1: Blood and Honor
The rain. It washes away everything, but purely in a physical manner. It can't wash away the mental aspect. The rain can also symbolize birth and death. The rain can bring life through water, but it can also cause death in various ways; such as through the flood.
This rain can't wash away what I want it to. It can't bring birth, or rebirth. It only symbolizes death.
My own.
[Break]
"Ok, so first that guy breaks into here and trashes the house fighting Kyle – did I mention how cool that is? – then The Rack burns down! This is just great!" Josh was complaining, hanging up the phone as his parents and Lori were cleaning through the mess caused by Kyle's fight with Cassidy.
"Josh, just get to work and help us out," Stephen told him, "We have a lot to go through and clean."
"My job is gone!" Josh told him, "Doesn't that count for anything?"
"It doesn't get you out of helping us here," Nicole told him, agreeing with Stephen, "Now, help us."
"I don't see Kyle helping!" he complained.
"That's because he probably has his own things to go through right now," Nicole told her son, "Things that we aren't going to understand. There had to be a reason that this happened here, that that man was after Kyle."
"But come on! I'm jobless now! Can't I use the same excuse?" questioned Josh, hoping that it would work, but he knew that it wouldn't.
"No," Stephen said, looking outside, "The rain is picking up," he shoved a large trash bag into Josh's hand, "Go and put that up over a broken window."
"Just one?" he asked.
"Well come back and get more!" Stephen snapped at him.
"Whoa, easy, it was just a simple question," Josh said in his defense, "No need to get mad, dad."
As Josh rushed out, Nicole walked towards Stephen, "What is it?" she asked him, "What's wrong?"
"Just…all of this! Just…just that someone is after Kyle like this. I…I can't stand the fact that I can't do anything. None of us can! Only that man, Foss, and Kyle can take care of this. And maybe Jessie…"
"But we don't know where she stands in this," Nicole agreed, nodding and swallowing hard, "Yes; it is hard to know that we can't do anything for Kyle, who's pretty much a son to us now. But we have to accept that fact and just move on, and hope that Kyle can take care of things himself."
"But what if he can't, Nicole?" Stephen questioned, shaking his head, "What if we lose him?"
"We won't lose him," Nicole tried to assure him, "Kyle is strong. He knows what he's doing. He managed to defend himself here, as we can see."
Josh came back, "Ok, window is covered. Where are the other bags?"
"Oh, right…," Stephen said, looking around, "That was it," there were bags everywhere, tied up with wreckage and damaged objects inside, shattered glass, everything.
"What do you want to do? Rain is getting in," Josh told him.
"I don't know. Get blankets, just get something up," Stephen told him, continuing to sift through damage as Josh stood for a moment before walking off to look for something he could use to start covering.
The front door came open, "I'm home! Declan's here to help!" Lori called in as she and Declan soon entered into the kitchen.
"Thought you might need some help," Declan said, looking around, "Where's Josh and Kyle?"
"Josh is covering windows," Stephen told him, shaking Declan's hand, "Thanks for giving us your time to help."
"No problem. Anything to help you guys out. So, what happened exactly?"
"Kyle might be able to tell you better than any of us," Stephen said, "He's in his room right now."
Declan nodded, "Ok, so I'm going to go check in on him, then I'll be back to help you guys."
"Sounds good," Stephen told him, "Just…"
"What?"
"Kyle's been kind of quiet and shut in lately," Lori told Declan, "I imagine dad was going to tell you to just be respectful, or something like that," she cast a sideward glance at Stephen who nodded.
"Yeah, no problem," Declan said, nodding and heading off towards Kyle's room as Josh came back in.
"Declan's here? Well, I used blankets and towels to cover the rest of the windows. Hope that's good."
"Yeah," Stephen said, "Now you can help us go through everything in here. You too, Lori."
Josh snickered, "Well, bad time for you to get back, wasn't it?" he asked her, earning a hit on his arm.
