Ahhh...Melbourne weather is so depressing, and so I wrote this story.
...My logic is warped...
And I'm sorry to everyone who read my first Lucky story, it was horrible, i know.
But I didn't get yelled at by Im-a-tiger, so I think this one is better.
Scrap that, HEAPS better.
By the way, this whole story is from Lavi's point of view. Just in case you were wondering or hadn't bothered to notice the pairing when you clicked on this link.

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I'm not supposed to have a heart to break. I'm also supposed to hate him with every fibre of my being.

Yet every time he came to my window and tapped ever so lightly on the glass, I couldn't refuse him. I could never refuse him.

He almost killed Allen, my best friend, but I'm unable to hate him.

He tore my non-existent heart into a million tiny pieces, yet he left just enough intact for me to still love him.

My mind constantly torments me with memories of the nights we spent together. Flashes of hot flesh, sweat-soaked hair and erotic moans of pleasure appear whenever I close my eyes.

And when he told me the truth, that I was just his pawn, his plaything, I felt as if the remnants of the true me, the first and original me, had died.

After that, I felt nothing and heard nothing. The black emptiness threatened to swallow me up. And I tried, oh believe me, I tried.

I tried to fall into that dark abyss, the hole that his absence had created in my heart. So many times and so many ways to meet Death, but they wouldn't let me.

They were there to stop me every time. Some bullshit about 'can't afford to lose any more Exorcists'.

Morons.

They don't need me. No one has ever needed me in my whole life. I'm replaceable as both a Bookman and an Exorcist.

Except him.

He taught me what it was like to feel needed and I soon found myself longing for him.

But all that's left of him now are those parting words he left me with.

"You were just a tool so that I could stay alive. I couldn't have your fancy 'Order' killing me now could I? It was fun while it lasted Lavi. Goodbye."

That BASTARD!

He knew how I felt about him! He knew that I would do whatever it took to stop the Order from killing him! He knew it all and he BETRAYED ME!

I can feel the anger well up in my stomach and tears prick the corners of my eyes.

I hate him but my heart won't let him go. And for that, I hate myself.

All I do these days is sit on my bed and cry. I can't forget him or act as if nothing's wrong. That's Allen's forte.

The tears roll uncontrollably down my cheeks as I remember the last night we spent together. He moaned my name so softly, as if he were regretting what was to come. As if he knew that he would leave.

I remember the pained expression on his face, like he actually cared. And it gave me the false hope that still remained within me.

Whether it was by night as lovers or in the day as enemies, he was always cruel.

This cruel, tainted love ate away at me and would continue to do so until I die.


Read and review cuz you know you love me...
...right?
And also because I'll give you a cookie! love