A Gift to Silver Kitten
TODAY IN THE WORLD OF SQUARESOFT, THE BATTLE OF THE GAMES-
AKIRA: Hi, I'm Akira Majere
SILVER KITTEN: And I'm Silver Kitten. Welcome to the thee battle of the new Century.
AKIRA: That's right. After a tragic break up of Squall and
KITTEN: That bitch Riona!
AKIRA: Selphie because possessed with the idea she must kill that cheap little ho. So she challenaged Riona to a match...
KITTEN: Only to have that little whore call in her friends!
AKIRA: But Riona and crew forgot something very important...
KITTEN: Yeah! Selphie is the long lost twin sister of.... SEPHIROTH! So now the match begins...
SELPHIE: Riona, you whore, how could you sleep with practically every guy in Garden but not even give Squall a descent kiss!
RIONA: Easy! I was just using him! Another one of my conquests!
CROWD: ((gasps))
SELPHIE: Well, you're going down, bitch!
VOICE: That's what you think, you bunny on speed!
((The owner of the voice comes out... and it is Maria from FFVI!))
MARIA: I'm going to kick your overly perky ass!
SELPHIE: Two against one?! No fair!
ANOTHER VOICE: And she's done with you, you'll become my lab rat!
((Hojo runs out, walks to Riona and kisses her on the head))
HOJO: Hello, my daughter.
RIONA: Dad! you came...
HOJO: Of course! I had to prove I'm your real father, not that noble General Caraway person!
((The Crowd boos))
SELPHIE: Three against one, now?! That is, like, totally not fair! Not mention that icky old man, Hojo! WAAAAAA! ::goes through her pockets, looking for an 'Aura'::
(('One Winged Angel' ques in. A miniture laser light show happens as Sephiroth desecends from the rafters, landing next to Selphie))
SEPHIROTH: Don't worry sister, I'm here to settle the score with Hojo, so I'm going to even up this match!
((The beginning theme of FFVI plays, as girl with a green hair walks in, hits Maria with a chair, flips over Hojo and lands next to Selphie))
TERRA: Hey, Selphie, I got your post on my message board, so here I am! ::takes a deep breath:: I am Bishoujo Femininazi Squaresoft Sailor Senshi Terra! In the name of REAL women everywhere, I'm going to kick your skanky asses!
HOJO: Mahaha! I'll have all three of you soon enough in my lab!
TERRA: That's what you think! ::pulls out a Super Ball and whips at him::
((Hojo is smashed into Riona, who falls over and cries))
TERRA: Let's get them!
((Akira walks out between them first))
AKIRA: Let's have a dirty match, but no kicking in crotch, no inscet, and absolutely no letting Riona live!
RIONA: HEY!
((Kitten appears next to Akira))
KITTEN: Damn straight! So let's get this party going-
KITTEN/AKIRA: Let's.get.it.on!
((The girls walk back to the announcer boothes))
SELPHIE: TRAINS RULES! But not your crappy toy version of that President's one!! ::whips the train toy at Riona's head::
RIONA: Perky bitch! ::train smashes into head:: ARUGH! Save me SQUALL!
SEPHIROTH: Save this! ::smashes her in the head with Jenova's severed Arm:: Remember, you BROKE UP with Squall!
MARIA: EWWWWWWWWW! I GOT FREAKING PURPLE GOO ON ME!!!! ::bites Sephiroth's arm::
HOJO: YA! ::slaps Terra like a ho::
SEHIROTH: I got girl coodies! WA! ::tries to pry Maria from gnawing on his arm::
SELPHIE: ::bashes Riona in the head with a random mexican pimp, runs over to Sephiroth:: TRAINS! ::bitch slaps Maria::
TERRA: ::since she can't go Esper, she goes Femininazi:: WOMEN'S RIGHTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ::grabs Hojo and whips him across the room::
RIONA: Maria! ::grabs Jenova's Severed Arm and feeds it to Angelo::
MARIA: ::passes out::
SEPHIROTH: MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU CHEAP UNDEVLOPED WHORE OF A CHARACTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ::knocks down Hojo, throws Riona on him and Maria on top::
((Terra and Selphie take cover))
SEPIROTH: SUPER NOVA!
((Novas crash threw the rooof, completely destroying it, but not doing any damage to the opposite team))
KITTEN: shit! There goes our despoit on the building...
SELPHIE: ;_; You missed! ::pouts::
((Riona charges Selphie, tackling her. Starts choking her))
RIONA: You... will... DIE! ::Tightens her grip::
((Terra rushes over, smashing Riona with the chair she hit Maria with))
((Maria comes too))
HOJO: You foolish people! I will kill you all! Starting with the annoying twins! ::pulls out a syringe::
SEPHIROTH: That's what you think! ::kicks the needle from his hand and punches him::
((Selphie is choking Riona))
SELPHIE: In the name of the Orphanage gang, I will kill you!
