Disclaimer : The story and the characters are Yun Kouga's property. I make no money out of it.
"Let's do it again, Tokino," she declared. "We got it wrong but I know how to win this time around."
*R*A*S*A*
The last past weeks had been dull. Without Soubi, things lost their shine and their flavour. Strange how a single person can fill up so much space in one's life. Most of his free time was spent at the library —the peaceful, noiseless, unobtrusive library where no-one would dare break the oppressive silence with loud laughs or personal enquiries. But the words he read didn't bring the comfort they used to nor did they replace the emptiness within himself. His stomach growled, breaking his musings and anchoring him to the present. The dull, unappealing present where the edible, mouth-watering food was riddled with traps and he was left with the tasteless industrial food Soubi so detested. Ah, he missed his cooking. His stomach growled again.
A shadow fell on his open unread book and he lazily looked up. Only his straightening back revealed his surprise and interest.
"What brings you here, Moonless ?"
"Polite as ever, I see, " replied Tokino.
"We're going to fight Beloved again and thought you'd appreciate to tag along," offered Mikado.
He blinked. Zero hadn't managed to get any leads on his brother and here they were offering him the opportunity to get answers. To do something rather than sit in class and wallow in self-pity. The question begged:
"Why?"
"Mikado believes you should witness the Battle. I consider you as an ace we will spring on them to gain a definitive upper-hand."
"What do you expect of me exactly? Even I know it's unconventional to bring a bystander and it's not like I have Fighter. I am of no use right now. "
"You are wrong about this," Mikado's voice chimed in. "Your name is power enough on its own as far as Beloved is concerned. Your very presence even more. But we shall ask you for resilience for we want you as an undetectable witness. I want you present but you shall neither speak nor react and even less intervene without our prompting. Could you do that?"
"Really, Moonless, how could I betray a presence I can't signal? I don't have a Fighter anymore."
*R*A*S*A*
"You certainly are persistent. What makes you think you could win today when you've already lost twice ?" Seimei drawled.
The last time had taken him by surprise. Facing Moonless had triggered memories of Ritsuka that almost managed to cripple him. The guilt was fierce, the regret acute. He could not forget he had met Moonless in his own condo, alongside Loveless and sweet little Ritsuka was always on his mind. Nonetheless, he would follow the Name.
This time however, he was prepared.
Conversation had never been expected of him by Seimei and he could steel himself beforehand. The banter between the Sacrifices flowed over him unheeded. All that mattered was to win; get in, get out, as quickly as possible. He could see the ghost remnants of their previous Battle around them. It rippled slightly and he suddenly felt as if they were but preys caught up in an invisible trap, forever frozen in a desperate attempt to escape their untimely demise. He felt them engage their Battle system and tuned in as they attacked. He knew Seimei, there was no need to defend. He would endure and expect a swift win from his Fighter in return. They had always fought this way. Nothing like Loveless.
"Moonless night, blinds them in pure black! "
He scoffed. Did they truly believe such a weak spell would destabilize Beloved? It was unexpectedly disappointing. Silky bandages wounded around their eyes in a soft caress. Not even a true restriction. What was their objective? They must have known he required no sight to Fight.
"This is weak," he sneered. "The silk is soft and shimmers in the night," he responded, sending a mellow attack their way. Really, what were they trying to achieve ? This wasn't even a warm up.
Still blind, he couldn't see the fleeting smile on Mikado's lips. Such a pitying expression it saddened her whole face. Nor could he see Ritsuka as he came in from the adjacent door purposefully left ajar. Neither could Seimei. Mikado had always maintained a dreamy countenance, a somehow aloof attitude. She was hard to read and in turn to predict. She inhaled deeply and seemed to retreat inward. Tokino deliberately relaxed his muscles.
"Hydrangeas," she whispered.
A code obviously since it neither smelled that strong nor was it in bloom this time of year. But Soubi heard it as clearly as the previous rustle betraying the arrival of someone. He had to rely more strongly on his other senses.
"Fragrant night, enhances treasured solace!"
Paint hit him first. For so many years, it had been his sole companion before Seimei named him. Now the chemical scent of his colors diluted in warm water brought forth feelings of comfort and friendship. He wondered longingly about Kio before a sweeter smell assaulted his senses. He frowned, trying to keep the memories at bay lest the dam broke and he lost all kind of control. He would recognize Ritsuka's essence anywhere. Yet he shouldn't, and not only because Seimei had him reiterate the oath. He could not afford to think about him now.
