The Cliché of Clichés
by Marie McKinnon
Harry Potter looked around. He was in a room.
Harry: Can't you even say what kind of room it is? What kind of fanfic writer are you?
Marie: Okay, okay. I'll change it.
Harry Potter looked around, and found himself in a round room with padded walls.
Marie: Any better?
Harry: You sure as **** know that isn't what I meant! No proper HP fanfic starts in an
insane asylum!
Marie: It isn't an insane asylum. It's a mental institution.
Harry: Big difference! If you don't keep writing now, we won't get to take our breaks on
time! Get working!
Marie: All right, all right, I'll get writing, hold your horses.
Harry Potter was standing in the middle of a bustling hallway, holding several horses by
the reins. He looked around for his faithful sidekicks, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, and
found them by his side, as is usual in these types of stories.
Harry: Why am I holding horses?
Marie: I decided to get literal. Any cliché I use will end up really happening. Is that
clear?
Harry: Clear as crystal.
He was holding a crystal too.
Marie: What did I tell you about using clichés?
Harry: Oi, we're in hot water now... I didn't mean that! I didn't!
Marie: Too late.
Harry, Hermione, and Ron were standing in a basin full of hot water, and almost got
trampled by the other students.
Hermione: Let's just let the cat out of--
Harry and Ron: Don't say it! Don't say it!
Hermione:--the bag and get to the part where we kill Voldemort.
Marie: Buahahahahahaha! One cat, coming up!
One of the students happened to have a cat in their bag, and it escaped, leaving everyone
thoroughly scratched.
Ron: Ow! Stop it, stop it! I get the picture!
Marie: Oh, you want a picture, too? Hogwarts kids these days, so demanding...
A large picture of Bodrod the Bearded and Urg the Unclean fell on top of the three
heroes, who still happened to be standing in a tub of hot water.
Harry, Ron, and Hermione: Ouch! Ouch! Okay, okay, okay! We'll be good as gold!
Marie: Okay, some gold, some gold...
Hermione: That's not what we meant, we meant we'll be good! Please no!
Amazingly enough, Ron, Hermione, and Harry turned into gold, and promptly caused the
tub of hot water to topple over, drenching the rest of the students.
Draco Malfoy, in particular, was displeased about this turn of events. "Isn't this just
peachy!"
Ron: Malfoy! Don't say that!
At that moment, a giant peach rolled down the hallway, squishing several Ravenclaws.
Harry pulled Cho out of the way just in time.
"Are you all right?" He asked.
"Oh, yeah, I'm as right as--"
Ron, Draco, Hermione, and Harry: Don't say it!
"--rain," finished Cho.
The whole cast: ****!
It began to rain.
Hermione: Indoors?
Marie: Don't act so surprised. It's a magical school, right? It can rain indoors.
Hermione: No it can't! I read in Hogwarts: A History that it can't rain inside the school
building.
Marie: Well, bully for Hogwarts: A History, then.
Draco: Let's just get this over with, shall we?
Harry: For once I agree with Rat-face. Get to the climax all ready! And make sure I get a
good part, I want to shine in this story!
Marie: That can be arranged...
Cho: Harry! You did it again!
Harry suddenly begins to glow.
Harry: Aack! What've you done to me? I'm glowing like a lightbulb, I'm made of gold,
I almost got trampled by a giant peach, I've been scratched by the cat from ****, a giant picture
fell on my head, and I'm holding a crystal! At least J. K. Rowling made it believable! I'm on
strike!
Hermione: Me too!
Ron: Me three!
Marie: You can't go on strike! I've got rights to you for this fic! You signed a contract!
Malfoy: The contract said nothing about giant peaches and rain indoors. We're leaving.
Get yourself another cast.
The rest of the characters: Yeah! Get yourself another cast!
Marie: Rats. And I was hoping to make this the big cheese of my career...
A large cheese falls from the ceiling and squashes Marie flat.
Marie: Aack! Help! Help!
~End~
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters. They belong to JKR, and if
she wants this story, she can have it, because I certainly don't ... REVIEW! REVIEW OR I
WILL WRITE SOMETHING ELSE LIKE THIS! Thank you very much.
by Marie McKinnon
Harry Potter looked around. He was in a room.