[Break]
Declan knocked on Kyle's door before opening it, "Kyle? It's Declan," he said, walking in, "You ok?"
Kyle was sitting at his desk chair, looking out at the rain, seemingly lost in thought, as if he hadn't even heard Declan come in. Declan came closer, saying his name a few more times before Kyle finally turned.
"Oh, Declan," he said, getting up, "Why are you here?"
"Trager asked for help in taking care of the damage. I agreed, especially after she told me about that guy coming after you," Declan explained, "Just what happened, anyway?"
"It was…," Kyle shook his head.
"You can tell me. We're friends, aren't we?" questioned Declan.
"We are," Kyle said, "But…"
"You still can't trust me with all of your secrets," Declan said, "I thought we had moved past that! Come on, you can tell me anything! I would do anything to help you out, Kyle, you know that!"
"Cassidy said he's my brother!" Kyle blurted out.
There was a thick silence in the air between the two for a few moments, before Declan licked his lips and nodded slowly, "Ok…so he was trying to save himself? I saw the damage, and since you don't look too bad, I imagine you won…"
"No. That's not it," Kyle said, shaking his head, "I…I didn't hear any hesitation. Maybe he had the lie planned out already, just in case, but…he had no rapid heartbeat. Only from our fight, not from lying. His skin…he wasn't lying. That's the part I don't like about this. He was telling the truth, any way I could tell. He…," Kyle shook his head.
"I thought you were a clone of Adam Baylin," Declan said, "I mean come on! You look exactly like him!"
"But the egg had to come from somewhere," Kyle said, "I can only figure that Cassidy's mother, Grace Kingsly, was the egg donor to Baylin for this."
"But like I said, you're a clone…"
"An egg is still needed for life," Kyle said, "Even in this case."
"Ok. So what? You have half of her DNA, so that means Cassidy and you share only half of who you are. He's your half brother, but where was he your whole life?"
"Blood is blood," Kyle objected.
"But brotherhood is something you come to earn through years with that person," Declan explained, "Like Josh and Trager,"
"Lori?"
"Of course."
"Kind of awkward to hear you say it like that," Kyle admitted.
"Yeah, it is kind of weird, but you get my point," Declan said, "Anyway, it doesn't matter that they have the same parents, that by blood they're related. What matters is that they grew up together. That they laughed, played and fought with each other. That's what brotherhood is about. Who cares if Cassidy is your brother? He may have some of the same blood as you, but that's it! He's hardly a brother to you. That's hardly a reason to have let him get at you!"
"You're right, Declan. But still, blood is blood. And…,"
"And what? You still have who you are, you still have all of your pride, all of your honor. He's not your brother, Kyle. Not really."
Kyle looked into his eyes. For the first time Declan saw how bad Kyle's eyes looked. Almost bloodshot, as if he had been awake the entire night, perhaps crying.
"I almost killed him!" Kyle shouted, his body trembling as he said these words, "That's not me, Declan. Cassidy…he…he threatened the people I love. He threatened the Tragers, threatened Amanda…"
"So you almost killed him!" Declan said, "I would have done the same."
"I'm not that type of person!" Kyle said loudly, "If…if I had gone any farther, I fear I would be too far gone. I fear for what I would have done. All I can think of now is when Jessi first got away from Zyzzx and she killed that man. All I could think through the night was 'If I killed Cassidy, would I have become like she was then? Would I have become a killer, stained with the blood of more than just Cassidy?'"
"But you can control yourself!" Declan told him, "If you had killed him, that hardly makes you thirsty for more blood!"
"My thirst would have been for Latnok," Kyle said, "Cassidy was their emissary. That means that they probably aren't above using the people I love to get at me. Look at what happened to Amanda! They kidnapped her on Prom night to get at me! If I had killed Cassidy, what do you think they would have done? They'd certainly have come after me even more. Especially Grace Kingsly."
"Kyle, you've got to stop thinking about this. Nothing would have happened. You always get over things that happen to you. You always find a way to cope," Declan told him, attempting to comfort his friend.
