Lost Stars
December 25, 2014
Clary turned on the T.V, but it was definitely a bad idea, she realized, when she saw Jace's face fill the screen, and then she heard his laugh. And saw his smile.
He stood on a gigantic stage, and Clary realized he was surrounded by thousands of cheering female fans. The women shamelessly held up banners with inappropriate innuendoes scrawled across them carelessly with sharpies. The crowd was wild, to say the least. Women tried hurtling towards him, and if not for the guards, Jace would've been plummeted.
And Clary could see his expression. While others might've interpreted it as amusement, Clary could see he enjoyed it, every bit of the attention. And why wouldn't he? It was the reason he'd left her all those years ago.
Clary knew she was being masochistic, torturing herself by watching him even though she hated every fiber of his being.
Lie.
She never hated him, though that was what she told everyone, and she it was mainly because she imagined that if she said and pretended that she hated him, maybe it would grow on her and she'd hate him. Like in books when characters claimed that they lied so often that it they began living the lie. And Clary definitely wanted to live a lie. She had lost count of how many times she wished for that.
But try as she would, she could never bring herself to. She'd never hated him, and it seemed she never would. Because who can really hate their first love?
She watched the award show, to convince herself that when she saw him, she'd feel nothing towards him.
That failed.
When they'd started dating in high school, it had felt right. More right than anything else, and it had made sense. So many promises had been made, so many dreams had been dreamed of, so much had been laughed and joked about, and their relationship always had a sort of lightness to it, like the moment someone or something blew, it would float away or crumble, like a feather.
And that something happened. That something was Jace's aspiration to become famous, and Jace's will to do anything to get it, which included breaking it off with her.
She didn't discourage it, nor did she ever ask him not to follow his dreams. All she wanted was for him to remain himself.
So when they broke up, everything felt wrong, nothing made sense, all promises were broken, dreams shattered, laughter ceased and in place of the lightness remained a heavy silence.
Clary curled up on the couch and wrapped her blanket tight around her tiny frame.
There he was. He'd accomplished his life goal. To perform at the Grammys. Con-fucking-gratulations, Jace. You did it. You fucking did it.
And lost so much in the process. Alienated Clary, his friends and barely kept in touch with his parents.
The guitars strummed, and then the familiar verses began. Clary had heard the songs so many times. In fact, it was written by her, and was a Christmas gift for Jace years ago.
December 25, 2010
'Okay, so, this was a last ditch kind of effort, okay? And I just realized I used "okay" twice in a sentence,' Clary babbled nervously, and Jace smiled from where he was perched on the back of the sofa, his guitar on his lap.
Sometimes, Clary couldn't believe she'd gotten him. And she felt extremely lucky.
Lucky that she could fall asleep next to him as the credits of a movie rolled, lucky that she was the one he came to when he had problems, lucky that he never looked at any other girl the way he looked at her, lucky that he was hers.
She smiled back and sat down on the piano bench, the notes and chords memorized by heart. She picked up the sheet music, the one which was stapled together with a bow and handed it to Jace.
Lost Stars, the title said
'That's my Christmas gift for you,' she told him as he took it and examined it.
'Can I hear?' he asked, and Clary nodded and cleared her throat, turning back to the piano.
Jace began playing, then she did on the piano. Her voice carried through their small house.
Please don't see just a girl caught up in dreams and fantasies.
Please see me reaching out for someone I can't see.
Take my hand, let's see where we wake up tomorrow.
Best laid plans; sometimes are just a one night stand.
I'll be damned; Cupid's demanding back his arrow.
So let's get drunk on our tears.
Little did she realize that for years to come, she'd look back on this moment, and it'd bring tears to her eyes.
December 25, 2014
'This song, it's not for…' Jace tried to say, standing there, but failed, and the whole crowd shut up, straining to listen to the star of the evening.
But Clary knew what he was going to say. It wasn't anyone else's. No one else could cover the song and deliver it as well as Clary or Jace did.
'Never mind,' he amended with a crooked grin, one she missed dearly.
Four years had gone by, Clary realized as the familiar music filtered through the speakers of the TV, and then the song. It was her song, his since the moment she gave it to him.
Please don't see just a boy caught up in dreams and fantasies
Please see me reaching out for someone I can't see
Take my hand let's see where we wake up tomorrow
Best laid plans sometimes are just a one night stand
I'd be damned; Cupid's demanding back his arrow
So let's get drunk on our tears and
The whole stadium full of people started cheering and singing along, like it was theirs, and didn't make Clary mad, just disappointed.
God, tell us the reason youth is wasted on the young
It's hunting season and the lambs are on the run
Searching for meaning
But are we all lost stars, trying to light up the dark?
Clary shut her eyes.
Who are we? Just a speck of dust within the galaxy?
Woe is me, if we're not careful turns into reality
Don't you dare let our best memories bring you sorrow
Yesterday I saw a lion kiss a deer
Turn the page maybe we'll find a brand new ending
Where we're dancing in our tears and
God, tell us the reason youth is wasted on the young
It's hunting season and the lambs are on the run
Searching for meaning
But are we all lost stars, trying to light up the dark?
Clary took a deep breath, forcing herself not to let the tears fall. Four years, but she was still in love.
I thought I saw you out there crying
I thought I heard you call my name
I thought I heard you out there crying
Just the same
God, give us the reason youth is wasted on the young
It's hunting season and this lamb is on the run
Searching for meaning
But are we all lost stars, trying to light up the dark?
I thought I saw you out there crying
I thought I heard you call my name
I thought I heard you out there crying
But are we all lost stars, trying to light up the dark?
But are we all lost stars, trying to light up the dark?
The music faded away, and the crowd went wild, but Jace just stood there, seeming stunned. Clary could see he was saying something to himself, but she couldn't figure out what.
She thought they were perfect, but she should have known that perfection didn't last.
And now, when anyone asked her if she knew Jace, a memory of Jace on the guitar on Christmas flashed through her mind, but she simply shook her head, smiled and said, 'I used to.'
A/N: So? Whatcha think? When I learnt of Lost Stars being nominated for Best Original Song, I was like 'Oh God, isn't that the song from Begin Again?' And I swear, Begin Again is a beautiful movie. Go watch.
Leave a review!
Until the next oneshot.
-Sparrows13
Disclaimer: I don't own Lost Stars, Begin Again or TMI.