He was already deeply unsettled to realize how close they had both become. They had bonded far more intimately than he could have expected on the span of a few months. How much more entwined with more time? How much stronger with training? And Ritsuka had left an imprint on his soul, an ache in his heart he couldn't erase, he could barely hide. And really was he willing to let go of the happiest part of him?
"The rain shall dampen and purify." Calling on the rain when fighting Moonless? It was not his wisest nor the most inspired move, he had to admit. But he couldn't function properly with Ritsuka's smell overpowering his senses. It was one thing to bury his own needs and wishes. It was another to confront them during Battle. He could have sworn the boy was near him, so powerful was the evocation. He heard Seimei growl and knew he had better manage a good shot at Mikado quickly.
"Luscious night, tease the shushed yearnings!" Tokino replied, unfazed, his own Sacrifice safe and sound, completely unrestrained at his side.
Tastes came in swift succession.
Nicotine. He would gladly have a cigarette. Seimei had no qualms preventing him to smoke in his presence and he was always a puff away from the addictive craving. Ritsuka had never been willing to intrude on his privacy so never forbade him from the harmful dependence that he clearly despised and abhorred. He had loved the peace as he smoked in front of the quiet school before the pupils broke out and the boisterous chatter began.
Beer. The one Kio always brought and the udon they always shared with. Ritsuka's favourite. Obviously.
The omelette the boy had once cooked for him only, to cheer him up. His mouth watered as the memory invaded his present, and he could almost taste the slightly moist, creamy texture of the eggs just set. The sour-sweet pinch of the sauce he had used to write on it. He could even picture Ritsuka, tail puffed up and pouting as he teased him. Dear, charming Ritsuka. Oh, he could even taste his lips on his.
The sweetness of Ritsuka's kisses.
His thoughts always returned to the boy. No matter how hard he tried, he was never far. Despite Seimei's wishes, he could not rid himself of Loveless nor was he disposed to. The time spent with the younger brother had changed him intrinsically. This much he could admit.
"There is only you," he whispered. "There is nothing else that I need. No-one else that I need," he murmured still, reverting to Seimei's oath to harm the other Unit. And yet, the sense of wrongness, of untruth that emanated from it sent him reeling back as a vivid picture of Ritsuka flooded his mind. Stronger than during the previous Battle. And his Spell was weaker, he could feel it. Was he going to lose a fight? It had never happened. Whether he enjoyed it or not, no matter his wish in the partaking of a Battle, whoever the Sacrifice, had never factored in the end result. He always win. This was the reason he had been trained. Abused, his mind rectified. This was his purpose. His use. No, his traitorous thoughts intervened again. No. There is Ritsuka. There is Kio. There is more. He felt Seimei yank on their bond and almost toppled to the ground in surprise.
"What do you think you're doing, you moron ? Stop your nonsense and lay waste to them. Now," he snarled.
"Velvet night, entices the heart's desire!"
Ritsuka again. Oh, he had finally figured out their strategy. A good one if he said so himself. Conjuring up longings to destabilize them. It was a shrewd maneuver, a sly but efficient stratagem that almost prevented him from acknowledging the leeway they had gained. He had been able to quickly assess Bloodless' line of attack and yet had not recognized Moonless'. Ritsuka would have, he was sure of it. And again, his thoughts circled back to the young Sacrifice. Truth was, he felt rather inclined to allow Moonless unimpeded access to his own psyche as it brought forth soothing pictures of the kid. Blast, he really loved the boy more than was healthy for either of them. He would give anything to return to him. His bond to Seimei was no comfort anymore, merely a hindrance and a token of his servitude. If only Beloved had accepted to abandon him. If only he were brave enough to break free. If only Ritsuka were strong enough to claim him.
With Ritsuka's smell still lingering around him, enshrouding him in a peaceful haze, he could picture him perfectly. His silky hair falling through his fingers as he petted him in his sleep. His velvet skin, so soft against him as he brushed his hand on the boy's cheek. His warm hand as it settled comfortably in his bigger one. His skinny, light body as he cradled him in his arms. His bony elbows and shoulders as he hugged him, hoping futilely to right his world from all its wrongs. The alabaster of his arm contrasting with the black of the permanent marker. The tickling of his tail. The velour of his cat ears. His supple lips as he stole him a kiss.
