Dull. That's what I'd describe it as. Dull. Only a few months after the fatal attack on St. Vlad, many still grieved over the loss of fellow Moroi and Dhampirs students, teachers and Guardians. It's only been a few weeks since my return from Russia. Lissa and I are now inseparable. My time away will never close the gap that I caused – not only on Lissa, but on Adrian, my mother…
I knew my running away would cause pain. How much though, I just didn't fully comprehend. It wasn't until I returned that I noticed. Not only was there pain lurking at every corner, but a sense of fear. I knew things would never return to the way things were. But looking at the teachers helpless attempts of trying to shield us from the past, we will never forget.
We made sure of it.
Lissa, now practically the Queen's mini-assistant was quickly moving up the Royal ladder. People are starting to notice her. She doesn't even need to use compulsion to win these old sleaze bags over. They're practically dogs on a leash drooling over Lissa 'words of wisdom'. Until recently, Lissa is away almost every weekend at some conference or dinner to attend to. She's been virtually living there for the amount of time spent there. Of course, I whinged to tag along, as there will never be a time when Lissa and I are not together. Except classes, of course. Which comes back to the word: Dull.
I didn't know what to expect returning back here. Classes, I assumed. But no, was I wrong. Each morning has been a tedious mission to get through the day. Maths, Biology, English…it made no difference to life in the outside world. I knew that. I've lived that life. The only time I needed English skills was to hand sign toilet in Russian. Even then, it wasn't even English. My mother told me to keep at it –to graduate from High School to receive my Promise mark. Of course, my father made sure I wasn't failing. It's ridiculous. I can't even have a normal conversation with my mother about him – not even to complain or whine. I'll never understand their relationship. Ever.
Dimitri…
Ah. That was a problem I'd never understand. I'd finally let him go…only for him to charge back at me with full force. Extra guardians have been placed around the school grounds on the lookout for him. Especially around the caves. There was talk about demolishing the caves to reduce the risk of another Strigoi gathering. Every time I think about him, my heart aches - knowing that things could have been perfect between us…if I had changed. Of course, we're talking about me losing my soul to be with Dimitri forever…but I made my decision. I made my choice. The choice to plunge that stake into Dimitri's heart…over the edge…into the river…
Now, he was back. And coming for me. This time, he's not going to hesitate. This time…he means war.
Which is why coming back to school is killing me – I should be out there, looking for him. Not to destroy him, but to bring him back. Back to me, back to reality. My time in Russia taught me a lot of things. The most intriguing was the stunning power of Spirit. The ring Dimitri played with had defiantly changed him…he was…himself. Not the power-thirsty demon that had taken over his soul, but the sweet, handsome man that made love to me.
Spirit. That was the answer. That was the reason Lissa and I had to stay together. There was so much more to learn from it. So much more. The power Spirit possesses, I believe…can change Dimitri back. Well, that was my theory anyway, and apparently, Victor's as well. That was our first mission - to get Victor and find 'mystery man' to help bring Dimitri back. If he cooperates. It's so complicated knowing I have so much more important things to do than school. Lissa knows this as well. But both of us are pressured to graduate, get my promise mark and leave off.
"Rose – love the new outfit." Adrian pushed his way through the cafeteria and sat on my right side, waking me up from my daydream. Lissa was to my left. I looked down and sighed. Despite returning back from Russia and having to go last minute shopping at the airport, I somehow obliged to wear any new clothes. What was the point anyway? I had training sessions with Alberta every morning and evening and had extra guardian class lessons before graduation. Those trainings with Alberta were torturing. Not the physical side of it, but the mental side. Every time I walk into the gym I always, always expect Dimitri to be lounging on a chair, reading another Old West story with his duster. Each time is heart wrenching. It's funny to realise that other people have different fighting techniques – I's so used to Dimitri's. Despite Alberta dislikes, I haven't changed my technique – it was the only thing holding me close to Dimitri. I wasn't about to let that go.
"Yeah, I looked at the tightly ripped sweats and thought of you." I mumbled, stuffing my face with toast. I had just finished a lesson with Alberta, and I was hungry.
"I don't understand why he doesn't even sit with us anymore!" Lissa exclaimed, staring at Christian as he sat on a lone table. "I mean, we're still his friends, right? After everything we've been through?"
"Liss, I'm pretty sure he's capable of eating by himself. It's not the world's biggest problem at the moment."
"Oh." Lissa fell silent. We had been discussing Spirit with Adrian and analysing the new details I told them. Despite my new efforts to convince them to practice Spirits new borders, Lissa was still hesitant. She still wasn't sure on exploiting her powers for a lost cause.
"It's not a lost cause!" I shouted at her. I rarely shouted at her, but this made me snap.
