NOTES: I'm sure stories like this exist, but I once organized an Uno tournament for a babysitting gig, so I consider myself something of a professional.
Cross-posted from AO3.
Yugi had started the weekend with the idea that it would be relaxing. He slept in, did his homework, and played checkers against his Other Self. He wanted to make sure he had lots of energy to go with his friends to KaibaLand after school on Monday, his birthday.
(He'd found an envelope with tickets in his shoe locker on Thursday- accompanying them was an unsigned card that simply read: Duel me.
Kaiba was such a thoughtful friend.)
After Sunday lunch, Yugi went to help his mother with dishes and she shooed him away.
"I need you to go pick up a special order form the bakery," she said with a wink.
She meant his birthday cake. She'd ordered it from a bakery on the other side of town instead of the usual one, so it took almost an hour to collect.
The Kame Game Shop had a back entrance into the apartment above, but Yugi almost never used it and entered directly through the shop. He made sure the door was set to lock automatically and let it swing shut behind him. The lights flickered on, and suddenly several voices yelled,
"SURPRISE!"
Yugi dropped his cake and reached reflexively for his duel deck, shoving his Other Self to the forefront of his consciousness.
"Um," said Yami Yugi as Anzu, Jounouchi, Honda, and Yugi's grandfather and mother poked their heads out from various hiding places. They were all wearing party hats.
"Oh goodness," Yugi's mother cried and swooped down on the dropped cake box.
"I guess we should have seen that one coming," Jounouchi said sheepishly. Yugi took back over his body, looking equally embarrassed. In the back of his mind, his Other Self was laughing at him.
The cake, while lopsided, was not totally ruined, and after transferring it to a plate, Yugi's family left them alone in the back storeroom, which they'd rearranged to accommodate a foldout table. Someone had also brought down all of the Mutou family board games.
"I want Other Me to play too," Yugi said.
"Okay," said Anzu, "but doesn't that limit what games we can play? You'd be able to see each other's cards and stuff, right?"
They settled on Monopoly. Two hours into it, Yami Yugi announced:
I don't think I like this game.
No one but Yugi could hear him, because he was a bodiless spirit.
Yugi lifted his head from his hands. He had been praying to every god he could think of for deliverance while Jounouchi and Honda argued over trading Water for Electric.
"There's no point trading a utility for another utility," he said, drained. "Also, Other Me hates this game."
I didn't say hate, Yami Yugi replied. Yami Yugi hated no game. Tell Anzu I'll give her Tennessee for B&O.
Yugi ignored him. His Other Self owned the other three railroads, and Anzu was very firmly holding on to the final one. She was very firmly holding on to several properties, in fact, just to prevent anyone from forming a monopoly on any one color. Sitting with her arms crossed and glowering at everyone, she was unmovable. Yami Yugi was never getting Anzu to trade.
Jounouchi and Honda's argument continued, heedless of Yugi's advice. There were no more properties left to buy, so all they had left was trades. They'd spent the last hour in a futile race around the board. No one could build houses. No had even gone to jail yet. The highlight of this bizarre passage of non-time was when Yami Yugi had landed on Free Parking. At one point, Honda had suggested they play a different game, and both Anzu and Yami Yugi had yelled at him about "giving up." They were stuck. Stuck forever, maybe.
Jounouchi only had $200 and had mortgaged several properties. Soon, he would be free. Yugi felt a pang of jealousy.
Eventually, the two decided not to trade, and Yugi's turn came. He rolled doubles. He was forced to participate in this hellish game twice in a row.
"Anzu," he said, "I will trade you Marvin Gardens for B&O."
Anzu eyed him suspiciously. Yugi could feel a pang of alarm from his Other Self. Anzu had both the other yellow properties, so by gaining Marvin Gardens, she'd have a huge advantage.
"Deal," she said.
Aibou, what are you doing? Yami Yugi exclaimed even as Yugi handed over the card. Statistically, the yellow and the green spaces are the most landed on-
"I am offering to trade Other Me B&O Railroad for Baltic Avenue."
