be a long night.
He had been nodding off when he heard the ominous thump from the bathroom. He shot up and ran to the bathroom door. "Are you all right?" he called anxiously. He heard the shower running, but no reply from Riza.
He opened the door and didn't see her immediately, but when he opened the shower door, he saw her curled up on the shower floor, where she had presumably fallen, unconscious, fully clothed, with the water pouring down on her.
"Oh," he said. She was soaked and had flecks of soap in her hair. He shut off the water. "Crap. What am I supposed to do…?" He had no alternative. She couldn't sleep in soaked clothes. He started to peel her wet clothes off, grabbing some towels to dry her off with. "I'm so dead when she wakes up."
Riza Hawkeye woke up at the same time every morning. No matter what. This was no exception. 6 AM sharp, her eyes opened. And she quickly closed them again and drew a sharp intake of breath at the explosion in her head.
Then, when the pain subsided, she realized that she wasn't at home. She couldn't remember a thing about the night before. She felt the panic start to well up in her chest, but when she [slowly] opened her eyes again, she saw her pistol on the table next to the bed she was in. Its familiarity calmed her down temporarily. ****** She grabbed it, then took stock of herself. Her hair felt damp and fairly clean, her head felt like it was being split in two by Barry The Chopper [she felt it gingerly to confirm there were no injuries], her limbs were sore, and most alarming of all, she was wearing a man's white shirt, and boxer shorts. She wasn't wearing any underwear or a bra. She felt herself starting to freak out again and gripped the gun to calm herself down. She slowly got up from the bed she was in, walked to the door, and opened it. She saw a living room with a couch facing the outer door. There was someone sleeping in the couch.
She silently padded over, keeping her gun at the ready. She peered over the edge of the couch… and into the sleeping face of Roy Mustang.
BLAM! She shot at the arm of the couch, quite near his face, and he woke up suddenly, grabbing his gloves. When he saw it was just her, he relaxed. "Oh. You're up."
She was wincing from the pain the noise of the gun had sent through her head, but she kept the gun pointed at him.
"You got really, really drunk last night," he said, answering the unasked question made clear by the gun. "Terrified the Elric brothers, who made me bring you here so you didn't accidentally injure yourself at home."
She kept the gun pointed at him, one hand on her throbbing head. "Why… why…" She couldn't get the rest of her sentence out through her headache. She simply gestured at her clothing [or lack thereof] with the hand holding the gun, then returned it to aim at his face.
"Oh, that. Nothing happened! Don't worry. You just thought it'd be a great idea to try to take a shower with your clothes on. They should be dry by now." She finally, finally lowered her gun, placing it on the table. "I have something for the headache, if you want it," he said, gesturing to a drugstore bag on the table. He must have gone out last night to buy it…for me. He doesn't look hungover. Just exhausted, she thought, opening it.
He got up as she swallowed two pills. He did look as if he hadn't slept at all. He was wearing his clothes from the night before. "Sorry," she said.
He waved his hand at her, walking towards the kitchen.
"No biggie. Want breakfast? Nice necklace, by the way."
She blushed and grabbed the silver engagement ring. Not wanting to wear it on her finger where it'd draw attention, she had opted to hang it on a necklace she tucked inside her clothes. "Breakfast would be nice."
Ep~ Afterwards, they stopped by the Elrics' to let them know she was fine. They both hugged her tightly, surprising everyone, including themselves.
*If you [wereajerkand] didn't read "Stupid," here's all you need to know: Roy and Riza got engaged on the Promised Day.
**Does anyone besides me think it'd be a terrible idea to go drinking with those guys?
***In case it seemed kind of weird, she had already drunk a lot before she said "you're underage, Edward". It's not like through the process of the conversation she drank five million glasses of beer lol what if…? "MUSTANGS GAY WHAT? *downs twenty glasses of beer*"
****Geez that kid's clingy
*****I imagine it'd be like seeing your mother drunk, except worse, because Hawkeye is so in control normally.
******Try saying that five times fast.
A/N: I wonder who picked up the tab…?