"But what if it hadn't worked this time?" Kyle shouted, "This time…it would have been too much!"
"And how do you know that?" Declan shouted, starting to get much angrier with Kyle for acting this way.
"I just know!" Kyle shouted at him, turning and looking out at the rain, "If I would have killed him…I'd be in a place I could never return from. I know that for a fact, Declan. I just know…," he turned to face Declan, "A part of me died last night. Just the urge for Cassidy's blood on its own caused a part of me to die. It doesn't matter that I didn't kill him; I still died on the inside. I still lost who I am for a while."
"But you're stronger, Kyle," Declan said, "Trust me. You're the strongest person I've ever met." Declan walked awkwardly towards Kyle, placing his hand on his friend's shoulder, "Look, if you need to talk…"
"I have you and Foss," Kyle said, nodding, "Thank you."
"I'd…I'd better go help clean up, like I said I would. Later, Kyle," Declan said, heading towards the door.
"Yeah…I'll see you later, Declan."
[Break]
"What happened to you, mate?" Cassidy questioned Nate, standing in the other man's doorway. He saw Nate on the floor, moaning. He was awake, just not getting up.
"It was Amanda and Jessi," Nate groaned, getting up, "They took my computer! And…it looks like some other stuff too," he said, pawing through the toppled papers, books, everything, not sure what they took, but sure that things were missing. He looked to the door, "And what happened to you?"
Cassidy was standing there, bloodied, his hair matted down and slick with now dried blood. He had cuts around his face, his clothes torn. He just looked miserable, absolutely miserable.
"I learned something very important last night," Cassidy said, sitting on Nate's bed, "When you threaten Kyle's loved ones, be prepared for a long fight."
"You fought Kyle? And he did that to you?" Nate almost laughed.
"Quiet!" snapped Cassidy, "Kyle may seem like a good man, someone who would never hurt another, but that's not so. He has a fuse, like any of us. A long fuse, though. It burns faster when you threaten those he loves. When that fuse ends, and he goes off, God help you. I'd be dead now if I wasn't his brother."
"You're his brother?" Nate shouted, getting up from the floor, then grasping the back of his head and moaning in pain, falling to the floor again, but sitting this time.
"Half brother, actually," he said matter-of-factly, "But it stopped Kyle from killing me," he touched his neck tenderly, "I almost didn't get it said fast enough. The electric weapon didn't stop Kyle as long as planned."
"It didn't?" Nate questioned, familiar with the weapon, "But wasn't it contracted by some security company? Isn't it supposed to work?"
"Oh, there are multiple versions," Cassidy explained, "The one we used on Kyle once knocked him out. That was what we sold. We also made weaker versions, and are hoping for a buyer. Interrogation, you see. Not enough to render unconscious, but enough to cause a hell of a lot of pain. Kyle was just stronger, so we figured. That's why I modified mine."
"Modified?" Nate questioned.
"Forget that part," Cassidy told him, "It's not important to you."
"Fine. Well then, now what?" Nate questioned him.
"I need to report things to Latnok," Cassidy informed him, "And then we make plans from there."
"Oh…Jessi is alive," Nate told him, almost as an afterthought, "She was here last night, with Amanda. They both took me out."
Cassidy nodded, "I figured she was alive. I had to figure that it was all a ploy. A ruse. But they really tried to cover it up, burning down The Rack to try to hide the 'body'. Whoever it is we're dealing with is very good."
"You don't think it was Kyle who did that?" Nate questioned.
"No. He has to have someone helping him," Cassidy said, "And I intend to find out who." He got up from the bed, looking at Nate, "When you can get up, come to the UW. I have…some things to share with you."
"What are you talking about?" Nate questioned.
Cassidy showed no emotion on his face, but simply said, "I feel…I feel it's time for you to learn everything, Nate. I feel you're a better asset if you know everything there is to know on Kyle, Jessi, and the entire situation."