There was a very long silence.
"What did he say?" Honda asked eventually.
"Nothing," Yugi said through gritted teeth. "I think he's trying to figure out how this could benefit me."
Aibou, Yami Yugi said slowly, what are you playing at? Anzu will still have an advantage over me, but both she and I will have advantages over you. Are you sacrificing yourself?
"He wants to know if I'm sacrificing myself," Yugi said. "He can't see any long-term strategy in giving other people monopolies when I have none. But I'm thinking bigger than that." Yugi stood. His hair was askew from rubbing his temples for an hour straight. He was no longer sure if he'd see the sun ever again. "Once I have Baltic Avenue, I will trade it to Honda for Indiana Avenue."
There were gasps. Honda was the owner of Baltic's matching light blue property, Mediterranean.
"THAT'S RIGHT," Yugi continued, "And then I will trade Indiana AND Kentucky Avenues to Jounouchi for Park Place."
Yugi had Boardwalk, the other dark blue property. Together, they made the most expensive properties in the game.
You'd do all that just for the infamous Park Place-Boardwalk Monopoly? Yami Yugi asked, scandalized.
"B-but Yugi," Anzu said cautiously, "no one ever lands on those spaces."
"Ah, but see, by doing that I give Jounouchi a monopoly on the red spaces. Then that entire side of the board will be monopolies… and guess where my thimble is headed my next roll…"
There was a shocked silence as everyone stared at the board. Yugi was about to steer his thimble right into enemy territory.
"You're… you're trying to lose," Anzu gasped.
Aibou… Yami Yugi said tenderly. I had no idea this game was hurting you so much.
Before Yugi could properly break down into sobs, there was a knock at the storage room door. Jounouchi jumped.
"Oh," said Anzu, standing up. "Otogi said he would be late."
It was not Otogi.
"Your Grandpa let me in," Ryou Bakura said apologetically. He was holding a gift bag in his hand. Tissue paper and the top of a card poked out.
All four monopoly players exchanged simultaneous "Oh fuck" looks. They had completely forgotten about him.
"Hi Bakura," Anzu greeted cheerfully. Too cheerfully.
"I came over to drop off your birthday present early so I don't embarrass you at school," Bakura said by way of explanation. "Um, are you all playing monopoly?"
"Actually, we were just, uh, finishing up," Jounouchi said, standing and stretching and trying to block the HAPPY BIRTHDAY banner they'd hung from a stack of games. "We can play another game if you- uh- want?"
Bakura stared at him, and the really obvious birthday decorations behind him, then at the cake that said HAPPY BIRTHDAY YUGI in slightly smeared icing, then at the handful of wrapped presents under the table.
"Are you having a party without me?" Bakura asked in a very small voice.
Tell him you had no part in the planning of it, Yami Yugi suggested, and for half second Yugi seriously considered throwing his friends under the bus. They had, after all, just spent the last two hours torturing him.
"Party? What party?" Jounouchi said too loudly. "The decorations are for Yugi's mom's cat, same birthday, what a coincidence, HA HA HA."
"Oh give it a rest," Anzu hissed at him. She turned back to Bakura with an apologetic look on her face. "Sorry, we planned the party using a group text, and I guess we didn't realize you weren't included because we just copied the contacts from our Battle City group text, minus Yugi..."
"You had a Battle City group text?" Bakura asked. Anzu winced.
"We made it during the finals, when you were uh… unconscious," Yugi explained, also wincing. "We're all really sorry."
Bakura frowned. "I don't know…" he said.
Anzu turned and grabbed the knife for the cake. It was unclear whether she was going to offer Bakura a slice of cake as a peace offering or attempt to escape the awkward situation by murdering them all.
Add 'even though I had nothing to do with it,' Yami Yugi advised. No- wait- something's wrong.
Before Anzu could do whatever she was going to do with the knife, Yugi surrendered control over his body to his Other Self, who pointed dramatically at Bakura.
