Author's Note: I would first start off by thanking my beta readers! Because of KohGeek and my friend Angela, I can present a story that I feel proud of. They helped me so much to make this story into what it is, and I can't thank them enough for doing that. Anyways, here's a few notes that you should know before reading the story.
Italics means inner thoughts and flashbacks.
Intern - term used to refer to mammals who are attracted to those of another species
Pred - derogatory term for traditionally prey animals attracted to traditionally predator animals
Judy stood in front of the floor mirror next to her front door, gazing at her reflection. This was her favorite part of her morning routine. She does this after showering, applying a little make up, and putting on her police uniform. In the mirror, she sees a smiling police officer staring back at her, seemingly telling her, "You got this girl!" or "Look at you go!" It was like a silent pep talk that she gave herself every morning to start off the day.
Contrary to popular opinion in the precinct, she was not always the bubbly, pumped up bunny everyone saw. Her mood right after waking up on an early Monday morning could be described, to put very lightly, as cranky. Her alarm clock's blaring noise was synonymous to torture for her sensitive ears. Furthermore, removing her body from her warm and comfy covers was like leaving heaven. It was only until she saw her reflection that her mood started to improve. She guessed it was because seeing herself in the police uniform reminded her of her identity, the determined bunny who against all odds, managed to become the first bunny cop in Zootopia. A mighty good one too. Is it self-absorbed? Perhaps. But it helped set the foundation of her motto, "Today is another good day."
She waited outside her apartment, waiting for Nick to pick her up in their police cruiser. He managed to be surprisingly on time, and by on time, she meant ten minutes later than their arranged pickup time. She gave up trying to get him to be more punctual. Sometimes you couldn't teach an old fox new tricks. She got into the car and he handed her coffee to her, a Vanilla Latte with Carrot-Infused Milk.
"I can't believe they make this shit," Nick muttered before he took a swig of his coffee. Judy could always tell how much coffee he had in the morning based on how cranky he was. Depending on how much sleep he got, Nick typically needed 3-5 cups to become the charming, cool-headed fox he was known for. She gauged he was on his third cup right now.
"Hey, I'll have you know that there are Yip reviews that consider this," -she holds up her cup proudly-, "the best drink from Snarlbucks.
He shot her an incredulous look, "Are those reviews all from bunnies?"
"No!" she sputtered.
"And hares?"
She punched him in the arm and giggled, "Okay Nick, you got me. But it's still delicious!"
He smiled as he rolled his eyes, that third cup is starting to work on him.
She was grateful to have Nick as her partner. It's been a year since he graduated from the academy and he has already proven himself to be one of ZPD's finest. They have the perfect partnership. Together, they have already broken the record for number of cases solved by rookie cops. They were in sync whenever they chased down criminals, made up for each other's weaknesses and, understood each other's strengths. Judy didn't quite understand it herself. It was like magic how well they worked together. She thought at least part of it was because she simply enjoyed his company. It seemed to come so naturally how they were able to play off each other's energy and wit as they bantered with each other. It came in handy especially on some of the more boring work days, like today as they were assigned traffic duty.
"You know, I really hate traffic duty," Judy said frustrated as she drove around the block. When she joined the police force, she wanted to be part of the action, fighting crime and beating up bad guys. Not waste her time driving aimlessly around.
Nick placed a paw on his chest with fake surprise, "What? But Carrots, it's the best part of being a cop! Getting verbal abuse from animals because we stopped them for going 5 miles above the speed limit simply makes me jump for joy!"
Judy giggled, "Oh god Nick, you're such a dork. I'm just saying that I wish we could be fighting crime and kicking ass instead of….what you just said."
He raised his hands as if he was forsaking the crime gods, "If only there was more widespread crime! Then Zootopia would need more cops like good ol Nick and Carrots on patrol duty!"
She giggled, "Exactly! You get me!"
He winked at her while giving his signature smirk. Judy felt her heart jump a little. She had noticed for quite some time that it usually did that whenever he gave her that look. She wasn't sure why.
Nick pointed his finger up as if he's about to make a speech, and spoke with a kingly tone, "I declare that it's time we have a break."
She flatly said, "Nick we're only 3 hours in for traffic duty. We can't tak-"
"Nahh, sure we can! Plus I noticed there was an ice cream shop a block or two away that had pawpsicles."
