Title: That Ol' Wind
Author: Smurf
Email: KRUMS@worldnet.att.net
Rating: PG--Good family fun, I say damn twice.
Category: VRA
Spoilers: Uhh, nope.
Keywords: MSR
Summary: A short, sweet little ditty.
Disclaimer: Ain't mine, never have been, leave me alone.
Archive: Sure. Keep my name attached. You may want to contact Lill at
TinkerbellAmidala@X-Phile1013.freeserve.co.uk
Feedback: I live for it. At least just lemme know you read this.
Note: I thought up this story last night driving home from a carnival. No, it has nothing to
do with the carnival. You see; my mom's a big country fan. Anyway, this Garth Brooks
song came on the radio. It's called That Ol' Wind. It's a very good song and it gave me a
wonderful idea for a fanfic. Well, here ya go.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That Ol' Wind
Four years ago, my life was shattered at the drop of a hat. Something terrible happened
involving the Consortium. The very men Mulder and I chased for years shut us down.
They split Mulder and I up yet again. Somehow, this time we knew there was no getting
out of it. He was reassigned to a field office in California. The night before he left, all
cards were laid on the table. Every oppressed thought or feeling we had toward the other
was confessed. The six-year bond and love we had developed was unleashed in a single
night of passion. I said good-bye to him at the break of dawn that morning. I haven't seen
him since. It broke my heart. That's the understatement of the year, Ladies and
Gentlemen. It ripped my soul to shreds, tore my heart from my chest and left it beating at
my feet. The pain still hasn't healed; I don't think it ever will. We never contacted each
other after that. To this day I still don't know why. I really don't know how to contact
him even if I wanted to. That's probably what hurts the most.
Although it is painful, and I never speak of it, I have found some peace. One little thing
that keeps me going every day. About two months after Mulder left, I found out I was
pregnant. One encounter between us, and it left me a single mother of our son. I never
thought it possible, neither of us did. I don't question how I got pregnant, after everything
that happened. I don't need to. I just look into my three-year-old's blue eyes and at his
curly brown hair, and I have all my answers.
His name is William Scully. He doesn't have a middle name. I don't want to say I'm not
very imaginative when it comes to names, because I am. William is a family name. My
father's name was William. But, to be more original, he's called Will for short. I just
never found a suiting middle name. So, I guess that's imaginative enough.
Today was started out as another mundane day in the life of me. I dropped Will off at
daycare and drove down to work. I still work for the FBI, but now I'm part of the
forensics team. It's better then teaching at Quantico, a shorter commute, but still not the
same as a field agent on the X-files. They shut down the X-files a final time after six
years, claiming there was never enough evidence to support its continuance. It wasn't all
that hard, Mulder had already left and I didn't think I could continue *his* life's work
without him.
Today after lunch, the day went from mundane, to crappy. I returned to my office to find
a long, black plastic tube lying on top of my strewn papers. It had been sent through the
mail, but without any return address. Curious to find out what it was, I popped off the
end and pulled out a rolled-up poster. My fingers worked quickly to roll away the rubber
band bounding the glossy white paper. I unrolled the poster completely to see an image
that still manages to haunt my memories. A picture of a fuzzy gray flying saucer over a
fuzzier outline of trees. The bold white lettering at the bottom declared, "I WANT TO
BELIEVE". A more immense flood of memories than I could handle at that point crashed
into me head on. I broke down right at my desk and cried.
I would have continued crying had Jen not appeared in my doorway and inquired what
was wrong. Jen's great. She's a fellow forensic pathologist. I haven't had a girlfriend
since college, and she is the best. She has never wronged me and is always there when I
need her. Whether as a shoulder to cry on or a stiff kick in the pants for a get-go. And
vice-versa.
So, I explained the whole sad tale about Mulder and I. How six years of electrifying
sexual tension was consummated in one steamy night before he left for what I thought
would be forever. How I carried and had the son he probably would never know he had.
Being the hopeless romantic she is, Jen sat back in the chair across from me and sighed.
"Dana, you've got to find him." She said after the initial awe of the moment boiled over.
"You two are so meant for each other. This is like some fairy tale. Like Cinderella or
something."
I just shook my head and wiped the last few tears from my eyes. "I wish it was that easy."
I said, knowing she wouldn't leave it at that.
She bugged me about it for the rest of the day; bless her. At around four o'clock my day
again changed from crappy to . . . unimaginable. I went a floor upstairs to personally
deliver some reports to my Assistant Director. I'm no longer under AD Skinner, now it's
AD Berols.
Anyway, I had my eyes glued to a report, trying to make sure it was neat and complete for
Berols. Therefore, I didn't see the man turned away from me, joking with someone else
further up the hall. He turned around just as I barreled headlong into him. None of my
papers fell, thank God, I would never have gotten them back. I was still fairly
embarrassed, and before I could regain my bearings and look up at his face, apologizing a
thousand fold, I heard him utter a single word:
"Scully."
Only one person still called me by my last name. I looked up into his twinkling hazel eyes
and felt myself lose control. My lips formed the syllables of his name, but my voice didn't
come with it. Before I could say anything, I leaned into his open arms, never minding the
mingling agents around us. In that instant, we were the only two people on Earth. When
you see someone you love after four years of separation, it's almost like they've been
resurrected from the dead.
I pinched my eyes shut in our embrace, letting my tears fall down my cheeks. I felt his
hand brush through my hair and squeeze tighter around my back. His voice breathed my
name again into my ear. I could feel his own tears as he pressed his cheek against my
forehead. No words can describe what it was like to feel him in my arms again. I laid my
head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat again, surrounded by his warmth.