"Our friend Bakura immediately accepts all our apologies for shitty behavior," Yami Yugi announced. "You are not him!"
Whether or not Anzu had intended to use the knife on the cake, she brandished it in Yami Bakura's direction, eyes wide.
Yami Bakura only sneered back at her, his posture turning fiercer and his hair spiking unnaturally. "So you figured it out," he drawled.
"How did you know we were all here?" Yami Yugi demanded.
Yami Bakura snorted. "Your grandfather called about an hour ago to see if Landlord was alright. Ironic that he's the one who noticed he was missing, but I guess he was the one who sat by my poor Landlord's bedside while you were off making group texts."
Honda, Jounouchi, and Anzu all cringed in unison, but Yami Yugi would not be cowed.
"Why are you here, then?" Yami Yugi asked.
"Ah, you know my Landlord," Bakura said, shaking his head. "He was nice to your grandfather on the phone, but on the inside he was distraught. So distraught he didn't even want control of his body anymore."
Yami Yugi scowled. Yami Bakura wagged a finger at him.
"I offered to do him a favor by coming over here and delivering his… present."
With a flourish, the ancient thief dropped the bag on the table. They all stared at it as if it might explode.
"Why don't you… open it?"
Yami Bakura sounded like he was about to burst into maniacal laughter at any second.
Unintimidated, Yami Yugi carefully removed the card. The envelope was sealed with a flower sticker, which the pharaoh peeled away. The card inside was obviously for a child, featuring cartoon Dark Magician and Dark Magician Girl. The note on the inside was in Bakura's handwriting:
Dear Yugi,
I hope you're having a good birthday. I heard you're going to duel Kaiba again. I'm sure you'll win, like always! Thanks for being such a good friend to me.
-Bakura
Well, Yugi said. Fuck.
Indeed, Yami Yugi replied.
Yami Bakura was grinning at him with uncontained evil glee. Anzu was still waving the knife at him, looking less and less certain by the minute.
"Feeling guilty yet?" Yami Bakura purred.
Yami Yugi scowled at him.
"How's this for a wager… I suspect my sweet and thoughtful Landlord has bought you a game. Why don't we play it?"
Yami Yugi narrowed his eyes at him. "And why would I agree to do that?"
Bakura smirked and licked his lips. "Because if you win, I'll let you beg Landlord for forgiveness."
Yami Yugi cocked his headed to the side. "And if you win?"
"I send you to the Shadows, I take your Puzzle, and the Rod and the Necklace you got from the Ishtars, I send the world into darkness, blah blah blah, same as always."
"Deal," Yami Yugi agreed.
"You agreed to that awfully fast," Anzu observed.
You just wanted to play him, Yugi griped. You don't even know what the game is. What if it's Twister?
The bag is too small, Yami Yugi replied, sticking his hand into the gift bag. It's probably cards. Odds are, it's some Duel Monsters booster packs and the spirit just screwed himself over.
Yami Yugi withdrew Yugi's present from the bag. He was right: it was a card game. But it wasn't Duel Monsters.
"Ah yes," Yami Bakura said, "From the ancient Kingdom of Castile."
It was Uno.
"Are you kidding me?" Jounouchi asked.
The Spirit of the Ring settled himself into a chair, smirking devilishly. "I'll let you shuffle."
There were too many Uno cards to shuffle normally. Awkwardly, Yami Yugi divided them into three piles and shuffled each of them separately before shuffling them all together. All the while, Yami Bakura simply stared at him with a shit-eating grin.
At some point, Anzu sighed and cut them all cake.
Finally, Yami Yugi had finished shuffling and dealt them both seven cards. Yami Bakura sat up in his chair, grabbing his cards.
"As usual, this will be a Shadow Game," he proclaimed. "The first one to zero cards wins."
Purple and black shadows unfurled from the deck, wrapping themselves around the Uno players and their spectators. Anzu rolled her eyes as Jounouchi and Honda stuffed their mouths with cake.
