Disclaimer: I don't own Detective Conan
Summary: Conan and Ai have known each other for a long time, and they cared for each other a lot. But there is a hidden truth regarding someone's feelings…and Conan will find out soon enough. How will he respond to…THE TRUTH OF FEELINGS? RXR please!!
The Truth of Feelings
A/N: One of my shortest one-shot yet. Enjoy!
Ai and Conan have known each other for a long time, or rather, Kudo Shinichi and Miyano Shiho have. They both met because of the unexpected twist of fate, Shiho's life became so much better ever since, while Shinichi's perfect life turned into ruin. Conan was Ai's only friend, while Ai was under his protection.
Ai promised Conan that she will accomplish the antidote for him…and for his girlfriend…Mouri Ran…the lucky girl who was his childhood sweetheart, so that they can both go back to their normal lives and live happily again. Ai wants Conan to be happy; she asks nothing more but for his happiness. To her, it was not important if she was in pain, as long as Kudo Shinichi got back his life in the light.
Conan promised Ai that he would always protect her until the end that she didn't have to worry about anything because he will take the burden and solve all her problems for her. It's because Conan wanted Ai to have a happy life with no anxieties, so, by taking care of all Haibara's problems and by encouraging her, he knows that Haibara Ai will be more relaxed. To Conan, it wasn't important if he was harmed, as long as Haibara Ai got the life she deserved.
They cared for each other.
Haibara Ai, she was a nuisance to Kudo's life, a disturbance to his relationship with Ran, she was a rotten piece of apple in his life, a gray paint in his once colorful life, darkness in his time of glory, a gloom in his cheery life and a sarcastic annoying shrunken teenage scientist in his times of defeat, well, at least that's what she always thought of herself, a person who is worthless in his once perfect now wretched life. But, that wasn't really the case, Conan didn't even think badly about her, he never did and he never will.
Edogawa Conan, he was the knight and shining armor in Miyano's life, a rainbow in her colorless life, a night lamp in her dark life, a clown in her miserable life and a gentle and understanding friend in her times of confusion and loneliness. Gin said that once as well, in the Miss Japanesque Blackmail Case (live action, not in anime or manga but related to DC) that Ah…it seems that Sherry has a knight and shining armor and Gin was referring to Kudo Shinichi, alias Edogawa Conan when he spotted him at that time in the hotel. Conan was a person who had so much worth in her once hopeless now hopeful life. And, that was really the case, Haibara Ai always thought good of this detective boy, she always will appreciate him for his guidance and always will.
To Conan, Haibara Ai was a girl who got lost in her path in life, she was like a lost orphan, yearning for happiness that she never experienced since she was born, and all Conan wanted was to make her happy. That's all he asks, for his friend Ai-chan to be able to see the joy of life and forget the painful darkness that she was always enclosed to.
Although, Haibara Ai was also a childhood friend of the detective brat, she was not a childhood friend of Kudo…instead she was of Edogawa. Conan had two childhood friends while Haibara only had one, Edogawa Conan, the boy she met during her second chance at life. She didn't have friends as Miyano Shiho. Conan had Mouri Ran, well; at least Shinichi did, while as Conan, his second self had Haibara Ai.
Despite all this, Conan protected her even if it meant his death, Haibara Ai, making the antidote to make him happy even if it makes her sad that she could never end up with him since Ran is there already, Conan, or rather Kudo, even with his great skills as a detective with a keen eye and sharp mind, never really discovered what lies in Haibara Ai's heart.
He never realized what Ai's true feelings are and never really gave them a thought either.
He really never thought of who Ai could possibly be in love with.
He never could find out…that is, never could until today.
It was all so sudden.
"I thought she only saw me as a friend." Conan thought, projecting a confused look. "But…"
There is only one truth. Shinjitsu wa itsumo hitotsu. And that shocked Conan.
-
Haibara was eating in the kitchen, and Conan knew that she'd come up to her room soon.
Being mischievous, Conan hid under Haibara's bed, preparing himself; he wanted to surprise her when she entered the room by pulling her ankle while she walked and tickle her to death. He would scream and pounce on her, giving her a big warm bear hug, then, tickle her.
He knew Haibara didn't show it, but she was ticklish, and all he wanted was to make his best friend laugh…to make her happy.
He was going to tickle her stomach. It was a sweet plan and Conan grinned at the thought.
Haibara had been in gloom this past few days and all Conan wanted was to cheer her up.
Footsteps…
"Here she comes…" Conan thought excitedly and he smiled, preparing to tickle. He rubbed his two palms together, knowing that his hands would be responsible to "Tickle! Tickle! Tickle!" her soft tummy to death until she promises to smile more often. And of course, to show that he really loves her as a friend, he would not forget the huge bear hug! "…yes…I'll have her laughing in no time…"
Then, a squeak from the doorknob on Haibara's room was heard. She entered the room.
"She's here!" Conan smiled to himself. He was about to attack Haibara until…
Tears were suddenly forming on Ai's face. Such a beautiful face it was and at the same time, such a sad one, too. Ai sniffed until tears became more abundant. She rubbed her eyes and her lips were trembling with grief. Her soft tearful moans could be heard by Conan.