He had conjured up such a convincing image that he startled as he felt a brush against him.
A warm breath on his neck. The tickling of someone's nose near his cheek. A sweep down his bandaged throat. A tug on his sleeve. A presence near his chest, close to his heart. A small, familiar hand barely grazing his fingers.
Had he finally cracked ? Buckled so much under the pressure he's been driven nuts ? Ritsuka was far away, alone and miserable but momentarily safe from Seimei. How could he sense him so strongly? He desperately wanted to reach out but managed to keep his hands at his sides out of tremendous effort and sheer stubbornness. Ritsuka wasn't here. Only Moonless' spells drew out those lucid dreams. For why would Ritsuka want him ? Why would he made such a long trip to find him? He had nothing worth to gift him. He had broken the kid's trust by leaving. He would gladly offer him his heart and his love but he was tainted and would bring waste and destruction on Ritsuka. He was bad news, he knew it. There was nothing worth giving. Only his abilities as a Fighter but the boy wanted nothing with the world of Spell Battles and avoided it as best he could. The only logical conclusion was that he must have finally snapped.
Through a heavy fog, he distantly heard Seimei grumble and he could feel his displeasure, his building rage. He was in for a very harsh punishment after this Battle, there was no avoiding it. But he couldn't bring himself to care. It didn't matter. Seimei was doing something through their bond. What was it exactly? He frowned, concentrated enough to pay attention and understand the harsh words and the commands. And felt utterly indifferent to it. Ritsuka was there and he was here. It wasn't right.
"I want to see Ritsuka," he softly declared, a loud and clear murmur in the still night.
A pregnant pause settled on the Battle. Soubi was an infamous Fighter. But he was not renowned for speaking truthfully nor for his strong personality. For him to state such a far-reaching sentence was profoundly disconcerting for those around him. He didn't even seem to fully realize he had spoken. Mikado smiled softly, invisible to the Beloved team and looked to Ritsuka, a small incline of her head and the merry light dancing in her eyes indicating she had gambled on this spectacular turn of events. Her satisfaction was palpable and she savored her victory. Her goal had been achieved sooner than expected. Tokino seemed speechless both by Soubi and the awe on Ritsuka's face. Was the kid about to cry?
Seimei, however, was not proud of his Fighter's suddenly discovered fortitude.
"Fight or I will make sure you'll never see him again."
Undeterred, silent, Soubi turned his head around, trying to locate the presence, to secure it in reality. He made no move to attack, his hands hanging limply at his side, his face upwards, picking up scent, a slight frown between his eyebrows. Never before had he ignored his Sacrifice and it kindled an unprecedented ire.
"Pathetic imbecile ! My brother is not here. Fight! " he ordered incensed. This seemed to get some semblance of normalcy to their duo as Soubi straightened and cast a spell at last.
"Dreams come to the sleepers," he whispered "and so shall you. Deep slumber, overtake my foes and lead them in the arms of Morpheus." (1)
Mikado looked to her Fighter, her eyelids already drooping, a slight smile still playing on her lips. It wasn't a proper restrain and it wouldn't cost them the Battle if she were to suddenly fall asleep. Tokino should be at a disadvantage but even that remained to be seen. With Soubi unsettled and out of his depth, he had become much more unpredictable but also far less dangerous. Seimei was still to be considered seriously as he could oppose some impressive shows of power but he was no Fighter and Tokino was very strong despite his odd kirks. In last resort, she was confident Ritsuka would take her place. His love for Soubi and his resolve were sturdy enough. He would do anything to have the Fighter back, she had no doubt whatsoever.
"Don't worry so much, I'm safe by your side. It's time to cast the last spell. If need be, he will help. I trust you, Tokino. Win this."
"Humming night, reveal hidden truths!" Tokino shouted, his voice clear and devoid of hesitation, of lingering doubt or worry.