I think we probably stood there forever, just gazing into each other's eyes. And yes, I do
*gaze* at Agent Mulder. I wanted to gaze at him as much as I could. I couldn't believe he
was back. It had to be the happiest day of my life, aside from the day my son was born. I
had waited so long to feel his arms around me; I never wanted to let go. I just wanted to
stand there; enveloped in his embrace; his smell, that uniquely sweet, wonderful Mulder-
scent; to feel his breath against my skin; and to know, really know, that he was back for
good.
As reluctant as I was about doing it, I ended our embrace. Unmindful of whatever it was I
had been doing, and anyone else around me, I took his hand and led him down to my third
floor office. I led him past Jen and Tom's desks (we all share a large corner office) to my
ever-cluttered desk. I removed a stack of paper from a chair and pulled it up to my desk
so he could sit down.
He looked at the papers and mess on my desk, the floor, and the other desks. "And you
always said I was the unorganized one." He joked, smiling at me.
God, how much I missed that. His little sarcastic comments, and his smile. I never
appreciated how his little comments could lighten almost any situation. His sweet, lop-
sided grin that makes his eyes brighten and his features all the more handsome. Funny,
how you take things for granted until they're gone, and then you spend your waking
moments missing the tiniest details.
I just sat in my chair, looking into his hazel eyes, unable to say anything to him. I didn't
know how to begin. How to tell him how I'd missed him so, and thought of him every
minute of every day. Luckily, he started for me.
"Oh, God, how I've missed you." He said quietly, touching my cheek gently.
I thought I could say something. I opened my mouth to say the same thing, but no words
came out. Instead, I felt the tears continue down my cheeks and fall to my lap. I began to
sob, sob so hard I shook. He leaned forward and took me up in his arms, knowing just
how to comfort me. I don't think I've ever cried so hard in front of Mulder. I never
allowed myself to. And I regretted never opening up to him sooner every time I look at
my fatherless son. But, now was not the time to be strong, now was the time to be with
the man I love the most in the world.
We didn't speak for a long time, not wanting to break the silence in our embrace. Finally,
Mulder released me, only to lay his hands on my shoulders, close to my neck. I felt his
thumb slide down my cheek, wiping away the tears. I looked into his eyes, and he glanced
briefly down at my lips. In a few hesitant moments, out lips drew closer and brushed. He
hesitated again and I advanced closer to him, finally meeting our lips in a lock. The kiss
was soft at first, almost on the verge of being chaste. Then, as we both gained more
confidence, the kiss became harder and more passionate. His tongue slipped in between
my open lips.
When our last reserves of air were gone, we unwillingly ended the kiss to catch our
breaths. I wrapped my arms around his back and hugged him tightly. "I missed you so
much." I finally managed to whisper into his shoulder. I turned my face to the side to rest
on his shoulder and closed my eyes, letting the tears squeeze out of the corners and soak
the dark blue fabric of his shirt.
"I love you." He whispered against my head, where his cheek was resting.
"I love you, too." I managed to murmur back, not wanting to ever end the moment.
Eventually, though, we had to. There was so much we still had to talk about, had to catch
up on, not a minute could be wasted. We eventually wandered up to the cafeteria for
coffee and sat alone at an end table, staring at one another and talking.
"So, how have you been?" He asked after taking a sip of his coffee.
I glanced down at my own Styrofoam cup, watching the light brown contents swirl around
from stirring. "I've been fine, I guess. A little swamped lately, but fine."
"Where did you end up working? I mean, what division? Or did they let you stay on the
X-files?" He asked, his eyes never leaving mine.
I sighed. "No, they shut the X-files down, not long after you left. The funds started
dissipating, and then Skinner told me there was an open position on the forensics team.
As soon as I showed interest in the position, they told me they were shutting the X-files
down. I tried to keep it open, but I couldn't. I really couldn't do it without you." I could
feel the tears begin to refill my eyes, remembering how much pain I had gone through.
And how I had just wanted to crawl into bed and die.
Mulder reached across the table and gently took my hand in his. I squeezed it back,
showing that I was okay.
"Well, what are you doing here? What have you been doing? How have you been?" I
asked him all at once, as soon as the questions managed to flow into my mind.
He smiled again. "I'm here for a regional field office meeting. One agent from every office
out west comes here once a year for the meeting. The guy that usually comes is busy, his
wife's having a baby or something like that." He explained. He used his other hand to
pick up his coffee and take a sip. "I've pretty much been doing everything. This and that,
whatever keeps me busy. Usually we work on the violent crimes stuff."
"We?" I asked, curious about his life, and the twists and turns it had taken since we
parted ways.
"My partner Mike and I. Mike's the guy that usually comes out here. He's married, real
nice wife, he's a good guy." Mulder's eyes fell to the table, as if he was trying to form the
words that were swirling around in his head. "But, it just hasn't been the same without
you." He finally said quietly.
He didn't need to say anything else. He'd been feeling the same way I had, like a part of us
were missing. We made each other whole people; we needed one another to be complete.
Together we were strong, apart we were nothing. I felt the tear overflow and drop off my
eyelashes to roll down my cheek. He reached over and wiped it away.
"We should go to dinner tonight, you and I. I'm leaving early tomorrow morning, and I
want to spend as much time with you as I can." He offered, still smiling.
I nodded and smiled in return. I knew now we wouldn't stay together forever, but a girl
can dream can't she? I decided then not to think about Saturday morning, and just focus
on the pure fact that Mulder was here with me now, and that was it.
We met up with Jen again just before we left at my office. She was packing up to leave for
the day as well, and immediately noticed my male tag-along and myself as we entered the
office. I grabbed my briefcase and purse and Jen quickly approached my desk curious
about this mysterious man I was with.