"I don't know about this…"
He playfully begs, "Oh pretty pretty please! It's GMO-free, organic, locally-produced, and cruelty-free! We gotta try it!"
She rolled her eyes, "Okay, okay! If you shut up, we'll get ice cream and then it's back to patrolling!"
With childlike excitement, he raised his arms up and exclaimed, "Yay!"
"How are you an adult?" Judy asked while looking at him with exaggerated disbelief.
Of course, Nick somehow convinced Judy to eat their pawpsicles at a bench at the park instead of back in the car. He said something about patrolling from the bench would be just as effective, if not more, and that there was at least a 76% chance that the ice cream was going to drip onto their seats and cleaning up would be such a hassle. Judy noticed he often liked to use 76% often as a statistical value.
While they were partaking their pawpsicles, Nick moved his right arm around the back of the bench behind her. She never truly minded. In fact she enjoyed the attention. She enjoyed it when Nick slumped down and rested his head on top of hers. She enjoyed it when his tail brushed against her legs. She enjoyed it when he twirled her ears with his paws. Hell, she also enjoyed it when they would hug and his tail would wrap around her. They made her feel comforted and warm inside. She never thought of it as a coupley thing to do, even though their co-workers think of it otherwise, especially Clawhauser. She simply thought it showed how close and loving their friendship was.
As they were on their last licks of their pawspicles, Judy noticed a lion and tiger couple passing by, holding paws. She let out a quiet gasp. She had never seen an interspecies couple bold enough to be that public about their relationship. She could feel her own initial prejudices already coloring her view of the interns, labelling them as just plain weird.
Coming from Bunnyburrow, a very conservatively-minded town, they had more hostile views towards interspecies couples than Zootopians did. Interspecies couples were virtually non-existent in Bunnyburrow due to the risk of constant verbal, and even physical abuse from the townsfolks. Any business that was seen to be sympathetic or associated with the interspecies cause were not welcome. From a very young age, she had been taught by her parents interspecies relationships were repulsive, disgusting, and immoral. She was only allowed to read books or watch shows that had intraspecies romance, if any. When she hit puberty and started having crushes, her parents became more direct and told her it was important that she find a suitable bunny mate. They really stressed the "bunny" part of the sentence. It wasn't actually until a neighborhood bunny escaped town with a hare that they were explicit about their views of interspecies relationships.
Stu said, "I tell ya, I always knew that Cheryl was no good. There was always something about her."
Bonnie said, "She was such a sweet child though. It's a shame really. She had a good heart, maybe a little rough around the edges, but a good heart.
Stu said, "Good heart or not, you can't become a well-respected bunny without good parenting. You turn your back on your kids and the devil gets them. Next thing you know they're going to be crime-loving delinquents smooching who know whats!"
Bonnie said, "It's just plain wrong. Just plain wrong. I just don't understand how they could ever be engaged in something so vile."
Stu said, "I thank the heavens we raised our kids right, including our little Jude the Dude right?"
Judy rolled her eyes, "Whatever, Dad."
She never completely gave into her town's hostile views towards interns, especially after reading the occasional ZPD reports of interspecies couples being victims of vandalism, assault, and even murder. However, it was still difficult for her to be completely supportive of interns due to her parents' upbringing. She figured a compromise was good enough, and told herself that she can simply just tolerate their weirdness as long as they don't bother her.
Her view started to change though as she watched the couple walking down the path, staring into each other's eyes smiling. She saw the love between them and she realized what a privilege it was to witness. A couple in their own world, blind to everything except each other. She saw the love and intimacy between them until it was interrupted by a lynx.
"Hey you know God hates interns like you!" a lynx yelled at them.
Judy was brought out of her trance and she saw a lynx shouting as the couple walked past him, ignoring him the best they could. She could see their body language were more fearful and defensive, rather than loving just seconds before. Soon afterwards, she saw other instances of prejudice inflicted upon them: mothers shielding their children's eyes, passerbys giving them dirty looks, and groups of mammals whispering behind their backs.
Her ears drooped as she witnessed the abuse that interspecies couples have to go through. It was eye-opening to see how awful their lives were because they were different. With a life like that, she wondered if finding love for them was really worth it.
