"If you asked me if I loved him, I'd lie." -Taylor Swift

Ron Weasley and I held hands once. It wasn't anything special and it's definitely not worth telling anyone or showing off about it. We were in the hospital wing by ourselves, and it sort of just happened. His hand slipped into mine, and our fingers interlocked like they belonged there. It only lasted a matter of seconds, until he realized what happened and let go immediately.

These things happened a few more times, but that was the one when our fingers wove together. Sure, we touched hands before, each time whoever noticed first would flinch and the other would look away.

Well, the truth about Ron is that he is possibly the most insensitive person there is in the world. I know it isn't his fault though, he is usually having cycles of self-loathing and no one ever spares his feelings in the first place. I'll be the first to tell you that. It's something about wanting so bad to be something big and important, like Harry, something about being able to overshadow people instead of having people overshadow him. Everything he does has to mean something, or else what would happen?

You would think that after all the fights, all the hints and all the moments where we accidentally touched each other, or showed a little more favoritism, one of us would make the move. One of us would just get it. The truth is, Ron and I spent years setting ourselves up with each other, playing little mind games. So much, in fact, that we were wasting time. I don't think we would have worked out at all if we had gotten together anytime before sixth year. That's the truth.

Actually, I thought sixth year was it for us. That was the year. Now or never. I asked him to go with me, very slyly, to a party. He agreed to go.

Then, Lavender Brown happened.

Now, I don't blame absolutely everything that happened between Ron and I that year on Lavender. I was the one who decided to stop talking to Ron and Ron was the one who decided to be angry about Viktor. In fact, if it's anybody's fault, it's both of ours.

I don't know the true reason why Ron started to date Lavender. A lot of people tell me it was simply to make me jealous, others tell me he genuinely liked her and some people even assured me that he was just high off of fame and had one too many Butterbeers. I learned, actually, that Ginny spit in his face about me kissing Viktor and then told him something that apperantly made him angry. Actually, maybe Lavender Brown, to some extend, was not any sort of come back towards me. Maybe, just maybe, she was mostly directed towards Ginny, as some sort of proof that someone desired him.

But it felt personal and that was the whole point.

I knew a lot of things about Ron. A lot of the little things came from late-night talks with Ginny, things that I probably couldn't have figured out myself if I had never lived with him. They were things like how he talked in his sleep, where he was ticklish, and stuff he did when he was a kid that he got in trouble for. Things that I was jealous Lavender obviously knew on her own.

One time, right after Holiday break, I remember she flung herself on Ron, and surprisingly, I was able to pretend that I didn't care. I asked Ginny to go to another table with a laugh, but after she couldn't Harry pulled me aside.

"So how was your Christmas?" he asked as we sat on the table.

"Oh, fine," I shrugged, it had truly been very boring. I preferred ten times more to spend it at the Weasleys'. The whole time, I had Ron in my mind, and it was mostly because I wanted to hit myself in the head for letting him get away. "Nothing special. How was it at Won-Won's?"

"I'll tell you in a minute," he said, then looked at me expectantly. "Look, Hermione, can't you-"

"No, I can't," I already knew what he wanted and I wasn't going to let him have it. "So don't even ask."

There was a glint of hopefulness behind his circular glasses that was suddenly gone, "I thought maybe, you know, over Christmas-"

As much as I wanted to talk about Ron, I decided it was best to drop the subject. After all, I didn't need Harry to get offended or wounded over something that wasn't actually his fault. I wasn't entirely present to the conversation. I was hearing him talk, but I was really just trying to get a catch of what Lavender was telling Ron that was making him laugh so much.

I bit my lip and looked towards the distance, on the spot right over where Lavender and Ron were. Lavender was tickling him in every spot that Ginny had ever mentioned, and Ron was trying to get away from her, but from where I was, I could tell she had death grip on him. I was a little pleased by this because, also from Ginny, I knew how much he hated being tickled.

"Have you heard of this Fenrir Greyback?" Harry asked.

I stopped looking at Ron and Lavender, obviously startled, "Yes, I have! And so have you, Harry!"

I was more present in conversation after that, but I could still hear Ron's breathless laughter and Lavender's voice mocking me.

After that, I was signing up for the Apparation lessons, perfectly aware that Ron was right behind me. When he was about to sign, I found myself about to tell him something, but then, out of the blue, Lavender came and covered his eyes. I was stalking off in the other direction before I came to, Harry following me. Ron caught up with us eventually, and with no wish of being anywhere close to him, I sped up and started walking with Neville instead.

I continued to ignore Ron all the time, which was taking its toll on me. In Potions, it was just plain torture. There was this awkward silence. Ron never directed a word to me because he was probably afraid of being ignored all over again or I had honestly understimated his pride.

The night of Ron's birthday, there was a knock on my door. It was Ginny. She looked scared out of her mind as she told me Ron had been poisoned. I made my way to the hospital wing after Ginny had left, and demanded to know what was going on with Ron. Harry told me everything and I just sat there, realizing that my cruel snaps at Ron were possibly the last thing I could have possibly ever said to him.

I was by myself most of the time I went to see Ron, he seemed pleased to see me the first time I came in, but then seemed to remember we weren't exactly speaking and he looked away from me, a little disappointed.

"Ronald Weasley," I hissed. I sat beside his bed, almost crying. He looked at me, startled. "Never, ever scare me that way again."

"I'll try to not drink anymore poisoned stuff," he said smartly.

I laughed, feeling every one of my fears leave my chest, as a few tears fell.

"Don't cry," he whispered, his hand slipping into mine. Before I knew it, our fingers were in between each other. We both seemed to be staring at them for seconds, then he cleared his throat and our fingers were no longer interlocked.

There was a moment of silence, not awkward, no longer tense. Our eyes met for what seemed like hours and an agreement passed between us. We forgave each other for everything that had happened the last few months.

After Ron was out of the hospital wing, Lavender broke up with him after thinking that we had been up there by ourselves. I felt bad about it, so that night I tried to speak to her.

"Lavender, we weren't doing anything, I swear," I told her, but she wouldn't hear any of it.

"Don't try to cover up for him, Hermione. It's in the way he looks at you."

I didn't know what she meant by that, but there was a feeling of relief now that she was away from Ron. Then again, there was also a lot of weird moments like when Ron brushed snow off of my shoulder and she ran out of there crying.

Everything after that just happened too fast. Dumbledore's death was definitely something that hit me, because, after all, it was proof that no one was actually safe. And that day, as Ron hugged me and stroked my hair, while I sobbed into his shoulder and he cried silently, I knew nothing was ever going to be the same between us.