Luigi, This Mansion Ain't Big Enough for the 2: Dark Moon

by Mannyparkerlalala

When an adolescent video game fan named David Chester picks up a copy of Luigi's Mansion 2: Dark Moon for the Nintendo 3DS, his entire life goes haywire! The game is cursed, and David finds himself getting a little more "sucked into" the game than expected! Will David be able to break the spell and escape the game's evil grasp or WILL HE DIE! Rated M for Mature.

Prologue

One day, an evil witch walked into a Gamers in Portland , Oregon.

"Hey, evil witch," said the man playing video games behind the counter.

"'Sup," said the evil witch.

The man working there was a fat, disgusting middle-aged loser who was eating a microwave burrito and playing Modern Warfare 3. He was a stereotypical video game store clerk. (Stereotypical characters are easier than well thought-out ones). So yeah he was your mom.

The old woman laid a video game case down on the counter. The clerk looked down at it. It was a copy of Luigi's Mansion 2: Dark Moon for the Nintendo 3DS.

"I would like to make a sale," the old woman rasped, sliding the game closer towards the clerk. The clerk couldn't help but notice how wrinkly and bony her hand was; this woman had clearly seen many ages in her lifetime. Her long, gnarled fingers ended in lengthy, pointed fingernails that had been painted black. The clerk frowned and picked up the video game, examining it with a growing suspicion. It seemed almost brand new; there was not a mark on the case, which glimmered from the glare of the overhead lights. The clerk licked it; it tasted just fine, the minty flavor of a brand-new 3Ds game biting softly at his tongue. He opened the case to make sure the game was in it; it was, and it seemed perfectly untouched. He whipped out a fingerprint scanner and scanned it; the game card had not yet felt the touch of a human finger.

He snapped the case shut and looked up at his customer. Something about the old woman made him feel uneasy; her face was cracked with age, making it clear that she was not long for this world, and there was a certain dark intelligence reflected in her gray eyes that made the clerk feel as if she was staring into his very soul, reading his mind and unlocking all his darkest secrets one by one, picking them off like tropical birds at a hunting resort for the wealthy. And that is exactly how the clerk felt she was viewing him; as if his very discomfort and mental torment was nothing more than a spoil of war to her as she peeled it off the skin of his heart like a rich hunter making an exquisite fur coat out of an exotic lion's hide. The clerk suddenly wished his shift was over; just to be under the bemused gaze of this mysterious woman was enough to make the most arrogant of men feel small and hopeless.

"Umm..." started the clerk, clearing his throat and searching for the words to sound as professional as possible (which he did not normally do, but he couldn't shake the feeling that if he did not appear to be a professional young man this old woman would rape his nose off), "it doesn't seem like you've even played this game yet..."

"Of course not," the old woman barked. "I am an old woman! Why would I waste my time on a Nintendo game when I could be playing Sega games?"

"Oh," the clerk said, confused. "Well, uh...did you buy this here?"

The woman threw back her head and cackled, a sharp, piercing sound that echoed off the walls and made the hairs on the back of the clerk's neck stand up straight.

"Of course not," the old woman chuckled. "This game was conjured straight from the seventh layer of Hell!"

"Uhhhh okay," said the clerk. "So you bought it at Wal-Mart. Um, I can give you ten bucks in store credit for it."

With those words the old woman cackled once more, making the clerk feel very awkward and laughed at.

"Oh, you will find that the price you pay is much greater than your mortal money!" the old woman laughed. "But yes, I'd like the store credit. How much is that Sonic the Hedgehog game under the display case?"

"That's, like, forty bucks," the clerk said. The old woman cursed under her breath and fished thirty bucks out of a small cloth handbag.

As the woman was walking out with her new game, she stopped and looked back at the clerk one last time.

"Let the buyer beware, young man," she said. "That game has been cursed with the evil spirits of a thousand damned souls! The one who plays it will discover that the horror is much greater than experiencing Luigi's spooky but wacky adventures as he explores multiple haunted mansions, battling King Boo and other assorted ghosts with his Poltergust 5000. MUCH greater."

And with that, the old woman cackled one last time, and then vanished in mid-air.

The clerk blinked repeatedly, trying to clear his eyesight. Had he really seen that? Had the old woman really just disappeared? He looked uneasily down at the game. Something about it just felt...wrong. He opened the case once more, and this time he noticed one small detail he had overlooked before. Something seemed to be carved into the lower right corner of the inside of the case, as if had been carved into the plastic. The clerk squinted and looked closer. It seemed to be small symbols...on closer inspection, the clerk realized that the symbols appeared to be small characters from some foreign language. Still, it was unlike any language he had ever seen before...

The clerk sighed and tossed the game under the display case. It had been a long, weird day, and he just wanted to rest. He continued eating junk food and playing video games.