Harry: Can't you even say what kind of room it is? What kind of fanfic writer are you?
Marie: Okay, okay. I'll change it.
Harry Potter looked around, and found himself in a round room with padded walls.
Marie: Any better?
Harry: You sure as **** know that isn't what I meant! No proper HP fanfic starts in an
insane asylum!
Marie: It isn't an insane asylum. It's a mental institution.
Harry: Big difference! If you don't keep writing now, we won't get to take our breaks on
time! Get working!
Marie: All right, all right, I'll get writing, hold your horses.
Harry Potter was standing in the middle of a bustling hallway, holding several horses by
the reins. He looked around for his faithful sidekicks, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, and
found them by his side, as is usual in these types of stories.
Harry: Why am I holding horses?
Marie: I decided to get literal. Any cliché I use will end up really happening. Is that
clear?
Harry: Clear as crystal.
He was holding a crystal too.
Marie: What did I tell you about using clichés?
Harry: Oi, we're in hot water now... I didn't mean that! I didn't!
Marie: Too late.
Harry, Hermione, and Ron were standing in a basin full of hot water, and almost got
trampled by the other students.
Hermione: Let's just let the cat out of--
Harry and Ron: Don't say it! Don't say it!
Hermione:--the bag and get to the part where we kill Voldemort.
Marie: Buahahahahahaha! One cat, coming up!
One of the students happened to have a cat in their bag, and it escaped, leaving everyone
thoroughly scratched.
Ron: Ow! Stop it, stop it! I get the picture!
Marie: Oh, you want a picture, too? Hogwarts kids these days, so demanding...
A large picture of Bodrod the Bearded and Urg the Unclean fell on top of the three
heroes, who still happened to be standing in a tub of hot water.
Harry, Ron, and Hermione: Ouch! Ouch! Okay, okay, okay! We'll be good as gold!
Marie: Okay, some gold, some gold...
Hermione: That's not what we meant, we meant we'll be good! Please no!
Amazingly enough, Ron, Hermione, and Harry turned into gold, and promptly caused the
tub of hot water to topple over, drenching the rest of the students.
Draco Malfoy, in particular, was displeased about this turn of events. "Isn't this just
peachy!"
Ron: Malfoy! Don't say that!
At that moment, a giant peach rolled down the hallway, squishing several Ravenclaws.
Harry pulled Cho out of the way just in time.
"Are you all right?" He asked.
"Oh, yeah, I'm as right as--"
Ron, Draco, Hermione, and Harry: Don't say it!
"--rain," finished Cho.
The whole cast: ****!
It began to rain.
Hermione: Indoors?
Marie: Don't act so surprised. It's a magical school, right? It can rain indoors.
Hermione: No it can't! I read in Hogwarts: A History that it can't rain inside the school
building.
Marie: Well, bully for Hogwarts: A History, then.
Draco: Let's just get this over with, shall we?
Harry: For once I agree with Rat-face. Get to the climax all ready! And make sure I get a
good part, I want to shine in this story!
Marie: That can be arranged...
Cho: Harry! You did it again!
Harry suddenly begins to glow.
Harry: Aack! What've you done to me? I'm glowing like a lightbulb, I'm made of gold,
I almost got trampled by a giant peach, I've been scratched by the cat from ****, a giant picture
fell on my head, and I'm holding a crystal! At least J. K. Rowling made it believable! I'm on
strike!
Hermione: Me too!
Ron: Me three!
Marie: You can't go on strike! I've got rights to you for this fic! You signed a contract!
Malfoy: The contract said nothing about giant peaches and rain indoors. We're leaving.
Get yourself another cast.
The rest of the characters: Yeah! Get yourself another cast!
Marie: Rats. And I was hoping to make this the big cheese of my career...
A large cheese falls from the ceiling and squashes Marie flat.
Marie: Aack! Help! Help!
~End~
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters. They belong to JKR, and if
she wants this story, she can have it, because I certainly don't ... REVIEW! REVIEW OR I
WILL WRITE SOMETHING ELSE LIKE THIS! Thank you very much.