Author's notes: Not the most original concept, but it will serve its purpose. Characters obviously belong to JKR. "Carmenology" is a word I just made up. Future home of Siremus slash
..Chapter One: Dumbledore's Announcement..
"Advanced Latin and Carmenology?" Sirius and James read aloud in unison.
Peter blinked incredulously. "What is carmenology?"
"It's like the etymology of magic spells," explained Remus, his hand outstretched expectantly toward James, who was still staring dumbstruck at the parchment.
Peter glanced from Remus to Sirius to James and back to Remus. Receiving no clarification, he asked, "Well, what is etymology?"
"Is this even a class?" asked James.
"Of course it's a class," said Remus shortly, snatching his course schedule away from his friend's grip and sliding it neatly into his bag. "It wouldn't be on my schedule if it weren't."
"Well, yeah, but," James replied, liberally applying jam to his toast, "why take it if it has no use at all? It's just loads more homework to shirk off."
"Obviously, Prongs," Sirius mused, in the most spot-on Remus impression to date, "the class has many practical applications, in the realm of dueling especially. Imagine the look on your opponent's face when you tell him the Viscera hex you just blasted him with was derived from the Latin 'pretentious git-us' which means 'Christ, I'm such an asshole.'"
"Obviously, Padfoot," Remus grinned with mock-impatience, "you would fail this class."
The four boys laughed while James finished with the jam and sought out a plate of kippers to top his toast.
"That's foul," said Sirius, his face screwed up as James selected two especially plump and slightly charred fish from the plate.
James extended the open-face jam-and-kipper creation to Sirius. "Try it. You're always up for trying something new."
"Prongs, mate, I can honestly say that in seventeen years I have never wanted to try something new less than I do right now."
At last, the Marauders had reached their final year at Hogwarts. Only Remus and Peter were concerned; it seemed that James and Sirius had never been concerned about much of anything. Peter was worried because he had never gotten good marks and was not sure what he could ever do outside of Hogwarts. Remus was the opposite: top marks in every class he had taken (outside of Potions, where his highest mark was "lucky guesswork") and knowing exactly what he would end up doing after Hogwarts. Unfortunately, it involved being fired from jobs, evicted from residences, and shunned by small-minded wizards who thought of him as dangerous and inhuman. But neither boy could be concerned with that now. Remus had to focus on getting "Outstanding" on every one of his N.E.W.T.s; Peter had to buckle down and attempt to pass a class or two.
The steady, incomprehensible roar of breakfasting students in the Great Hall was suddenly matched by the fluttering wings as the morning post arrived. A fat owl whose feathers were particularly rumpled dropped a bound edition of The Daily Prophet at James's plate. Peter snatched the Quidditch section and quickly immersed himself in an article detailing the Chudley Cannon's incredible defeat of the Kenmare Kestrals at Kenmare, reading the especially interesting bits aloud for James and Sirius to marvel at. Remus glanced fleetingly at the front page but saw nothing more interesting than a Ministry ban on experimental breeding, and returned to nibbling an apple.
As the last owl soared out of the Great Hall, Dumbledore rose to his feet with both hands clasped around his goblet. The roar immediately subsided to a murmur; Dumbledore did not usually make announcements the first day of class.
"I know that I do not usually make announcements the first day of class," he began, his powerful, mystical voice reverberating throughout the Hall, "but this very special item had not been definitive until last night after all of you students were surely nestled in your dormitories, resting up for the exciting year to come." His voice rang with bemusement, and he continued, "Now, some of you may have heard stories from your parents or grandparents about an annual Halloween Masquerade Ball at Hogwarts." Chatter broke out throughout every table in the Hall; even some of the teachers looked as if this were the first they had heard this being mentioned.
Dumbledore took a sip from his goblet, then raised his voice, and went on over top of the swelling noise, "I remember in my days as a student it was one of the biggest events of the year, loathed and anticipated by every living body in the school, and by most non-living as well. But years later, Headmaster Dippet, an able wizard but a dreadful dancer, did away with the Ball. The staff and I have decided that this is the year it will return."
The patches of chatter erupted into full-out debates, protests, and yelps of excitement. Dumbledore took another sip from his goblet.