Judy pondered out loud, still wrapped up by her previous thoughts, "Wow, I don't know if I would ever do something like that."
Nick caught her words and asked, "Do what?"
"Be in an interspecies relationship."
He consciously whipped his right arm back towards his side, "Oh, why is that?"
She shrugged, "There's just such a huge stigma behind it. It would just be a lot to deal with. Plus I don't know, growing up in Bunnyburrow, I never saw stuff like that. I feel sorry for them but it's just still kinda weird for me."
Nick's tone sounded distant with a tinge of annoyance, "Uh huh."
Before she could ask his opinion on the matter, he said flatly, "I think we should head back to the cruiser."
He got up and started walking swiftly to the car without waiting for her.
For the rest of their shift, Nick remained distant from her. Whenever she tried to strike up a conversation, he responded with "uh-huh" and "oh I see." He also never bothered to start any conversations with her and spent most of the time staring out of the window. She wondered what came over Nick, as for him to act this way to her was unusual. Normally, she could not get him to shut up with his dumb jokes and impressions, but this car ride was mostly uncomfortably silent. She knew it probably had something to do with what she said about interspecies relationship, but why was he so bothered by it?
They were parked in the garage, and Judy wanted to apologize for her prejudice. Thinking about what the couple had to go through in the car, she knew she was wrong, and wanted to admit it to Nick.
However, she wasn't quick enough as Nick said monotonously, "Later Carrots," and hopped out of the car. Judy contemplated catching up to him as he spedwalk away, but she knew him well enough to know that there was no use. He would just insist nothing was wrong and brush her aside. She sighed as she let the guilt and confusion build up in her.
Nick was back to normal the next day. He was his snarky and cheerful self, cracking stupid jokes and making horrible impressions left and right. She attempted to apologize several times throughout the day, but Nick was having none of it. Every attempt ended up with him masterfully changing the subject to her frustration.
"So about yesterday, I just wanted to say I'm sor-"
"Yeah yesterday, Clawhauser was totally rambling on about uhhh what was her name?"
"No, Nick…I'm trying to talk about that cou-"
"Oh yeah! Taylor Sniff! What does he call her again?"
"Ugh Nick, can you just-"
"Slaynor Sniff? God, Clawhauser is so ridiculous."
"Nevermind."
Judy figured this was just Nick's way of telling way that she was forgiven. She much rather talk about it, but since Nick seemed very insistent against it, she decided to just drop it for the time being.
One thing has changed however, no longer did he slouch down to rest his head on her head, brush his tail against her legs, or twirl her ears with his paws. In fact, he seemed a lot more cautious to not touch her in any way possible. She didn't realize how much she missed the attention. Despite Nick being around every waking minute of her work life and essentially her social life as well, he still seemed less present to her. She hoped it was temporary, because it told her that he was less invested in their friendship and that hurt. She still didn't understand why her opinion on interspecies relationships had such an effect on him.
It was Friday, and that meant movie night for Nick and Judy. It was a grand old time where they rent horribly rated movies from Ratbox and skewer it while they watched. They felt like terrible mammals for doing it, but it was simply too much fun. Today Judy picked the movie, and she made sure to get one of the cheesiest and most stereotypical romcom available. It had everything they needed to rip it apart. Horrible lines, awkward body language, and nonexistent chemistry.
They were watching it on her laptop on top of Judy's bed, with several inches separating them on Judy's small bed. Nick laid on the very edge of the bed, barely able to keep his body on top of the bed.
Judy asked, "Are you sure you don't want to move in a bit? There's lots of space."
Nick replied, "No I'm good."
Judy rolled her eyes.
"He's still keeping this up. Well it's not going to be my fault if he falls off."
Other than Nick's insistence of being in constant peril of falling, everything was going fine, at least, at first. They couldn't stop laughing over how ridiculously bad this movie was. The intensity of their laughs were expressed by their tears, stomach pain, and pounding on the bed. It was when the two romantic leads had the pivotal and unintentionally awkward kissing scene that things took a turn.
Judy started howling with laughter, "Oh god, that was too good. Too too good. They definitely won worst kiss of the year in my book!"
She turned to her left and saw Nick looking a bit glum and distracted.