YET ANOTHER VOICE: My name is KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD ROOOOOOOOOOOCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!
((Irvine runs in, smashes Selphie in the back of the head with his gun))
RIONA: My love! You came for me!
IRVINE: Of course, my sweet!
((Maria is pulling Terra's hair as Terra is pulling hers))
MARIA: Die you bitch! DIE!
TERRA: Not... until... you DO!!!! ::head butts her::
((Maria looks slightly dazy, but doesn't give up))
((Hojo brings down the smack on Sephiroth with a taser to the crotch))
KITTEN: Hey! Isn't that illegal?!
AKIRA: Nope, sorry, I hate to admit, but we did say... _kicking_...
((Riona is choking a slightly blue Selphie))
1ST FEMININE VOICE: I don't like anyone who gets in my way! In the name of Da-Chao I will Kawaii you to death! For the adoration, consummation, and acquistion of Materia, I am SAILOR YUFFIE! ::steps from the darkness from the rafter. Leaps downs, kicks Hojo in chest, lands, and blows raspberries::
2ND FEMININE VOICE: In the name of perfectly awesome blonde hair, delightfully sexy bods, and tempermental taciturn secondary hero characters, I am SAILOR QUISTIS! In the name of beautiful teachers, I will hit on the main character! ::leaps down, wraps whip around Riona's neck::
A MASCLINE VOICE: With awesome hair, sexually appealing eyes and body, girls would die for me at my whim... I am GOD of all Sailors in my bushenouness! Gorgeous Sailor Suited Setzer! Does this skirt make my butt look big?! ::falls from the rafters, trying to cover his butt, lands on Maria::
TERRA/SELPHIE/SEPH: save... us... pretty, sailors...
YUFFIE: Tee hee duh! But of COURSE! ::pulls out her a Da-Chao wand:: But it'll cost you...
((Sephiroth rolls his 'Look badass in fire' effect Materia))
S.YUFFIE: Ya! Okay, Sailors, let's end this! ::nods to the other Sailors::
S.QUISTIS: KINKY DOMINATRIX WHIP GIRL SPARKLE! ::beautiful kawaii hearts and stars twinkle around her and she politely removes Riona's head from her body::
S.SETZER: CUTE JOKER CARDS GLITTER PRETTY AND DO STUFF! ::throws over size paper cards at Maria, which bursts into flames and sets her sorry ass on fire::
S.YUFFIE: LOVELY NINJA MATERIA THIEF FINAL MOVE TO END THIS SAD FIC MEDICATION! ::a gay, bright colour background appears behind her, as she swings her wand around. She stops, aims her wand, and launches Knights of the Round on Hojo::
IRV: ::sobbing on his knees:: You're soooo mean!!!
SELPHIE: Booooooooooooooyyyyyyyyyyyyyyka! ::kicks Irvine in the shins::
TERRA: Male whore! ::slaps him::
((Aeris' music from the City of Ancients ques in as it gets sinisterly dark. A soft wooshing sound is heard, as a blade comes through Irvine's stomach. Irvine's eyes go wide, then close, and dies like a pansy boy. Sephiroth stands, bows, and the crowd goes wild))
SELPHIE: Kewliez! I always wanted to see ya do that! ::hugs Sephiroth::
SEPHIROTH Cows goooo QUACK! BUNEY NOISE! BUNNY NOISES!!!! ::mental break down because of Selphie hugging him::
((In the Announcer Booth))
KITTEN: Talk about a twist of events. It seems the winners are the Bishoujo Femininazi Squaresoft Sailor Senshi crew won, then let Sephiroth take out the garbage...
AKIRA: And unexpected turn at that! Well, now to start to fix that roof...
KITTEN: Good night...
AKIRA: Good fight...
AFTERWARDS:
Quistis soon marries Sephiroth in a shocking Sequal never released.
Selphie recieved the Sorceress' powers and has Sir Laguna as her Knight- currently, she is plotting to take over the world.
Yuffie ran off with her lesbain lover, Terra, to help her raise Terra's foster kids in the FFVI.
Stezer started a company call Esperland and is doing quite well.
AUTHOR NOTES:
This was a gift to Silver Kitten for her awesome talk shows from the elist. I don't own the characters, but I wish I did. I'd make millions.
It was a rather poor story, which was my first in attempt for humor alone. Anna-chan did, however, help me write the intro speechs for the Bishoujo Femininazi Squaresoft Sailor Senshi. So many love and licks to her... Remember- she's my bitch, but Matt's her bitch.
That's all for now...
Love, luck, and llamas,
Akira Silveracious Majere