A/N: So I know that maybe this is just about the gayest idea I've had in a long, long time. But I had to try it, so here we go…I made it almost totally AU. As in time period, and the fact that cell phones and laptops work, theres internet, lalala. because that really is the core of Gossip Girl, is it not?

LEXJP

Spotted: J leaving the Three Broomsticks with his sunglasses, a frown, but without ladylove Theresa Sharp. Why the tears, J? Autumn is here, but apparently the leaves aren't the only things falling.

You know you love me.

xoxo Gossip Girl

James let out his frustration in a long breath. The thing with doing anything, anytime, anywhere was that someone was always watching you, mobile phone in hand with Gossip Girl on speed dial. He hadn't wanted anyone to know about the fight he'd had with Theresa, so of course it ended up splashed all over the front page of every student's secret pleasure.

"What am I going to do?" he groaned, sitting back on his bed and closing his eyes.

"Well, you can't just curl up and die," a sensible voice told him from his left. It was Sirius Black, James's best friend for life, but right now, least helpful.

"Thanks, Sirius," James answered, sitting back up. "You're amazing."

"Just prove that you and Theresa are still together. This isn't as bad as the time where everyone thought you and Newman were sleeping together," Sirius pointed out reasonably. "Just give Theresa a good snog in front of everyone. It'll fix itself. Besides, cheer up! I have loads of scandalous back ups in case of a real emergency…"

"Thanks, Sirius." It was genuine this time.

"No problem. I have to go now, but I'll see you at dinner."

"Bye." James smiled and sat back. Sometimes, the tension of being James Potter really got to him, and wound him more tightly than a spring. Having Sirius around helped. He swung her legs off the bed. Time to meet the masses. Hauling his black bag onto one shoulder and trotted down to the common room. The moment he entered, conversation stopped. All eyes flicked from him to Theresa, who was reading nonchalantly in a corner. People casually resumed talking, but all eyes were trained on him as he sat opposite him in another armchair.

"Hey, babe," she said, putting her hand on his arm.

"Hi." He managed a tentative smile.

"Look, I'm so sorry about the fight we had earlier. I really wasn't thinking, and I was hungry." She smiled apologetically.

"It's fine, Theresa. I treat you like an ass half the time, really." He smiled fully this time, and took her hand in his, leaned forward and kissed her.

She kissed him back, smiled, and squeezed his hand. "I'm glad we cleared that up. See you at dinner?"

"All right." Walking out, he noticed a few fourth years staring at him, and walked faster. With a last wave at Theresa, he stepped out into the corridor.

Upon entering the Great Hall, he picked out Sirius's black hair immediately. "The deed is done," he said quietly, sliding into a seat in front of him.

"Good," Sirius replied, gray eyes focused on her food. "Whereas Remus still won't even admit he has a crush on Shirr over there."

"I don't!" Remus contradicted from James' right. "I don't."

"It's OK, Remus," smirked Peter, on Sirius's left. "Even if Shirr isn't quite what your mother would call girlfriend material."

"My God, you guys," James breathed exasperatedly. "Have we regressed to being thirteen or what?"

Sirius looked James square in the eye. "You're the only one with a steady girlfriend, J. Face it. We're basically desperate for dates for the winter dance thing."

"Winter Wonderland Ball," Remus supplied helpfully.

"Or whatever." Sirius's eyes narrowed as he spotted Daphne Smith sashaying down the aisle. "Winter Wonderland Ball," he said loudly as Daphne passed. "Wonder who came up with that name. It's…ridiculous."

Daphne spun on her heel and stared down her pointy nose at Sirius. "Just get over it, all right?"

"Get over what?" Sirius asked innocently, delicately wiping his mouth on a napkin.

"I know you're pissed because you didn't get the Social Chair position, all right? Just get over it. Just because you're a Black doesn't mean you get everything," Daphne snapped.

"If I ever wanted anything you have, I was drunk enough not to care about the tetanus shot I'd need afterward," Sirius retorted coolly. "Just because you're Smith doesn't mean you have to try wipe your dirt on people like me."

"Assholes, you mean?" Daphne's voice rose in pitch, and her hands were planted firmly on her hips.

"No, Blacks," Sirius replied sweetly. "Heard what you tried to do to my brother the other day."

Daphne paused suddenly, freezing. "What do you mean? I never tried to do anything to your brother."

"Really," Sirius mused, rummaging in his bag and pulling out his phone. "Then why do I have pictures?" He shoved the phone in Daphne's face long enough for her to glimpse the photo, then snapped it shut and dropped it in his bag. Daphne stared at him, mouth open. "Do me a favor, Smith. Or maybe three. One, shut your mouth. Two, get out of my sight. Three, change the name of the Ball. Please."

Daphne turned back around, mouth shut, probably thinking about new names for the Ball. "Wow, S, what do you have on her?" Peter asked, in awe.

"Nothing much, actually," Sirius replied offhandedly. "But with what little social status she has, it'd totally crush her." James raised an eyebrow. "She tried to sell some dust to my brother."

"You managed to catch this?" Remus said skeptically. "Talk about coincidence."

"He bought some to keep her coming, and told me. I snapped a few pictures while he refused and she pressed. End of story," Sirius continued breezily. "Slut."

"You should be talking," James said.

Sirius laughed. "Right. Well, to a better name for the Ball." He held up his glass.

"To a better name," they chorused, clinked goblets, and finished eating quietly.

Spotted: Class showdown in the Great Hall. What does S have on you, Daphne? Hope it's not what I think it is…those reps at the College don't look to favorably on the kind of dirt you're dealing.

And why so touchy, S? Was Daphne right? Will this blow over, or will the wind keep coming?

You know you love me.

xoxo Gossip Girl