Disclaimer: I neither own Glee nor the song mentioned below.
Notes: I've been trying to keep up a more or less weekly update schedule for BtM, but I'm not getting a day off this week so there's no way I'm going to be able to finish. Instead I'm posting this extraordinarily silly oneshot and will get back to BtM next week.
Doesn't It Mean...?
"Please, Santana!" Rachel pleaded with the other girl, doing that thing with her eyes and almost quivering lip that generally worked on her fathers.
"No." Santana gave the word as much finality as she could muster- which was quite a bit. Or, at least, it would have if the stare hadn't compelled her to feel the need for reinforcement. "No! Jesus, Dwarf, what in Hell convinced you that this was any kind of acceptable idea?"
"But Santana, this occasion may not naturally occur again in any future performance group I may join! It's a perfect opportunity to exploit the natural resources of our glee club- in this case, you."
"Yeah, looking over the fact that you just said you wanted to exploit me, I still don't see why you've got your panties in a twist about doing this, especially with me."
Rachel rolled her eyes, "As if there are any other Hispanic lesbians in the club."
Santana stood straighter and started to shout, "I'm not-"
"Oh please," Rachel interrupted and rolled her eyes again. "You don't actually think that you're fooling anyone, do you?"
"I sure as hell won't be fooling anyone if I dance around with you and let you pretend that I've just pathetically proclaimed my love for you."
"That is an entirely unfair description of Rhianna's Te Amo."
"Not the way I heard it."
The two stared at each other, seemingly at an impasse. Rachel narrowed her eyes before trying, "It could make Brittany jealous."
Santana actually laughed at that. "And what part of Brit's and my relationship makes you think that singing a song with someone could accomplish what random sex couldn't." She shook her head, "I'm not half as naïve as the rest of you, I know that petty jealousy can wreck relationships, but has it ever built them up, any of the times we've tried it? No deal."
The statement was fair, and if she was honest, it was a lesson that Rachel had unfortunately learned. "Fine…" but then inspiration struck. "I have two reasons that I know you won't refuse."
"Oh really?" Santana sounded barely curious and really unimpressed.
"Really," Rachel was completely confident, "one, I'll buy you dinner at BreadstiX and not make a fuss about you taking an obscene number of their dubious bread products home with you."
"Hey!" She had to defend the stix, after all.
"And two," Rachel swiftly continued, "it is practically guaranteed to really annoy Finn and I know how much pleasure that gives you." Rachel didn't entirely understand Santana's attitude towards her sometime boyfriend, but that didn't mean that she wasn't aware of it.
Santana stopped, weighing her options, the good against the bad. Doing this song with Rachel would be incredibly gay. Doing this song with Rachel, especially if she played up her part, would totally piss off Finnocence. She went back and forth between the ideas before thinking, 'Well hell, everyone in Glee pretty much knows anyway.' "Done. "