"I'll start," Yami Bakura said, flipping over the top card. It was a yellow one. "Of course, yellow. The color of your cowardice."
Seriously? Yugi asked.
"I think I'll play…. A reverse! This card reverses the order of the players. But," Yami Bakura pretended to look around, "since there are no other players… I guess I'll just go again."
Smirking, he played a yellow seven.
Fortunately, Yami Yugi was able to smirk right back at him. "It looks like Lucky Number Seven shines its light on me," he said, raising his next card. "For with its fortune, I change the color to green."
He dropped a green seven on the stack of cards. Yami Bakura glowered.
"You may have gotten luck this time," he sneered, playing a simple green five, "But I still have fewer cards."
Ignoring his jab, Yami Yugi concentrated on his cards. I only have one more green card, he thought, I'll have to hope Bakura does something to change the color after I play this.
Seriously? Yugi repeated.
As it turned out, Bakura didn't have any more green cards either, and with a snarl he drew a card. Slowly, an evil smile spread across his face, which he lifted to look Yami Yugi straight in the eyes. Wordlessly, he dropped a wild card onto the card pile.
"Yellow," he purred.
Yami Yugi tsked. He must have known I had no yellow cards when I changed the color before.
Yugi mentally rolled his eyes. I liked your internal monologues better when I blacked out for them.
Yami Yugi drew three cards before he got to one he could play.
"Skip," he announced, and Yami Bakura swore under his breath.
"You may have prolonged your suffering, but when it's your turn again you'll still have to play a yellow card."
"Oh my god," Anzu said through a mouthful of cake.
Because Yami Yugi had skipped Yami Bakura's turn, it was his turn again.
If I draw many more cards, Yami Yugi thought, I'll have too many in my hand and it will increase Yami Bakura's chances at winning. I have to believe in myself and in this precious gift my friend has given me.
Do you even like Bakura? Yugi asked.
Yami Yugi ignored him. He'd drawn a yellow three. Triumphantly, he played it.
Minutes passed like this, each player drawing and playing cards. Reds, blues, yellows. Even a few green cards were played, all different numbers. Yami Yugi finally drew a wildcard and was able to play almost all his red cards. Bakura retaliated with two skip cards in a row- with that clever move he was able to turn the color from red to blue, and Yami Yugi was back at square one with his many red cards. Jounouchi cut himself a second slice of cake. Yugi told Yami Yugi to tell Anzu to make sure she saved him a piece.
And then finally, Yami Yugi was able to play his red eight. He was now down to two cards. And then, sudden tragedy struck.
"UNO," Yami Bakura bellowed in his face. The shadows shook. The room went cold. Everyone could feel the light being sucked out of them.
"YOU FOOL!" Yami Bakura cackled. "You played your last red card! Now, you will have to draw more cards, and you don't even know what color my final card is! Next move all I have to do is play one measly card and you are FINISHED!"
Anzu dropped her fork. Sure, this entire game was ridiculous and only marginally better than Monopoly, but the stakes were high. She didn't want to live in a world of darkness; then how would she get to New York?
Yami Yugi caught her eye. He smiled.
"That's where you're wrong, Bakura," Yami Yugi said. "It's true I have no more red cards. But what I have is faith in my friends… and my trump card."
Bakura sneered, confidence dropping. "A trump card? Even if it's a wildcard, you don't know what color my card-"
"You forget," Yami Yugi was smirking insufferably now, "there is another type of wildcard."
Bakura gasped. "No-"
"It can't be!" Honda cried.
"The legendary- WILD DRAW FOUR."
Yami Bakura was nearly knocked out of his chair from shock. Anzu burst into tears of happiness. Jounouchi and Honda hugged each other. Yugi cheered from the back of his mind.
"Uno," Yami Yugi declared as he dropped the Uno equivalent of a God Card onto the pile.
Panting, Yami Bakura took his four cards with shaking hands.
