"Relax, it's only a couple days. I'll see you this weekend."
I don't handle winter nights well, especially now that I don't have the familiar comfort of room mates. Upon graduation, they seemed to evaporate into thin air, without a note, a phone call or even a random dismissive text. In fact, the only evidence that I haven't been dwelling here alone is the crusty old mascara tubes and packs of unopened condoms they left in the bottom of a forgotten bathroom drawer. He would have snorted, sneered through a long drag of his cigarette and praised the good riddance of pesky busybodies.
"Don't tell me you've suddenly grown attached to those fools. All you ever did was complain about not having our own space. Besides, I'm here now, arent I?" A charming grin set in a week's unshaven face, endearing.. despite my protests that you looked, in fact, much like a ghastly hobo, gigging as you pull me in and press my face against your chest. Tobacco smoke, stale tea leaves and traces of soap from your previous shower. If I could have stolen your scent, spread it across my bed and rolled in it like a cat, I would have.
"Relax, it's only a couple of days. I'll see you this weekend."
I always knew when you made the three hour trip home, that you were bound to come across Her. She always seemed to haunt the places you frequented, all smiles and flippant greetings. I knew you'd indulge in her whimsical flirtations, despite your adamant protests that you two were strictly friends, you barely saw her. With your fingers in my hair and your lips attached to the skin beneath my ear, I could almost believe you..Until you'd come home smelling faintly like jasmine and bitter sex sweat, toss your bag just inside the door and shoot me a wavering apologetic smile before heading to the shower. No remarks from me, even as I unpacked your clothes from the trip and notice the long, lovely tawny blonde hairs attached to your wool jacket. "I think you're just paranoid, why the fuck are you paying so much attention to my dirty laundry?" "I'm Not. I just happened to notice that you smell like a girl when you come in." Another sly smile, no more words spoken as you push me back into the couch and unbutton my flannel. Sighing into the curve of your shoulder, I don't really mind, I suppose. Since middle school, you've always been capricious. I'm just glad you decide to stay the night here.
"Look, we need to talk. Something has changed. I think you know what I mean. I can't-I- I can't fucking stop thinking about you. Even when you're not here, all I want to do is bury in your hair and hibernate. Let's talk about it. I want you. I want you."
Indescribable joy. Bliss permeating every corner of my body, every nerve ending igniting. I want you. A quick kiss before you headed out for the day, a promise of a very serious conversation after dinner. The day passes quickly, excitement increasing as the clock moves steadily towards four.
At five oclock, I've waited an hour for the sounds of your footsteps. Sitting on the sofa, staring silently at the door, jaw clenched and tears prickling the back of my eyes, I finally hear steps and the jingle of keys.
"I know! I'm sorry! God I'm sorry. We can't-I have to run. The office needs me on a flight tonight. I'll explain later. You know I love you, right?"
"Relax, its only a couple of days. I'll see you this weekend."
The cold wind slips through the window panes, the house creaks and mutters to it's self quietly.
Sticky hands, cooling by the minute. I guess I don't really mind, I suppose. I'm just glad you decided to stay the night here.
It wasn't much of a shock, when against my better judgement, I decided to make the three hour drive. Of course I wouldn't find anything, I could always use the excuse of wanting to see my family. There was no logical explanation for your truck to be parked at the only bar in town. You were on a flight, headed four states over to a conference in Chicago. You weren't the man sitting at the bar, blonde hair draped over your shoulder and laughing at the lovely woman cuddled up to your side.
"I want you. I want you."
"-Even when you're not here, all I want to do is bury in your hair and hibernate."
Your face as you walked in the door, bunch of daisies clutched in your hand- bliss.
"I told you it was just a couple of days. Let's have that talk."
The blonde strands clinging to your wool jacket, smeared slightly with red and brown.
Sticky fingers curl in my lap, stroking the lovely dark hair of your head in my lap. I want you, too.
Eyes open, glazed and slightly vacant look quite ghastly paired with the horrifically agape mouth. I turn your head in my lap and press my red sticky hands against both your cheeks, holding you up to eye level. I can almost imagine the same apologetic smile, the sly way in which you'd brush my hair over my ears while simultaneously brushing away my paranoia and accusing glare. I think I like you much better now, You were right. I do complain about not having my space. Your lovely head takes up barely any at all, fitting snugly on the top shelf in the refridgerator, just waiting for me to turn my attention and visit you whenever I please. Despite the blood, your charming smile still makes my nerves tingle.
"Relax, its ony for a couple of days. I'll see you this weekend. I want you."
Your coat still smells like you. Tobacco smoke, stale tea leaves and the soap from your last shower. Perhaps only a little bit of jasmine and…something else. I don't mind.
"Why the fuck are you paying so much attention to my dirty laundry?"
"I want you. I want you."