[Break]
"What are you doing here?" questioned Amanda as she walked into her bedroom, seeing Jessie sitting there, working on Nate's computer, plugged into her wall.
"I wasn't going to Kyle's again, not after the damage that was done there. This was the easiest place to come to," Jessi said, not turning to look at Amanda, "Your mother let me in. She remembered me, and I said I was a friend, helping you with some college plans," she tapped the side of the computer, "She believed me."
"Fine. But this is the only place you could go?" Amanda questioned, "I hardly believe that."
"It was the closest," Jessi said.
"Closest to Nate's, or closest to Kyle?" Amanda questioned coldly.
Jessi didn't give her an answer. She was continuing to go through Nate's files and some of the stolen documents. Jessi wore her mother's ring on her finger, Amanda noticed. When Jessi looked at her, catching the glance, she turned back to her work, "I don't plan on telling you anything about it," she commented.
"That's fine," Amanda said, "I'm sure Kyle will tell me later, if I ask him. When I tell him that I want him back."
Jessi didn't say anything, but she showed that she was perhaps a bit uncomfortable after hearing that.
"I warned you, remember?" questioned Amanda, "I told you I was going to tell him that I wanted him back."
"I'm not worried," Jessi said, "He'll make the right choice."
"And what's the right choice? You?"
"You think I'm so self-centered that I refer to myself as his right choice?" she questioned, then shrugged, "Well, you're right."
"We'll let Kyle decide," Amanda told Jessi.
"Yes, we will."
There was silence for a few minutes, with only Jessi's keystrokes making sounds in the room.
"Thank you for helping me last night," Amanda told Jessi.
"You hardly needed it," she told Amanda.
"At the end, but at the beginning, I did need your help. And really, thank you for that."
"Look, it's no problem," Jessi told her, "If anything, I'm glad I could hurt one of those Latnok guys. And I know Kyle wouldn't have appreciated it if I hadn't helped you out."
"So you did it for what Kyle would think of you?"
"No. I did it for my own satisfaction of being good," Jessi admitted.
"Then I think we have some common ground to work from," Amanda said, sitting next to Jessi, "So, what have you learned so far?"
"I…I don't think you'd like to hear this," Jessi said, "I think this is for Kyle, and only him."
"You can tell me," Amanda told her.
"I could, but I really don't think you'd like what Latnok is doing. I really think you'd rather remain ignorant of this," Jessi said, though it was all old news to her, about the cloning of the babies, but this was much more detailed information than before, and not only on that, but on more of Latnok itself.
"Fine. You helped me and haven't really been lying, so I'll take your word on that," Amanda said, then quickly added, "Is it that bad?"
"For someone good like you? Yeah. It's bad. You really probably wouldn't want to know."
[Break]
Kyle finally came from his room as the work was nearing completion, with repairs being the only part left. He looked at Declan, Lori, Josh, Nicole and Stephen for a long few moments, before he finally opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn't think of what to say.
"I'm sorry for not being able to help," he said first.
"You'd better be," Josh muttered, but Declan hit him in the arm, "Hey! What was that for!"
"You don't know anything," Declan told him, "Just be quiet about it."
"Anyway," Kyle said, silencing Josh's complaint with his next words, "I'm ready to do whatever I need to."
"You look terrible," Nicole told him, mostly ignoring him as she walked over, "Have you slept?"
"That doesn't matter," he replied, "I'm ready to help…"
"You need to sleep, look at yourself!" Nicole told him.
"I don't need to sleep!" he said loudly, "I need to do something! Anything! I just can't sleep!"
When they looked at him as he shouted, he quieted down, "Sorry," he said.
"Why can't you sleep?" Stephen questioned him with some concern.
"If I sleep…I see Cassidy. I see myself killing him. I…I just can't go there. I can't think about it."
"But you do need to sleep," Nicole told him.
"There has to be some way for you to sleep without thinking about that," Lori told him.
"I don't know how," Kyle told them, "I've tried a few times. I just can't sleep without thinking of Cassidy, about killing him, about everything he threatened to do."
