Chapter One: The Thing About Brers
Oswald the Lucky Rabbit walked through the gates of Magic Kingdom, his ears tucked under a baseball cap and a red balloon in his hand. Behind him was Mickey, his half-brother, who was also wearing a baseball cap and holding a balloon, his was green, Oswald's favorite color.
"What are we doing here Mickey?" Oswald asked curiously, looking around and seeing that Main Street was completely empty, "And why am I holding a balloon?"
Mickey laughed and shook his head, "Come on Os. You don't turn 88 every day."
Oswald huffed, for technically, Mickey was several months early, it being early June and his birthday being in September, but for the sake of the moment he decided to let it pass. Mickey gently patted his brother's back and made his way down Main Street.
Entering the Emporium, Mickey, followed closely by Oswald, who scowled, annoyed at the merchandise, for he despised stuffed animals, toys, figurines and anything having to do with the color with pink; approached the counter and rang the bell.
"Goofy" Mickey called, projecting his voice, "Goofy, where are yah?"
Oswald took off his hat and began unfolding and airing out his ears. Looking around he noticed that Goofy was nowhere to be found.
"What's going on Mick?" Oswald asked, "Why are we here if there's no customers?"
"The park isn't open yet" Mickey explained quickly, still looking around for Goofy, "Come on Goofy, where'd yah go?"
Oswald groaned and quietly began to massage his feet, for they were already starting to hurt, the ride over to the park not the most comfortable of experiences. Mickey, rather uselessly, continued to ring the bell as if it would actually serve a purpose. Slowly the mouse began dancing to it, having developed a rhythm. Oswald, who was easily annoyed by his brother, considered taking the bell and ringing it constantly in Mickey's ears, in hopes of causing them to bleed and his eardrums to burst. This of course, did not happen, the scenario only existing in the rabbit's subtly disturbed imagination.
"Will you kindly stop ringing that bell?" Oswald exclaimed, his patience for the day wearing thin, "It's really getting on my nerves."
Mickey stopped and turned around, a sheepish smile on his face. At that moment, as if by pure coincidence, Goofy, accompanied by Donald, and Minnie appeared from the back of the store, in the direction of Casey's.
"How's it going Mick?" Goofy asked as he walked up to the counter, casually touching the bell as if it were important, despite having no significance, "Did yah ring?"
Oswald nodded and shook his head in complete disbelief, for only the deaf would not be able to hear the bell when rung numerous times, especially considering the emptiness of the park.
"Yeah" Oswald answered, "We did. Congratulations Goof, you owe me a new set of ears. Better yet get me a new set of eyes too, ones that make you a little bit better to look at."
Donald, at hearing this, immediately went on the defense. Straightening his hat and tie, for no particular reason, Donald unceremoniously slammed his foot on Oswald's as hard as he could, causing the rabbit, in turn, to bite his lip and hold back screaming the many profanities that were going through his head.
"What's your problem?" Donald asked, stepping up, "Why are you being so hostile?"
Mickey, taking pity on his brother, stepped in, forcing Donald to ease up on Oswald's foot.
"You're going to have to give him a pass" Mickey explained, bringing his voice down to a whisper, "He's new here and older than all of us. I know that's no excuse and that's fine, but he's ignorant in how things work here."
Donald glanced towards Oswald, who was massaging his feet again, and then back at Mickey.
"You're kidding right?" Donald continued, "Look at the guy, he's pathetic, not to mention an asshole."
Mickey secretly couldn't help but agree, for Oswald was incredibly pathetic, and this both gardened pity and bad temperateness on his part. It didn't take Mickey long to have an idea as to what to do with him, it was obvious that he needed to be around people who understood him, who had similar ideals and mannerisms. The negative attitude was something that would definitely have suited Donald for the role, but Oswald's ideology, which was in large part stuck in the 1930's, was a problem. Mickey, with this in mind, made the only logical choice.
"Take him to the Briar Patch" Mickey replied, "Brer Rabbit will sort him out."
Donald raised his eyebrows, "You sure that's a good idea?" he asked in turn, "Those Brers aren't the best people to be around. We shouldn't have given them a chance in the first place considering that they don't even have anything to their name anymore."
Mickey shook his head and rolled his eyes, for Donald's opinion of the Brers was shared among many of his cohorts. It was no secret that the Brers were part of the Song of the South production, easily considered, at least in some contemporary circles, to be one of the most racist and profoundly disrespectful Disney films ever created. However, Mickey knew what most did not, that the film was a product of time and time heals most, if not all, wounds, especially in regard to ideology and world views.
"Take Oswald to Brer Rabbit and Brer Bear" Mickey repeated, "Have faith Donald, they've never steered us wrong before. Why start now?"
Donald shook his head, not believing him for a second, for especially when it came to Brer Rabbit and his knack for getting in and out of trouble. Still, if not in good faith, than for Mickey's sake, Donald complied with the request, pulling Oswald to his feet.
"Come on Oswald" Donald said, grumbling slightly to himself, "Let's go."
Oswald folded his arms, insulted, "And where are we going?" he replied, "I refuse to be dragged anywhere. Explain yourself."
