Yo! this is a one shot that me and my friend riza-kun came up with, based off of the Idea that at least one person from konoha would miss Itachi...and of course that person is crazy so huzzah! And don't bother flaming cause you'll just be ignored.
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Itachi and kisame traveled the streets of the small village their black and red cloaks warning the citizens to run and hide quickly into their homes barricading their doors and windows with haste. One individual though did not take the hints of terror and fright, and instead continued to lay in a large pile of hay smoking a cigarette boredly. He wasn't a very bright man to say the least, he was considered the town fool; his name was Kemuri and though he was an ex-konoha chuunin he was nothing to be afraid of. "Duuuuude where's everyone goin'?" he questioned his eyes landing on the two akatsuki members as they passed.
A dazed look came to his face, his eyes slightly glazed over as he stared intently at the back of the Uchiha's head; he blinked a few times before his eyes went wide. "DUUUUUUUDE! ITACHI!!!!!" He shouted loudly fumbling out of the haystack and landing directly onto his face. Kisame looked back at the floored man, "Hey Itachi, you know him?" he wondered aloud to his partner who's expression remained passive. "No." was the simple reply of which he gave. The shark man quirked his brow toward his companion in interest, "well he seems to know you." he announced with a slight shrug of his shoulders. "Kisame, a lot of people know me." Itachi stated as they continued walking toward the outskirts of the village.
As Kisame was about to respond he received a tap on his shoulder, pausing he glanced behind him to Kemuri who now stood closely to him; "What?" he questioned irritably, watching as the slouched buffoon took his cigarette from his mouth and placed it behind his ear. "Dude...I'm not sure how to break this to you, so I'll just say it..." He spoke seriously to the akatsuki member who had turned to face him fully, "What?" was the curious yet impatient response that was given. "Yo' blue..." Kemuri stated putting his hands in the air and waving them as if to tell Kisame not to worry and to relax.
"I realized that." The large sharkish criminal mumbled boredly his eyes narrowing slightly in frustration. "No no no no NO! I don't think you hea' wha' I'm sayin'. You a' blue, and we ain't talkin' ocean blue, o' marine blue, we talkin' sky blue! You could have type two arthritis or sumtin' man!" Kemuri attempted to explain his voice slightly paniced as he spoke. "You ain't magenta like I am!" He added loudly forcing for Kisame to twitch in annoyance, "You're not magenta."
"How would you know!? Yo' blue! I'm talkin' blue da-be-de-da-be-da! You prolly live in a blue house and see in blue or some crazy ass shit like that. I'm talkin' you hea' is blue, and yer skin, and yo nails...and..." He paused taking a minor step back, "Dude you gay? Not to be all racist and shit against you blue people...but I jus' sayin' blue nails ain't no skin conditiona'." thinking the best he could for a moment he looked to the black haired Uchiha on his other side, "Dude, Itachi why you hangin' out with a' guy like thi---oh...OH! SHIT MAN! I...oh god...I neva' woulda guessed that you swung side ways. And I know we were homies and all, but DUDE I just don' see you that way!" he grabbed Itachi by the shoulder tightly, "But, I just can't quit you Itachi, yo like an addiction!" he exclaimed loudly, ignoring the way the Uchiha tensed.
"And furtha' mo-" Kemuri's head suddenly dropped his eyes closed; causing for Kisame to quirk an eyebrow; "Is he dead?" he questioned his eyes locked on the unmoving form. "I don't care. We're leaving." Itachi shot back shaking the hand from his shoulder and swiftly resuming his walk, Kisame scoffed quietly before turning on his heel and following after his companion with complete disregard to the sleeping Kemuri in the middle of the road. But the two did not make it far for after only a few meters of walking an arm was slung around Itachi's shoulders stopping him in his tracks immediately.
"Itachi...dude, its been YEARS!" The strung out ex-nin announced with a stupid grin playing across his face; the Uchiha glared darkly toward him as Kisame once more turned to look toward the junkie. "Dude dude blue man...back in tha' day me and Itachi were totally homies...we were like awesomely tight...and then he goes all anbu and is all like; I'm anbu Itachi and I'm betta' then you. And then like, he totally disappeared out a' nowhere." there was a pause, Kemuri's eyes shifting back and forth from Itachi to the surrounding area; before suddenly smacking Itachi in the arm; pushing off of him and throwing his arms in the air in frustration; "DUDE! Where the fuck did you go!?" He demanded angrily, ignoring the bad look he was receiving from the akatsuki member.
"I am an outcast from Konoha." Itachi stated bluntly, watching as his old acquaintance expression changed from anger to compassion, "Duuuude...I'm sorry, wha' happen?" he questioned curiously; "I killed my entire clan." was the response making Kemuri pause. "Dude dude dude...that was YOU!? Dude I saw that shit...It was AWESOME!!!!" He shouted before leaning around and looking at Kisame, "Blue dude; you totally shoulda seen it! There was blood fuckin' EVERYWHERE!! I got fuckin' pictures of it in my wallet, wanna see!? I mean dude, his mom was all fucked up and shit! Still pretty hot, but she was all dead and I ain't into none o' that pedophilia shit and all so I was like...naaaah I can hook wit' someone else." Itachi's expression darkened considerably at his words; as Kisame did his best not to laugh at the blithering fool's antics.
"Oh and dude wit Itachi around there was like no hookin' wit no one; I mean seriously; all the bitches were all Itachi-kun! Itachi-kun! Totally impossible to get like any speakage in edgewise. Cause he totally didn't believe that sharing was caring, when I was always sharin' with him...speaking o' that...DUDE ITACHI!" Kemuri threw his arm back around Itachi's shoulders, leaning against him heavilly, "You still got that weed I gave you?" he questioned honestly watching as Itachi grunted an irritable; "no" in response. "Damn, well I can try can' I?"
The stumbling ex-nin moved off of Itachi once more; pulling a new cigarette from his pocket; completely forgetting the one which he had tucked behind his ear; lighting it with aid of a match he breathed in the smoke heavily. Pausing he looked to the two in front of him with a shocked expression, "Oh where a' my manna's; yo blue dude you want a' smoke? This is some good shit right here." he offered pulling yet another cigarette from his pocket and holding it out for Kisame to take. "No I don't." "But dude this shit is AWESOME." "I don't want it." "Fuckin' take it! no need ta' waist!" he demanded nearly forcing the cig into the shark akatsuki member's hand.
Kisame glared irritably as Kemuri grinned beginning to speak once more, "Dude Itachi...ya' eva' get that bitch kotoko off yo' case? Or is she still chasin' ya roun' and roun'? You payin' child suppot for dose kids o' hers and shit like that?" he questioned looking toward Itachi, and as soon as he looked away Kisame quickly tossed the cigarette over his shoulder. Not waiting for a response from the Uchiha he snapped his attention back to the other akatsuki member, eyes wide with a shocked expression on his face, "Dude...Itachi is a crazy motha' fucka'." he stated bluntly before hearing Itachi grumble irritably.
"Kisame we're leaving we have to meet our deadline." He announced quickly beginning to walk away, with Kisame in toe; "Dude you comin' back lata' right!?" Kemuri called out; hearing a scoff from the two rouges he grinned; "See ya when ya' get back!" He added laughing loudly before jumping and shouting in pain as the cigarette behind his ear burned his flesh.
As the two akatsuki members exited the village Kisame held his breath; his mind crying from laughter at the entire situation. "If you say a word to anyone, I'll kill you." Itachi spat angrily; hearing his partner cough, "Yeah...but I got one question...how's the wife and kids?" Kisame questioned laughing loudly after speaking.