Chris McLean, Gemmy Award winning reality TV show host,was seen sitting on a gray table, in a gray room, surrounded by guards wearing blue uniforms so faded they looked gray. He was currently staring down at a gray bowl of unidentifiable gray food, stirring a gray spoon around in it. The only thing that wasn't gray was Chris McLean, who was wearing a bright orange jumpsuit, from which a blue collar was sticking out of.
Suddenly, Chris McLean looked up, flashing his signature grin. He ripped off his orange jumpsuit, and quickly stepped out of the pants, revealing his trademark outfit."Here I am in the Wawanakwa Juvenile Mental Health Institute. This will be home of the newest hit show, where you will watch drama, crazy teenagers, violence, and possibly romance! You'll see it all on Total...Drama...Asylum!"
The theme song for this new hit show played, followed by another shot of Chris walking around the asylum."Camp TV was definitely a hit, but me and the producers all agreed it left something to be desired." He left the cafeteria, and passed by what appeared to be a gym, with weights, treadmills, and other workout equipment in it."So now after long days of boring thinking, we've got it! There weren't any crazy people!" Next he passed by two rooms, each with four sets of bunk beds, and a door that branched off to what was later revealed to be a bathroom."So now we found this boring old asylum in the middle of nowhere, that used to have one branch for adults, and one branch for the young did some talking with the people who ran this place, and came to an agreement that all of the boring old crazies were not crazy anymore, and they were released! So now we've got a whole asylum that's about to be home of thirteen young crazies and one weird old crazy who's really weird."
By the end of this speech, he'd walked out the front door, and the view behind him showed a small field next to the building, surrounded by a fence. When asked about it,the producers revealed that they'd remodeled the asylum to look a little more like a prison for dramatic effect. They'd also revealed many more things done for dramatic effect, such as the fact that they allowed each teen, or weird adult, to bring in one weapon.
The scene changed to a pale, malnourished looking girl with long blonde hair. She was wearing an orange jumpsuit and white sneakers, something the world would get very used to seeing. She had her eyes closed, her legs crossed, and her hands up in that weird mediation position people have. Chris McLean was narrating as a clip of her meditating showed.
"There's Dawn. She was considered a genius growing up. She was famous around town for her way with animals, but more importantly it was said that she could read minds, or auras to put it her way. Anyways, apparently some jerks decided to have a bad day, and the bad auras gave Dawn a headache. So what does she do? She snaps and murders everybody!" Chris chuckled as pictures of three bodies all stabbed in the heart were shown. "Her and Trent are the two crazies who were already here before we started the show. Now Dawn's boring, all she does is meditate, so I'm going to talk to Trent, and not her."
Trent was shown walking up to Chris. He was wearing the familiar orange jumpsuit, but he'd drawn nine neon green nines on it.
"So Trent, I see you're rocking those green nines."
"Did you say green? Because it's neon green Chris." Trent said, glaring at him.
"Right. Now Trent, from what I've seen so far, are you in here because of your obsession with nine?"
"I'm not just obsessed. I'm in love with nine." Trent said quite passionately.
"I see. Now Trent, how do you feel about being in this show?"
"I'm ok with it, if it gets nine episodes."
"We actually plan on making the show have a lot more episodes than that."
"What! That's the worst thing you could possibly say!" Trent pulled out a nine shaped knife, and jumped at Chris, but he's forgotten about the glass wall separating them. He ended up knocking himself out.
Chris laughed as Trent's body slid to the ground. "There's Trent for you. He's definitely going to bring in the ratings."
The scene then changed to show twelve cars driving down a road, and then once again changed to show the inside of the first car. Sitting in the back, was a woman who appeared to be in her mid thirties. She was covered in make up, and was texting somebody, because when asked what weapon she wanted to bring in, she chose a phone. She would say the occasional,"OMG!", and "Seriously," but other than that she was quiet and glued to her phone.
Chris was shown, standing in a room with a ton of screens, which were currently showing the insides of the cars. In between loud, obnoxious laughter he introduced the strange woman. "That's Blaineley. She's so insane that she thinks she's still a teenager. And she even killed someone who said otherwise. It's too, too, funny!" With that he started rolling around on the floor laughing until the inside of the next car was shown.
A charming looking boy with blonde hair and green eyes was shown, and next to him was a bag full of hair gel. That was the 'weapon' he'd chosen. He was currently working on trying to get his 'dramatic hair flip' as he liked to call it, right. Chris smirked. "Now this one, I chose him to be here myself. He's Topher. Once he gets out of here he's really going places. Anyways, he killed someone and later said that he did it to cause drama. Wish I'd thought of doing that on one of my shows."