"What did you threaten to do?" questioned Stephen.
"He threatened all of you, and Amanda," Kyle admitted to them, "He threatened everyone I love. I couldn't let that happen…so I almost killed him, I'll admit it."
Declan stepped towards Kyle, "He's trying to protect all of you, and he's haunted by what he almost had to do to do it," Declan told all of them.
"You need to get some help," Nicole told him, "We can talk about it. I can help you get through it."
"No!" Kyle shouted, shaking his head, "I don't want to drag any of you into this. What you've been told so far…it's all I want any of you to know about this situation. I don't want you to learn anything else, or you may be in even more danger than before. I…I need to get through this alone."
"How are you going to do that?" Lori asked him, "Can we help you in any way?"
"No, you can't. None of you can," Kyle told them.
"What about that Foss guy?" Josh asked him, thinking that it was pretty cool that Kyle was ready to kill for them.
"No. As much as I trust Tom Foss, I don't want to drag him into this."
"He's your protector and guardian. Don't you want his help?" Declan questioned Kyle, "He could help you."
"He could, but I don't want to drag him into my problems anymore. After Cassidy…I realized I could handle things myself. I don't want to have to drag him after me, to always help me. He…he has his own life to get back to, someday."
"Look, if you want to do this yourself, I think I can help you with that," Stephen said.
"What do you mean?" Kyle asked him.
"I have a friend who has a lakeside cabin. Around now there shouldn't be many people around. I'm sure you could go there and clear your thoughts for a while. It'll be peaceful and quiet for you."
"Thank you, Stephen," Kyle told him, nodding, "That sounds like what I'll need. It really does."
"I'll give him a call, then," Stephen said, walking towards the phone to do just that.
"We're all here for you Kyle," Nicole told him, "Know that."
"I know that," Kyle assured her, "I always know that. That's why I fought for all of you. Because you're my family, and as family, you'll always be here for me."
"I'll be here for you too, Kyle," Declan said, nodding to him, "I may not be family, but we're close enough."
Kyle smiled a bit, "Yeah. We are."
"Brothers in arms, so to speak," Declan told him, "Or not. Whatever, you know what I mean."
"Yeah, I know."
Stephen walked back into the room, "It's all set. Cabin's yours for at least a week, if not more. That should be enough time, right?"
"I certainly hope it will be," Kyle replied. In a moment, there was a knock on the door. Kyle, seeing that he wasn't needed in the kitchen, and that most of the other damage was dealt with, headed over to open the front door, opening it to find Tom Foss standing there, drenched from the rainfall.
"Can I come in?" he questioned, "I hate being drenched."
"Why not bring an umbrella?" Kyle questioned him, opening the door wider for Foss to walk in.
"It wasn't as bad when I started," Foss told him, looking to Stephen and Nicole as they stepped into the hall to see who was at the door.
"I'll get you a towel," Nicole said, heading off to do just that. Stephen walked towards them, taking Foss's wet coat.
"Thank you," Foss said to the both of them, then he looked to Kyle, "I came because we have some things to discuss."
"Then let's discuss them," Kyle said.
"Let's go to your room, for privacy," Foss said.
"No," Kyle told him, "We're going to talk in the kitchen, with everyone, if we're going to talk."
"You want to expose everyone to this?" Foss questioned.
Kyle had said that he didn't want to expose the Tragers to more than he had to, but felt that whatever Foss had to say, it wasn't information that the Tragers couldn't know. It was likely updates on things they did know, so it was relevant to them. So he decided to let it pass.
After a few minutes, after Foss had dried himself up, they all sat at the dining room table as Foss spoke to them all.
"The plan at The Rack? I think it all worked out, that was until Jessi left without telling me anything," Foss told them, "Have any of you seen her?"
"No, not since the plan," Kyle told him.
"Well, hopefully she stays low. I…I razed The Rack to cover our tracks," Foss explained.