Donald said nothing and casually made his way out of the Emporium, forcing Oswald to follow him without question. Mickey meanwhile, turned to Minnie and Goofy, not really sure how to continue a conversation after Oswald's intimate departure. After a few seconds of awkward silence, Mickey slowly began walking around the store, heading towards Casey's, motioning for them to follow.
"How are we doing?" Mickey asked, talking to Minnie, who was currently going over the park's funds, in the middle of making rounds with Goofy, who ran Casey's with the titular Casey, when she visited Mickey.
"Later Mickey" Minnie exclaimed, "We've got bigger things to worry about than money. What are we going to do about Oswald?"
Mickey shrugged, he had hoped that things would be ready by the time they had arrived, but Goofy's presence in Casey's told him otherwise.
"What about Oswald's welcome party?" Mickey continued, "We can't not have a welcome party."
Goofy nodded, in full agreement, for to not have a welcome party would go against everything they stood for.
"The Princesses have taken care of that" Goofy answered, "It'll be at Beast's Castle. Last I heard everything is ready, all that's needed is to get him there."
Mickey sighed in relief, thankful that he had a staff that understood simple instructions and the importance of deadlines. It made the guilt of ruining Oswald's life easier to bare, and as a result, easier to let go of.
It was at this moment that Figment, the small purple dragon from Journey into Imagination! in EpCot, appeared out of thin air. He was holding a clipboard and whistling a song to himself, the only one that he knew, One Little Spark, easily the most annoying tune created for a theme park ride next to It's a Small World. Figment was wearing a red baseball cap that he never seemed to take off for any reason, ceremonial or otherwise, almost as if it were permanently attached to his head. Otherwise he was a bit older than he normally would be, larger in all areas, at least large enough to still be considered small, and uncharacteristic to his nature, more mature, and thus able to take on light responsibility. Currently Figment was in charge of the special effects, a job previously held by Horace Horsecollar.
"How's it going Figment?" Minnie asked, being as polite as possible, "Everything ready for tonight?"
Figment nodded, "Absolutely" he exclaimed jubilantly, "Everything's all set up, even got that crazy rooster to help out, talk about a lifetime achievement award!"
Minnie smirked and said nothing, for the rooster Figment was referring to, Panchito Pistoles, was an annoyance at best and a deviant insane nuisance at his worst, why he was given a job with Figment, who has a similar history, she had no idea. Obviously Mickey felt that he owed it to them both, Figment never really leaving Journey into Imagination and Panchito never really being used outside of the rare appearance in the park. Minnie knew that Donald had something to do with Panchito's hiring, if only because they were both part of the Three Caballeros, all of them in need of a job.
"You just tell Mr. Pistoles to tone it down" Mickey said, butting in, "We don't want him burning down half the park like last time."
Figment laughed, for he remembered it well, especially considering that it happened three weeks ago and was still in fresh memory.
"Oh no" the dragon declared, "Wouldn't want that. I'll tell him, of that you can be sure of. How's our little friend getting along?"
Mickey gestured towards Frontierland, Figment mentioning Oswald, for almost anyone who was involved in the park and had the ability to hear knew about Oswald's arrival, the only exception being the residents of Briar Patch, being both introverts and isolationists, and the villains, mainly Pete, Ursula, Captain Hook, Jafar, and Scar, who were employed at the park and often kept out of the loop when it came to such matters.
"Oswald's over at Splash Mountain with Donald" Mickey explained, "The Brers are going to look after him for a bit."
Figment folded his arms and raised his eyebrows, suspicion settling in.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Figment asked, "You know how those Brers can be sometimes. They're not especially too fond of change."
Mickey nodded, having foreseen the issue when he made the decision, still he decided to stand by it, if nothing else to see what would happen.
"Relax Figment" Mickey said, waving him off, "Everything's going to be fine."
Figment huffed and shook his head, refusing to believe it.
"That's what everyone says before something goes wrong" Figment returned, "Next thing you know they'll have him rotating on a spit or something."
Mickey brushed Figment off as mere banter, mostly because for the most part the dragon liked to hear himself talk even if it didn't make anything in the way of sense. Minnie and Goofy however, took Figment's statement to heart, concern and worry on their face, as if they feared that Oswald roasting over an open fire was actually going to happen.
"Come on" Mickey exclaimed with a laugh, motioning for Minnie and Goofy to continue, "Os is going to be fine. You'll see."
Walking to Splash Mountain, Oswald saw nothing particularly special, the only thing he saw was a log ride and the long line that accompanied it. Donald laughed and shook his head, delighted in himself that Oswald only saw what the visitors saw, his attitude blinding him from what was really there.
"Welcome to the Briar Patch" Donald said, a bit more high spirited, the walk having done him some good.
"Big deal" Oswald replied with a huff, "It's just a ride."
Donald rolled his eyes and walked through the line, thankful that the park wasn't open and full of people waiting for a five minute ride, which is what half of Disney World was in regards to time. Oswald, reluctantly, followed, sulking to himself, his red balloon from earlier forgotten as it dragged the ground, mimicking his ears, which drooped over his shoulders telling the world of his lack of excitement. As for his hat, it was discarded, long forgotten, having been dropped from the walk from Main Street to Splash Mountain.
