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My happy fluffy shounen-ai AU Card Captor Sakura fairytale spoof-ish thingy. If the thought of two guys/girls as a couple makes you nauseated, then don't read. Anyway, if yaoi makes you sick, what the heck are you doing reading CLAMP???
I do not own Card Captor Sakura or any of the characters within. If I did, Tomoyo wouldn't end up all alone at the end, and Kaho wouldn't be such a frickin' pedophile. But anyway… Don't sue me unless you *really* want $8.73 and some cheap shoes…
Dedicated to Gidget, who's "not short - just space efficient."
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Snow Rabbit and the Seven Space Efficients
One upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen named Nadeshiko, who lived in the very lavish "Moon Castle". She was very kind, gentle, pretty, and everyone loved her. Her family was very sad when she went to live with King Fujitaka in the Moon Castle when she was only 16, but they were very happy to learn that she was going to have a child.
One day, the Queen sat in her chambers sewing lavish dresses of rubber, vinyl, and kowai amounts of ribbon and lace. Out in the bitter cold outside her window she spotted a very lovely snow rabbit with gray fur and kind, amber eyes. Smiling to herself, she wished that her son - for she knew it was a boy, all Queens did back in the day - would have the same silvery hair and golden eyes as the rabbit.
Sadly, the beautiful Queen died giving birth to her only child - a boy who she named Yukito, but everyone called "Snow Rabbit".
A few years after the her death, a heartbroken King Fujitaka remarried, this time to a scarily over-genki *wicked* "woman" named Nakuru. Soon after Queen Nakuru's arrival, King Fujitaka fell ill and died, his last words begging Queen Nakuru take care of his little Snow Rabbit.
Snow Rabbit grew up to be a very beautiful prince who looked a very good deal like his father. He did indeed have the features that his kind-hearted mother had wished for silvery hair and amber eyes. He also had his parent's disposition, being very kind and always having a pleasant smile on his refined face. Everyone loved the young prince, and paid a good deal more attention to him than the wicked Queen Nakuru, who was indeed very jealous of the adorable Snow Rabbit.
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Wicked Queen Nakuru was in fact a very powerful magical being with awesome powers, including a magical mirror that could see and know all.
Now, the wicked Queen was very vain, and spent a dizzying amount of time and effort perfecting her youthful and feminine good looks. She was indeed very angry when she realized that Snow Rabbit's beauty naturally surpassed her own.
"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" She chanted, facing the magical looking-glass. Soon, a small dark blue face with glasses that looked remarkably like a cat appeared where only Nakuru's refection had been before.
"You again, Nakuru-kun?" It replied drably, adjusting its glasses with a dark blue paw. "Fine, fine. A poll of the country and surrounding area supports the statement that, in fact, your stepson Snow Rabbit is indeed the fairest of the land."
"Nani??? Demo-demo-he's a guy!"
"What's your point? So are you, Nakuru-kun." The mirror yawned, pulling out a book.
"Suppi-chan! How dare you!" The wicked Queen whirled away from the mirror angrily. The reflection didn't seem to realize that 'Suppi-chan' referred to himself, and kept on reading quietly. "Next thing you know that damned Snow Rabbit's going to take my yummi Prince Charming!"
"Whatever, your highness… Bye-bye.." The face in the mirror dissipated, leaving only a reflection of the back of Queen Nakuru's head.
"Oh!" The wicked Queen growled, "I'll get Snow Rabbit… Even if it's the last thing I do!" So she set about making a plan to kill the innocent snow bunny - and getting a facial while she was at it.
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In a not-too-distant land there lived a dashing Prince named Touya Charming. He rarely smiled, which made all the girls (and some of the boys) in the Kingdom see him as "aloof" and "deep." Despite the constant attentions of the richest, finest, and most beautiful women of the land, Prince Charming remained single - insisting that he had yet to meet his "number one."
It was, in fact, rumored that a number of years before, he had proposed to a young woodswoman who turned him down. She had insisted that they both had yet to meet the right person, but by the time they meet again, they both would have. She then had run off to another land, leaving him with a broken heart.
Under the unrelenting pressure of friends, parents, and co-workers (at the insane number of part-time jobs he took to save up for a new horse), he decided to set off in search of his "number one" (on the new white horse he could finally afford). So he rode off into the sunset, unwittingly headed straight for the Kingdom of the Moon Castle.
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"Prince Charming's coming HERE?!?" The wicked Queen squealed happily to Suppi-chan in the mirror. "That's wonderful!"
"What are you going to do about Snow Rabbit?" The mirror replied dryly, in an effort to silence the ear-splitting cries. The wicked Queen smiled…well…wickedly.
"I have a plan!" she giggled, tapping the mirror three times in order to make Suppi-chan disappear, and waving pleasantly to the blue cat-face as it vanished. She skipped happily to the door of her chamber (her long black dress fluttering oddly behind her), threw open it open, and yelled in her loudest voice for her trusted woodswoman-sensei.
Soon, a sophisticated-looking woman in a very flattering brown/green camouflage pants suit strode in. "You called, Nakuru-sama?"