"Hi, Dana." She said, eyeing Mulder. "Aren't you going to introduce me to your
handsome friend here?" She asked, her brown eyes moving up and down Mulder's
physique and facial features.
I smiled. "Jen, this is Mulder." I gestured toward Mulder and he stuck out his hand.
She took it, her face changing from a flirtatious grin to a look of utter surprise. "Mulder?
*The* Mulder, Dana?"
I nodded, watching them shake hands.
"Oh my god!" Jen exclaimed. I could tell it was taking everything in her power to keep
from jumping up and down and screaming.
Mulder immediately looked confused, and it only made my smile widen. "Nice to meet
you . . . Agent Reitz." He said, glancing quickly at the laminated nametag clipped to her
jacket lapel.
"Jen, please." She said, releasing his hand.
When she turned from Mulder, I stepped close to her to say something I didn't want
Mulder to hear. "Jen, could you do me a favor?" I asked quietly.
She nodded quickly, still watching Mulder over my shoulder.
"Could you go pick up Will and take him home for me? Mulder and I are going to dinner;
we shouldn't be back past seven or seven-thirty. If he gets hungry, just pop some
spaghetti O's in the microwave for him. Okay?"
"All right, sure." She complied.
"Thank you." I said and smiled before turning back to Mulder.
Mulder was looking at the various things tacked to the wall behind my desk and around
the picture windows. One of which was the glossy poster I had mysteriously received in
the mail. "You have interesting taste in office decoration." He commented, pointing at
the very familiar poster that had previously vacated a spot behind his desk downstairs.
I looked at it; never even knowing it was there until now.
"Oh yeah." Jen said from behind us. "I showed it to Tom and we both decided to put it
up. I hope you don't mind."
I shook my head. "Where'd it come from?" I asked no one, as if I really didn't know.
"I sent it." Mulder said, his attention re-directed at me. "I sent it to Skinner hoping he
would know how to contact you and give it to you. I figured you could use it more than
me."
I didn't say anything. Once again, I didn't know what to say. For a few minutes, I only
stood, staring between him and the poster. Finally, he spoke up and asked if I was ready.
I nodded my reply and we both headed for the office door.
"Have fun, Cinderella. Don't do anything I wouldn't do." I heard Jen call from her desk.
I chuckled and Mulder looked at me. "Cinderella?" He inquired, confused again.
I smiled. "We have a lot to talk about."
"By the way," He said as we reached the elevator. "Who's Will?" He asked, pressing the
white down button for the elevator.
"A lot to talk about." I repeated, stepping through the metal doors as they slid open.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After a wonderful dinner at Paradicio's, a lovely Italian Restaurant, we returned to my
apartment around seven-thirty. I had kept the same apartment even after Will was born; I
merely converted the guest bedroom to his room. As soon as I unlocked and opened the
door, I was greeted by a child's squeal of delight. We stepped through the door and Will
jumped me, hugging my knees.
"Mama's home!" He announced to everyone.
I knelt down in front of him and kissed his chubby cheek. "Hi, Baby." I said. He grinned
broadly. "Did you eat dinner yet?" I asked him.
"Yeah. We had basghetti O's." He said.
I pointed at the accusing spot of red sauce on the bib of his blue corduroy overalls. "I see
that, you wear it well." He giggled and looked up at the strange man standing behind me.
I followed my son's gaze ad turned my head up to look at Mulder. He was more puzzled
than ever. As far as we both knew, I could never have children, cursed with the inability
to conceive after what the horrible men of the Syndicate had done to me. I grabbed Will
by the waist and lifted him onto my hip.
"Mulder," I began hesitantly. "This is Will. He's my son." I looked at Will, who was still
focused on Mulder.
Mulder was stunned. Now it seemed as though he was the one who was speechless.
"Your son?" He managed to say.
I opened my mouth to explain when Jen interrupted me. She had picked up her briefcase
and jacket and approached the door to leave. "Seeing as you two still have a lot to talk
about, I'll be going now." She said.
"Bye, Jen. Thanks for watching Will." I replied as she passed Mulder to get out the door.
"Buh-bye Auwnt Jen." Will called after her, waving his hand over my shoulder. She
raised her hand and headed down the hall in return.
I shut the door with my free hand. "Let's go sit down, shall we?" I offered. Mulder
nodded in response and followed me to the couch. I put Will back down and swept the
toys away. We both sat down and I watched Will follow our Toy Yorkshire terrier (a gift
from Tom) taunting, "Pup-ee" as he did so. "Please don't chase the dog." I said
exasperatedly.
"He wikes it, Mama." Will said, refusing to stop running after 'Max'.
"William." I snapped, glaring at him. He turned around and looked at me. He clasped his
hands behind his back and poked his lower lip out. His pure innocent puppy face bared an
uncanny resemblance to his father.
I looked back at Mulder, who was now smiling at Will, obviously amused with the boy's
mischief. "Your son?" He inquired again, getting back on topic.
I nodded. "Yes, my flesh-and-blood son." I shrugged. "I don't know how . . ." I started,
and then paused, thinking, and reworded it. "Imagine how surprised I was." I said,
smiling.
Mulder returned the smile.
"Will, come over here." I beckoned. "I want you to meet somebody."
Will dropped the toy he was playing with and came over. He stood before me, looking
between Mulder and me. He looks (and acts) so much like his father; I don't know why
Mulder didn't see it then.
"Will, this is my friend, Mulder." I said, gazing from Will to Mulder.
"Hi." Will said shyly.
Mulder leaned down in his seat, to be closer to Will's height. "Hello, Will." He said
kindly. "You have a very wonderful mother."