"That's not what I meant and you know it!" She answered back. "I just don't think my powers are strong enough. We're not strong enough yet."
"So Dimitri's life is not worth our problems?" I remarked.
'Rose." She stared at me. "I know how you feel. I feel the same way. After graduation, once we get hold of Victor…" Lissa fell silent. She was always touchy over the Victor subject. It was only until recently was she starting to consider meeting Victor about Spirit.
"It's ok." I reassured her. I rubbed her back. Her eyes went blank remembering her kidnapping.
I snapped back to reality by Adrian slamming his fist on the table.
"Oi! No need to stress! Just remember our shopping date tomorrow morning."
Shopping date? Oh yes. How could I forget? I guess having friends with privileges always has its perks.
Lissa's attention turned from Christian to Adrian.
"What Guardian's are coming?"
"Alberta, Pewer, Glaswik, Mustab, Topils and Rose." Adrian turned to grin at me. More Guardians were stationed to look after Lissa and Adrian – just as a precaution. If I were to attend the extreme rare event to shop, I was to practice being Guardian. Too much of it reminded me of my first outing as a Guardian with Dimitri. This time though, I was going to wear an ear piece. Too much was at stake now – I had to adapt quickly.
We finished breakfast and Lissa and I made our way to class. Adrian wandered off somewhere – where exactly, I had no idea. However, his smoking habits were stopping to a minimum, probably because of my blackmail only a couple of nights ago…
"Ah, little Dhampir." Adrian walked up to me, sat down and slinked his arm around my shoulders. I was sitting under a tree far away from the school buildings…it was actually only a little distance from the cabin. I had only let myself get this far…I couldn't risk to see it again. I was afraid I couldn't take it.
"Here comes my knight in shining armour." I teased. I rested my head against his chest. It was cold, and I wrapped my arms around my torso. Adrian, realising, took off his jacket and let me wear it. It smelt of Adrian – Oh god did it – but smelt badly of his cigarettes. I pushed the jacket off.
"Adrian, you do realise, smoking causes emphysema."
"Wow, now that's an impressive word. I guess coming back to school really was worth it." He smirked. I shoved my elbow into his ribs. He gasped. Woops. Too hard. He laughed it off and rubbed it.
"I swear Rose, you'll be the death of me."
"Not before those cigarettes." I laughed. I leaned back into him. It was late night in the vampire world. The sun was up and shining. I was surprised Adrian was out at all, considering the hour. Then again, this was Adrian. However, I was surprised at my sneaking out. Clever. I laughed.
"Something amusing you?"
"Just the usual." I sighed. His hand started to circle my shoulder. I ignored this, and just enjoyed the silence. His hand started to slide down my arm, sending a chill through my body. Goosebumps perked on my skin. His other hand came up to my face. He placed his hand on my check and turned my face towards him. I looked into his eyes – they were a bit dull, I guess he had been drinking again. He twisted my hair, exactly the same way Dimitri used to…
I pulled away.
"Adrian, please."
He just stared into my eyes. He leaned in closer and paused just before my lips. I could feel his breath on my face. It smelt of alcohol and cigarettes.
"Adrian, please, not like this, you've been – "
He pulled in closer brushing aside hair that moved onto my face.
"Adrian, don't…"
Mere millimetres away, I pushed him off. If he wanted to fight me, he was surely mistaken of my strength. I could have pounded him with a flick of my wrist if I wanted to. Well, not quite, but you get the general gist of it.
"Adrian, I know I promised you a chance, but if you don't stop smoking or drinking, I swear, I'll never speak to you again."
"What? Geez, Rose when did you become so –"
I pushed my face right up to his, glaring at him as his shrank back.
"Don't you dare tell me what I've become! If you don't stop what you're doing to yourself, you'll never have a chance with me. It's either that, or me. Your choice." I shoved off and walked back to my common room. That had been last week. I was surprised he took my words to heart. He was changing his methods. I smirked.
After school had ended and dinner had finished, I crept into bed. Exhausted from a tedious lesson with Alberta, I shrank into a deep sleep. I let my mind wander – something I don't do as often, as I knew I'd only think of one thing - or person that is. That person, it seemed, had escaped from its chains and polluted my dreams.
