It had started, just like every so often, as another mundane day at school. Kyon had come on time for the class and he went through the day without any bigger problems than having called by the teacher to solve a physics question on the whiteboard.

Kyon had hoped that today, nothing extraordinarily insane would happen.

Kyon was stupid.

When he visited the abandoned classroom the SOS Brigade called home, Haruhi had somehow set up a unit of PS3 in front of a TV. Haruhi was playing a game, lying down far too close to the TV. She had also coerced Mikuru into letting herself used as a lap pillow. Koizumi was watching with an amused look and Nagato was reading a book without even acknowledging anything unusual.

Kyon sighed.

"Hey Kyon! Come and watch!" said the brunette leader of SOS Brigade, not even glancing to him.

"Alright then."

He pulled out a chair and positioned it a few feet away facing the TV. After he got a better look, it seemed like that it was an action game. Haruhi was not doing really well from what he could tell. Her character into a cliff fell and Haruhi yelled, "Oh goddamn hell!"

"So, should I ask what game it is you're playing?"

"It's called Demon's Souls. It's about a dead guy hunting demon souls or something, I don't really get it," answered Haruhi, still not taking her eyes off the screen while her character respawned.

"So what made you start playing it anyway?"

"So there's this chick called Maiden in Black and she's so hot. I was getting tired of Mikuru's milk cow boobs, so she kinda turns me on—"

Shit.

That word was the last thing in Kyon's mind before a ton of white smoke appeared in the club room in a blink. There wasn't really any sound, but if there were, it would definitely be 'POOF!'.

When the smoke dissipated, a figure was standing where the TV was. It was a woman wrapped in a tight dress with a cape around her neck. She was carrying a very long stick, nearly reaching the ceiling, that ended in a torch. Kyon just knew that it was the character mentioned by Haruhi. Just like what happened the previous hundred times.

He stopped getting surprised by Haruhi having to reach an orgasm for the fictional characters to disappear after the fifth encounter or so. At least now everyone knew to stock a mop and tissues. Boxes and boxes of tissues.

Haruhi was already making out with the Maiden, their tongues greedily striking at each other's, their body locked in an embrace. Kyon also caught another detail of Haruhi's latest object of lust: she didn't have eyes. Where the Maiden's eyes ought to be, there were blackish burn marks, or maybe birthmarks, instead. Well, that was kind of new.

Haruhi was furiously rubbing and flicking her lover's boobs as their combined love-filled drool started dripping down to their clothes. Their breaths were getting heavier and Haruhi looked like she was melting when she released her embrace.

The usually proud schoolgirl then lowered herself to her knees like a dog in heat and started licking the end of the Maiden's torch, covering and coating it in her virginal saliva – when everything was done, Haruhi's power would return her body back to its original state – making wet, slurping noises. The Maiden in Black was seemingly turned on by this as she moaned in ecstasy, or at least marijuana.

Once she was satisfied with lubricating the rod, Haruhi got down on all fours and hoisted her ass proudly. Kyon felt an unexplainable urge to salute her badonkers, but he managed to stop himself. Then, well, what happened next was not something that Kyon would like to see, much less describe.

'Let's just say,' Kyon would say later if he was asked 'I didn't know that the human body was so straightforward that a long pole can make it from one end to another.'

Once Haruhi was satisfied (the sound of her climaxing scream that echoed through the school barely fazed anyone now), the Maiden in Black, covered in nothing but sweat and love marks, disappeared just like how she appeared: suddenly and in a veil of smoke. Just in a flash, Haruhi's body healed itself completely.

But…sweat, saliva, blood, and other even more grosser body fluids were covering the floor of the club room. Nagato and Koizumi were already taking out the cleaning supply from the locker. Mikuru once again served as Haruhi's lap pillow as the latter was dozing off to a peaceful sleep.

Kyon sighed and took the mop offered by Nagato.