Will hugged my knees again and put his head in my lap. "I wove my mama." He said.
I smiled and stroked my son's fine brown hair.
Mulder grinned at him too. "How old are you, Will?" He asked.
Will stood up straight again and held up three fingers. "I free." He said proudly, very
happy he could count. "My birfday's in Apriw."
I unknowingly held my breath. Please do the math, Mulder; please do the math, I thought.
"You're three." Mulder said thoughtfully. There were a few silent minutes as--I guess--he
calculated the months and years in his mind. "That would mean . . ." He looked up at me,
the shock in his eyes.
"Yes," I whispered, nodding slowly. "He's your son."
Mulder's mouth opened a little and he looked back down at *his* son. Now, I know he
saw the resemblance. "Come here." He said gently to Will. Will stood in front of him
and Mulder lifted him onto his lap, hugging him. I swear I could see tears in Mulder's
eyes.
I touched Mulder's shoulder and he pulled Will back, so the boy was just sitting on his lap.
He looked Will in the eyes, trying to take all of his son in at once. "Will," I said, with my
hand still on Mulder's shoulder. "This is your daddy."
Will just looked back at me. I wasn't sure if he understood. He looked back at Mulder.
"Daddy?" He questioned.
Mulder swallowed and nodded.
"You in da pitures?" He asked. I once showed Will some file pictures of Mulder. They
aren't the best representations of the man I had fallen in love with, but they could still give
Will some look at who his father was.
Mulder looked at me and I nodded. He touched Will's cheek with his palm. "I'm a
daddy." He said, mostly to himself. It was as new to him as being a mother had been to
me. Except I got the realization in steps. He was hit with it all at once.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mulder and I spent the entire night together. We tried to *pretend* we were all a family,
and Saturday morning would never come. But, as the hours grew shorter, and the time
for Mulder to leave for the airport grew nearer, he unwillingly packed up his bags. This
time, I took Will and went with him to the airport, all the time hoping he would stay.
"Come with me." He asked for the second time since the night before. The three of us
stood outside of the boarding gates for flight 1021 to California. They had already called
passengers with small children on, so I knew our time was growing short. "You and Will.
My apartment's big enough, there's enough room for both of you, and Max."
I hadn't begun to cry, yet. I had to be strong, for Will, for myself. "I can't, you know I
can't, Mulder. I'm needed here, there's no one else qualified for the position. My place is
here." I argued. Oh, god, how I wanted to go with him. But, I couldn't. I just couldn't
up and leave, no matter what love did to me. My obligations out weighed my heart as
they always do, damn them.
He reached up and touched my face gently. "I'm going to miss you." He said. "I already
do." This time, I know I saw tears in his eyes.
And the tears began to escape my control and fall down my cheeks. "Then stay here." I
pleaded.
"I can't." He said quietly. "For the same reasons you can't come with me."
I put my forehead in my hand, trying to keep from crying. "Oh, Mulder. We're just both
so damn stubborn."
He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight. I put my arms around his shoulders
and kissed his cheek. "I love you, Mulder. You're the only man I've ever loved."
"I love you, too." I heard him murmur.
I let a sob escaped me and pulled away. I brought his head down to mine and kissed his
forehead. "I just want you to know, I will never forget you." I sobbed. "You taught me
how to open up, and how to love."
He turned his head and gaze away from mine, trying not to cry himself.
I pulled it back with a hand on his shoulder. "But, most of all, Mulder, you taught me
how to believe." His eyes shimmered and a tear slipped unnoticed down his right cheek.
"I believe, that if we truly are meant to be together, you will come back to me. And I will
hold onto that belief forever." More tears poured down my face as they announced the
final boarding call. On a quick impulse, I reached behind my neck and unclasped the gold
chain of the cross I wore. The necklace that was my most prized possession, given to me
by my mother. Even with all the abductions and everything that happened to me, Mulder
always managed to return that necklace to me. I reached around his neck and clasped it
together.
He didn't say a word. He put his hand behind my head and brought my lips up to be
captured in his own. After the long and deep kiss, we embraced for one final time.
"Good-bye, Dana. I love you." He whispered into my ear. The he turned and headed for
the gates.
I sank down into one of the seats, Will standing in front of me. There were red tear
streaks on his face as well; he understood what was happening. I took my baby up in my
arms to comfort his cries.
"I don't want Daddy to go." He sobbed.
"Me either, Baby, me either." I muttered, hugging him tight. I watched the plane pull
away from the terminal and start up the runway. In minutes that seemed like seconds, it
had sped up the long runway and begun it's ascent out of my life for what may be forever.
I closed my eyes and cried, fully letting the tears stream down my face and not caring
about being strong for my son.
In my crying, I felt a hand rest on my shoulder. Thinking it some stranger trying to
comfort me, I muttered for them to go away. I felt something long and delicately thin
being snaked around my neck and clasped behind my head. A familiar weight that was
now foreign hung limply around my throat. I immediately opened my eyes and looked up.
The sight I saw was one I'll never forget. Mulder was standing beside where I sat, his
hand on my shoulder, a small smile lighting his face.
"Mulder!" I exclaimed, jumping to my feet and putting Will down. I wrapped my arms
around him, not caring why he was still here and not on his flight.
"I couldn't do it." He said. "I couldn't leave you guys. I love you too much."
"I always believed." I said. "I always believed you would come back to me."
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXF~I~NXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
**And as his bus left out she cried
With him standing by her side
That ol' wind had once again found its way home
~~
For right now they're both in love
The only thing they're thinking of
Is that they're finally where they're hearts have always been**
--Garth Brooks, "That Ol' Wind"
Author: Smurf
Email: KRUMS@worldnet.att.net
Rating: PG--Good family fun, I say damn twice.