"What's the big idea here anyway?" Oswald asked as they made up the steps, bypassing most of the line in favor of getting in the Patch, "You guys use magic to make this place real or something?"
Donald shrugged, for he didn't really have an answer to the question. To the Disneys there were always two sides to everything, what the park visitors saw, simple rides, which they maintained, and what the rides represented. In short, Adventureland had real pirate ships, oceans, and rivers; Frontierland was occupied with Old West towns, with real people; similarly the Streets of America was a colonial town. The park continued this way all the way around, from Magic Kingdom to EpCot, everything was both real and imaginary.
"You see only what you want to see" Donald explained, "We can't make it happen for you. Otherwise, this place is just a bunch of theme park rides, atmosphere, and overpriced food."
Oswald sighed, he failed why that was a bad thing. In Os-Town everything was pretend, the illusion was accepted and dealt with because it was all the residents had. Now, it seemed, there was a choice, something that Oswald never had, and never really wanted.
"That's all it is" Oswald declared, "Can't you see that Donald? We're living in a fantasy."
Donald laughed, the idea seemed hysterical, for if Oswald's words were true, then technically speaking, none of the Disneys really existed, which was ludicrous and virtually insane.
"You want fantasy go to Fantasyland" Donald continued, "They got plenty of it over there. Enough to make you sick to your stomach."
Oswald looked up to the sky, wondering for a moment why he was suddenly dragged into an insane asylum.
"You're all delusional" he declared, "Delusional. Is this some kind of punishment?"
Donald did not answer and for the sake of time, made his way to the end of the line, standing in front of the logs. Under normal circumstances, if Donald were to put his foot forward he would step directly into the log, however because of the duality of Disney World and its inhabitants, with the simple snap of the finger, which wasn't really necessary for himself, really more of a formality in order to convince Oswald of the idea, Donald entered the Briar Patch, standing on a small patch of grass in a relatively open field, leaving Oswald alone at the log ride.
Oswald did not question Donald's sudden disappearance, instead taking it with all the pessimism he could muster and became extremely annoyed for no real reason other than to have something viable to be annoyed about. The rabbit began rambling to himself about how he didn't really want to be there and that he would rather be at home inside a dark room away from the world in order to fester and brood about his misfortunes that never really befall him. As far as he was concerned, everything that was bad in the world existed because of Mickey and anything having to do with him was equally guilty of destroying the world. In the middle of his ranting and various raving, which isn't really important, Donald's hand reappeared, searching for the rabbit as the duck felt for him through the other side of the park. After several attempts of grabbing useless air, Donald's hand found what it was looking for, in the form of Oswald's right ear, and pulled as hard it could, lifting the rabbit in the air and pulling him through inside the Briar Patch.
"What the hell was that for?" Oswald asked, swinging his arms around uselessly, Donald still holding him up off the ground.
"We're going to meet the Brers" Donald explained, "For that, you had to come to the other side."
Oswald raised his eyebrows as he yanked himself out of Donald's grasp, falling to the ground, landing on his backside.
"Other side?" Oswald pressed, "What are you talking about?"
Donald gestured around, a small smile creeping on his face.
"Look around you" Donald answered, "You're standing in a field."
The small field that they were standing in was surrounded almost entirely by thorns and a few roses. There was one break in the patch, on which a path was laid out. Walking down this path, trying their best to avoid the thorns, Donald and Oswald pushed through the rose bush and came to a small river, on the other side was a small burrow, the home of Brer Rabbit.
The burrow was modest in appearance, outside was a small campfire, over which was a small spit, enough to roast a meal for a rabbit to enjoy comfortably. Next to the campfire was a mailbox, labeled with Brer Rabbit's name and a small red flag. The tree that was next to the burrow, the home of Mr. Bluebird, was sagging almost precariously into the river. Both of them were empty, the owners nowhere to be found.
"Something's not right" Donald said, stepping on some stepping stones as he crossed the river, "Brer Rabbit's always home."
Oswald shrugged, "Maybe he's visiting friends?" the rabbit inquired, not really caring, "What does it matter anyway? I'm sure he'll be back."
Donald shook his head, for it was extremely out of character for Brer Rabbit to be doing anything, the Brers, Brer Rabbit in particular, known for being exceptionally lazy and notorious for doing absolutely nothing any given day of the week. The only place that Brer Rabbit was willing to go to get away from the mundane life of the Briar Patch would be the Laughing Place, but even that was an occasion among occasions.
"Come on" Donald exclaimed, "Let's find Preacher Fox. He'll know what's going on."
Oswald rolled his eyes, for he personally had no idea who Preacher Fox was or why he was so important. He also found it incredibly annoying that Donald said everything that he was going to do instead of actually doing it, almost as if he were constantly telling his body what to do. Still, seeing no other option other than to follow Donald, for he had come this far, Oswald did as he was told and accompanied him further into the Briar Patch towards the home of Preacher Fox.