She tilted her head slightly in confusion, "This is such a hilarious scene. Why is Nick acting this way? Is he still not over what happened on Monday?" she thought.
With a worried look she asked, "Hey Nick, is there anything wrong?"
Looking as if he just came out of a dream he shook his head and stammered, "What? Oh uhm, yeah I'm fine. That kissing scene, beyond ridiculous right?"
"Nick, if there's something wrong, you can talk to me. That's what friends are for." She placed her paw on his right arm to comfort him. He looked at her briefly, but then turned away and pulled away his right arm.
He insisted, "There's nothing wrong Judy." He points to the screen, "Can we just get back to watching the movie?"
It had been 4 days and Nick was still acting this way. She was a little fed up with it. She wanted things to go back to how they were before.
"No, Nick I can't just ignore this anymore. I feel like you've been acting distant from me lately, and it…it hurts."
He gave her a look of surprise, and continued with a cautious tone, "What do you mean? We've been together everyday." His tone started to become more argumentative, "I'm literally on the same bed as you right now!"
"You refuse to scoot in even though you're about to fall off the bed!"
She facepawed in even greater frustration. Why was he playing dumb with her? Why couldn't they just have a direct conversation with each other?
She said, "Look, why are you acting this way? Like you're trying your absolute hardest to make sure not even a single strand of your fur touches me?"
He said with ever decreasing volume, "I thought you wanted to stay away from that interspecies stuff... I mean we're just friends right? So we should look like friends, not like... in a relationship…"
She studied him closely, and saw the brief moment of heartbreak in his eyes. That's when it all hit her. His eyes, the tone of his voice, and the change in behavior, all after her comments on interspecies relationships, it suddenly make sense.
"Oh my god, no, Nick. No. You do no-"
"Yes…Yes I do, Judy," he said with a pained expression.
His revelation shocked her. After the initial shock came a mix of emotions. She was scared, confused, guilt-ridden, and most surprisingly, a little happy. Judy wondered if she ever had feelings for Nick, she wasn't sure. But what else could explain the little light of happiness that shined in her when he first admitted it?
No, she would not accept this. Interspecies relationship was still a huge taboo everywhere from Bunnyburrow to Zootopia. Not only that, it was between a predator and a prey. That was even more unheard of, who knows how much more shit they would get if they got together?
Her thoughts were interrupted when Nick placed his paw on her cheek tenderly. She felt her heart racing, she wondered why it was doing that. Then she felt Nick's lips meet hers gently.
Judy had kissed bunnies before, and they were good, they were enjoyable, they were fine. But this...this kiss was none of that.
Her heart fluttered. Her heart burned. Her heart danced. It was a feeling she never felt before, and it was wonderful.
He broke the kiss and she couldn't help but feel disappointed it was over. His face hung inches away from hers and she saw shame splattered on his face.
He pulled away and shook his head.
"Sorry," he muttered. "I shouldn't have done that. I'll just…I'll just leave right now." He started to get up from her bed to leave.
She wanted to stop him, grab a hold of his sleeve and tell him to stay, but she didn't. She let him walk out.
Judy had trouble sleeping that night. She felt like a thousand questions were running in her mind.
"Why did he kiss me? Why did I enjoy it? Am I a pred? Do I not like bunnies? Who am I? Do I love him?"
Eventually, all of these questions seemed to coalesce into one question. The ultimate question. "Do I love Nick?"
She couldn't answer that question. She didn't know and was scared to know the answer.
She got out of her bed and turned on the lights. She walked to her mirror, hoping that her reflection could somehow give her the answer to that increasingly maddening question. Unfortunately, it failed her as the mirror only seemed to emphasize the confusion she felt inside her heart. She dropped her head in despair, she wondered if she was going to stay like this forever.
Her ears perked up suddenly when she heard a pebble tap on her window.
"Who could that be?"
She opened the window and looked down. It was Nick.
She said, "Nick? What are you doing here? It's 2 am in the morning!"
He chuckled nervously, "Well you see, I couldn't sleep at night, so I decided to take a stroll and...somehow I ended up at your place! Funny how it works out like that huh."
She stared at him, unconvinced.
His ears drooped a little as he let out a heavy sigh, "Okay fine, that's not the whole truth. The truth is, I can't stop thinking about our kiss."