Category: VRA
Spoilers: Uhh, nope.
Keywords: MSR
Summary: A short, sweet little ditty.
Disclaimer: Ain't mine, never have been, leave me alone.
Archive: Sure. Keep my name attached. You may want to contact Lill at
TinkerbellAmidala@X-Phile1013.freeserve.co.uk
Feedback: I live for it. At least just lemme know you read this.
Note: I thought up this story last night driving home from a carnival. No, it has nothing to
do with the carnival. You see; my mom's a big country fan. Anyway, this Garth Brooks
song came on the radio. It's called That Ol' Wind. It's a very good song and it gave me a
wonderful idea for a fanfic. Well, here ya go.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That Ol' Wind
Four years ago, my life was shattered at the drop of a hat. Something terrible happened
involving the Consortium. The very men Mulder and I chased for years shut us down.
They split Mulder and I up yet again. Somehow, this time we knew there was no getting
out of it. He was reassigned to a field office in California. The night before he left, all
cards were laid on the table. Every oppressed thought or feeling we had toward the other
was confessed. The six-year bond and love we had developed was unleashed in a single
night of passion. I said good-bye to him at the break of dawn that morning. I haven't seen
him since. It broke my heart. That's the understatement of the year, Ladies and
Gentlemen. It ripped my soul to shreds, tore my heart from my chest and left it beating at
my feet. The pain still hasn't healed; I don't think it ever will. We never contacted each
other after that. To this day I still don't know why. I really don't know how to contact
him even if I wanted to. That's probably what hurts the most.
Although it is painful, and I never speak of it, I have found some peace. One little thing
that keeps me going every day. About two months after Mulder left, I found out I was
pregnant. One encounter between us, and it left me a single mother of our son. I never
thought it possible, neither of us did. I don't question how I got pregnant, after everything
that happened. I don't need to. I just look into my three-year-old's blue eyes and at his
curly brown hair, and I have all my answers.
His name is William Scully. He doesn't have a middle name. I don't want to say I'm not
very imaginative when it comes to names, because I am. William is a family name. My
father's name was William. But, to be more original, he's called Will for short. I just
never found a suiting middle name. So, I guess that's imaginative enough.
Today was started out as another mundane day in the life of me. I dropped Will off at
daycare and drove down to work. I still work for the FBI, but now I'm part of the
forensics team. It's better then teaching at Quantico, a shorter commute, but still not the
same as a field agent on the X-files. They shut down the X-files a final time after six
years, claiming there was never enough evidence to support its continuance. It wasn't all
that hard, Mulder had already left and I didn't think I could continue *his* life's work
without him.
Today after lunch, the day went from mundane, to crappy. I returned to my office to find
a long, black plastic tube lying on top of my strewn papers. It had been sent through the
mail, but without any return address. Curious to find out what it was, I popped off the
end and pulled out a rolled-up poster. My fingers worked quickly to roll away the rubber
band bounding the glossy white paper. I unrolled the poster completely to see an image
that still manages to haunt my memories. A picture of a fuzzy gray flying saucer over a
fuzzier outline of trees. The bold white lettering at the bottom declared, "I WANT TO
BELIEVE". A more immense flood of memories than I could handle at that point crashed
into me head on. I broke down right at my desk and cried.
I would have continued crying had Jen not appeared in my doorway and inquired what
was wrong. Jen's great. She's a fellow forensic pathologist. I haven't had a girlfriend
since college, and she is the best. She has never wronged me and is always there when I
need her. Whether as a shoulder to cry on or a stiff kick in the pants for a get-go. And
vice-versa.
So, I explained the whole sad tale about Mulder and I. How six years of electrifying
sexual tension was consummated in one steamy night before he left for what I thought
would be forever. How I carried and had the son he probably would never know he had.
Being the hopeless romantic she is, Jen sat back in the chair across from me and sighed.
"Dana, you've got to find him." She said after the initial awe of the moment boiled over.
"You two are so meant for each other. This is like some fairy tale. Like Cinderella or
something."
I just shook my head and wiped the last few tears from my eyes. "I wish it was that easy."
I said, knowing she wouldn't leave it at that.
She bugged me about it for the rest of the day; bless her. At around four o'clock my day
again changed from crappy to . . . unimaginable. I went a floor upstairs to personally
deliver some reports to my Assistant Director. I'm no longer under AD Skinner, now it's
AD Berols.
Anyway, I had my eyes glued to a report, trying to make sure it was neat and complete for
Berols. Therefore, I didn't see the man turned away from me, joking with someone else
further up the hall. He turned around just as I barreled headlong into him. None of my
papers fell, thank God, I would never have gotten them back. I was still fairly
embarrassed, and before I could regain my bearings and look up at his face, apologizing a
thousand fold, I heard him utter a single word:
"Scully."
Only one person still called me by my last name. I looked up into his twinkling hazel eyes
and felt myself lose control. My lips formed the syllables of his name, but my voice didn't
come with it. Before I could say anything, I leaned into his open arms, never minding the
mingling agents around us. In that instant, we were the only two people on Earth. When
you see someone you love after four years of separation, it's almost like they've been
resurrected from the dead.
I pinched my eyes shut in our embrace, letting my tears fall down my cheeks. I felt his
hand brush through my hair and squeeze tighter around my back. His voice breathed my
name again into my ear. I could feel his own tears as he pressed his cheek against my
forehead. No words can describe what it was like to feel him in my arms again. I laid my
head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat again, surrounded by his warmth.
