I am going to be completely honest here, this fic was written between the hours of 3 and 5 AM, after I saw a hilarious image on the internet that spurred me to write this thing. In ohter words, this is a story written by a guy who really needed to go to sleep.
That being said, take everything you read here with a grain of salt. I wrote it purely for gits and shiggles.
Kurisu was sitting on the couch in the Lab, or what Okabe considered to be a lab, anyways, flipping through a random science journal she had picked up on the way. Daru was off somewhere, probably at a maid cafe, and Mayuri has left around an hour ago to go to work. Okabe had been silently scrolling through channel, when suddenly...
"Assistant!" Okabe shouted at Kurisu. "Tell me, what is the greatest, most intellectually stimulating soft drink known to man?"
"First off," Kurisu replied, "I am NOT your assistant. Secondly, if you asked me, I would have to go with Pepsi."
"Exactly, and- Wait, what did you just say?"
"I said, I prefer Pepsi, why?" Kurisu asked. As per usual, she was having trouble following the conversation.
"AAGH!" Okabe screamed, reeling back with a look of exaggerated terror on his face. He quickly pulled out his cell phone and pressed it to his ear. "It's me. They've gotten to Christina somehow. No, she hasn't done anything yet. What do you mean, proceed as we planned? I thought- No. No, I understand. El. Psy. Kongroo."
"So, are you going to explain to me why you've gone off on another wild tangent, or are you just gonna keep talking to the imaginary man in the phone?" Kurisu asked, unamused.
"Worry not, dear Assistant!" said Okabe, completely ignoring Kurisu. "Despite your Organization-addled brain, I will lead you towards the righteous path! You see, the greatest, most intellectually stimulating drink known to man is, in fact, Dr. Pepper."
"Right…" Kurisu replied. "So, are you done? Because I was actually reading an int-"
"NO!" Okabe bellowed, causing Kurisu to jump. "Sad Zombie, swallowing the Organization's lies so easily! Will you live your life as a puppet to their whims? A mere sheep? Or will you walk the hard road? I, for one, have taken the hard road, casting aside my birth name and taking up the mantle of HOUOUIN KYOUMA!"
"Will you stop it with the Zombie crap already?" said Kurisu, standing up from the couch. "And seriously, what the hell are you even going on about? Are you talking about soda, or about your next big conspiracy theory?"
"Ah, but Christina, they are one and the same! See? The Organization wants to subjugate the world to its whims, and the one of the many steps to that end is through the eradication of the intellectual ambrosia we call Dr. Pepper! WELL I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT! Therefore, I propose that we commence with Operation Tyrfing! We shall stop the Organization's nefarious plot by eradicating all soft drinks aside from Dr. Pepper and Diet Dr. Pepper! Nay, we will go further than that! We shall create a world where there is nothing but Dr. Pepper and mankind! We shall start the Revolution here and now!"
Okabe beamed triumphantly at Kurisu, and Kurisu stared straight back at Okabe. At long last, Kurisu opened her mouth to speak.
"What?"
"Exactly! Now, let Operation Tyrfing commence!" shouted Okabe, dramatically pointing at the ceiling.
Both Okabe and Kurisu stood silently for the better part of a minute.
"So… what exactly are we doing?" Kurisu asked.
"Well, you see…" Okabe began. His shoulders slumped forward. "Actually, I was hoping that you'd figure that out."
"Right… Well, you're crazy, and I'd much rather go back to reading my journal. Best of luck to you!"
That night, as Kurisu lay in hotel room, she couldn't shake the events back at the lab out of her mind. The look that was in Okabe's eyes as he spoke about the 'Organization's' latest scheme... It almost looked like he was serious about all of it. She herself couldn't help but get a little excited as he spoke about it. Not that she thought it might be fun or anything. She just couldn't help but get caught up in the moment.
Eventually, deciding that the whole thing was over, Kurisu drifted off into a deep slumber. She couldn't have been more mistaken.
The next morning, Kurisu arose at the usual time, ate breakfast in the hotel restaurant, and made her way to the Lab, as per usual. It was a pretty standard day in Akihabara, really. Chuo Dori, as per usual, was packed with people going this way and that, searching for electronics, moe, or whatever else the town had to offer despite the Summer heat. It was even fairly peaceful at the CRT shop under the Lab, despite the fact the Suzuha, who was sweeping outside, gave Kurisu the usual glare as she walked by. Inside the Lab, however, the mood changed completely.
"Hello?" said Kurisu as she opened the door to the Lab. She kicked off her shoes and stepped inside. It was pitch dark inside. "Okabe?" she called out. She flipped on the lights.
"AUUUGGGHHH!" a voice shouted from the Development Room. There, beneath the table next to the PhoneWave, was Okabe, huddled in a ball and rocking back and forth.
"Okabe!" Kurisu ran over to the huddled figure.
Okabe looked up at Kurisu. There were dark rings under his eyes, and he was incredibly pale. However, he has a smile on his face.
"I did it, Christina," he said. "I really did it. The Organization will soon be undone!" He gestured over to the PhoneWave. "I've modified the PhoneWave (Real Name TBA) to ensure our victory; all I need do is send the text. Are you ready?"
Kurisu stared at Okabe while a cocktail of anger, relief, and incredible disappointment coursed through her. Eventually, she settled on anger.
"You idiot!" she shouted. "Did you really stay up all night modifying the PhoneWave to do something so stupid? What if you broke it? There goes out time travel experiments! And what about SERN? Do you-"
"Don't you see, none of that will matter anymore!" Okabe interjected. "Once I send that text, Christina, everything… It will all change! No more SERN, no more Organization! We'll have achieved total victory on both fronts!"
"Will you go to sleep if I play along?"
"Do what you will. We'll be done soon, anyways."
"Alright, fine. Whatever."
"Then, Christina, put this over your eyes." Okabe held out a strip of cloth.
"You'd better not try anything funny, or I'm calling the police," said Kurisu, taking the cloth and wrapping it around her face.
"Perish the thought, dear Assistant!" Okabe replied. "After all, I'll have much more important matters to attend to." There was a click as Okabe pressed the 'send' button on his phone.
"Wait, what do you-" Kurisu began, but was cut short be a sickening jolt, as though she had been cast from the Earth, followed by the sensation of impacting with the ground. While she was still recovering, she was grabbed by the arm and pulled along.
"Wha- Wait, Okabe!"
She heard the Lab door burst open, and she was more or less dragged down the stairs until they came to a full stop outside the CRT shop.
"MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" she heard Okabe laugh. "I, Hououin Kyouma, have succeeded in overthrowing the Organization's plot! Victory is mine!"
Kurisu ripped the blindfold from her face, and was momentarily blinded from the sudden brightness. When her vision returned, however, she was met by a shocking sight.
"No way…"
They were all the size of a man, stacked atop one another to resemble the buildings that had been there not minutes ago. As far as the eye could see, there was nothing but crimson and silver colored aluminum. As Okabe stood and laughed, Kurisu could only try and process the incomprehensible reality before her.
The world had become Dr. Pepper.
Am I aware that I completely ignored how Reading Steiner and pretty much the rest of everything in Steins;Gate works? Yes. Do I care? No. Have a nice day!