Judy shushed him, "Shhhh! Not so loud!"
She immediately regretted it as she saw that Nick seemed a little hurt by her shushing.
Nevertheless, he whispered, "Anyways, I was thinking about our kiss. At the moment, I assumed you never wanted to see me again. You….you didn't stop me from leaving. But as I replayed the scene in my head over and over again, I realized something. You also never had a negative reaction to me kissing you. You didn't stop me. You didn't slap me. You didn't yell at me. You just let me kiss you. And now I'm just really confused. So I gotta ask, did you like the kiss?"
Judy could feel a blush warming up her cheeks, she twiddled her fingers before she admitted, "Yes...I liked it."
He asked, "Really?" as if he could not believe what he was hearing.
Her cheeks felt like they were burning at this point. She grabbed one of her ears to cover her face in embarrassment as she said, "Yeah…it was nice..."
"Oh...heh, thanks," Nick managed to utter as he blushed.
They then stared at each other in silence, Judy pondering if she should say anything. But what could she say? She had never been in a situation like this.
Finally, Nick broke the silence, "Let's go on a date."
Before she could protest, Nick held out his paws and said, "Hear me out, Judy. There won't be paw holding, kissing, or anything intimate. It will just be a normal regular 'glorified' hang out, involving the two of us, like we always do."
He paused for a moment, stared into Judy's bright amethyst eyes and said, "Look, we should probably explore whatever this is, if you're up to it."
"That doesn't sound…. too bad I guess. I mean there's interspecies friendships, and I don't see anything wrong with it…"
He smirked, his smugness coming back, "Is that a yes I'm picking up on?"
She smiled sheepishly and reluctantly said, "Yes Nick, it's a yes."
"Great! I'll pick you up at 5 pm," He half-lidded his eyes. "Leave all the planning to me."
"Heh, I'm sure I won't regret that."
He gave her a thumbs up in response before he left.
She found herself smiling and waving goodbye to him excitedly until she realized what she had agreed to.
Oh shit, what have I done!?
Judy stood nervously outside her apartment, waiting for the arrival of her date. She had never been this nervous when it came to dates. In fact, she was the kind of bunny who looked forward to dates. As much as she loves her job, sometimes it's nice to escape from the daily grind and get to know the other bunnies in Zootopia. But this time it was different, this time it's with Nick, a fox. She would never admit this to Nick but she spent two hours trying to decide what clothes to wear. Ultimately, she decided on a pink and white plaid shirt and jeans. She figured that she should dress for a hangout and not for a date, just in case there were any suspecting eyes on them.
She saw a little fox figure walking down from the corner of the street. She looked at her phone to check the time. 5:05 pm, he's early! She looked back up and saw he was swinging a picnic basket back and forth in his right paw. Her tail started wagging excitedly, as she loved picnics. She had fond memories of the picnics she had with her siblings back in Bunnyburrow. She however was slightly worried about the state of the food due to that precarious swinging.
"Hey Carrots! Ready to hang out?" Nick greeted her.
Judy felt all her nerves returning and stood up straight and stiff, as if she was back in the academy.
"Yes!" she managed to choke out.
He tilted his head a bit to the right, his ears slanted to the left, when a smug smile formed on his muzzle.
"Could it be? A bunny cop who can take down a rhino, is afraid to hang out with a little old fox like me? Well wouldn't that be preposterous!"
She wasn't acting like herself. Usually she would be able to come up with a snarky reply. But right now, all she mustered was a nervous giggle.
His smile vanished and a serious expression formed on his face. He placed the picnic basket onto the ground as he crouched down to her eye level. He looked at her as if he was trying to peer into her heart.
He then placed his paws onto her shoulders and whispered, "We don't have to do this. I can leave now if you want, and we can forget that this ever happened."
The fox gave her a comforting smile as if he was telling her that it's okay, it's okay to break his heart. But when she looked into his big emerald eyes, they were tinged with a certain sadness. She felt guilt stewing inside her stomach. Nick took the time to plan out a date and she wasn't even going to give him a chance because of her fears. She couldn't let that happen. Fox or rabbit, he was her best friend and she had to at least try.
She brightened up and said, "And miss out on the delicious food you packed for us? No way!"