"Hai, Kaho-sensei… Since you are my most trusted woodswoman, I'm going to give you a very important and difficult task. I need you to kill Snow Rabbit." The wicked Queen began to explain her plan carefully. "Offer him a picnic lunch. He loves food. Lure him into the heart of the forest and stab him in the back or something. I just want you to bring me back his heart as proof. Preferably on a silver platter. With suitable garnish. That's all - dismissed."
"As you wish, Nakuru-sama." Kaho-sensei bowed slightly, walking gracefully from the Queen's chambers.
"Now that that's taken care of… Time for more pressing matters… Like my hair."
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"Picnic? I'd love to, Kaho-sensei!" Snow Rabbit smiled happily at the prospect of food.
"Come on, then… I know this one little place in the forest that would be *perfect*!" Kaho-sensei lied, taking Snow Rabbit by the hand, a picnic basket - containing only a knife, a silver platter, and some parsley - in the other.
"Look! Larksfur!" Snow Rabbit cried unexpectedly, kneeling down to pick a handful of the purple and blue flowers. Kaho-sensei reached into her basket, gripping the brass knife tightly. Suddenly, Snow Rabbit straightened up and handed his bundle to the confused woodswoman. "For you, Kaho-sensei! Look! See the bunny in the center?"
Kaho couldn't bring herself to kill such a nice and innocent young man, and she felt her grip on the knife loosen completely as she accepted the bouquet. "Listen, Yukito-san… Queen Nakuru sent me here to kill you… But I can't, you see - because personally, I think you'd be perfect for this friend of mine."
"Who?" Snow Rabbit replied cluelessly, his golden eyes wide.
"To-ya Charming… We used to date - but that's besides the point. Anyway, run away Yukito-san! Get as far from Nakuru-sama as you possibly can! I'll try to convince her you're dead, but you'll still need to stay hidden. Sayounara, Yukito-san." She smiled brightly, then ran off to kill a boar for it's heart.
Snow Rabbit just stood in the middle of the forest, scared, alone, and *very* hungry - he had, after all, been expecting a picnic. He could feel night begin to fall, and suddenly found himself wandering towards a direction he *sensed* would lead him somewhere good. After a while of walking, he stumbled upon a tiny cottage.
Inside, the small house were the most untidy rooms Snow Rabbit had ever seen. He decided right then and there that if he was going to beg these people for food he might as well do something *nice* first, so he set about cleaning and organizing the entire place - all the while noticing the annoyed growlings of his discontented stomach.
Soon, the tiny house was spotless and poor Snow Rabbit was exhausted. He dusted off his pale hands and climber the stairs to take a quick nap in one of the tiny beds he had found. He barely noticed the words "Mildly Evil" engraved in the headboards before he drifted off to dreams of a tall, dark, and handsome prince on a white horse.
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"Good work, Kaho-sensei!" Queen Nakuru squealed with delight, randomly poking the bloody heart on a silver platter (garnished with parsley and a lemon slice) in front of her. "Finally I can have that Prince Charming all to myself."
This remark caused Kaho-sensei to raise one eyebrow. "Prince Charming? You're really not his type…" At that, Queen Nakuru threw a pillow at the startled woodswoman, who quickly ducked out of the way.
"How dare you say that?! Touya-kun's exactly my type dammit!" And with that Kaho-sensei scurried out of the room under a barrage of stuffed objects.
Content now that Prince Charming would indeed find his "number one," the woodswoman quietly slipped out of the palace and into the woods, where she could live peacefully out of the way of the wicked queen.
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Back at the tiny cottage, the regular untidy inhabitants were returning home from a tireless day at the Clow Card mines. To their surprise, instead of the usual layer of crud on everything, upon entering their house they were blinded by a gleaming, sparkling *clean*.
"What the… I *swear* we've got the wrong house." The first one in the house growled, his face knitted in a permanent scowl.
"Hoe! I guess this means I don't have to do chores tonight!" The second one smiled happily, dashing towards the newly scrubbed kitchen.
Four other vertically challenged individuals and one yellow flying teddy-bear filed into the tiny house, each one awed by the sight of linoleum.
Meanwhile, Snow Rabbit, awoken by the sudden onset of noise, crept downstairs quietly.
"Anou… I'm sorry to cause a disturbance… I tidied up a bit, I hope you don't mind." He smiled pleasantly to the seven people (six if you don't count the flying stuffed animal).
"No trouble at all, sir. We are glad that you cleaned - Genki-chan's been neglecting her chores [desu wa]," one of them spoke up, momentarily bringing a camcorder away from her eye.
"If you don't mind me asking… Who are you, exactly?" Snow Rabbit asked hesitantly to the odd group assembled before him.