I think we probably stood there forever, just gazing into each other's eyes. And yes, I do
*gaze* at Agent Mulder. I wanted to gaze at him as much as I could. I couldn't believe he
was back. It had to be the happiest day of my life, aside from the day my son was born. I
had waited so long to feel his arms around me; I never wanted to let go. I just wanted to
stand there; enveloped in his embrace; his smell, that uniquely sweet, wonderful Mulder-
scent; to feel his breath against my skin; and to know, really know, that he was back for
good.
As reluctant as I was about doing it, I ended our embrace. Unmindful of whatever it was I
had been doing, and anyone else around me, I took his hand and led him down to my third
floor office. I led him past Jen and Tom's desks (we all share a large corner office) to my
ever-cluttered desk. I removed a stack of paper from a chair and pulled it up to my desk
so he could sit down.
He looked at the papers and mess on my desk, the floor, and the other desks. "And you
always said I was the unorganized one." He joked, smiling at me.
God, how much I missed that. His little sarcastic comments, and his smile. I never
appreciated how his little comments could lighten almost any situation. His sweet, lop-
sided grin that makes his eyes brighten and his features all the more handsome. Funny,
how you take things for granted until they're gone, and then you spend your waking
moments missing the tiniest details.
I just sat in my chair, looking into his hazel eyes, unable to say anything to him. I didn't
know how to begin. How to tell him how I'd missed him so, and thought of him every
minute of every day. Luckily, he started for me.
"Oh, God, how I've missed you." He said quietly, touching my cheek gently.
I thought I could say something. I opened my mouth to say the same thing, but no words
came out. Instead, I felt the tears continue down my cheeks and fall to my lap. I began to
sob, sob so hard I shook. He leaned forward and took me up in his arms, knowing just
how to comfort me. I don't think I've ever cried so hard in front of Mulder. I never
allowed myself to. And I regretted never opening up to him sooner every time I look at
my fatherless son. But, now was not the time to be strong, now was the time to be with
the man I love the most in the world.
We didn't speak for a long time, not wanting to break the silence in our embrace. Finally,
Mulder released me, only to lay his hands on my shoulders, close to my neck. I felt his
thumb slide down my cheek, wiping away the tears. I looked into his eyes, and he glanced
briefly down at my lips. In a few hesitant moments, out lips drew closer and brushed. He
hesitated again and I advanced closer to him, finally meeting our lips in a lock. The kiss
was soft at first, almost on the verge of being chaste. Then, as we both gained more
confidence, the kiss became harder and more passionate. His tongue slipped in between
my open lips.
When our last reserves of air were gone, we unwillingly ended the kiss to catch our
breaths. I wrapped my arms around his back and hugged him tightly. "I missed you so
much." I finally managed to whisper into his shoulder. I turned my face to the side to rest
on his shoulder and closed my eyes, letting the tears squeeze out of the corners and soak
the dark blue fabric of his shirt.
"I love you." He whispered against my head, where his cheek was resting.
"I love you, too." I managed to murmur back, not wanting to ever end the moment.
Eventually, though, we had to. There was so much we still had to talk about, had to catch
up on, not a minute could be wasted. We eventually wandered up to the cafeteria for
coffee and sat alone at an end table, staring at one another and talking.
"So, how have you been?" He asked after taking a sip of his coffee.
I glanced down at my own Styrofoam cup, watching the light brown contents swirl around
from stirring. "I've been fine, I guess. A little swamped lately, but fine."
"Where did you end up working? I mean, what division? Or did they let you stay on the
X-files?" He asked, his eyes never leaving mine.
I sighed. "No, they shut the X-files down, not long after you left. The funds started
dissipating, and then Skinner told me there was an open position on the forensics team.
As soon as I showed interest in the position, they told me they were shutting the X-files
down. I tried to keep it open, but I couldn't. I really couldn't do it without you." I could
feel the tears begin to refill my eyes, remembering how much pain I had gone through.
And how I had just wanted to crawl into bed and die.
Mulder reached across the table and gently took my hand in his. I squeezed it back,
showing that I was okay.
"Well, what are you doing here? What have you been doing? How have you been?" I
asked him all at once, as soon as the questions managed to flow into my mind.
He smiled again. "I'm here for a regional field office meeting. One agent from every office
out west comes here once a year for the meeting. The guy that usually comes is busy, his
wife's having a baby or something like that." He explained. He used his other hand to
pick up his coffee and take a sip. "I've pretty much been doing everything. This and that,
whatever keeps me busy. Usually we work on the violent crimes stuff."
"We?" I asked, curious about his life, and the twists and turns it had taken since we
parted ways.
"My partner Mike and I. Mike's the guy that usually comes out here. He's married, real
nice wife, he's a good guy." Mulder's eyes fell to the table, as if he was trying to form the
words that were swirling around in his head. "But, it just hasn't been the same without
you." He finally said quietly.
He didn't need to say anything else. He'd been feeling the same way I had, like a part of us
were missing. We made each other whole people; we needed one another to be complete.
Together we were strong, apart we were nothing. I felt the tear overflow and drop off my
eyelashes to roll down my cheek. He reached over and wiped it away.
"We should go to dinner tonight, you and I. I'm leaving early tomorrow morning, and I
want to spend as much time with you as I can." He offered, still smiling.
I nodded and smiled in return. I knew now we wouldn't stay together forever, but a girl
can dream can't she? I decided then not to think about Saturday morning, and just focus
on the pure fact that Mulder was here with me now, and that was it.
We met up with Jen again just before we left at my office. She was packing up to leave for
the day as well, and immediately noticed my male tag-along and myself as we entered the
office. I grabbed my briefcase and purse and Jen quickly approached my desk curious
about this mysterious man I was with.