She saw his big emerald eyes sparkle again as he said, "That's what I like to hear! Come on, let's head to my car."
"If you drove here, why did you bring the picnic basket?"
"How else am I going to mix the salad while freaking you out at the same time?"
He received a punch in the arm. She was back to her old self.
Nick drove them to the woods of the Redwood (with actual redwood) District. Growing up in the farm, Judy always enjoyed being around nature. Sure there was the Rainforest district, but there was nothing quite like the calm and serene state that the Redwood forest seemed to embody. Taking the scenic route, this gave a chance for them to chat, joke, and gossip, and soon Judy forgot that this was supposed to be a date. She found herself growing more and more comfortable that she didn't even mind when Nick took one paw off the wheel to hold hers. After 30 minutes, Nick parked on the side of the road, seemingly in the middle of nowhere.
"Are you sure you know where you're going?" Judy asked.
He winked, "Don't worry about it."
Nick guided her through the woods. Judy wondered how he knew where he was going. There was no marked trail or anything, and all these trees seemed to look the same to her. Once they were deeper in the woods, Nick offered his free paw to her, which she gladly took. Just holding his paw was somehow enough to reassure her that everything was fine.
After ten minutes, they were…still walking. Judy wondered how long they were going to have to walk through the woods.
She elbowed him on the side and asked, "You sure you're not a serial killer trying to axe me in the middle of the woods?"
"Well an axe murderer would need an axe to murder someone, wouldn't he?" Nick retorted. He opened up his paws.
Nick continued, "As you can see there's no axe."
Judy shrugged, "Maybe you have a tiny one in your basket? I don't know your life."
He placed a finger on his muzzle like a philosopher ruminating over life's hardest questions, "Huh, I guess that wouldn't be such a bad idea for an axe murderer, it lets them be a lot more conspicuous."
"Right? I always get so frustrated when serial killers brandish their weapons in movies! Of course everyone is going to run away from them!"
He sneered, "Didn't realize my partner, who is also a cop, wants to give tips to serial killers."
"Hey, hey, there's a difference between Cop Judy and Movie Patron Ju-"
"Sorry to interrupt Carrots, but we're here."
She looked forward and saw the woods ended into a small, flat grassy area by the cliff. It was just big enough for them to have a comfortably have a picnic. Beyond the cliff was the most gorgeous view of Zootopia she has ever seen. She could see the skyscrapers of downtown Zootopia, followed by the sandstone buildings of Sahara and the snowy buildings of Tundratown. She could also see the reddish-orange sun almost to descend into its slumber behind the city.
"Nick…this is amazing." Judy breathlessly whispered.
He said, "We're just 30 minutes away from sunset. If we stay long enough, we can see the city lights too."
"Does anybody know about this place?"
"Nope, we'll be alone, just the two of us. Just you and me."
"Wo-"
He interrupted, "Just Nick and Carrots."
"Gr-"
He teasingly interrupted again, "The sly fox and dumb bunny."
Her eyebrows furrowed, "You can stop now."
Nick laid out the picnic blanket and set out the food. He took out a carrot salad with blueberry vinaigrette, blueberries, and baby carrots. Judy was impressed as she took a bite of the salad. Even though he hated carrots, he managed to do a spectacular job making a carrot salad.
"What do you think of the food Carrots?"
"It's okay," she replied with a mocking deadpan face.
"Liar."
She stuck out her tongue at him.
They finished their food just in time for the sunset. As the sun slowly sank under the horizon, Nick wrapped his arm around Judy, as she snuggled by his side. They sat there silently as they marveled at the beautiful array of pink, orange, and yellow doing their last dance before the introduction of the night sky. It's the most comfortable she has ever felt with another mammal. Somehow Nick knew how to make her feel beautiful, loved, and comforted all at once. Was it just because he had experience doing this? Or is it just because it was meant to be? These questions troubled her as she found herself sinking deeper and deeper into being in an interspecies relationship. If it was wrong, then why did this feel right?
"Nick, can I ask you a personal question?"
"As long as I can keep snuggling with you, you can ask me anything."
"When did you first realized that you were attracted to me?"
He tilted his head up as if he was pondering a deep old question.
