Monday, July 31, 1995
Five knuts
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The Dark Mark, long used as a sign of You-Know-Who, has been spotted. Around nine o'clock Sunday night Dedalus Diggle was out for a walk, when he spotted It.
"Well of course I was scared, you know who that thing stands for, don't you?" he said. "I immediately apparated home and called a trained team of hit wizards, so that I would be safe."
This reporter thinks that Diggle is a coward, and a sniffling (insert choice insult here) for not checking out the matter himself. "Well, granted, I had my wand, but I don't want to die, okay? Leave me alone, unless I'm going to get some kind of order of Merlin for this!"
The minister issued a statement about this incident, saying in part "We almost have Him, so there is nothing to worry about, don't you see? The magical community should remain calm, because He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named will soon be apprehended."
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Do you like children and teaching? Is Defense Against The Dark Arts your passion? Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry is looking for a talented witch or wizard to accept the position of Professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts. Owl to headmaster Albus Dumbledore if interested. _______________________________________________________________________
Chocolate Frog Cards to add more Wizards!
The famous chocolate frog cards, collected by many young witches and wizards are very popular, and now it is going to be even harder to collect them all, because new cards will be added! Pythagoras is renowned by Muggles for his mathematics and also famous for inventing the 'Ridikulus' charm to keep Boggarts away. Kepler, also famous to Muggles, who was the first to use the gift of life as an escape from death will be added with Pythagoras. Hertzsprung, the world renowned Astronomy professor will be added in September, along with Nicholas Flamel. _____________________________________________________________________ Top 10 Wizarding Books, as reported by the number one bookstore, Flourish and Blotts.
1. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and What He Can Do To You
2. Curses, Hexes, and Other Useful Charms to Protect Yourself
3. What To Do When You Know The Worst Is Coming
4. Viktor Krum, Bulgarian Seeker
5. How To Protect Yourself From You-Know-Who
6. Quidditch Through The Ages: Revised!
7. That Pestering Little Twit: Rita Skeeter's Un-Authorized Biography
8. The Creation of The Goblet [of Fire]
9. The Complete Guide To Chocolate Frog Cards
10. Hogwarts, A History ___________________________________________________________
Judging From Book list, People Are Worried About You-Know-Who
The three top-selling books this week all had to do with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, as well as the fifth book. The recent escapades at Hogwarts School have obviously touched a nerve, and people are worried about Him. "There is no need to worry, haven't I told you that? We will catch Him, and there will be no more of a problem, don't you see?" says Minister Fudge. Albus Dumbledore, however, expressed some concerns. "There is no need to deny that Voldemort is dangerous, especially when he has his followers with him. We are trying to apprehend him the best we can, but right now he is eluding capture. I would advise the magical community to be careful, but not to buy into the hullaballo." When told of Dumbledore's statement a customer at Flourish and Blotts said "Well, that's all well and good, but remember that Dumbledore was the only one that You-Know-Who was afraid of. I still say that we better stock up on all the Anti-Dark Arts protection that we can." _______________________________________________________________________
Quality Quidditch Supplies, your one stop shop for all your Quidditch Supplies having a summer sale on Quidditch robes! Stop in to get robes from your favorite teams and you will receive a FREE quidditch player figurine!
Honeydukes Special, buy three fizzing Whizbees, and a sugar quill, and get a blood-flavored lollipop free! Act soon, this offer won't be around forever!
Come to the Three Broomsticks, and taste our world-famous Butterbeer! Located in Honeydukes ________________________________________________________________________ Head Of Magical Games And Sports Gone!
Ludo Bagman, the famous Beater of the Wasps, has disappeared. The ministry is not worried, because of a note that Bagman wrote before he left. It says, in part: "do not be worried, by the time you get this note I will be long gone, and living in another country under a new identity." The Daily Prophet has under covered why the Bagman disappeared. Apparently Mr. Bagman had made quite a few bets on the outcome of the Quidditch Cup. Bagman was never known to excell in Divination, and he lost his bets. He not only owed money to a group of unfriendly goblins but also to two of Hogwarts finest, Fred and George Weasly. "Yeah, Bagman owes us money, we bet him our savings on the cup, and won. He paid us the night of the Cup in leprechaun gold, which of course disappeared. We have tried to get our money back, but I think that the he is gone," said George Weasly, one of the two twins, who are entering their seventh year at Hogwarts. "We'll probably run into him before we die," says Fred Weasly. "Yeah, and we'll have a surprise for him then!" added George. This reporter asked to be let in on the plan, but was refused. "Then it won't be a surprise, and that wouldn't be any fun, now would it?" _____________________________________________________________________
Rita Skeeter Gone! Rita Skeeter, the famed reporter for The Daily Prophet and Witch's Weekly has not submitted any stories to either publication since May, when a piece questioning Harry Potter's mental capabilities was printed. The Prophet is not worried, because Ms. Skeeter often goes undercover for extended periods of time to research issues. Mr. Rattail, a close confidant of Ms. Skeeter says "Stop pestering me, she'll be fine! Now go away, or I'll send my collection of Flobberworms after you!" Please be assured that the Prophet will print any revelations about the disappearance of Ms. Skeeter.
Dragons Recaptured Three Norwegian Ridgeback dragons and a Hungarian Horntail escaped from a preserve in Romania, and were terrorizing a Muggle village when they were recaptured by employees of the preserve. Trained Wizards were called in to calm the muggles, who kept pointing at the dragons and screaming 'Godzilla'. The Daily Prophet has since learned that they were referring to a muggle movie about a giant lizard. Maybe muggles aren't that dense, after all.
Harry Potter's Birthday Today! Harry Potter, the young boy who defeated the Dark Lord almost fifteen years ago, is celebrating his fifteenth birthday today! Harry attends Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and is a seeker on the Gryffindor house team. Harry also competed in (and won) the Tri Wizard Cup. Harry could not be reached for comment, but we are sure that he is having a wonderful day, wherever he is. We here at the Prophet wish to say Happy Birthday to Harry! ________________________________________________________________________ This edition of The Daily Prophet may be reproduced, proving no changes are made, and that the editor (Christina) knows of your plans. Please don't "steal" it, and say it is yours, because this spacing took me forever! (I had a better idea for the layout, but it wouldn't look correct on almost all browser sizes, so I didn't put it up, but this one instead, which isn't as neat looking.) _______________________________________________________________________ Disclaimer: The Daily Prophet, the characters mentioned, and two of the books on the list (numbers three and ten) belong to J.K. Rowling, and I am not making any money from doing this. I did not copy anyone in this idea, it came to me when I was reading Merlyn's magazine. This "newsletter type" format belongs to Merlyn, who first had this idea in her Gildroy Lockhart Fan Club Magazine, and kindly let me "borrow" it. Check her's out, it's really funny! ________________________________________________________________________