I was sucked into my dream. I was back at 'the house'. My house. Our house. Ever since that image of Dimitri and I in our own house…it ripped my heart apart every time. His distorted face of me pulling away, his straining voice urging me to come back…well, here I was. Back. Back in heaven…
I was cradled in his arms, next to the fireplace. He was sleeping soundly, his head resting on my collarbone. The fire crackled, sending warm waves of comfort. I turned around so that one of his arms rested on my stomach. I reached up and stroked his hair. His long, brown hair. He slowly opened his eyes and looked into mine. The fire casted warm glows on his face. Beautiful. He leant over and very softly, brushed his lips with mine. He kissed my eyelids and travelled down to my collarbone. His favourite part of me, he told me. My hands slowly travelled down his strongly toned chest. I pushed him over so that I straddled him. I teasingly leant down and kissed his lips. Short, butterfly kisses. His hand reached up to my hair and pulled my face down. Slowly, our kiss got more intense, both of us getting warmed up – not just by the fire. Our breathing got heavy as my hand ran down on his side, caressing his abs. His hand travelled from my neck to my hip. He quickly rolled over and pushed me down onto the cushions. We didn't sleep on the bed tonight, instead choosing the ground next to fire.
"Roza…" He breathed. As we got more intimate, and our breathing and kiss got rougher, his hand caressed my thigh and ran it down my leg. He pulled my leg onto his hip, lifting me up. Just as he bent down to kiss my neck, a whistle went off.
Dimitri sighed.
"Babe…" I murmured. We stopped and listened to the continuous whistling. "Coffee's ready." I looked back at him and stroked the hair out of his eyes. I kissed them and moved off him. He grabbed me again and held me there for a moment longer.
"Hey," I laughed and lightly slapped his chest. "I'm not going up there myself. You're making your own coffee. You put the kettle on, remember?" He laughed and helped me up. I put on his shirt and made my way over to the kitchen. On my way I passed multiple photographs of me and him of times I couldn't remember…
I took the kettle off as Dimitri got mugs out. I poured us both and went to sit down on the veranda. It was night time, Vampire daytime, but since Dimitri and I were taking the weekend off, we slept normal time. Well, not always sleeping…
I propped my legs up on his lap and we drank in silence.
"Are you using a different moisturiser?" Dimitri stroked my leg up and down, trailing patterns on around my ankle.
"Yeah, my old one ran out. Like it?" I gave him one of my smiles that I knew he couldn't resist.
"Definitely." He smiled back. His eyes were so carefree, not a worry in the world. Even his stance was so relaxed. This is was our life, our home – and it was perfect.
We sat there just gazing into each other's eyes. My eyes swept our living room. A newspaper was spread out on the dining table, and a blanket and cushions were placed near the fireplace. Above it were photos and books of Russian titles, books that Dimitri read to me in Russian. In his husky, Russian accent…
The sun was beginning to come up. I stretched and placed my hands on his chair arms, leaning down into him.
"Well, I'm going to take a shower." I quickly pecked him on the cheek and leapt away, walking quickly to the bathroom. I knew Dimitri hated small pecks. I felt him following me. Once in the bathroom, his hand found my wrist and yanked me back into his arms. He held me there, chuckling at me.
"I'm sorry, I didn't catch what you said."
I grinned. "You know what I said Comrade." I unfastened myself from him and ran towards the shower, stripping as I went. We caught me again from behind and whispered huskily;
"How many times have I told you not to call me that?"
"At least one more time for you to hold me like this." I answered quietly. He looked at me quizzically.
"I always hold you like this, Roza."
No. He never hold's me like this anymore.
No, no, no! Don't wake up! I could feel consciousness waking me up once again. And once again, I had to break his heart.
"No, you don't." I murmured. He stepped back.
"What?"
"You don't hold me like this…because it's not real."
He sighed, frustrated. "Why Rose? Why can't we stay like this?"
"Because, it's not healthy." I answered. I kept my eyes down, fearing of looking into his eyes and forever losing myself in them.
"Healthy? Healthy my – " He stormed off and ripped off a pile of photographs standing on a bookshelf. He grabbed his coffee and mug and slammed it on the wall.
"Dimitri, please…" I begged.
"Please? Please?" He yelled. He grabbed my throat and slammed me to the wall. His eyes shined a bright, deathly red, his teeth bared glistening fangs. I was choking, unable to breathe. I hit at his hands, having no effect whatsoever. His strength had increased as he shoved me off the wall and threw me onto the toilet bowl. My head banged loudly on the bowl, and I slid down. He picked me back up and held my head, lifting my feet off the ground. His eyes bored into mine. Nothing. There's nothing left of him.
He brushed blood off my face and held it up to his. He sniffed it, and licked it. I started to shake. I screamed. I thrashed – I had to get out…
All of a sudden, I was back in my room. My covers were on the ground. I was glistening with sweat. My breathing was heavy – my heart pounding as I ran up to a mirror to check my face for any wounds. Nothing. There's nothing there. I cursed myself. Too many nights had gone by when I didn't dream of Dimitri. Not long now. He's out there to get me. He's coming for me. And I'll be ready. Ready to save him – if he's not too far gone…