"My color of choice…" Yugi said with a smirk. "The color of friendship: blue."
Sweating profusely, Yami Bakura glared down at his cards, then back at Yami Yugi, then back down at his cards. Then slowly, slowly, he began to smile. Laughter bubbled from his hoarse throat and soon blossomed into full-blown cackling.
Yami Yugi just watched him, grim-faced. "What's the matter?" Yami Yugi asked after the laughter began to die down. "Has staring defeat in the eye broken you?"
"No, pharaoh," Bakura replied, the amplitude of his smirk warping his face into cartoonish proportions. "I'm just laughing at how efficiently you've sown the seeds of your own demise."
Slowly, Yami Bakura flipped over the card he had just drawn, revealing it to be…. A blue DRAW TWO.
Yami Yugi's mouth fell open. "But with that card… I will draw two."
"That's right," Yami Bakura said. "The effect of DRAW TWO is to draw two."
I guess I have no choice, Yami Yugi thought, reaching for the deck, than to draw two.
"Ah, but wait," Yami Bakura chided. Yami Yugi froze, hand halfway to the deck. "I'm not done… I play… another DRAW TWO, forcing you to draw an additional two cards."
Yami Yugi's breath caught in his throat. "What- but-"
"And I'm not finished!" Yami Bakura crowed. "You see, all four of the cards you made me draw were DRAW TWOs. I have two more I'm going to play, right…. Now." He smirked. "Uno, asswipe."
"Oh no," Honda gasped. "For each DRAW TWO card, Yugi will have to draw two cards!"
"And that's four DRAW TWO cards!" Anzu also gasped.
"That's right," Jounouchi said darkly. "Yugi's gonna have to draw a grand total of eight cards."
I just want to remember what happiness feels like, Yugi whined.
Suddenly, Yami Yugi's frozen first clenched with determination. "No," he said. "The official rule pamphlet states you may only play one card per turn. Stacking is not permitted."
"The official rule pamphlet?" Yami Bakura repeated, mockingly. "The official rule pamphlet? Poor pharaoh, you must not have realized. This is Shadow Uno. In Shadow Uno we play by... house rules."
"NO!"
"YES." And Bakura burst into evil laughter once more.
"I don't…" Yami Yugi's hands were in fists once again, but this time they were shaking. "I don't know… if I can go on…"
"You gotta!" Jounouchi called. His voice sounded very far away. And also like he was stress-eating cake. "You gotta do it for Yugi's birthday! We can still play Jenga with normal Bakura!"
"I saved a frosting flower for him," Honda agreed.
"That's right," Anzu chimed in, "You have to win so we can apologize to Bakura for constantly ignoring him and leaving him out."
"I only agreed to apologize for you not inviting him to this party, which Aibou and I had nothing to do with," Yami Yugi clarified. "But you're right. I can't give up."
Bravely, the pharaoh drew eight cards.
"You're really going to keep going?" Yami Bakura asked, stunned. "Even when I have one card and you have nine?"
"That's right," Yami Yugi said, rearranging his cards by type. "Because this is a game I got from my previous friend Bakura, and I won't disgrace his memory by letting the likes of you abuse it. And to start…. I play a reverse. And, another reverse."
Anzu stared at him in starry-eyed admiration. Maybe they weren't doomed after all.
"And one final reverse."
Jounouchi stopped stress-eating.
"And now, a skip card of the same color."
Honda stopped clinging to Jounouchi for dear life.
"And a second skip."
Yami Yugi imagined that, deep inside his own mind, normal Bakura was sighing in relief. With each card he played, the Spirit of the Puzzle could feel his bonds of friendship with everyone in the room growing. Or maybe that was just hope that he wasn't about to let the world be destroyed by darkness; those two emotions were surprisingly similar.
Yami Bakura was scowling. "This can't go on. You'll run out of reverses and skips eventually."
