This is my first attempt at writing fanfiction. Please leave honest feedback!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. I am simply borrowing them from the very talented Stephanie Meyer.

Chapter 1

Don't think about it. Just JUMP. I told myself the same thing, over and over again. I knew that this was the only way to get what I needed. The only way to hear him.

I slowly walked to the edge of the cliff. Not a good idea. The distance between where I was standing and the ground seemed to grow the longer I stood there. I backed up to the tree line and stumbled over a broken branch, landing on my butt. Come on Bella. Get it together.

I knew that as soon as I approached the ledge and stepped off I would hear Edward. Somehow, adrenaline was the key. Or maybe it was stupidity. Either way, as soon as I was in a dangerous situation I could hear him. He was mad, but it didn't matter. He was here. It was like he was standing right behind me.

Of course I knew he wasn't actually there. Surely he didn't actually care whether I got myself hurt. It was just my brains way of giving my heart what it needed. False hope. Maybe I was losing my mind. Maybe I needed to be sent to a mental hospital. I didn't care. This was the only way to make myself believe I still mattered to him.

I took in a deep breathe, ignoring the pain. I hadn't been able to breath right since he left. It was like a hole had been punched in my lungs. And thinking about Edward always made the edges of the hole burn. I closed my eyes and forced them open again. Running to the edge and jumping blind would have been great for some people, but I would never make it. I would either trip and fall before ever making it to the edge, or barely stumble over and fall to my death. And I wasn't trying to kill myself. Not that I hadn't considered it, but I couldn't do that to Charlie. He needed me. And I couldn't imagine the embarrassment he would be subject to if he suddenly became the father of the girl who killed herself.

I squared my shoulders and exhaled. Seven slow, sure steps later I was at the edge, looking straight ahead. I could hear the waves crashing against the cliff and see the clouds rolling in. Dark clouds. Darker than they had been on the drive from the beach over here. There was a storm coming in, and I knew that If I didn't do this now, I never would.

3.…..2…… What the!?

Something heavy hit me square in the side and sent my flying. I landed hard on my left shoulder. Tears threatened to break free, partly from pain and partly from anger, as I turned to see just what the hell had ruined my time with Edward.

"BELLA! Just what the hell are you thinking?!" Jacob growled, his body trembling, holding back the urge to transform into a body better equip to deal with his fury.

"Cliff diving!" I shot at him. This whole trip had been his idea and I wanted to hear Edwards voice, whether Jacob was here or not. "Or at least trying to!"

"Have you lost your mind? Look down at that water! It's deadly!"

To be honest I hadn't even thought of the water. I had planned out the jump, the exhilaration of falling through the air, the danger involved. And his voice. I didn't even realize how hard the waves were crashing into the cliff. Each was like a angry demon trying to break away at the rock.

"You could have been killed!… Bella, what were you thinking? I told you I would bring you cliff diving but not in weather like this!"

I didn't know what to say. I could barely register his words. I had been so close to hearing Edward that I could almost feel him near me. The hole in my chest burned like an open flame.

Jacob must have misunderstood the emotions playing out on my face. His fury seemed to have subsided, because when he spoke the tone of his voice had changed. He was no longer angry, he was terrified. "Bella…"

I drug my eyes off the ground, slowly. I was too embarrassed to look him in the eyes, so I settled my gaze on his lips. I could see the torture on his face.

"Bella…were you trying to… were you going to…." I knew what he was going to say, but I couldn't answer yet. Finally he managed to spit it out. "Were you trying to kill yourself?" His voice cracked on the last words and I could have swore I saw a tear roll across his lip. I wanted to reach out to him, but my humiliation held me back.

"No!" I finally squeaked. I was sure he didn't believe me. I didn't know how to tell him the truth, so I settled for a quick excuse. "You said we would do this today! I was looking forward to it. And you were busy so I just…" I stopped. The fury was back. His hands trembled as he held them against his temples, as if he was trying to ease a headache.

