Underwear Talk

Mr. Schuster could not remember one Glee Club practice in which Rachel Berry was ever late. She was usually the first to come; she even comes before him sometimes. But lately Rachel seemed very detached from Glee Club. She always shows up late for practice, she never prattles him anymore about giving her more solos, she makes fewer comments about the dance moves and she even ignores Finn now.

Another thing he noticed was that Rachel seemed to be always accompanied with a horde of boys surrounding her. He wasn't very sure what was going on but he desperately wanted the old, obsessive Rachel instead of the new, unresponsive Rachel who now couldn't even sing a proper song without her phone ringing.

The other Glee Clubbers noticed it too.

"Is she late…again?" Kurt said his eyes darting at the door.

"Why is Miss Diva always late all of the sudden? Last time I checked she was always en before they built this school," Mercedes said.

Mr. Schuester looked at his watch. Rachel was late for half-an-hour now.

"I guess we have to start without her. Okay, Quinn you sing Rachel's part until she gets here and-"

"Mr. Schue, can I sing Puck's part since his still not here also?" Kurt suddenly said.

Mr. Schuester stopped in his tracks before turning slowly to Kurt, "Um, Kurt? Don't you think that it's a bit out of your range?"

Kurt looked extremely offended, to the point in which he gayishly pressed his hand against his chest.

"You are…um…a soprano, after all. Artie will sing it," Mr. Schuester said avoiding his gaze.

Kurt glared at Mr. Schuester and said, "This is discriminatory! All I wanted was a hand as trying to sound "manly" and you wouldn't even let me try because I sound gay! Well, I've got news for you Mr. S, I can sing Puck's part in the straightest and manliest way possible!"

Before Mr. Schuester could answer Rachel burst in the room with a crowd of boys gathering behind her. Kurt delicately raised a brow.

"Rachel?" Mr. Schuester said incredulously.

"Don't worry Mr. Schue," Rachel said smiling broadly and a bit tensely too. She turned at the group of teenage boys behind her and said, "I have Glee Practice but I'm sure after a good twenty minutes we can continue on to our previous engagements and—''

But Mr. Schuester had already shut the door.

"I wasn't finish talking Mr. Schue and I must say that that was very uncalled for and very inappropriate, not to mention rude—''

"Rachel, I'm sorry to cut you off but you were late and we're running out of time," Mr. Schuester said pushing her near the piano and handing her a copy.

"What's this?"

"The song we're supposed to sing during Regionals," Mr. Schuester said raising a brow.

Rachel stared absently at him.

"Your lead?"

"Oh, of course! How could I be so irresponsible and forget? Let's start," she said grabbing the copy.

"So do I get Puck's part?" Kurt suddenly said.

"What? No, Kurt," Mr. Schuester said rubbing his forehead.

Suddenly Quinn threw up on the floor.

"Quinn? Do you wish to go to the bathroom?" Mr. Schuester sighed exasperated.

Quinn just gave a tiny nod before rushing out of the room with Finn looking at her with an angry eye. Just when Mr. Schuester was sure that no interruptions would occur the door banged open again and in came an exhausted looking Puck.

"Looks like you won't be needed Artie," Mr. Schuester said. He handed Puck a copy who just threw it to the side and plopped down on a chair.

"Just wait a sec Mr. Schue. I'm pooped," he said.

"Well, we have to wait for Quinn anyway…."

Ring! Ring!

Everyone turned to Rachel who was busy silently mouthing the song. She didn't seem to notice that her phone was ringing.

"Um, Rach?"

She looked up annoyed.

"Mr. Shue, please. I am trying my best to master the song," she snapped.

"Your phone is ringing," he said.

Rachel's eyes flashed open. She quickly fished her phone out of her bag and she placed it near her ear.

"Uh-huh. Yeah, no, yeah, sure, okay, bye," she said before placing her phone back into her bag.

"Mr. Schue, I am so sorry to say this but I am very tardy of a very significant arrangement—''

"But—''

"Furthermore we only have about…" she looked at her wristwatch. "Ten minutes left of Glee Club so I only find it suitable that my reason is very exemptible."

"Rachel…," Mr. Schuester sighed.

"Um…I have to go to Mr. Schue. I also have some very important….shit," Puck said standing up.

"Okay, wait, wait! You two, I need to see you!" he said gesturing both Rachel and Puck outside. They both followed him.

"Puck…" he began.

"Save it. I already told you. I'm working two jobs to support my baby mama," Puck snapped. True that Quinn rejected his offer to help raise the baby but she didn't reject any financial offer. Quinn was disgusted with him for getting him and Finn to break up but she wasn't stupid enough to decline his offered financial support. And Puck just isn't his father and he was pretty sure that that was the only reason why he's breaking his back for their baby.

"Well, I understand Puck but—''

"Hey Berry! Where do you think you're going?" Puck suddenly said. Mr. Schuster turned to find Rachel slowly inching away from them.

Rachel whipped her head with an annoyed look on her face.

"Rach, please come," Mr. Schuester sighed.

