Disclaimer: I no own LOTR.
Story notes: a strange and utterly inexplicable parody containing random jokes that rip-off everything from Harry Potter to Monty Python. Not meant to harm or offend, just poking fun at LOTR and society in general, if you fall off your chair laughing as some of my other readers have done it's entirely your own fault. Sequel to A Longexpected Parody so it would help if you read that first. Oh yeah, and this is called The Fellowship of the Spoon. Just thought you'd like to know.
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Frodo's thoughts, feelings and opinions at this present moment:
Dark. Nice dark. Nice and cool. Cool dark. Nice cool dark dark. Hehe.
Not so dark anymore. Waking up. Auuuuuuuuuuurrrrrghhhhhhh owowowowowowowowowow. Head is killing me. Where is nice cool darkness when you need it?
Okay, will try opening eyes.
Aurgggghhhhh, no. Too much light. Eeeeeeaaaaaauuuuuurrgh, too bright. Close eyes. Much better. Ow. Headache ten zillion times worse. Hate light.
Something sticking into back. Feeling with hand, locate object but too weak to get rid of it. Feels like frying pan. Wait, can also feel something else. Feels like grass. Why the hell am I lying in grass on top of a frying pan?
Will try opening one eye. Eeeeeeek, everything all blurry. Can see something pink though. Will try sitting up. Argh! Headache. Vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv bad idea. Saw mountain though, at least I think it was a mountain. Could have just been a tree. But why would I be near a mountain or a tree? Hang on, can remember something about pink. Maybe not pink, maybe something that sounds like pink. Pink. Pen. Pinkpen. Wait, almost. Penpink........penpin? Pinpin? Pippin? Yes, something about Pippin. Remember something bad about Pippin. Pippin and pink.
Okay, think back. What happened?
Processing memories.
*Several minutes later* processing complete. 4 memories found.
Accessing memories.
Dark. Tunnel. Dark tunnel. Hehe, nice dark. Can see somebody else.........Sam? Yes, Sam. Wait..........Sam had frying pan. Am lying on frying pan. Same one? If yes then Sam must be around somewhere. Head not hurt so much. Am going to try opening eyes again.
Bright but bearable. Try sitting up. Eeeeeeeee, dizzy. Can see tree though with nice shade. Okay Frodo, your mission is to get to that tree. Begin walking.
Fall over. Legs not working. Begin crawling.
Ow. Stupid rocks. Why is it that I can never wake up in a nice place? Ooooooooh, something soft. Something pink. Wait, that's Pippin. Pippin with pink dress.
Why has Pippin got a pink dress?
Wait..........remember something. Party. Lots of Elves. Nice Elves. Pretty Elves. Lots party, lots drinky. Hehehehehe. Remember Elf talking about something. Something bad.
Oh god. Remember now. Slider. Merry. Pippin. Volcano. Quest. Save the world. Did I really say I would do it? Oh crap, I did. Damn. Hate Merry/Pippin/Slider, Elves, and pink dresses. In that order.
Am never ever ever ever ever ever ever going to drink again.
Really feel like chips now though. Wait......have frying pan. Must be potatoes somewhere. Can make chips. Yay!
Searching for potatoes. Closest to potatoes is tree. Damn. Can't eat tree.
Can smell apple. Apple good. Apple like potato. Can have apple chips. Hehe.
Locating apple.
Apple location confirmed. Begin crawling towards apple. Oooooooooooh, mushroom. Wait, that's Pippin's foot. Damn. Continue search for apple.
Apple found! Success! Now just have to remember where the frying pan is........
Several hours later, Sam woke up to find Frodo humming happily as he crouched next to the frying pan.
"Frodo, what are you doing?"
"Making chips," Frodo announced, beaming.
"Um........what with?"
"This."
"Frodo, that's an apple."
"I know, I'm making apple chips. I'm just hungry because it's taking a while."
Sam hoped profusely that Frodo's strange behaviour was the product of a hangover and not a permanent problem. "Well, you wait here and I'll go and find some other food."
"Alright Sam but don't be too long otherwise the apple chips will burn."
"I'll be as quick as I can." Sam rummaged around in his pack and found some bacon and a loaf of bread. Cooking it was a problem until he found Gandalf's staff and used it to start a fire. Gandalf, Gimli and Boromir woke up to the smell of slightly burnt but still very edible bacon and began making sandwiches with it (on discovering that Legolas was vegetarian, Frodo had done a quick swap and now had full access to his share of the bacon in exchange for the apple and his share of the bread). After some debating they saved three sandwiches for Merry, Pippin and Slider, since pushing them into a volcano wouldn't be half as fun if they weren't alive and screaming.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
This chapter's not very long but I didn't want to leave it any longer. The next one will be longer I promise! Absolutely promise promise promise! Please review cos otherwise I have no idea if anyone's reading this or not.