"Don't lie to me. That isn't why you came here." He growled. He was no longer my Jacob. I could tell in his voice, in the way he held his body, in every part of him. He was Sam's Jacob now.

I just stared at him. Surely he didn't know the truth. If he knew I was putting my life in danger to hear Edwards voice he would think I was insane. Have me admitted into a hospital. At the very least he wouldn't stick around to watch my pathetic efforts to hold on to my lost love.

"It's him!" My breath caught in my chest. "He left you broken! He destroyed you! And I can't fix you. You won't let me fix you. No matter how much I love you, I can't change that."

Before I had a chance to ask him what he thought Edward had to do with cliff diving he started again, "And now you're trying to kill yourself." I could see the heartache in his eyes, but his body still looked rigid and in control.

"Jake that's not…!"

"Stop Bella! Just stop!" More tears were threatening to break free from the corners of Jacobs eyes. I wasn't sure if it was the fear or the fury that brought them on. He turned away from me, so that I couldn't see him cry.

I was causing Jacob pain. My Jake. The pain should only be mine. I shouldn't be sharing it with the only person left who had a chance at making me happy again.

I knew Jacob loved me. That much was obvious. I loved him, too, but not in the way he wanted. I loved him in a way that made me need him. I couldn't imagine my life without him. He had always been my sun. The bright light in an otherwise dark existence. The thought had crossed my mind that maybe it had been more. When his hand touched mine a light spark would fizzle somewhere deep inside me. When he would wrap me in one of his massive hugs I no longer felt I needed to break away after only a few seconds. But I dismissed the thought as quickly as they came. My heart was incapable of love like that. I had given every piece, every last drop of that love to Edward, and he took it with him when he left. No one could ever have that kind of love more than once in a lifetime.

The thought of Edward left me feeling empty and alone again. I sat down on the cold grass, wrapping my arms around my chest. Rain was pelting down now and I could feel a cold shiver run down my back.

"I'm so sorry, Jacob." I was losing it. Tears were freely falling now, and I could barely swallow. My breathing quickened, edging closer to hyperventilating. I hated keeping secrets from Jacob. He was the only person I could confide in and here I was hiding things from him.

But I couldn't risk losing him. If I told him the truth he would hate me. He would think I was using him to hear Edwards voice. In the beginning that may have been more or less true. I needed Jacob to fix the bikes so that I could get back at Edward for breaking his promise. But even in the beginning I enjoyed being with Jake more than anyone else. Now it had nothing to do with Edward. I woke up thinking about Jacob. I counted down the minutes until I knew I would see him again. We had developed into much more than friends, without ever willing it to happen.

"It's raining. You're cold. Let's go." He said each statement threw his teeth. He offered me his hand to help me off the ground, but took it back quickly once I was on my feet. I followed him silently back to the truck.

I jumped in the drivers side of the truck and reached to pull the door shut. It was then I remembered that I landed on my shoulder after Jacob threw me through the air. I winced as the pain shot through my arm. It wasn't broken, but the muscle was probably severely bruised. I couldn't lift it any higher than waist level.

"Bella?" Jacob reached across the truck to stroke the back of my hand. I felt a slight flutter from his gentle touch, and wondered how long that had been happening. To be honest, I hadn't paid attention before. But now that I was thinking about it, his touch did things to me that I hadn't expected. "What's wrong?"

"It's my shoulder. I hit it when I, uh, fell."

Jacob jumped out of his door and ran around to my side of the truck. He checked to see if I was bleeding, and I wasn't. He barely ran his fingers over my shoulder, trying to find the tender spots. Even though he was using the least amount of pressure possible, it still throbbed.

"I need to look at the damage." He looked a little uncomfortable, and I didn't understand why. I expected angry. He had been angry at me on the cliff, and all the way back to my truck. But now he just seemed embarrassed.

It took a moment before I realized he was asking me to take my shirt off.