"We used to call ourselves the Seven Dwarves - but we changed it to the Seven Space Efficients to be politically correct." A girl with large glasses stepped forward as the rest of them nodded in agreement. "My name's Naoko - but everyone usually calls me 'Spook'. Over there's Tomoyo-chan, who we call 'Nosy'." The polite girl with the camera bowed slightly. "That's Meirin-chan, AKA 'Annoying'." A girl with red eyes and very cute odangoed pigtails nodded slightly while shooting a glare at Spook."Syaoran-kun here's 'Grouchy'." The scowling boy grumbled slightly, shuffling his feet and turning beet red. "Kero-chan's 'Hungry'." The yellow animal-thing waved energetically, from his position hovering in front of the open refrigerator. "Sakura-chan, who we call 'Genki'." A girl with sandy blond hair bounced up and down excitedly, blushing furiously. "And Eriol-kun's 'Mildly Evil'." A boy with black hair and glasses smiled pleasantly.
"Mildly Evil?" Snow Rabbit looked slightly confused at the seemingly harmless Eriol.
"How else would you describe Eriol-kun? 'Smiling' isn't much better [desu wa]…" Nosy explained from behind the video camera (which was now fixed on Genki).
"Weird?" Spook offered.
"Mildly Evil works fine…" Mildly Evil smiled, adjusting his glasses frames.
"Anyway - I am *not* a dwarf. My real form is super-awesome!" Hungry protested, but was soon silenced by Genki shoving a strawberry in his mouth.
"So… what's your name?" Genki asked Snow Rabbit, blushing slightly.
"My name's Yukito, but everyone calls me Snow Rabbit. Would it be all right if I stayed here for a while? I'm experiencing some - er - domestic disputes at home."
Before anyone else could protest, Genki agreed hastily. Soon, an arrangement was worked out where Snow Rabbit would stay home, cook, and clean the house while the dwarves would go out to work in the Clow Card mines. Snow Rabbit was very happy - he had friends, food, a happy home, and no one was trying to stab him in the back and cut out his heart. Life was good, at least, for a while.
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"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" Queen Nakuru demanded, sure she already knew the answer to the question.
"I don't know why you bother asking - the answer's still the same. - Census shows that Snow Rabbit still in the lead - although you do pull a close second." The mirror Suppi-chan answered, bored.
"NANI?!? I thought I killed that little bitch!" The wicked Queen wailed, flouncing heavily on her insanely expensive bed.
"Kaho-sensei chickened out. Face it. That properly garnished heart belongs to a boar that has long since reached Piggy Heaven." The mirror replied dryly. "Can I go now?"
"Yare, yare…" The face dissipated and the wicked Queen was left alone with her evil thoughts. "Well, that teaches me never send a woodswoman to do a wicked Queen's job." She stood up, dusted off her royal gowns and began to chant. Soon, she was surrounded by a pillar of blood-red light. When the light disappeared, a woman with ruby-colored hair and graceful black butterfly-wings was left in place of the wicked queen.
"Now… How to get to Snow Rabbit… Yes! Food! Snow Rabbit will eat *anything*!!" With an evil chuckle and a few incantations a bentou box appeared floating mid-air before the winged woman. "Perfect!" She smiled wickedly to herself, another identical bentou appearing in her other hand.
Swiftly she sprang to the open window and leaped out, her beautiful wings catching an updraft. "I'll get you Snow Rabbit, or my name isn't *also* Ruby Moon!"
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"Achoo!" Snow Rabbit sneezed quietly.
"Grouchy-chan!!!"
"*What*, Annoying?" Grouchy snapped back, his brown eyes flashing.
"Wait for me!"
"Whatever…" He shrugged at Annoying, who was running late - again. "Now remember, Snow Rabbit, don't let anyone in the house. *Especially* cousins who claim to be your fiancée, *that's* just a bad idea. We'll be back at six." Grouchy started out the door, but nearly tripped over his own feet when he saw Genki merrily skipping towards the house.
"Ohayou, Grouchy-kun! Annoying-chan! Snow Rabbit-san!" She called, waving excitedly.
"O - Ohayou Genki…" Grouchy managed to choke out before Genki grabbed his hand.
"Hurry up! We're going to be late! And you know how much Reed-san hates it when we're late!" Grouchy turned a shade of red usually unachievable by human pigment as he allowed himself to be dragged off, with Annoying huffing angrily behind. Nosy suddenly sprang from her hiding place in the bushes, her eyes completely consumed by stars.
"Subarashii desu wa!" she sighed euphorically before skipping down the road after the rest of the group, her V8 not leaving her face the entire time.
None of the happy forest-dwellers noticed the beautiful woman with long black butterfly wings fluttering barely above the treetops, although Snow Rabbit *did* smell the food.
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"Konyannichi wa!" Ruby Moon called out to the tiny cottage as she knocked politely on the door.
"Konnichi wa." Snow Rabbit smiled, opening the top half of the scaled-down Dutch-doors to the cottage. "Have we met before? You seem very familiar for some reason…"
"Met before? I don't think so… I'm new to this country." The pink-haired young woman paused, "Well, you see, I was out in the forest with my friend and we got separated… I hate eating all alone - and I have two lunches - so I was wondering…"
"I'd love to!" Snow Rabbit beamed before Ruby Moon could even finish he question. He wasn't breaking Grouchy-kun's rule if *he* went *outside*. Making sure to politely close the doors behind him, Snow Rabbit and Ruby Moon made their way to eat under a large peach tree.