"I don't think there was an exact moment when I first realized it. I think it was just as I got to know you more, I realized how much better you made my life. Through you, I gained the confidence to be much more than a confox, and I started having hope in a society that rejected me. And once I slowly saw that, it became more and more clear to me much you meant to me. And I've been crazy about you since then."
"Oh wow, I'm flattered. I didn't know I had that much of an impact."
"Yeah, you sure hustled me."
"Did you ever think it was weird that you a fox, went gah gah over a bunny?"
"Well yeah I freaked out a little bit. But I think I realized that if it's meant to be, then that stuff doesn't really matter."
"I see."
They stood outside her apartment complex, Judy was fumbling in her purse for her keys as Nick looked at her smiling.
She noticed him smiling, "What?"
"Nothing! I just…like looking at you."
She blushed before she retorted, "Ha! You just like to watch me struggle."
He chuckled, "You caught me." "
She chuckled back, as her paws finally detected the presence of her apartment keys. She held them up high like she just endured a long quest to get the treasure.
They both laughed at her public display of victory. As their laughter winded down, they found themselves staring into each other eyes, silently.
Nick finally broke the silence, "So um...thanks for taking a chance to go out with me. I know this was hard for you."
"Yeah, I had a great time. I just wish it didn't have to hide it."
He smiled and said amorously, "Well judging from my night vision, there doesn't seem to be anyone around here."
She smiled back, "My ears can confirm that. What are you suggesting we do?"
He said, "How about this?"
He leaned down and grabbed onto her cheeks and kissed her in the muzzle. She wrapped her arms around his back and kissed back. She didn't want this moment to ever stop.
She closed the door behind her. She probably just had the best date she ever had. She looked at her mirror and saw a bunny with hearts for eyes, and a looming raincloud over her. She groaned and sunk down to the ground in despair.
It was strange to her. Just days ago, she was perfectly content with her life. She was living out her dream: being one of the star rookie cops in the best city ever. But now that she had a taste of what love is like, she realized she would never be fully content without Nick as her boyfriend. She couldn't help but roll her eyes at herself, she thought she was being such a drama queen. But regardless, these were her feelings and she had to accept that.
She wished she had someone to talk to, someone who could give her advice on what to do, but who could she talk to? She didn't really know anyone that fully accepted interspecies relationship except…Nick. There's no way she could talk to him about this! Her heart felt warm and fluttery as she thought about him. She thought about what their future would be like together. Romantic dates, wedding, having kids, growing old together. Each one seemed right, like it was destiny. Tears started forming in her eyes, she wanted this so badly, but the world didn't.
Even though she felt like her world has changed, the world itself hasn't changed. Interspecies relationships were still seen as repulsive, disgusting, or immoral. She herself was even guilty for such thoughts just a few days ago. She thought of the amount of backlash she would have to face every time she went outside holding paws with Nick, just like the lion and tiger couple did. The thought of it was overwhelming to her. She wasn't sure if she could handle that. However, if Nick was the right one for her, then they would be facing it together, and that wouldn't be so bad, right?
She then thought about her family, and how they would react to this news if word ever got out that she was dating a fox. She felt her whole body shuddering.
For bunnies, supporting their family was more than just a value, it was a lifestyle. Each member of the family was expected to do what was best for them as a collective. Usually, that meant staying with the family and helping out in the farm, but pursuing other careers was acceptable and they would get full support for doing so. They were just expected to give back to the family somehow.
Judy remembered the endless praise for her sister Claudia, who studied engineering and built machines that made collecting and planting carrots easier. There was also endless praise for her brother Barry, who started several businesses in Zootopia. He didn't live in Bunnyburrow, but he supported the family by sending back large sums of money. And then there was her, Judy, the black sheep of the family. She didn't live in Bunnyburrow nor have the means to support her family. Perhaps she was the only bunny in her family to not live by their collectivist values.
Yet, even though she was the odd one out, her family supported her every step of the way. They allowed her to study instead of helping out in the farm, they helped her train for the academy, they paid for her tuition, they showed up at her graduation ceremony, they saw her off when she headed off to Zootopia. Sure, they wished things would've been different with Judy, but they were a family, and that meant their love was unconditional.
It warmed her heart remembering how her family supported her in her journey to be a police officer. However, it also came with a guilt, a guilt that she has not been supporting them back, like Claudia and Barry have. Her guilty conscience reminded her that if word ever got out that she was dating Nick, she wouldn't just not be supporting them, she would be hurting her family.