"Hi, Dana." She said, eyeing Mulder. "Aren't you going to introduce me to your
handsome friend here?" She asked, her brown eyes moving up and down Mulder's
physique and facial features.
I smiled. "Jen, this is Mulder." I gestured toward Mulder and he stuck out his hand.
She took it, her face changing from a flirtatious grin to a look of utter surprise. "Mulder?
*The* Mulder, Dana?"
I nodded, watching them shake hands.
"Oh my god!" Jen exclaimed. I could tell it was taking everything in her power to keep
from jumping up and down and screaming.
Mulder immediately looked confused, and it only made my smile widen. "Nice to meet
you . . . Agent Reitz." He said, glancing quickly at the laminated nametag clipped to her
jacket lapel.
"Jen, please." She said, releasing his hand.
When she turned from Mulder, I stepped close to her to say something I didn't want
Mulder to hear. "Jen, could you do me a favor?" I asked quietly.
She nodded quickly, still watching Mulder over my shoulder.
"Could you go pick up Will and take him home for me? Mulder and I are going to dinner;
we shouldn't be back past seven or seven-thirty. If he gets hungry, just pop some
spaghetti O's in the microwave for him. Okay?"
"All right, sure." She complied.
"Thank you." I said and smiled before turning back to Mulder.
Mulder was looking at the various things tacked to the wall behind my desk and around
the picture windows. One of which was the glossy poster I had mysteriously received in
the mail. "You have interesting taste in office decoration." He commented, pointing at
the very familiar poster that had previously vacated a spot behind his desk downstairs.
I looked at it; never even knowing it was there until now.
"Oh yeah." Jen said from behind us. "I showed it to Tom and we both decided to put it
up. I hope you don't mind."
I shook my head. "Where'd it come from?" I asked no one, as if I really didn't know.
"I sent it." Mulder said, his attention re-directed at me. "I sent it to Skinner hoping he
would know how to contact you and give it to you. I figured you could use it more than
me."
I didn't say anything. Once again, I didn't know what to say. For a few minutes, I only
stood, staring between him and the poster. Finally, he spoke up and asked if I was ready.
I nodded my reply and we both headed for the office door.
"Have fun, Cinderella. Don't do anything I wouldn't do." I heard Jen call from her desk.
I chuckled and Mulder looked at me. "Cinderella?" He inquired, confused again.
I smiled. "We have a lot to talk about."
"By the way," He said as we reached the elevator. "Who's Will?" He asked, pressing the
white down button for the elevator.
"A lot to talk about." I repeated, stepping through the metal doors as they slid open.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After a wonderful dinner at Paradicio's, a lovely Italian Restaurant, we returned to my
apartment around seven-thirty. I had kept the same apartment even after Will was born; I
merely converted the guest bedroom to his room. As soon as I unlocked and opened the
door, I was greeted by a child's squeal of delight. We stepped through the door and Will
jumped me, hugging my knees.
"Mama's home!" He announced to everyone.
I knelt down in front of him and kissed his chubby cheek. "Hi, Baby." I said. He grinned
broadly. "Did you eat dinner yet?" I asked him.
"Yeah. We had basghetti O's." He said.
I pointed at the accusing spot of red sauce on the bib of his blue corduroy overalls. "I see
that, you wear it well." He giggled and looked up at the strange man standing behind me.
I followed my son's gaze ad turned my head up to look at Mulder. He was more puzzled
than ever. As far as we both knew, I could never have children, cursed with the inability
to conceive after what the horrible men of the Syndicate had done to me. I grabbed Will
by the waist and lifted him onto my hip.
"Mulder," I began hesitantly. "This is Will. He's my son." I looked at Will, who was still
focused on Mulder.
Mulder was stunned. Now it seemed as though he was the one who was speechless.
"Your son?" He managed to say.
I opened my mouth to explain when Jen interrupted me. She had picked up her briefcase
and jacket and approached the door to leave. "Seeing as you two still have a lot to talk
about, I'll be going now." She said.
"Bye, Jen. Thanks for watching Will." I replied as she passed Mulder to get out the door.
"Buh-bye Auwnt Jen." Will called after her, waving his hand over my shoulder. She
raised her hand and headed down the hall in return.
I shut the door with my free hand. "Let's go sit down, shall we?" I offered. Mulder
nodded in response and followed me to the couch. I put Will back down and swept the
toys away. We both sat down and I watched Will follow our Toy Yorkshire terrier (a gift
from Tom) taunting, "Pup-ee" as he did so. "Please don't chase the dog." I said
exasperatedly.
"He wikes it, Mama." Will said, refusing to stop running after 'Max'.
"William." I snapped, glaring at him. He turned around and looked at me. He clasped his
hands behind his back and poked his lower lip out. His pure innocent puppy face bared an
uncanny resemblance to his father.
I looked back at Mulder, who was now smiling at Will, obviously amused with the boy's
mischief. "Your son?" He inquired again, getting back on topic.
I nodded. "Yes, my flesh-and-blood son." I shrugged. "I don't know how . . ." I started,
and then paused, thinking, and reworded it. "Imagine how surprised I was." I said,
smiling.
Mulder returned the smile.
"Will, come over here." I beckoned. "I want you to meet somebody."
Will dropped the toy he was playing with and came over. He stood before me, looking
between Mulder and me. He looks (and acts) so much like his father; I don't know why
Mulder didn't see it then.
"Will, this is my friend, Mulder." I said, gazing from Will to Mulder.
"Hi." Will said shyly.
Mulder leaned down in his seat, to be closer to Will's height. "Hello, Will." He said
kindly. "You have a very wonderful mother."