Ritsuka marveled at his perfectly balanced voice, even with the missing deeper baritone of Soubi. He remained perfectly still, watching Tokino and waiting for the opportunity to turn the tide and bind Soubi to him. Indefinitely. There it was, his imperceptible nod bidding him to play his part. Demanding he played it faultlessly. They would only have this one try. His everything wasn't enough if he wanted to best Seimei, even he knew as much. He closed the gap to the only adult he trusted, not touching him, a hair's breadth between their bodies, their heats overlapping, their breaths mingling, their scents combining. Soubi shivered.
He wasn't trained yet he instinctively knew which words to choose to craft the most potent sentence. All he wanted to remember from his time with Soubi was the lingering love and affection. And he intended to pour it into his words. He knew Soubi's weaknesses, he shared them. Loveless. The one who doesn't seem to know how to love and the one who never was properly loved. Neither showered with real love. They were a fine pair. Soubi's issues were numerous - he was broken more than anyone else. But he knew what made him tick. He knew why he blamed himself. Finding the words of comfort was not difficult. He brought his mouth near his ear, one he had pierced himself at the very beginning of their acquaintance. He watched the light reflect on the metal. A butterfly. Again. Why was Soubi putting himself through so much? What did it bring him to wear and paint the insects he so detested? Punishment? Revenge? Was he trying to prove a point? Boost his own self-confidence?
"Soubi," he whispered.
Oh. Ritsuka again. He could imagine his soft voice. Blinded, the vision was clearer, more vivid. He heard him as flawlessly as he smelled him.
"Come back to me. I miss you," he confessed in low tones, only for him.
It must be the spell still. Ritsuka would never express such feelings openly. He wouldn't show any weakness, any tenderness. He was always gruff, hiding his emotions well under ostentatious anger and disdain. But the voice… It was Ritsuka's perfectly.
"You know I'm here," he susurrated, bewitching him further.
It would have been almost sensual had it not torn himself apart. The longing he felt for Ritsuka, the need to protect him, to remain by his side collided painfully with Beloved. He may have been a blank but Seimei had Named him years ago and the scars were reacting to his own wishes, pulling him, trying to maintain him under his Master's command while the rest of him — his body, his soul, his mind, his heart - had been given to Ritsuka long ago and were yearning to break free of Seimei's yoke.
"I don't blame you for leaving. Don't feel guilty," he cajoled.
And yet he did. Because he couldn't forget the tears flowing from his eyes, his desperate call to stay, to turn away from Seimei. He had made Ritsuka cry and had not refused the elder brother — despite his own desire, his fervent hope to remain with Loveless, his misgivings, Akame. Obviously he was to blame — even Seimei had assured him as such. He had chosen, hadn't he?
"Seimei is wrong. You didn't have a choice."
No, not really. He chose this way, he knew it in his heart. Any other Fighter would have opposed the order. And he wouldn't. It broke his heart but he hadn't. It did not matter whether he could oppose the orders, he had still followed Seimei and abandoned Ritsuka, unprotected, alone, sans-fighter. He was broken. Pathetic. Weak.
"You're stronger than that. Stronger than you think. You never lost a Fight."
The perfect fighter. The best crafted tool because he never allowed himself to judge, to think, to react, to defy. Because Ritsu had trained him that way. Had broken him down to a mere puppet, willing to Fight for his Sacrifice whatever the cost. And yet, Ritsuka never demanded anything from him. He asked, he requested, he needed occasionally. But he never ordered and never took forcefully.
"Lose this one for me. Please. Soubi."
Could he lose ? Would he be able to lose a fight willingly ? He felt a small flutter above his heart and knew Ritsuka had put his hand on his chest, drawing power from him. Or maybe not. He wasn't feeling drained at all but invigorated. No. Ritsuka was giving. Strength? Hope? Happiness? Care? And it surged in his heart, infusing all his being with this radiating tenderness, this freely gifted yet foreign sensation of being simply loved for himself.
"Bind yourself to me. I want you to be mine."
A memory of Loveless and Ritsuka written on his forearms with a marker poured forth and obliterated the outside world. The bubble he was in was as much a treasured haven as a self-made jail he couldn't break from. He remembered the fear, the pain, the humiliation that came with Seimei's marking as well as Ritsuka's quivering voice telling him to close his eyes and his soft hands binding him as his Fighter in the only non-threatening, gentlest way he knew. And the joy, oh the joy, it had brought. The elation, the love. Ritsuka was so pure he was irresistible. He wanted to be his. Desperately.
