Brennan

Booth had been unable to start his car this morning, so I was driving to his apartment to pick him up. I had been at the Jeffersonian for four hours already, my mind already focused on the minutiae of the case, as the sun climbed the magenta sky.

I had a slow thumping pain behind my eyes that heralded the arrival of a migraine as I climbed up the stairs to his apartment. I rubbed absently at my naso-glabellar fold, before knocking the door, and pushing it open. I called out his name, my eyes sweeping his apartment.

It had been a long time since I had visited here last, and it pained me to notice the vase of white chrysanthemums on the table, and the cream pashmina thrown casually over the sofa. Hannah's touches. I walked down the hallway, wondering where he was. The apartment appeared and sounded empty, yet he knew I was en route.

I pushed open his bedroom door, unable to stop myself. It was perhaps a foolish gesture, the rumpled sheets and tangled duvet, evidence of his sexual relationship with Hannah. I turned to leave, the throbbing pain above my orbit intensifying, but something caught my eye.
Like a moth attracted to an impossibly bright flame, I walked into his room, my eyes on the small, velvet box on the dresser. My heart throbbed uncomfortably in my chest; I had not realized their relationship had reached this level of commitment.

I was unable to stop myself from picking up the box, opening the lid. The lazy morning sunlight glinted off the diamond, conjuring miniature rainbows that bounced in the air. I gasped, the secretion of adrenaline in my stomach making me nauseous. I quickly shut the box, before placing it back on the dresser and fleeing his room. I made it to the kitchen before he came through the door, surprise on his face.
"Bones, I was just dropping off the garbage. Shall we go?"
I nodded mutely, striding ahead of him.

I had been wrong when I thought my heart had been crushed before.
The pain was nothing compared to this.

I drove us to the lab, answering Booth's questions with monosyllables, unable to remove the image of the ring from my mind.

I hoped Hannah realized just how lucky she was...

Booth

had it all planned out. I was thinking of doing it on Valentine's Day, but I knew that Hannah would think it trite, so I was going to do it tonight, a Wednesday in the middle of February. Not a significant day, but hopefully one to remember.

I had bought the ring the week before, a simple solitaire on a gold band, Hannah didn't wear much silver. I'd have had to have bought Bones a platinum ring – I know how she loves silver.
I seemed to be having these obscure thoughts about my partner at the most inopportune times.

I wondered what Sweets would make of that. Probably would say I still have feelings for her or something. I do, I love her, I'll always love her, and she's my best friend, well, maybe not my best friend anymore, since Hannah came into my life.

I squirmed uncomfortably on the chair, hating myself for this confliction. I love Hannah, I want to marry her, and I want her to be the mother of my children, even though I know she's not quite ready for that. Just like you wanted Bones, that nagging voice in my head said. You dreamed of her, of her being your wife and having your baby.

And you were so happy.

I rubbed at my eyes, at the sudden headache that always seemed to accompany thoughts of Bones these days. I twisted the box over and over in my hand, knowing the decision shouldn't be this hard. She had told me to move on. I had moved on. I found a beautiful woman, who loved me for me. So why was there a part of me that felt guilty? Like I had betrayed Brennan?

If it had been Bones, it wouldn't be this hard. I know exactly how I would have proposed too, whereas, Hannah, we didn't really have that many places significant to us, well other than Afghanistan.

I looked at the ring once more, wondering if she'd like it? If it was big enough? Sighing, I closed the lid with a little pop and set it on my dresser top, Bones was on her way over to pick me up. Perversely I wished I could talk it through with her, she was nothing if not pragmatic and logical, but I could not miss the pain that haunted her eyes whenever Hannah was mentioned.

She was more sadistic than I, surrounding herself with me and my girlfriend when it clearly hurt.

I didn't think I could have done that to her, but I was just like all the rest.

I abandoned her too.

And it was one more thing to hate about myself.