"Haibara?" Conan thought sadly as he looked at the crying girl. He was alarmed to seeing her this way. He never saw her cry this hard in his life.
Her eyes…they were so cheerless. The tears were covering her bright blue eyes.
He felt a blast of pain when he saw Haibara this sad, but, why?? Then, suddenly, Haibara started talking to herself and Conan knew that this wasn't tickle time; he had to postpone the plan next time and keep silent. In a time like this, he knew he shouldn't come out to greet her just yet. He continued hiding under the bed.
Haibara Ai fell to her knees, then slamming her whole body on the floor, she bent down and cried some more.
Puddles of tears formed on the floor and she clenched her fists. She was breathing slowly. Under the bed, Conan can even feel the presence of her warm breath and her hot tears trickling down her cheeks.
Conan watched her by peeping under her bed, he frowned when he saw so much tears.
So much pain…
"Ughh…it is SO uncomfortable hiding under a bed." Conan thought while breathing slowly.
Suddenly, Ai got something from her pocket. As soon as Conan saw what it was, he immediately closed his mouth to prevent making a sound due to his shocked reaction.
It was a school photo of Kudo Shinichi.
While crying hard, Ai kissed the photo gently, straight on the lips, tears staining the picture.
And that's where his eyes widened. The truth finally came out.
"I love you…Kudo…" Ai whispered while breathing loudly. "…I love you so much…"
Ai wiped her tears away and stood up. She walked towards her chair and sat down and sighed.
"But…I can't be selfish…" She muttered in between sniffs of pouring tears while she sat down her chair, cupping her chin while her elbow was resting on the edge of the mahogany desk. Only a small table lamp lighted the table; and the room.
"…Mouri Ran is waiting…" She made a bitter smile and her mask finally broke, and this time, Conan was there to witness it, and the revelation. She didn't know. Her tears fell faster.
"…she's waiting for you…" She said in between soft cries. Her smile shattered into millions of broken pieces of glass when she said. "You still love her…" Her voice was then shivering and trembling, she breathed slowly again.
Her eyes were so sad. Her tears, they were like droplets of rain in a cold afternoon drizzle.
And Conan bit his lip. Haibara, I am so sorry.
"I have to finish the cure tonight and it is almost completed." Haibara whispered to herself.
Conan twitched his eyes as he heard her say that. The cure was almost done. The antidote is waiting for him. Ran is waiting for Kudo Shinichi. And, soon enough, after Haibara gives him that, he will be able to be with Ran again and finally ask her to be his fiancée. But, that would break Ai's already injured heart. He felt little guilt flowing inside his veins together with his blood. He felt confused about everything now. He scratched his head in all the mixed feelings he had, and Conan didn't like it. But, Haibara Ai, the girl who had loved him for so long, was feeling much worst than he was, so, he had no right whatsoever to complain.
"I will give you the antidote tomorrow, Kudo-kun…" She said as great emotional pain clearly heard from her soft voice. She gripped her chest hard.
These words were hard for her to say, but, she shut down all her grief inside her, or at least she tried and said. "…she will finally have you again…and I will lose you…"
Overwhelmed by the deafening silence, she screamed. "I'm losing everyone I loved!!"
She shouted again, unable to control her feet as they stomped at the flooring. "I'm losing everyone I cared for!! Fist, I lost Akemi-neechan!! And…and now, I'll be losing you, too!!"
She yelled while slamming her fists down the desk, causing the puddle of cold tears on the desk dripped down the floor. "I'm losing everything!!"
After that last scream, her sad eyes said it all. I'm losing my first and only love…it's you, Kudo-kun.
That night, Conan couldn't sleep well; he turned his body left to right, then right to left. He rolled himself about while kicking the thick heavy wool blanket with his feet. He scratched his head in frustration since he was so sleepy but could get himself to sleep. He kept on putting his pillow to different angles of his bed in order to sleep comfortably but still, he really could not sleep.
All he thought about the whole night was Haibara Ai…that poor girl…with the sad past. She lost everything, at least that's how she thinks about her life…But Conan knew it wasn't true. She wasn't losing everyone; she didn't lose any part of Kudo…any part of him, if only he could tell her that.
I'm sorry Haibara Ai, no…
Conan thought sadly and slightly guiltily although he knew that it wasn't a sin to love someone else and not her. He shook his head and rephrased his apology.
I am sorry…Miyano Shiho… I can't love you more than a friend, more than a sister…I love Ran, and will always love Ran no matter what. I can never love you the way I love Ran. I will marry Ran and only Ran… In this world, we love someone because we do, not because of pity or sympathy…And that is why…I can never love you as a fiancée just because of pity…I can never be your lover… But even if I can't give you love the way I do to her…
Conan made a small smile.
I will always protect you…I will always take care of you as a brother…and love you as a friend… I'm always here for you…no matter what…
He thought in his mind once more.
I will always love you like how I do now…because I really care about you as well…
He completed his thoughts while his eyes were shutting down.
Although not romantically…although not like my love for Ran…Shiho-chan…
His eyes were warm, sincere and tender.
I really love you very much, too…
His eyes closed as he sank into deep slumber in a bed beside Mouri Ran's.
…and that…that will never change……
End
Started: May 5, 2008 Monday 11:20 pm
Finished: May 12, 2008 Monday 11:07 pm