"You know you want to fight for me. But I'm more than Loveless. I'm yours."
Could that be true? Why would he deserve the kind neko? He was guilty : he had done so much wrong for Seimei. And piteous. He was ashamed of so much. So much that he had done or endured. So much he never told. So much he hid from everyone. And yet, he recalled Ritsuka's embrace and little hands. He had never recoiled from him. He had drawn comfort from him — whether he deserved the trust or not. And his own name on Ritsuka's arms. A mirror image, Fighter and Sacrifice. Soubi and Ritsuka. Chained together. No. Not chained. Joined, linked. Connected. He ached for the small Sacrifice to be his.
"You're more than a scar. You're more than a Name. You're more than a tool. More than simply a Fighter."
His scar. It was still bothering him but it had fallen down the farthest recesses of his mind — an irritating itch rather than a demand. A sting more than a burn. A throb compared to pain. A pull when there was a quartering earlier. A dull discomfort that he could disregard. He had never ignored Beloved — in any way. Hadn't even dared contemplate the idea of it. And here he was, betraying the Name slashed into his tender skin with more than his thought. With his whole being straining towards another soul. An oath he might have recited but it was nothing more than empty words anymore. Not when he said them for Beloved. For Ritsuka… maybe it would feel different. Probably. Most assuredly.
"You're Soubi Agatsuma. I'm Ritsuka Aoyagi. And we belong together."
Yes. I want this. I need this. I need him. I want him. Yes.
" Daisuki da, Soubi. Come back to me. Come home."
Daisuki da, Ritsuka. I would die before I hurt you.
"Have you become completely useless?" Seimei's voice rang, as if from a great distance. It sounded wrong, distorted. "Don't stand there limply, fight," he ordered.
"I … can't," he whispered astounded, finding himself utterly unable to utter a single spell.
"I should have brought Nisei. You're useless." He sneered and his voice promised hell to pay. Seimei never augured anything good anyway, Soubi caught himself thinking. Mikado's tinkling laugh suddenly broke the brewing argument.
"Oh Seimei. You have no idea what happened, do you? No amount of threats and hatred or disdain will change this indisputable fact : he cannot fight for you. Whether he wants to or not is a moot point by now."
"Already up, Mikado?"
"Well, you lost the Battle," she mocked. "Soubi's spell is no longer working on me."
"We did not lose. I still have no restrain."
"True. But you lost your fighter. As a consequence this Battle is null and void. This is a forfeit. Our spell will fall off any moment now."
He regained sight gradually. It was blurry at first then the world cleared, the influx was more precise, more accurate. Shapes, colors, movement. Details. He wasn't eager to look at Seimei and kept his head down, looking at the dirty floor intently. As if it held the answers to his questions. The only given was that this wouldn't come cheap. His first defeat ever. There was something to mull over here, some deep meaning, some cosmic lesson to learn, he could feel it in the marrow of his bones. And could care less as a flutter on his right drew his attention. No, it couldn't be. His back straightened like a string on a bow. And yet, there it was again. A black movement, soft, wavering. Fingers grasping at his bandages, trying to undo them. A frustrated sigh before they finally fell to the floor. He watched them in slow motion, not daring to look up, afraid to be wrong, to be disappointed. He heard Seimei snarled and he stilled in anticipation. The presence moved in front of him, calm, resolute, trailing a finger down the length of his arm, offering comfort and quietude. He finally felt bold enough to visually confirm what all his other senses had already told him. Ritsuka was here.
"No." And this small, determined word held the promise of Ritsuka's power to be. "You don't get to reprimand Soubi. He isn't Beloved anymore."
He wasn't Beloved anymore? He searched himself mentally, carefully reviewing and cataloguing injuries, feelings, his bond… His bond. It wasn't anymore. Or rather, it wasn't to Seimei. His hand lifted warily to his marred throat, searching for the ragged edges of his scars and finding only very sensitive skin and fine lines. His breathing increased and he struggled to keep his anxiety under control. It wouldn't do to lose it now. He wasn't Beloved anymore. Did it mean he could crawl back to Ritsuka, groveling at his feet and begging his forgiveness?