"Itadakimasu!" After only a few bites of the lunch Snow Rabbit felt himself become unable to breathe. Soon, the whole forest started spinning around him as he looked up to see Ruby Moon laughing maniacally.
"Sayounara, Yukito-kun…" was the last thing he heard before everything went black.
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"Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" The Wicked Queen (back in human form) chanted excitedly.
"Seeing as you have eliminated or horribly disfigured all competition, *you* Nakuru-kun, are the fairest of them all. There. Ya happy now?" Suppi replied disdainfully from his looking-glass.
"Hai!" The Wicked Queen smiled buoyantly, "Now for that yummi feast of a Prince, Touya-kun!" She double-checked her makeup in the mirror (after Suppi's timely exit, of course) and bounced happily out of the room.
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The Seven Space Efficients returned home to find the house unkempt and Snow Rabbit nowhere to be found. Of course, most of their first reactions were to freak out and claim that it must be the work of either ghosts or some sort of "magical presence." After an almost-thorough investigation, the found Snow Rabbit's lifeless body beneath a beautiful peach tree. Mildly Evil decided that it would be best to lay the poor bunny out at the top of a random nearby mountain, so that people could see the beautiful and kind Snow Rabbit one last time before they buried him.
So they built a wooden podium covered with peach and cherry blossoms for him to lay on. Nosy designed a very beautiful and elegant tuxedo for him to wear. Genki used the Clow Cards "glow" and "shield" that she had found in the mines to make sure he was illuminated and protected the entire time. Grouchy and Hungry took turns watching over the body as hundreds of people from all over came to pay their respects.
On the last day they were holding the visitation, a tall man with dark hair riding a white horse appeared.
"He must be that Prince Charming fellow. I don't see the appeal, personally. He's nothing compared to my darling Grouchy-kun..." Annoying commented at his arrival, glomping onto a very annoyed-looking Grouchy.
Prince Charming ignored all the comments and stares, dismounted, and walked to the Clow-created casket. His omni-stoic face faltered as he saw how stunningly beautiful the man within the coffin was. Without thinking he knelt down beside the podium and gently brushed a stray silvery hair from the lifeless figure's face. The surrounding people (Space Efficients included) held their breath as Touya gently kissed Snow Rabbit's cold lips.
To the surprise of everyone (save the people who knew of the story beforehand) Snow Rabbit's eyes fluttered open as he began to cough violently.
"Oh!" Spook exclaimed knowingly, "So Prince Charming's *gay*! *That* explains why the man can't hold down a lasting relationship…" The yaoi-fangirls in the crowd sighed happily as Prince Touya lifted Snow Rabbit from the casket constructed by the Space Efficients.
"Ohayou, To-ya…" Snow Rabbit smiled brightly as he was swept up onto Prince Charming's strong arms, "That was a very nice way to wake up."
"Ohayou, Yuki." The stoic prince replied happily.
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Prince Charming and Snow Rabbit were soon married in a not-exactly-legally-binding-ceremony at the place they first met - namely, Snow Rabbit's grave site (romantic, albeit a bit morbid). The Seven Space Efficients served as the attendees, and for entertainment the Wicked Queen was forced to sing karaoke until she fell down dead. (The red-hot-iron dancing shoes were being lent out that week...)
The dwarves themselves found true love amongst themselves. Grouchy and Genki were married soon after the Princes and now live on the palace grounds working as the in-palace sorcerers. Spook and Mildly Evil settled down and are currently terrorizing small villages for fun and profit. Nosy and Annoying paired off and are now working as seamstresses for Snow Rabbit and Prince Charming's scarily extensive wardrobe. And Hungry ended up permanently changing into his true form - he now plays Vegas with Zigfried and Roy.
Suffice to say, everyone lived happily ever after (save the Wicked Queen, seeing as she had no ever after to live). *Especially* Snow Rabbit and *his* Prince Charming.
owari
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Tsukishiro Yukito - means "Moon Castle Snow Bunny"
kowai - scary
genki - happy, energetic
-kun - suffix used usually for males of equal rank, can be used for both genders by superiors
nani - what
demo - but
-chan - suffix used usually towards girls. Affectionate.
-sensei - teacher
-sama - high form of respect, usually toward lords
Larksfur - I have no idea whether or not these grow in the forest or not... I had to seriously restrain myself from saying "Peach Blossoms" *niko* I just thought they were perfect, because the petals form a cute little "bunny" in the center...
-san - form of respect
sayounara - good-bye
hoe - Sakura's default frustration/shock word. Think "HOEEEEEEE! Tomoyo-chan, I can't wear *that*!!"
anou - ummm...
desu wa - very polite form of saying things... Tomoyo uses it all the time
yare, yare - yeah, yeah
bentou - boxed lunch
itadakimasu! - sorta 'let's eat!', basically means "thanks for the food"
owari - end
My happy fluffy shounen-ai AU Card Captor Sakura fairytale spoof-ish thingy. If the thought of two guys/girls as a couple makes you nauseated, then don't read. Anyway, if yaoi makes you sick, what the heck are you doing reading CLAMP???