Will hugged my knees again and put his head in my lap. "I wove my mama." He said.
I smiled and stroked my son's fine brown hair.
Mulder grinned at him too. "How old are you, Will?" He asked.
Will stood up straight again and held up three fingers. "I free." He said proudly, very
happy he could count. "My birfday's in Apriw."
I unknowingly held my breath. Please do the math, Mulder; please do the math, I thought.
"You're three." Mulder said thoughtfully. There were a few silent minutes as--I guess--he
calculated the months and years in his mind. "That would mean . . ." He looked up at me,
the shock in his eyes.
"Yes," I whispered, nodding slowly. "He's your son."
Mulder's mouth opened a little and he looked back down at *his* son. Now, I know he
saw the resemblance. "Come here." He said gently to Will. Will stood in front of him
and Mulder lifted him onto his lap, hugging him. I swear I could see tears in Mulder's
eyes.
I touched Mulder's shoulder and he pulled Will back, so the boy was just sitting on his lap.
He looked Will in the eyes, trying to take all of his son in at once. "Will," I said, with my
hand still on Mulder's shoulder. "This is your daddy."
Will just looked back at me. I wasn't sure if he understood. He looked back at Mulder.
"Daddy?" He questioned.
Mulder swallowed and nodded.
"You in da pitures?" He asked. I once showed Will some file pictures of Mulder. They
aren't the best representations of the man I had fallen in love with, but they could still give
Will some look at who his father was.
Mulder looked at me and I nodded. He touched Will's cheek with his palm. "I'm a
daddy." He said, mostly to himself. It was as new to him as being a mother had been to
me. Except I got the realization in steps. He was hit with it all at once.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mulder and I spent the entire night together. We tried to *pretend* we were all a family,
and Saturday morning would never come. But, as the hours grew shorter, and the time
for Mulder to leave for the airport grew nearer, he unwillingly packed up his bags. This
time, I took Will and went with him to the airport, all the time hoping he would stay.
"Come with me." He asked for the second time since the night before. The three of us
stood outside of the boarding gates for flight 1021 to California. They had already called
passengers with small children on, so I knew our time was growing short. "You and Will.
My apartment's big enough, there's enough room for both of you, and Max."
I hadn't begun to cry, yet. I had to be strong, for Will, for myself. "I can't, you know I
can't, Mulder. I'm needed here, there's no one else qualified for the position. My place is
here." I argued. Oh, god, how I wanted to go with him. But, I couldn't. I just couldn't
up and leave, no matter what love did to me. My obligations out weighed my heart as
they always do, damn them.
He reached up and touched my face gently. "I'm going to miss you." He said. "I already
do." This time, I know I saw tears in his eyes.
And the tears began to escape my control and fall down my cheeks. "Then stay here." I
pleaded.
"I can't." He said quietly. "For the same reasons you can't come with me."
I put my forehead in my hand, trying to keep from crying. "Oh, Mulder. We're just both
so damn stubborn."
He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight. I put my arms around his shoulders
and kissed his cheek. "I love you, Mulder. You're the only man I've ever loved."
"I love you, too." I heard him murmur.
I let a sob escaped me and pulled away. I brought his head down to mine and kissed his
forehead. "I just want you to know, I will never forget you." I sobbed. "You taught me
how to open up, and how to love."
He turned his head and gaze away from mine, trying not to cry himself.
I pulled it back with a hand on his shoulder. "But, most of all, Mulder, you taught me
how to believe." His eyes shimmered and a tear slipped unnoticed down his right cheek.
"I believe, that if we truly are meant to be together, you will come back to me. And I will
hold onto that belief forever." More tears poured down my face as they announced the
final boarding call. On a quick impulse, I reached behind my neck and unclasped the gold
chain of the cross I wore. The necklace that was my most prized possession, given to me
by my mother. Even with all the abductions and everything that happened to me, Mulder
always managed to return that necklace to me. I reached around his neck and clasped it
together.
He didn't say a word. He put his hand behind my head and brought my lips up to be
captured in his own. After the long and deep kiss, we embraced for one final time.
"Good-bye, Dana. I love you." He whispered into my ear. The he turned and headed for
the gates.
I sank down into one of the seats, Will standing in front of me. There were red tear
streaks on his face as well; he understood what was happening. I took my baby up in my
arms to comfort his cries.
"I don't want Daddy to go." He sobbed.
"Me either, Baby, me either." I muttered, hugging him tight. I watched the plane pull
away from the terminal and start up the runway. In minutes that seemed like seconds, it
had sped up the long runway and begun it's ascent out of my life for what may be forever.
I closed my eyes and cried, fully letting the tears stream down my face and not caring
about being strong for my son.
In my crying, I felt a hand rest on my shoulder. Thinking it some stranger trying to
comfort me, I muttered for them to go away. I felt something long and delicately thin
being snaked around my neck and clasped behind my head. A familiar weight that was
now foreign hung limply around my throat. I immediately opened my eyes and looked up.
The sight I saw was one I'll never forget. Mulder was standing beside where I sat, his
hand on my shoulder, a small smile lighting his face.
"Mulder!" I exclaimed, jumping to my feet and putting Will down. I wrapped my arms
around him, not caring why he was still here and not on his flight.
"I couldn't do it." He said. "I couldn't leave you guys. I love you too much."
"I always believed." I said. "I always believed you would come back to me."
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXF~I~NXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
**And as his bus left out she cried
With him standing by her side
That ol' wind had once again found its way home
~~
For right now they're both in love
The only thing they're thinking of
Is that they're finally where they're hearts have always been**
--Garth Brooks, "That Ol' Wind"