"You're right," Yami Yugi agreed. "I'm all out of skips and reverses. But what I do have is this." He held up his cards. "TWO WILDCARDS." He placed them on the pile. "Uno."
Anzu's mouth feel open. "An Uno miracle…"
Bakura just sneered. "What color?"
"The color of bravery," Yami Yugi said decisively. "Red."
Bakura stood so dramatically his chair tipped over. "YOU FOOL!" he yelled. "IMBECILE! Did you forget that I also had one card? Your regular wildcards can do nothing to to me. And my final card is… RED! I WIN."
He burst into laughter once again. The shadows swirled around them, hungry for blood. This time, Honda, Jounouchi and Anzu held each other. And yet, Yami Yugi was oddly calm.
"I haven't ended my turn," he said simply.
Yami Bakura stopped laughing. "What?" he asked suspiciously. "You're out of reverses. You're out of skips. You've used up all your wild cards. You arrogant coward, there's nothing left for you to play."
"Ah, but you forget," Yami Yugi said, a small smirk playing on his lips. "It's house rules."
"Huh?" The Jounouchi-Honda-Anzu trio asked in unison. Bakura's eyes widen in fear.
"That's right," Yami Yugi, slowly rising to his feet. He held his final card above him. "And under house rules, when a player plays a wild card and changes the color, they may play one card of that color… and I PLAY THE RED NINE."
He slammed the card down. Shadows exploded from his hand, whipped around and dragging Yami Bakura forward.
"NO... IMPOSSIBLE…!" Yami Bakura screamed. "To win with a red nine… IT CAN'T BE…."
"It can and it is!" Yami Yugi roared. "How dare you try to corrupt this game my dear friend gave me!"
Even though we totally forgot about him? Yugi asked.
Even though we totally forgot about him.
"MIND CRUSH," Yami Yugi yelled, and the shadows disappeared in a burst of light. Bakura collapsed.
Everyone was still for a few moments. Yugi took back control of his body.
"Bakura!" he yelped, kneeling beside his friend.
"Uuurggh," Bakura, now his regular nice self, replied. Slowly, he rolled over. "Where am I? Yugi?"
"Bakura!" Yugi cried. "Honda went to go get you ice."
Honda had not gone to get Bakura ice, but after a meaningful look from Yugi he shuffled out of the room.
"Bakura, do you remember anything?" Anzu asked.
"I…" Bakura shakily sat up, and Yugi leaned in to support him. "I remember having a late lunch, and then the phone ringing and then… I think I went to answer it? I don't know."
"Do you know who called?" Yugi asked very slowly.
"I… no. I remember holding the phone in my hand, but not talking to whoever it was."
Yugi sighed with relief. "Well," he said, "you're at my surprise birthday party that Anzu organized for me. It was a surprise for you too because we totally remembered you like parties with your friends and included you."
Bakura smiled weakly. "Oh."
Nice, aibou.
"Your evil spirit buddy tried to take over the world with your Uno present, but Yugi stopped him," Jounouchi continued.
Bakura suddenly looked worried again. "Oh no, that's awful! I am so sorry, Yugi."
"Don't worry about it," Yugi said with a grin. "We saved cake for you."
Eventually Honda came back with a cold compress and Bakura cheerfully ate his cake with it balanced on his head. After cake, Yugi's family came back down to watch him open presents.
"You should play one of your new games," Grandpa suggested.
"Uh… actually I think we're a little gamed out," Yugi said. Both Anzu and Bakura looked slightly alarmed. "I think maybe we should just order pizza."
Yugi's mother fetched them a pizza menu and her credit card to pay with, then left them be. She must have let someone into the shop because a few moments later there was a knock at the storage room door.
Yugi jumped, sloshing his soda all over Honda's shoes. Anzu reached over and clamped her hand down on Yugi's shoulder. Bakura was slowly sliding under the table to hide.
"What?" Jounouchi snapped at the door.
"Uh, hey," Otogi's voice called from the other side. "Sorry I'm late. I brought Yahtzee."