I do not own Card Captor Sakura or any of the characters within. If I did, Tomoyo wouldn't end up all alone at the end, and Kaho wouldn't be such a frickin' pedophile. But anyway… Don't sue me unless you *really* want $8.73 and some cheap shoes…
Dedicated to Gidget, who's "not short - just space efficient."
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Snow Rabbit and the Seven Space Efficients
One upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen named Nadeshiko, who lived in the very lavish "Moon Castle". She was very kind, gentle, pretty, and everyone loved her. Her family was very sad when she went to live with King Fujitaka in the Moon Castle when she was only 16, but they were very happy to learn that she was going to have a child.
One day, the Queen sat in her chambers sewing lavish dresses of rubber, vinyl, and kowai amounts of ribbon and lace. Out in the bitter cold outside her window she spotted a very lovely snow rabbit with gray fur and kind, amber eyes. Smiling to herself, she wished that her son - for she knew it was a boy, all Queens did back in the day - would have the same silvery hair and golden eyes as the rabbit.
Sadly, the beautiful Queen died giving birth to her only child - a boy who she named Yukito, but everyone called "Snow Rabbit".
A few years after the her death, a heartbroken King Fujitaka remarried, this time to a scarily over-genki *wicked* "woman" named Nakuru. Soon after Queen Nakuru's arrival, King Fujitaka fell ill and died, his last words begging Queen Nakuru take care of his little Snow Rabbit.
Snow Rabbit grew up to be a very beautiful prince who looked a very good deal like his father. He did indeed have the features that his kind-hearted mother had wished for silvery hair and amber eyes. He also had his parent's disposition, being very kind and always having a pleasant smile on his refined face. Everyone loved the young prince, and paid a good deal more attention to him than the wicked Queen Nakuru, who was indeed very jealous of the adorable Snow Rabbit.
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Wicked Queen Nakuru was in fact a very powerful magical being with awesome powers, including a magical mirror that could see and know all.
Now, the wicked Queen was very vain, and spent a dizzying amount of time and effort perfecting her youthful and feminine good looks. She was indeed very angry when she realized that Snow Rabbit's beauty naturally surpassed her own.
"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" She chanted, facing the magical looking-glass. Soon, a small dark blue face with glasses that looked remarkably like a cat appeared where only Nakuru's refection had been before.
"You again, Nakuru-kun?" It replied drably, adjusting its glasses with a dark blue paw. "Fine, fine. A poll of the country and surrounding area supports the statement that, in fact, your stepson Snow Rabbit is indeed the fairest of the land."
"Nani??? Demo-demo-he's a guy!"
"What's your point? So are you, Nakuru-kun." The mirror yawned, pulling out a book.
"Suppi-chan! How dare you!" The wicked Queen whirled away from the mirror angrily. The reflection didn't seem to realize that 'Suppi-chan' referred to himself, and kept on reading quietly. "Next thing you know that damned Snow Rabbit's going to take my yummi Prince Charming!"
"Whatever, your highness… Bye-bye.." The face in the mirror dissipated, leaving only a reflection of the back of Queen Nakuru's head.
"Oh!" The wicked Queen growled, "I'll get Snow Rabbit… Even if it's the last thing I do!" So she set about making a plan to kill the innocent snow bunny - and getting a facial while she was at it.
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In a not-too-distant land there lived a dashing Prince named Touya Charming. He rarely smiled, which made all the girls (and some of the boys) in the Kingdom see him as "aloof" and "deep." Despite the constant attentions of the richest, finest, and most beautiful women of the land, Prince Charming remained single - insisting that he had yet to meet his "number one."
It was, in fact, rumored that a number of years before, he had proposed to a young woodswoman who turned him down. She had insisted that they both had yet to meet the right person, but by the time they meet again, they both would have. She then had run off to another land, leaving him with a broken heart.
Under the unrelenting pressure of friends, parents, and co-workers (at the insane number of part-time jobs he took to save up for a new horse), he decided to set off in search of his "number one" (on the new white horse he could finally afford). So he rode off into the sunset, unwittingly headed straight for the Kingdom of the Moon Castle.
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"Prince Charming's coming HERE?!?" The wicked Queen squealed happily to Suppi-chan in the mirror. "That's wonderful!"
"What are you going to do about Snow Rabbit?" The mirror replied dryly, in an effort to silence the ear-splitting cries. The wicked Queen smiled…well…wickedly.
"I have a plan!" she giggled, tapping the mirror three times in order to make Suppi-chan disappear, and waving pleasantly to the blue cat-face as it vanished. She skipped happily to the door of her chamber (her long black dress fluttering oddly behind her), threw open it open, and yelled in her loudest voice for her trusted woodswoman-sensei.
Soon, a sophisticated-looking woman in a very flattering brown/green camouflage pants suit strode in. "You called, Nakuru-sama?"
