Hey you guys!! I was listening to my iPod and the song The Reason came on and I had inspiration to write this one-shot. Hopefully you enjoy the fic and please review. Also, my spellchecker on Word wasn't working properly so sorry about any spelling/grammar mistakes, though I think I caught all of them. Also I know that Derek is OOC is this fic, but he's just showing his softer side, you know one he shows with Marti. :)
Diclaimer: I don't own LWD or the song The Reason.
Casey is woken up by the birds chirping and the sun shining one Saturday morning. She finds it odd that the house is pretty silent, but then concludes that everyone is sleeping in or minding their own business and enjoying themselves. She gets out of bed and goes to take a shower, taking pleasure in the peace. Casey finishes the shower, towel dries herself off, puts on a t-shirt and jeans, then heads back to her room, to comb her hair. On her dresser, next to her brush, there is a white envelope addressed to her. Casey opens the letter, and recognizes the handwriting as Derek's and continues to read.
Dear Casey,
By the time you read this letter, I will be on my way to California, going to live with my mom, Abby. Before you freak, just letting you know that I have already talked to Nora and Dad about this and they have agreed that it would be best to finish my junior and senior year of high school away from this place with certain distractions.
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
The main reason I'm moving away is because of you and my imperfectness. I know I'm not perfect. If someone asked you, you would say that I'm the farthest thing from perfection, in fact the polar opposite. You've always have strived for perfection and that is something I just can't be for you. There's also many things I wish I didn't do in my past. But I can't change my past only my future, thus my move.
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
But each day I'm trying to improve, I try to learn from my mistakes, and correct my personality and character in hope of coming a little closer to someone you would approve of. I promise I never meant to do all those rude actions to you. I only did them because I didn't know how else to act around you.
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
And before I go, Casey, there is just one thing I need to let you know…
I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
…That there is a reason for me wanting to changing myself, for want to become a better person. There is in actual fact a reason for me wanting to start over as a completely new, and better person. And that reason, for wanting this change is my persona, is YOU.
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear
I'm extremely sorry for all the times I've hurt you, ridiculed you, and kicked you down when you already were. No matter how far away I get from London, I will always have to live with the guilt of hurting you. Everytime I think about my past, there is a hole is my heart, hole filled with regrets of hurting you, Casey.
I often wish that instead of being the person inflicting pain on you, I would be the person comforting you and taking your pains away. When you and Sam broke up, when Scott cheated on you, or when Max broke up with you, I hoped I could be the person who catches and wipes all you tears away. I know I have said I don't 'do tears' but for you I would do anything to make your eyes sparkle with happiness again I wanted to be the person who holds you tight, whispers that things will be okay, and causes the pain to go away.
But unfortunately, when I had the opportunity, I could never comfort you. I think the most likely reason was because I was afraid of rejection, from you. I knew that if I wiped your tears away, there would be questions. And there was no way I could tell you the reason, the reason being that I like, more than like you even. So this goes back to what I said earlier, being rude was the only way I knew how to act around you, without letting my true feelings to show.
I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is You
And the reason is You
And the reason is You
And the reason is You
With all my guilts, 'could haves', and 'should haves' I hope you see why I can't stay here anymore. You're my motivation, the reason I want to be a good person. When I think of throwing it all away I think 'Maybe one day in the future, when I have become a better person, we will meet again. Maybe at that point I would actually have a chance with you.' Right now though, my hopes aren't very high, because deep, deep down I know I could never be good enough for you and your amazing perfection. I know one thing is for sure, I will never stop loving you, and I think that not seeing everyday will just kill me, but for the sake of you I have to leave so I don't hurt you anymore than I have already done.
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I know I'm not perfect, I've come to that conclusion a while back when thinking about all those horrible things I've done to you. But for me, taking the initiative to try and mend things is already a major step for me. I just hope someday my hard work will be payed off, and I will be able to face you and hopefully be good enough for you. It's getting time for me to start wrapping up this letter but before I end it, there is some last things to say.
I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
You're the reason for this move, the reason I want to be a better person, the reason I started to try harder in school, the reason I dated less girls, the reason I helped out more with the family, the reason I tried to be nicer, the reason I wake up every morning, and the reason I want to say to you, I love you, Casey, always have and always will. And because of this love, that is why I'm going to try extremely hard, for as long as it takes, to become a good person.
So with a grief ladened heart, I'm saying goodbye, not forever, hopefully, just until I've become a better person. I just ask one thing from you, don't try to contact me in California, it will just make it harder for me.
I've found out a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
Okay I'm nearing my final words, if you have actually read up to now, and are not rolling on the floor laughing at me showing my caring side. And as I was writing this letter, I finally figured something out. I realized why I decide to show the side of me that you never really knew, my sensitive side. Of course, you have seen me with Smarti, but I have never directed it toward you. I wanted to show you this side of me, as the first step of becoming a better person. I wanted to admit to you that I could actually be a caring and kind individual, not the 'insensitive jerk' you always call me. And as I close this letter, you're the reason for all I do and the reason why I must go now.
Love,
Derek
When Casey finishes the letter there are tears streaming down her face and ink smudges on the paper.
Oh my God, wow, I can't believe Derek would write something like that. It was so touching and sweet and I never knew that he felt the same way I did. I always thought I would never be cool enough, beautiful enough, or amazing enough for him to love me but at the same time he thinks he's not good enough for me. In my opinion he's perfect and the only way I knew how to act around HIM was bratty because I couldn't be nice to him. Well now I'm just going to go to his room and tell him how I feel. Oh, wait, I can't because he's on his way to California. OMG he's leaving and I have to stop him. I have to tell him how I feel. I just hope that he hasn't left yet.
"Mom, where's Derek?" Casey hollers downstairs
"Um, Case he left for the airport and hour ago and he said that he said bye to you," Nora replies in confusion but then realizes that Casey probably wasn't paying attention or he didn't say bye because he didn't want to wake her.
"Okay Mom. Listen I got to go somewhere, but I promise that I'll be back soon," Casey tells Nora as she grabs her purse, keys, and coat. She shouts a quick bye and with that she leaves the house and heads to the airport.
I just hope I'm not to late.
So how did you guys like it? Let me know what you thought and what not :)