So I haven't written in awhile, but this came to me after last weeks episode. All I can say about the new season is i dont like Emily when she is around Alison. She isnt the girl we have all come to love anymore. But here is my story, hope you like it.
After talking to my mom last night, all I could think about was what my mom had said to me yesterday. I really didn't understand what my mom was trying to say in that moment. I wasn't sure if she wanted me to be with Alison or not. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to be with Alison or not. I use to love her, I really did, but so much has happened since then. I have been in love with two other people since I had fallen for her. I don't know what I feel and my friends aren't helping at all. None of them are being friendly and helpful to her since she has come back, so I am having to be around her just about every day and it is hard to try and figure out my feelings with her around at all times. I understand that everyone has their own problems going on, Aria is trying to deal with everything with Ezra, Spencer with her parents, and Hanna dealing with her identity crisis. But no one has tried to figure out if I am okay, they just expect me to take care of her.
After thinking about it upstairs for a while, I finally decided to walk downstairs and talk to my mom. She was on the couch reading a book. "Mom." I pull her away from her book and she looks at me, and looks concerned.
"Are you okay honey?" She asks and that's all it takes before I break down. I finally let the tears that I have been holding back, I finally let my armor crack, and let myself be weak instead of strong for everyone. My mom hold onto me as I let the tears pour out.
When I am finally able to stop crying, I look at my mom. "I don't know what to do mom." I confess.
"About what?" She asks quietly, while still rubbing my back softly.
"Alison…everything in life." I tell her.
"It is okay to not to know what you want." She pauses. "I know I'm not your friends, but I can listen if you want to talk about it all." I think for a second.
"Your better than my friends at the moment. Everyone has their own problems and don't want to be around Alison. It is like they liked her better when we thought she was dead."
"Well it has to be hard, learning that your friend is alive, after you all thought she was dead. You have been to two funerals for her, done memorials for her and you all mourned."
"I get it, but it was harder for me. I was in love with her, and for the longest time, I thought I was in love with her mom. I don't know what I feel now. She played with my feeling before everything. She played me and it hurt, and I never got closure from her hurting me. I never fully trusted again because of that." I knew I had rambled, but I think that I needed to get that out.
"Maybe you need to talk to Alison about all of this. See how she felt, feels, and why she did it." I sigh heavily.
"She says she likes me. She has kissing me. Sometimes, it is amazing to be around her, but others, it feels like she hasn't changed a bit. I want the new Alison, I still don't like the old one."
She grabs my hand. "Sometimes, you have to ask yourself, does she make you happy. Can you see yourself happy with all sides of Alison?" I frown at that.
"I can't mom. I asked her to stay and I can't even see myself happy with her."
"Just because you don't want to be with her, doesn't mean that you aren't her friend. You would rather be her friend and not ruin that." I smile and for the first time, things feel like it could be okay. Then I get a sinking feeling.
"Mom, I need to go." I say and jump up. I start walking to the door and my mom stops me.
"Where are you going?" She asks. I run upstairs. I grab my keys, shoes, and my phone.
"Mom, I need to go get the one person that makes me happy. Any version of her." I see my mom smile.
"Are you going to who I think?" I smile at her.
"I am going to the one person, who has been with me through everything." I have tears in my eyes.
"Go get your girl." She whispers to me and I run and get into the car.
I drive over to a once familiar path. As soon as I get there, my nerves start to catch up with me, but I can't let them get the better of me. I go and knock on the door and Mr. McCullers answers the door.
"Emily, what are you doing here?" He asks surprised to see me.
"I was wondering if Paige…if she was free to talk." I was nervous and he could tell. He nodded and let me in, and I was up the stairs quickly. I didn't listen to what else he was saying. I knocked on the door that I had been through so many times earlier.
"Come in" is the muffled reply. I walk in and Paige is in her wrap around, she always uses after swimming.
"Emily?" She looks up at me surprised.
"Can we talk?" I ask and she looks even more surprised.
"I'm kind of busy at the moment." She points towards the bathroom. I look and I see a bag by the door.
"Oh my god." I pause. "I am so sorry. I guess I am too late?" She looks up at me.
"What are you talking about Em?"
"I waited too long. I missed my chance." She laughs and I look up at her.
"I am babysitting. They are in the bathtub. If you give me a few minutes, I will have a minute." I have tears running down my eyes.
"Oh." She walks over and gives me a hug.
"Why don't you go out by the pool? I'll only be a few minutes." I nod and walk downstairs and out the back door. My phone goes off a few minutes later.
"Hello?"
"EM, Where are you?"
"Ali, I'm busy."
"But I need you."
"Ali, I need me too. I need to do something for you. I want to be there for you, but I can be there all the time for you. I need to work on my mistakes." I pause and I see Paige behind me. "Call Spencer or Aria. I have to go."
"But…" I hang up the phone and stand up and look towards Paige.
"Are you okay Em?" She asks after a few minutes of me just staring at her.
"I was wrong." I start but pause. "I was wrong about you. I've been so wrong about everything with you. I was never fair to you. Since I was 15, I've had Ali over my shoulder at all times. And I thought I was done with it, but I've realized that because I never wanted to be hurt like she hurt me, that I never gave myself fully."
"Em…" She interrupts, but I stop her.
"Let me finish please." She nods. "I have never been a good girl-friend. I drug you into all this –A stuff and now Mona is dragging you in deeper. I have never told you how much you mean to me Paige, I never showed you how much you meant to me." I feel her wipe away my tears. "Paige, I found you when I needed you the most, and I let you go when I needed you more. All you have ever done is protect me, and I threw you away for trying." I have to stop to calm my tears.
"Em, I love you and I would do anything for you. I would have waited a million years for you to come back. You are the one I see myself with every day for the rest of my life. I just…I want you to be happy Em, and if that means you being with Alison….I just want you to be happy." She finally says and she looks down. I more so I am face to face with her.
"Don't look away Paige." I tell her and she looks up and I capture her lips with mine.
After an eternity we break a part, laying my forehead on hers. I don't want to be away from her.
"Sleep over. I don't want you to be away from me. Help me watch my cousins and just stay with me." She says after she catches her breath. I nod and kiss her again.
"I love you Paige and from now on, it is just me and you. I am ready to give myself to you completely. Just don't break my heart." I whisper the last part. She gives me another kiss, a reassuring one.
"I never want to break your heart baby girl. I love it too much." I hug her before we walk inside. And now I know that everything was going to be okay. I have the one person in the world that I love more than anything and I am happy. –A nor Alison can bring down my happiness anymore.
"I love you Em."
"I love you too Paige." I kiss her and everything feels right in the world.
How was it. Leave me a review and let me know how well you like it and any criticism. Love you Loyal Readers, :) ENJOY.