"Hai, Kaho-sensei… Since you are my most trusted woodswoman, I'm going to give you a very important and difficult task. I need you to kill Snow Rabbit." The wicked Queen began to explain her plan carefully. "Offer him a picnic lunch. He loves food. Lure him into the heart of the forest and stab him in the back or something. I just want you to bring me back his heart as proof. Preferably on a silver platter. With suitable garnish. That's all - dismissed."
"As you wish, Nakuru-sama." Kaho-sensei bowed slightly, walking gracefully from the Queen's chambers.
"Now that that's taken care of… Time for more pressing matters… Like my hair."
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"Picnic? I'd love to, Kaho-sensei!" Snow Rabbit smiled happily at the prospect of food.
"Come on, then… I know this one little place in the forest that would be *perfect*!" Kaho-sensei lied, taking Snow Rabbit by the hand, a picnic basket - containing only a knife, a silver platter, and some parsley - in the other.
"Look! Larksfur!" Snow Rabbit cried unexpectedly, kneeling down to pick a handful of the purple and blue flowers. Kaho-sensei reached into her basket, gripping the brass knife tightly. Suddenly, Snow Rabbit straightened up and handed his bundle to the confused woodswoman. "For you, Kaho-sensei! Look! See the bunny in the center?"
Kaho couldn't bring herself to kill such a nice and innocent young man, and she felt her grip on the knife loosen completely as she accepted the bouquet. "Listen, Yukito-san… Queen Nakuru sent me here to kill you… But I can't, you see - because personally, I think you'd be perfect for this friend of mine."
"Who?" Snow Rabbit replied cluelessly, his golden eyes wide.
"To-ya Charming… We used to date - but that's besides the point. Anyway, run away Yukito-san! Get as far from Nakuru-sama as you possibly can! I'll try to convince her you're dead, but you'll still need to stay hidden. Sayounara, Yukito-san." She smiled brightly, then ran off to kill a boar for it's heart.
Snow Rabbit just stood in the middle of the forest, scared, alone, and *very* hungry - he had, after all, been expecting a picnic. He could feel night begin to fall, and suddenly found himself wandering towards a direction he *sensed* would lead him somewhere good. After a while of walking, he stumbled upon a tiny cottage.
Inside, the small house were the most untidy rooms Snow Rabbit had ever seen. He decided right then and there that if he was going to beg these people for food he might as well do something *nice* first, so he set about cleaning and organizing the entire place - all the while noticing the annoyed growlings of his discontented stomach.
Soon, the tiny house was spotless and poor Snow Rabbit was exhausted. He dusted off his pale hands and climber the stairs to take a quick nap in one of the tiny beds he had found. He barely noticed the words "Mildly Evil" engraved in the headboards before he drifted off to dreams of a tall, dark, and handsome prince on a white horse.
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"Good work, Kaho-sensei!" Queen Nakuru squealed with delight, randomly poking the bloody heart on a silver platter (garnished with parsley and a lemon slice) in front of her. "Finally I can have that Prince Charming all to myself."
This remark caused Kaho-sensei to raise one eyebrow. "Prince Charming? You're really not his type…" At that, Queen Nakuru threw a pillow at the startled woodswoman, who quickly ducked out of the way.
"How dare you say that?! Touya-kun's exactly my type dammit!" And with that Kaho-sensei scurried out of the room under a barrage of stuffed objects.
Content now that Prince Charming would indeed find his "number one," the woodswoman quietly slipped out of the palace and into the woods, where she could live peacefully out of the way of the wicked queen.
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Back at the tiny cottage, the regular untidy inhabitants were returning home from a tireless day at the Clow Card mines. To their surprise, instead of the usual layer of crud on everything, upon entering their house they were blinded by a gleaming, sparkling *clean*.
"What the… I *swear* we've got the wrong house." The first one in the house growled, his face knitted in a permanent scowl.
"Hoe! I guess this means I don't have to do chores tonight!" The second one smiled happily, dashing towards the newly scrubbed kitchen.
Four other vertically challenged individuals and one yellow flying teddy-bear filed into the tiny house, each one awed by the sight of linoleum.
Meanwhile, Snow Rabbit, awoken by the sudden onset of noise, crept downstairs quietly.
"Anou… I'm sorry to cause a disturbance… I tidied up a bit, I hope you don't mind." He smiled pleasantly to the seven people (six if you don't count the flying stuffed animal).
"No trouble at all, sir. We are glad that you cleaned - Genki-chan's been neglecting her chores [desu wa]," one of them spoke up, momentarily bringing a camcorder away from her eye.
"If you don't mind me asking… Who are you, exactly?" Snow Rabbit asked hesitantly to the odd group assembled before him.