~Enelya
Story notes: a strange and utterly inexplicable parody containing random jokes that rip-off everything from Harry Potter to Monty Python. Not meant to harm or offend, just poking fun at LOTR and society in general, if you fall off your chair laughing as some of my other readers have done it's entirely your own fault. Sequel to A Longexpected Parody so it would help if you read that first. Oh yeah, and this is called The Fellowship of the Spoon. Just thought you'd like to know.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Frodo's thoughts, feelings and opinions at this present moment:
Dark. Nice dark. Nice and cool. Cool dark. Nice cool dark dark. Hehe.
Not so dark anymore. Waking up. Auuuuuuuuuuurrrrrghhhhhhh owowowowowowowowowow. Head is killing me. Where is nice cool darkness when you need it?
Okay, will try opening eyes.
Aurgggghhhhh, no. Too much light. Eeeeeeaaaaaauuuuuurrgh, too bright. Close eyes. Much better. Ow. Headache ten zillion times worse. Hate light.
Something sticking into back. Feeling with hand, locate object but too weak to get rid of it. Feels like frying pan. Wait, can also feel something else. Feels like grass. Why the hell am I lying in grass on top of a frying pan?
Will try opening one eye. Eeeeeeek, everything all blurry. Can see something pink though. Will try sitting up. Argh! Headache. Vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv bad idea. Saw mountain though, at least I think it was a mountain. Could have just been a tree. But why would I be near a mountain or a tree? Hang on, can remember something about pink. Maybe not pink, maybe something that sounds like pink. Pink. Pen. Pinkpen. Wait, almost. Penpink........penpin? Pinpin? Pippin? Yes, something about Pippin. Remember something bad about Pippin. Pippin and pink.
Okay, think back. What happened?
Processing memories.
*Several minutes later* processing complete. 4 memories found.
Accessing memories.
Dark. Tunnel. Dark tunnel. Hehe, nice dark. Can see somebody else.........Sam? Yes, Sam. Wait..........Sam had frying pan. Am lying on frying pan. Same one? If yes then Sam must be around somewhere. Head not hurt so much. Am going to try opening eyes again.
Bright but bearable. Try sitting up. Eeeeeeeee, dizzy. Can see tree though with nice shade. Okay Frodo, your mission is to get to that tree. Begin walking.
Fall over. Legs not working. Begin crawling.
Ow. Stupid rocks. Why is it that I can never wake up in a nice place? Ooooooooh, something soft. Something pink. Wait, that's Pippin. Pippin with pink dress.
Why has Pippin got a pink dress?
Wait..........remember something. Party. Lots of Elves. Nice Elves. Pretty Elves. Lots party, lots drinky. Hehehehehe. Remember Elf talking about something. Something bad.
Oh god. Remember now. Slider. Merry. Pippin. Volcano. Quest. Save the world. Did I really say I would do it? Oh crap, I did. Damn. Hate Merry/Pippin/Slider, Elves, and pink dresses. In that order.
Am never ever ever ever ever ever ever going to drink again.
Really feel like chips now though. Wait......have frying pan. Must be potatoes somewhere. Can make chips. Yay!
Searching for potatoes. Closest to potatoes is tree. Damn. Can't eat tree.
Can smell apple. Apple good. Apple like potato. Can have apple chips. Hehe.
Locating apple.
Apple location confirmed. Begin crawling towards apple. Oooooooooooh, mushroom. Wait, that's Pippin's foot. Damn. Continue search for apple.
Apple found! Success! Now just have to remember where the frying pan is........
Several hours later, Sam woke up to find Frodo humming happily as he crouched next to the frying pan.
"Frodo, what are you doing?"
"Making chips," Frodo announced, beaming.
"Um........what with?"
"This."
"Frodo, that's an apple."
"I know, I'm making apple chips. I'm just hungry because it's taking a while."
Sam hoped profusely that Frodo's strange behaviour was the product of a hangover and not a permanent problem. "Well, you wait here and I'll go and find some other food."
"Alright Sam but don't be too long otherwise the apple chips will burn."
"I'll be as quick as I can." Sam rummaged around in his pack and found some bacon and a loaf of bread. Cooking it was a problem until he found Gandalf's staff and used it to start a fire. Gandalf, Gimli and Boromir woke up to the smell of slightly burnt but still very edible bacon and began making sandwiches with it (on discovering that Legolas was vegetarian, Frodo had done a quick swap and now had full access to his share of the bacon in exchange for the apple and his share of the bread). After some debating they saved three sandwiches for Merry, Pippin and Slider, since pushing them into a volcano wouldn't be half as fun if they weren't alive and screaming.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
This chapter's not very long but I didn't want to leave it any longer. The next one will be longer I promise! Absolutely promise promise promise! Please review cos otherwise I have no idea if anyone's reading this or not.
~Enelya