The third car was shown, and inside it was an anxious looking ginger. He had chosen a harpoon for his weapon, saying that 'Fang' the imaginary shark who chased after him was scared of harpoons. "That's Scott. He's got some serious schizophrenia, which means he's all paranoid and always seeing stuff. He killed somebody, claiming that they were working for Fang, the imaginary shark who chases after him."
Once again, the scene changed to the next car. Inside it was a girl who would probably be mistaken for a boy if it weren't for her jet black ponytail. She was lifting weights, which had been her chosen weapon. "This here is Eva. She murdered her whole family because of anger issues. Kind of drove her crazy. She's boring."
Next up was a girl with ponytails, pale white skin,chubbiness, and short shorts. She was looking at her shoes. "Here's Sadie. She was in a car accident that killed her BFFFLE Katie, someone who she was overly overly over-attached to. The death of Katie prompted Sadie to lose it, and murder every person involved in the crash. And then she calmed down and is all depressed. Which is BORING!"
In the sixth car, a panicked looking boy sat, fiddling with his fingers, which looked more like claws. His toque was covering any hair he may have had, except for one loose strand of brown hair that curled around his left ear. His breath was ragged, and his clothes were old, worn, and torn.
"This here is Ezekiel. He's a special one. He was supposedly trapped in a cave filled with radioactive waste for a couple months. Over time down there, he changed, adapted if you will. But now that he's found and is being treated for what we like to call his feral-ness, he's a little wacko, and he hasn't talked to anybody his age, or anybody at all in a long time."
A blonde, grumpy looking girl was sitting in the next car. She was just as chubby as Sadie, and her attire consisted of a pink shirt that showed an uncomfortable amount of fat,and jeans. The southerner was one of the first people in the show to speak. "I'm not going to get to do any darn tootin' pageants here!" She was talking to the driver, who was separated from her by a glass wall in between the driver's seat and where the girl sat behind him."And y'all know what happens when I don't get to be in my pageants!"
Chris took over from there." What happens when Sugar doesn't get to be in her pageants is she gets angry. And she gets angry when she loses pageants. And when she loses anything." Pictures appeared showing a bunch of dead bodies laying around in the floor, one of which had a tiara embedded in the back of it's head. In the middle of it all was Sugar.
In the eighth car, a muscular, black, teen sat. He was clutching a trophy closely to his chest. The trophy had been his chosen weapon. He was muttering something over and over again. "Sha-Lightning's a winner, not a sha-loser."
"That's Lightning, without the sha. He's basically just a wimpier version of Sugar. He lost a football game and killed a ton of people on his team for making him lose. No big deal."
A ginger girl with glasses sat in the next car, not looking amused. "Subjecting me to this attempt at entertainment is pointless. I am clearly not psychotic, have no disorders, or strange delusions. I'm quite certain that I can be replaced with someone else who might actually bring the ratings you desire, while I find it unfathomable that people will like watching me. I've probably bored half of the viewers to sleep already."
Chris chuckled. "Scarlett, Scarlett, Scarlett. I'm not going to bother explaining her."
An average looking boy, with dark hair,sat staring at the smudges, gum, blood, and food, among other things, that were covering the inside of the vehicle. "This can't be sanitary. At all."
"That's Dave. He's an annoying germaphobe, but that's not important. He tends to get a little attached to people, such as Sky, his now dead ex girlfriend, and Keith, the guy she left him for. I'll leave it up to you to figure out how they died."
A girl, who was dressed as a princess, happily hummed to herself as her vehicle neared the asylum. "That's Ella. The self proclaimed princess. I think it's pretty obvious why she's here." Ella pulled out a knife, and happily carved a skull into the seat. "Let's get to the next inmate before her humming kills me." Chris finished.
A heavyset, black teenager sat in the next car, and he appeared to be throwing what can best be described as a hissy fit. "I'm a murderer! I murder things! Kill me! Crash the car! Crash it! I don't deserve to live!" He glanced out the window to see a vulture picking at the body of a dead deer. "Nooooooooo! Kill me before it's too late." Anything else he said was incomprehensible due to his sobbing.
"Well that's DJ. He's self explanatory. And he was triple checked for weapons, because we can't have people committing suicide on the show." Chris finished, walking out of the surveillance room.
"How will these psychos get along? Am I ever going to be able to keep a straight face when I see Blainely? Will Topher win a Gemmy award? Find out most of this and more next time on Total...Drama...Asylum!"