"It is to be held the Saturday before Halloween. Students are encouraged to invite one another to the event, or to attend as a group of friends. More details are being posted on your house information boards this morning. You ought to write home and have your parents send along your dress robes, too; we wouldn't want anyone to have to wear his school robes to a ball. Now, everyone enjoy their first day of class. This year I want all classrooms neat and unexploded by the end of the day," he concluded abruptly before sitting back down, and everyone who remembered last year's incident cast their eyes not-so-subtly at James. James grinned sheepishly at Sirius who was dramatically re-enacting James's attempts to control the infamous Sixth Year Explosion.
"My mum told me about the Halloween Ball," said Peter, once everyone's attention had left James and returned to Dumbledore's announcement. "She said every year at least two people broke a bone and five passed out of exhaustion."
"Bollocks," grunted Sirius. "It sounds like some posh, tea-and-crumpets shit to me."
"Actually, no," Remus chimed in. "If it's like the traditional Hogwarts Masquerade, there will be a… well, a rather violent dance competition."
James chuckled, "'Violent dance competition'? Please tell me you're joking."
Remus shook his head. "The prize is, or at least it used to be, a trophy to be displayed in the winner's house common room until the next Ball," he stated knowingly, "and exemption from final exams."
The three other boys snapped to attention. "You're kidding."
Remus smiled, "Apparently to win, you have to incorporate elements of magic into your dancing. Don't worry, though, none of you will ever win it. Half the time it goes to a Hufflepuff, and the rest of the time it at least goes to someone who doesn't look like a petrified grindylow on the dance floor."
"So I suppose our little Moony is a shoe-in," James ribbed. "He looks nothing like a grindylow. More of a skrewt, I'd say."
"A large, magenta horklump, if you ask me," added Sirius.
"Personally, I think I look more like a scrawny, teenage werewolf."
"Well, if you want to be technical…"
"Aren't you lot forgetting an important detail to attending a ball?" James asked, steering the conversation back to the subject at hand.
"What?" replied all three.
"Girls. We're expected to ask girls to this thing. Who do you suppose would go with a sorry bunch like yourselves?"
"And I suppose you have dozens of girls clawing at your robes, do you, Prongs?" Sirius snarled.
"I already know who I'm taking," stated James surely.
"Let me guess," offered Peter. "Lily Evans."
"Damn right Lily Evans," James called, bursting with confidence. "I think end of last year she was finally coming around to my charm."
"Was that before or after she told you to drown yourself?" Remus inquired conversationally.
"After," said James, "and that's enough out of you, young man. Who will you take?"
Remus looked thoughtfully up to the ceiling. "No one, I suppose."
"What?" James shouted. "You're going to humiliate yourself by showing up alone?"
"I suppose I'll protect myself by not showing up at all."
"Oh no, not that time of the month!" James moaned.
"The day before," Remus sighed. "But it doesn't matter. I probably would have stayed in and studied anyway. Slughorn always gives tests after holidays."
"But I want, nay, I need to go to this ball. Not for me, Moony, but for the beautiful redheaded children that Lily Evans and I will never have if I don't go to this ball," James whined.
"I'll stay with him," Sirius said, rather solemnly all of a sudden. "You and Wormtail go to the ball."
"No one needs to stay with me," Remus protested. "I won't be a problem on Saturday. It's only Sunday we need to worry about."
Remus glanced at Sirius. Something uncharacteristically stern flickered through Sirius' eyes. Time snapped forward, and he wore a grin on his face. "Then maybe we should have the ball on Sunday instead. We can pop in and give Snivellus a surprise."
..End of Chapter One..
Author's notes: I must encourage criticism about errors in canon, characterization, and writing flaws. Unless you want to point out that the 30th of October in 1976 was not the day before the full moon, but that it was in fact one week after. That's just nitpicking and I won't stand for it. Also you could ignore the ostensible lack of logic in exempting students from exams for winning a dance competition. I may attempt to justify that later. But hey, maybe not.
Also I must thank the Harry Potter Lexicon for keeping my fic as close to canon as it can be while claiming that two characters were gay lovers. :)