"We used to call ourselves the Seven Dwarves - but we changed it to the Seven Space Efficients to be politically correct." A girl with large glasses stepped forward as the rest of them nodded in agreement. "My name's Naoko - but everyone usually calls me 'Spook'. Over there's Tomoyo-chan, who we call 'Nosy'." The polite girl with the camera bowed slightly. "That's Meirin-chan, AKA 'Annoying'." A girl with red eyes and very cute odangoed pigtails nodded slightly while shooting a glare at Spook."Syaoran-kun here's 'Grouchy'." The scowling boy grumbled slightly, shuffling his feet and turning beet red. "Kero-chan's 'Hungry'." The yellow animal-thing waved energetically, from his position hovering in front of the open refrigerator. "Sakura-chan, who we call 'Genki'." A girl with sandy blond hair bounced up and down excitedly, blushing furiously. "And Eriol-kun's 'Mildly Evil'." A boy with black hair and glasses smiled pleasantly.
"Mildly Evil?" Snow Rabbit looked slightly confused at the seemingly harmless Eriol.
"How else would you describe Eriol-kun? 'Smiling' isn't much better [desu wa]…" Nosy explained from behind the video camera (which was now fixed on Genki).
"Weird?" Spook offered.
"Mildly Evil works fine…" Mildly Evil smiled, adjusting his glasses frames.
"Anyway - I am *not* a dwarf. My real form is super-awesome!" Hungry protested, but was soon silenced by Genki shoving a strawberry in his mouth.
"So… what's your name?" Genki asked Snow Rabbit, blushing slightly.
"My name's Yukito, but everyone calls me Snow Rabbit. Would it be all right if I stayed here for a while? I'm experiencing some - er - domestic disputes at home."
Before anyone else could protest, Genki agreed hastily. Soon, an arrangement was worked out where Snow Rabbit would stay home, cook, and clean the house while the dwarves would go out to work in the Clow Card mines. Snow Rabbit was very happy - he had friends, food, a happy home, and no one was trying to stab him in the back and cut out his heart. Life was good, at least, for a while.
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"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" Queen Nakuru demanded, sure she already knew the answer to the question.
"I don't know why you bother asking - the answer's still the same. - Census shows that Snow Rabbit still in the lead - although you do pull a close second." The mirror Suppi-chan answered, bored.
"NANI?!? I thought I killed that little bitch!" The wicked Queen wailed, flouncing heavily on her insanely expensive bed.
"Kaho-sensei chickened out. Face it. That properly garnished heart belongs to a boar that has long since reached Piggy Heaven." The mirror replied dryly. "Can I go now?"
"Yare, yare…" The face dissipated and the wicked Queen was left alone with her evil thoughts. "Well, that teaches me never send a woodswoman to do a wicked Queen's job." She stood up, dusted off her royal gowns and began to chant. Soon, she was surrounded by a pillar of blood-red light. When the light disappeared, a woman with ruby-colored hair and graceful black butterfly-wings was left in place of the wicked queen.
"Now… How to get to Snow Rabbit… Yes! Food! Snow Rabbit will eat *anything*!!" With an evil chuckle and a few incantations a bentou box appeared floating mid-air before the winged woman. "Perfect!" She smiled wickedly to herself, another identical bentou appearing in her other hand.
Swiftly she sprang to the open window and leaped out, her beautiful wings catching an updraft. "I'll get you Snow Rabbit, or my name isn't *also* Ruby Moon!"
-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-
"Achoo!" Snow Rabbit sneezed quietly.
"Grouchy-chan!!!"
"*What*, Annoying?" Grouchy snapped back, his brown eyes flashing.
"Wait for me!"
"Whatever…" He shrugged at Annoying, who was running late - again. "Now remember, Snow Rabbit, don't let anyone in the house. *Especially* cousins who claim to be your fiancée, *that's* just a bad idea. We'll be back at six." Grouchy started out the door, but nearly tripped over his own feet when he saw Genki merrily skipping towards the house.
"Ohayou, Grouchy-kun! Annoying-chan! Snow Rabbit-san!" She called, waving excitedly.
"O - Ohayou Genki…" Grouchy managed to choke out before Genki grabbed his hand.
"Hurry up! We're going to be late! And you know how much Reed-san hates it when we're late!" Grouchy turned a shade of red usually unachievable by human pigment as he allowed himself to be dragged off, with Annoying huffing angrily behind. Nosy suddenly sprang from her hiding place in the bushes, her eyes completely consumed by stars.
"Subarashii desu wa!" she sighed euphorically before skipping down the road after the rest of the group, her V8 not leaving her face the entire time.
None of the happy forest-dwellers noticed the beautiful woman with long black butterfly wings fluttering barely above the treetops, although Snow Rabbit *did* smell the food.
-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-
"Konyannichi wa!" Ruby Moon called out to the tiny cottage as she knocked politely on the door.
"Konnichi wa." Snow Rabbit smiled, opening the top half of the scaled-down Dutch-doors to the cottage. "Have we met before? You seem very familiar for some reason…"
"Met before? I don't think so… I'm new to this country." The pink-haired young woman paused, "Well, you see, I was out in the forest with my friend and we got separated… I hate eating all alone - and I have two lunches - so I was wondering…"
"I'd love to!" Snow Rabbit beamed before Ruby Moon could even finish he question. He wasn't breaking Grouchy-kun's rule if *he* went *outside*. Making sure to politely close the doors behind him, Snow Rabbit and Ruby Moon made their way to eat under a large peach tree.