"You burned it down? Why the hell would you do that?" Josh shouted at him.
"Did you want there to be evidence left for Latnok, or whoever came to look into it?" Foss questioned, "This was easier."
"It was also illegal!" Josh shouted.
"Illegality doesn't really matter at this point," Foss said, "Right and wrong matter. Illegal and legal don't matter much anymore. Not against Latnok. Look around you! Look at the damage caused by them!"
"It was Cassidy," Kyle told him, "I fought him here. That's what happened."
"You still see the damage they can cause to everything," Foss said, "I did what I had to do. We have to change our way of doing things right now. We can't keep going with the same idealistic ways as before. We haven't had to do anything this big in the past, and I'm hoping we won't have to again. But right now, what's done is done."
"What about my job? What about everything that you ruined?" Josh shouted at Foss, "I used to think that you were pretty cool. Now…you're like a terrorist!"
"I did what I had to do!" Foss shouted, "I know neither Kyle nor I want you involved, so we're doing our best to keep it that way. I had to take care of things the only way I could, to even attempt to keep you all out of this! Do you get that?"
"I understand," Declan said, even though Foss wasn't talking to him, "Tragers, he did what was right at the moment. In the grand scheme of things, is what he did that bad? Look at everything that Latnok has no doubt done! Is willing to do! Cassidy threatened all of your lives, Amanda's life! They've already kidnapped her once! They're willing to do pretty much anything! You may not agree with his methods, and I don't completely agree either, but if Latnok is going to be targeting lives, playing god, then I feel that he did what's right. You should all see it that way too! I mean, he's helped for so long, and so far everything's worked out right, hasn't it?"
"As much as we appreciate everything you've done for us, I feel I have to ask you to leave us to our own problems," Stephen told Tom Foss.
"These problems are your problems now," Foss reminded him.
"Our main problem right now is Kyle and Cassidy," Stephen corrected, "We can trust you to deal with the rest. We know that. So please, if you would."
"I understand," Tom Foss said, getting up from his place at the table, "I'll be around, if you wizen up and take my help when I bring it to you."
"We'll remember that," Stephen said as Foss walked towards the door. Declan got up from his chair and walked after Foss, following him outside.
"What is it you need, Declan?" Foss questioned before he stepped out into the pouring rain.
"I…I want your help," he replied.
Foss smiled smugly, nodding, "Ok. I have somewhere to be, but give me a call soon, and we'll discuss things. Monday is open for me, if you need to see me."
"Three days? Ok, got it." Declan said, "Where will I find you?"
"Call me," he replied, "I'll tell you where." He pulled out a pad of paper, writing his number down, tearing it off, and handing it to Declan. He nodded to Declan and walked out into the rain. When Declan went back inside, the Tragers were going about their business, with Stephen and Kyle heading to the garage.
"Kyle?" Declan asked.
"I'll see you in a few days," Kyle assured Declan, "And I hope by then, I'll be able to cope with everything."
[Break]
Solitude is a word that usually is associated with bringing peace to oneself through peace and time alone, able to think alone, act on one's own. For me, at this moment, solitude is alone, here, at this furnished lakefront cabin, alone under the gray sky, with the cold breeze all around me as I walk away from it.
Solitude here was meant to be a time to sit and reflect. To gain insight into what almost drove me to kill Cassidy. How am I supposed to deal with a man who is my half brother, yet who threatens all of those whom I love? Do I respond with violence, like last time? Or, do I have to respond another way?
Perhaps Declan was right. He's not my real brother, because we've never been together as anything other than enemies. If we had grown up together, we would be brothers. If we were friends and had done things together, even now, we might be brothers, as Declan and I are, as he put it, 'brothers in arms'. But now, it's too late.
Cassidy is a man who isn't above murder. I know that, and Jessi knows that. If I would give him even a small bit of trust, of a chance of becoming a true brother to me, he would run with it, take my trust, and shatter it even more by doing something terrible. I cannot allow anything to happen. I cannot allow myself to let Cassidy become anything more than an enemy.