He realized he had zoned out again. Moonless had retreated in a far corner, conferring and shooting them furtive glances now and then. Were they ensuring themselves Ritsuka was safe before leaving? Ritsuka. Who was currently engaged in a heated argument he couldn't hear with his brother. He strained his ears enough to get the youngest's parting words.
"You have a Fighter. And you should return to him. Leave us alone."
And watched him turn his back on Seimei and stride purposefully towards him, slowly, deliberately, his back straight and his chin high. He came to a stop in front of him, nodded to Moonless then embraced him tightly and requested very softly that he brought them to the park.
*R*A*S*A*
He remained in his arms for a full minute, breathing deeply, his small nose buried in his long coat, his hands fisting his garment in his back. His hair tickled his nose and his cat ears moved back and forth when his breath wafted over them. His tail wagged lazily on the ground. At last, he disentangled himself and took a step back to look up at him, light dancing his violet eyes.
"Hey Soubi," he greeted shyly. "Welcome home."
"Ritsuka, gomen." He replied, ashamed and miserable.
"Baka! There is no need," he shrugged before smiling. "You don't have to go back to Seimei anymore," he stated, a quiet disbelief tinting his declaration. Soubi only looked back at him, silent and impassive. "That's a lot to adjust to, I gather. Come, everyone will be happy to see you," he said before tugging on his hand and skipping on the sidewalk.
*R*A*S*A*
Adjust was an understatement. It was more on the scale of a tsunami. Ritsuka kept telling him he was free. But what did it mean? What did it entail? He had no real purpose anymore. He wasn't even sure he could cast a spell. He kept his watch on Ritsuka, from habit as much as protectiveness. He went to art school and painted whatever was required. He waited for Ritsuka and helped him whenever he could. He cooked and fed him, enjoyed his leisure time with the kids or Kio. Ritsuka tried to get him to talk, to open but this was a part of himself he wasn't ready to divulge and Ritsuka never pushed. He had never contemplated his future. He had never imagined he would have to live on his own. This was a bleak perspective indeed. He may not be chained to a cruel master and he may be able to remain by Ritsuka's side but he was alone. It was Yuiko who made him rethink his intake. In her usual perceptive yet naïve way, she had pinpointed exactly what was bothering him and expressed her own earnest desire to know she had someone somewhere that was destined to be hers. But that, alas, that was but a pipe dream. And it made him wonder. If everyday people could do it, why couldn't he? He was still mulling things over when Ritsuka came in unannounced and slightly strained.
"Ritsuka?" he enquired and raked his eyes over him for injuries.
"Undress," he snapped before frowning and adding "please."
This was unusual and brought forth both discomfort and curiosity. He slowly unfastened the cuffs of his shirt then turn to the front row of buttons to methodically undo them. Ritsuka kept his eyes trained on him, his hand nervously going up and down his own left arm, his tail swishing, his cat ears backwards. He stopped him as he was about to unbuckle his belt. He grazed his fingers on his ribcage then turned his arms and looked intently at his skin.
"What are you looking for, Ritsuka?" he wondered.
"I was so sure." The boy sighed heavily in defeat and disappointment. He leveled darkened eyes to him, full of pain and worry then proceeded to smother him in a tight hug. "You know I will always be there, don't you? I've promised, Soubi." He got on tiptoes and laid a very light, very soft, very chaste kiss on his lips.
"Your Name appeared." He felt an acute regret. He should have known. He was free but so was Ritsuka. Free to choose another Fighter. One who will bear his name. Free to go away and abandon him to this semi-life. And he had nothing to offer.
"You will always be my Fighter." Ritsuka's voice broke his musings, strong in his belief. He smiled. "We've worked too hard to be torn apart again. I didn't lie. You're mine as much as I am yours." He looked at him and a new peace settled in his gaze. "We're Soubi and Ritsuka. And we belong together. Always."
"Always," he replied with an indulgent smile because he knew in his heart, Ritsuka was the one he had chosen to unite himself to — in heart, body, mind and soul. Freely.
The end.
A/N : I hope you liked it. I know it is not very likely to happen but since the author doesn't seem in a hurry to update and ease their suffering, I decided I would do it myself. Get some fluff.
(1) comes from Dlbn, Awake me from my nightmare, chapter 2. I got it from her and tweaked it so that it would suit my story better. But the idea and a very large part of it are hers, not mine.