"Itadakimasu!" After only a few bites of the lunch Snow Rabbit felt himself become unable to breathe. Soon, the whole forest started spinning around him as he looked up to see Ruby Moon laughing maniacally.
"Sayounara, Yukito-kun…" was the last thing he heard before everything went black.
-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-
"Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" The Wicked Queen (back in human form) chanted excitedly.
"Seeing as you have eliminated or horribly disfigured all competition, *you* Nakuru-kun, are the fairest of them all. There. Ya happy now?" Suppi replied disdainfully from his looking-glass.
"Hai!" The Wicked Queen smiled buoyantly, "Now for that yummi feast of a Prince, Touya-kun!" She double-checked her makeup in the mirror (after Suppi's timely exit, of course) and bounced happily out of the room.
-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-
The Seven Space Efficients returned home to find the house unkempt and Snow Rabbit nowhere to be found. Of course, most of their first reactions were to freak out and claim that it must be the work of either ghosts or some sort of "magical presence." After an almost-thorough investigation, the found Snow Rabbit's lifeless body beneath a beautiful peach tree. Mildly Evil decided that it would be best to lay the poor bunny out at the top of a random nearby mountain, so that people could see the beautiful and kind Snow Rabbit one last time before they buried him.
So they built a wooden podium covered with peach and cherry blossoms for him to lay on. Nosy designed a very beautiful and elegant tuxedo for him to wear. Genki used the Clow Cards "glow" and "shield" that she had found in the mines to make sure he was illuminated and protected the entire time. Grouchy and Hungry took turns watching over the body as hundreds of people from all over came to pay their respects.
On the last day they were holding the visitation, a tall man with dark hair riding a white horse appeared.
"He must be that Prince Charming fellow. I don't see the appeal, personally. He's nothing compared to my darling Grouchy-kun..." Annoying commented at his arrival, glomping onto a very annoyed-looking Grouchy.
Prince Charming ignored all the comments and stares, dismounted, and walked to the Clow-created casket. His omni-stoic face faltered as he saw how stunningly beautiful the man within the coffin was. Without thinking he knelt down beside the podium and gently brushed a stray silvery hair from the lifeless figure's face. The surrounding people (Space Efficients included) held their breath as Touya gently kissed Snow Rabbit's cold lips.
To the surprise of everyone (save the people who knew of the story beforehand) Snow Rabbit's eyes fluttered open as he began to cough violently.
"Oh!" Spook exclaimed knowingly, "So Prince Charming's *gay*! *That* explains why the man can't hold down a lasting relationship…" The yaoi-fangirls in the crowd sighed happily as Prince Touya lifted Snow Rabbit from the casket constructed by the Space Efficients.
"Ohayou, To-ya…" Snow Rabbit smiled brightly as he was swept up onto Prince Charming's strong arms, "That was a very nice way to wake up."
"Ohayou, Yuki." The stoic prince replied happily.
-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-|-
Prince Charming and Snow Rabbit were soon married in a not-exactly-legally-binding-ceremony at the place they first met - namely, Snow Rabbit's grave site (romantic, albeit a bit morbid). The Seven Space Efficients served as the attendees, and for entertainment the Wicked Queen was forced to sing karaoke until she fell down dead. (The red-hot-iron dancing shoes were being lent out that week...)
The dwarves themselves found true love amongst themselves. Grouchy and Genki were married soon after the Princes and now live on the palace grounds working as the in-palace sorcerers. Spook and Mildly Evil settled down and are currently terrorizing small villages for fun and profit. Nosy and Annoying paired off and are now working as seamstresses for Snow Rabbit and Prince Charming's scarily extensive wardrobe. And Hungry ended up permanently changing into his true form - he now plays Vegas with Zigfried and Roy.
Suffice to say, everyone lived happily ever after (save the Wicked Queen, seeing as she had no ever after to live). *Especially* Snow Rabbit and *his* Prince Charming.
owari
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Tsukishiro Yukito - means "Moon Castle Snow Bunny"
kowai - scary
genki - happy, energetic
-kun - suffix used usually for males of equal rank, can be used for both genders by superiors
nani - what
demo - but
-chan - suffix used usually towards girls. Affectionate.
-sensei - teacher
-sama - high form of respect, usually toward lords
Larksfur - I have no idea whether or not these grow in the forest or not... I had to seriously restrain myself from saying "Peach Blossoms" *niko* I just thought they were perfect, because the petals form a cute little "bunny" in the center...
-san - form of respect
sayounara - good-bye
hoe - Sakura's default frustration/shock word. Think "HOEEEEEEE! Tomoyo-chan, I can't wear *that*!!"
anou - ummm...
desu wa - very polite form of saying things... Tomoyo uses it all the time
yare, yare - yeah, yeah
bentou - boxed lunch
itadakimasu! - sorta 'let's eat!', basically means "thanks for the food"
owari - end