But that leads me back down the road to killing him. The road that, when I think about it, makes me want to kill him. Even thinking about it kills me on the inside. I can't let that happen. I can't think about it, I can't work on the problem. If I work on the problem, I think about it. Thinking about it makes me want to kill him, leading to me dying on the inside.
Solitude isn't a good thing when it's all you have. It's all I have right now to reflect on, and it's leading me back down the same road as before.
[Break]
Kyle walked down the twisting road that ran around the lake. He looked at the homes, mostly shut up right now, as nobody was at any of them. He was probably alone on this lake, in the cold overcast sky that had opened with rain hours ago, just like in Seattle. The ground was damp, the grass wet, the trees on his left were dark on the trunks from the pelting rain, while drops fell from their leaves and needles. On his right were the homes. Rain dripped off of their eaves, off of anything.
He walked down a hill that led to a boat landing, and then up the other end of it, looking back down, looking at the cold silence. He kept walking, taking a turn, looking at a larger cabin that seemed to be out of place in this place of smaller lodgings.
It hardly looked like a cabin. But then again, these weren't cabins, but rather furnished houses that people probably came to on weekends on the lake. But yet this large house stood out. Two stories, with a satellite dish on it, tall, with what looked like a fountain on the other side, facing the lake. Why would someone need this? It stuck out so much; it was almost hard to look at.
Then Kyle thought he understood things. He still hadn't slept; his eyes were probably still bloodshot. He figured he looked terrible. But he realized it at last! He hadn't said much to anyone, but had listened to everyone, rather. He had learned everything he had to to settle the thoughts that plagued and tormented him.
As he walked back towards the cabin that Stephen's friend had let him use, he started to think.
To Cassidy, I must be the odd one out. He thought that as a man who had no childhood, no family, that I would be the unloved, odd man out. He had everything growing up, a family, friends, a life. An actual life. Yet, when it comes down to it, he's acting on his own, following only cold directions from his mother and those she works with.
He has no love in his life. Yet I have so much. He must have thought that I would have none, or that upon meeting me, he could take satisfaction in knowing he still had more love than me. But meeting the Tragers, knowing of and meeting Amanda, that has to have changed things. He must have realized that I have true and unconditional love, despite this being the first time in my life. I didn't need a childhood to find it.
He must have some sort of hatred of me. He wants me to change into something I'm not, and he believes that by destroying my connections with my loved ones – killing them, or another way – he can change me. He can make me like him. The man he wants me to be, for the sake of the Latnok that the people ordering him want. That his mother wants. That…that my birth mother wants.
Kyle believed that he had figured it out. That he knew everything. But that still didn't solve the problem of his wanting to kill Cassidy. But the more he thought about it, he realized that he had solved it.
Cassidy wanted to kill his loved ones because he probably didn't feel that sort of love anymore, and wanted to twist Kyle. Kyle was doing what he knew was necessary. He was protecting his loved ones. By killing Cassidy, he wouldn't have become like him. He wouldn't have become what Latnok wanted him to be.
Latnok wanted his loved ones dead, no doubt. Their survival by Kyle killing Cassidy would only help Kyle, and hurt Latnok. He wasn't playing into their hands with his thoughts of murdering Cassidy. He was only helping himself. But that's not to say he wanted the thoughts, as they still killed him a little on the inside.
But he was able to work his mind in other ways. He felt that he could keep it locked up, and never let it out again. Not until he would need it, if that day would ever come.
Kyle felt content with his successes, made in only a few hours. When he got back, he used his cellphone to call Stephen.
"I've figured it all out. Could you come and get me?" he asked, "I'm completely better now. Trust me. I'm ready to come back."
[Break]
["I Saw" by Matt Nathanson; ends at the next set of brackets: .com/watch?v=1_f1-dicuRE ]
Kyle looked up from his desk when someone walked into his room, closing the door behind them. It was Amanda, almost like a guardian angel to help bring him the rest of the way back to reality, to who he really was. If he hadn't already figured it out for himself, then he was absolutely certain that she would be able to bring him the rest of the way out.