Rachel sighed, defeated and she slowly made her way towards Mr. Schuester like a wounded puppy.

"Why are you always late for Glee Club?" Mr. Schuster demanded.

"Well, if you must know my father Hiram Berry is very sick and we're running quite low in our financial credit so my father Leroy encouraged me to participate in various activities that involve me earning some money. My father is very sick Mr. Schue so although I appreciate your concern I would like you to please be tolerant of my recent atypical and negligent behavior because I am in dire need of some funds," she said in a very fast pace.

Puck looked extremely confused.

"Huh?"

"She needs some cash," Mr. Schuster said.

"Oh."

"Rachel what is your job exactly?" Mr. Schuester said.

"Yeah, Berry what is your job? I just overheard the football guys talk pervy about you." Puck said.

"Well, I am very mortified to say that it isn't the most principled occupation in the world and so I am very sorry to say that I will keep this clandestine unless you discovered my said employment," Rachel said before leaving.

…

"You say that Rachel has a job?" Emma said meticulously cutting wiping a raisin.

"Yeah. The kid told me that she really needed some money and she'll do anything to get it. Well, that was about all I could get anyway," Mr. Schuester said taking a bite out of his bologna sandwich.

"What is her job anyway?" Emma asked.

"Don't know. She said it was too shameful for me to hear," Mr. Schuester said. Emma stopped in her tracks and looked up.

"Will?!"

"Yeah?"

"Aren't you comprehending? She said that is desperate for money and that she will do anything to get it. Also, you said that Noah mentioned that the football team was talking ill of her and that she is ashamed to tell you her job. And hordes of boys following her…."

Mr. Schuester suddenly stopped eating.

"You don't think…"

"Oh dear," Emma said worriedly.

"Rachel—''

"Might—''

"Be Into—''

"Prostitution."

…

"Rachel, do you know why I called you here from your Spanish Class?" Emma asked.

"No, not really," Rachel said.

"Well, I asked you here to talk about some issues at home," Emma said.

"Did Mr. Schue put you up to this?" Rachel demanded suddenly.

"No…n-no…not really," Emma said nervously.

"Then how did you come about to the conclusion that I have a problem at home?" she demanded.

"Well, I've noticed that you are behaving most unnaturally and so I decided to investigate," she said.

"Oh, okay. Well, my dad Hiram is very sick in his stomach and the doctors think it's a tumor. So the doctor told us that we have to run some tests and the test bills are very lengthy so since my dad hasn't gone to work in a few weeks my father told me to—''

"A job?"

"Yes. The job is very stressful and it is taking a toll on my academics and musical life but all my hard earned sacrifices are well worth it," Rachel said.

"Rachel, this job…is it honorable for a lady such as you?" Emma asked leaning over.

"Well I must say that it isn't the best job in the world—''

"Rachel if you are selling your boobies in exchange for cash then it is not the way to go," Emma said quickly.

"Boobies?"

"I assumed since you said that your job isn't –''

"Oh no! I would never do that! Not even if you granted me stardom and Finn as my husband!" Rachel said jumping looking flustered.

"Oh. Then what is your job?"

"Oh well…I…"

"Come on now. You can tell me. I am your Guidance Counselor after all and I counsel. It's my job," Emma said.

"Fine! I sell men's underwear," Rachel sighed.

"Excuse me?"

"Yes, that's right. That's my job," Rachel said looking extremely embarrassed.

"Well why don't you sell women's underwear?" Emma said looking confused.

"Someone already took that slot," Rachel sighed defeated.

"Oh. I've heard rumors that men in the football team are speaking…lustfully about you. Why do you think so? Is it because you sell underwear?" Emma asked.

"No. It's because….well it helps the sales if I choose the underwear for them," Rachel said.

Emma stared at her for awhile before saying, "Well the advice I can give you is to get another job. One which doesn't involve you selling men's underwear and choosing it for them," Emma said handing her a pamphlet that said "JOBS R US: JOBS SUGGESTIONS FOR EVERYONE: CATHOLIC, JEWSIH, PREGNANT TEEN, CHEATING HUSBAND, GAY, LESBO AND GIRLS WHO HAVE SICK FATHERS.

"But what job can I choose that pays a lot but won't weigh down on my school activities?" Rachel said.

"Read it out loud. Perhaps I can help you find a job," Emma said.

"Lawnmower, Pizza Deliverer, Burger Waitress—''

"How about the last one?"

"I don't eat grease. And besides my father told me that fast food is one of the contributing factors that made America the country with the most cases of heart attack," Rachel said.

"Okay. I understand. Read on," Emma said.

"Secretary, Mopper, Sales lady…ugh. The list could go on but none is any job that fits my occupation category," Rachel groaned.

"Why don't we look into the Be-Your-Own-Boss section?" Emma asked.

"Okay. Have your own dog-walking business, have your own delivery business, have your own babysitting business—wait!—this is it! I'll have my own babysitting business!" Rachel said standing up.

"Thank you. You are such a wonderful consultant!" Rachel said before rushing off.

Emma smiled happy to have helped.