"Amanda…," he said.
"Kyle…I…I realized something, the other night. When I helped Jessi to get Nate's computer and some other data," she started.
"Nate's things?" he questioned.
She nodded, "Jessi is in my room, going through information. She thinks there's some things you might want to see on there."
"But you didn't come here to tell me about that now, did you?" he asked, hoping against hope that that wasn't it. She had helped Jessi, a woman she seemed to despise. Why? Why would she let Jessi work in her home like that? Or was here the only place she could come to get away from Jessi? And she allowed Jessi to remain in her home to work, instead of bugging Kyle.
Amanda must have known what Kyle was going through. Lori probably told her. Was that it? Was Amanda just here to try to help him? Or, was it something more than that? Was she here to help bring him out of the darkness in the depths of his mind, or was she here for another reason entirely? Was she his light and salvation? Or was she a friend.
"I want you back," she said bluntly, walking closer to him, "I've thought about it. The other night, with Jessi, when we stole from Nate's apartment, when we worked together, and I realized the type of man that Nate really was, and the good that we're trying to do on your behalf…I realized how badly I want to be with you! Please, Kyle. Can we try again?"
"You know I want to," he said, almost at a loss for words, his heart beating faster and harder, his chest tightening as this unfolded, as those words left her mouth, as they left his. No matter what, he hadn't thought that this was her reason for being here. He realized that she truly was the light to drag him out of the darkness of his mind. As long as she was here, his mind wasn't going back to Cassidy. It was fixated on her, and on her alone. "It's not up to me, though. You broke things off with me. It's your choice."
"I want to try again," she said, coming closer, until they were within arm's reach away from each other, "Kyle, let's try again. Forget about what happened before. Forget about Jessi, and please, just think about me."
"I can't stop thinking about Jessi," he said, seeing her disappointment, "But I don't think about her in that way. I only think about you like that."
Her eyes lit up when he said that. He put his arms around her, drawing her up to his chest. He felt her arms wrap around his back in an embrace as well. She looked up at him as he looked down into her beautiful eyes, and then they kissed.
Everything happens for a reason. Cassidy has his reasons for attempting to do what he did. His reasons, to me, were wrong. But to him, they may have been all he could have done, and so to him, they were right.
Jessi and Amanda came together to help me. They banded together for a common cause, and put their personal feelings aside. But now that it's over, Amanda returned to me. Her light blocks the darkness within the depths of my own mind. I can only wonder if she could have this effect on Jessi as well, and make Jessi someone more like me, if she would want that. But Jessi is Jessi; as she is now, she's perfect in her own ways.
Perhaps the reason that Amanda returned to me is that she has an innate sense of help. Perhaps she has an innate sense of being able to pull people back from their own personal brinks, their own flashpoints. Perhaps that's the reason she came back to me. I hope that that isn't the only reason, and that she came back on her own, willingly, but regardless, I'm happy, and I'm free of the darkness plaguing me.
[End]
[Break]
Nate looked around Cassidy's office, "Hey? Where are you?"
"I'm here," Cassidy said, coming in behind him, papers in hand, barely looking up. He looked to Nate, "You still look terrible," he said.
"You said to come as soon as I was ready to. Unfortunately, that didn't mean I could clean myself or anything," Nate told him, "I see you've had time to clean up."
"I like looking my best," Cassidy said, sitting down at his desk, "Now, the reason I called you here."
"You said something about telling me everything," Nate said.
"Yes. Everything about what Latnok really is, and about who Kyle and Jessi really are, and why we must have them. The true mission of Latnok, as decreed by my mother."
"Your mother?" Nate questioned.
"You'll be meeting her later," Cassidy said, "Now, get cleaned up. You'll be meeting all of Latnok's highest members in short order. Then you'll be one of us, and you'll help us finish everything that we have set out to accomplish."