Judy knew her family generally did not have a favorable view towards foxes. It was true that her parents had a business partnership with Gideon, but they would still refer to Gideon as "the fox" when he wasn't around. However, she was sure they, along with her whole family, would not accept her being together with a fox at all. Meanwhile, the rest of Bunnyburrow would make her family's life torture. Her parents would be harshly reprimanded for allowing such sinful and free ideas to poison Judy's mind into falling for a fox. The business that they worked so hard to build up would surely fall into crumbles. Her siblings, some of them still young children, would be cruelly teased or even beaten because of her. The thought of little Sally or Billy being pushed down to the ground and called a pred was enough for tears to stream down her cheeks. That's when she realized she couldn't do it. She owed it to them. She could never be her true self, as that would break her family's heart, business, and livelihood. Her joy was not worth their suffering.
She texted Nick, "Hey can we meet up tomorrow at my place? We need to talk."
They were sitting on her bed. She had just finished telling Nick that she could not be with him. Throughout the whole time, she felt like she was on the brink of tears, having to pause several times to let out a few sniffles. A quarter of the way in, Nick held her paw and she felt his warmth and comfort consoling her. She hated it. She hated how he was the one consoling her even though she was the one breaking his heart. But the truth is, her heart felt broken too.
After she was done, they sat in silence for what felt like an eternity, each refusing to look at the other. She noticed that Nick didn't say a word the whole time while she was talking earlier. She wondered if each word that came out of her mouth felt like a punch to the face for him. She felt guilt and regret stirring up inside her but she refused to go back on what she did. What was done was done. She took a peek at Nick and she could see that he was still processing everything she told him, and was carefully thinking what to say next. If he was heartbroken, he was doing a good job hiding it.
Eventually he retracted his paw from hers, held his paws together and set them on his lap. He smiled warmly at her, but Judy could see the emptiness behind it. He was doing all he could to lessen her guilt and hide the pain behind that smile.
He said, "I always thought it was a little strange how well we connected, you know? A fox and a rabbit? That shouldn't work. We're natural-born enemies. Yet, we make it work. Shit, we fucking rock at making it work. We gel together so well right from the first day, and god I think it's fair to say we're the perfect partners. I think our friendship alone just proves to me that society isn't always right, and this whole interspecies hate thing, it's crazy, it's fucking stupid. And to be honest, I stopped seeing interspecies part in our relationship a while ago, it was just…love. I don't know. I guess I'm just disappointed that you don't see it the same way. I mean, granted you have so much more at stake. I don't have a business, and well…I don't have a family anymore. But still, I guess...I guess I just thought that you were different. I mean, first bunny cop who managed to defy all expectations and solve the Missing Mammals case. But I guess this time, you're just like all the others."
He got off the bed and walked towards the door, "I'll see you on Monday, Hopps."
She took a minute to take everything he said in. She then fell backwards onto her bed, and started crying.
Judy stood in front of her floor mirror, gazing at her reflection. She didn't see the happy go lucky bunny looking back at her this time. She saw her bloodshot eyes, the bags underneath, and the ruffled fur. She spent the past weekend in tears, with Nutflix, and with wine. She hated this. She hated what she has become. This stupid, selfish, pred-loving bunny who can either ruin other mammals' lives or her own.
"Let it go Judy," she told herself. She let out a sigh, "You have an image to uphold."
She used her paws to brush her fur and let out a big smile. Her reflection became the bunny that she wanted to project to the outside world. The bubbly, pumped-up bunny who loves her job, minus the bags. Her reflection is also someone who she doesn't know anymore. It felt like a mask that she has to put on every day. Every time she steps into the outside world, she will have to lie about herself. She will have to hide such an integral part of her identity, for the rest of her life.
"Is it worth it?" she asked herself.
"It's worth it, for my family," she told herself with resolve.
Nick appeared in the mirror behind her. She looked back, there was no one there. She looked back in the mirror, and there was Nick, kissing her reflection on the head. She watched them mouth the words, "I love you," to each other and looking perfectly content to be in each other's presence. Like a Disney movie, the mirror was telling her what her heart truly desired. It showed her a reflection of her heart's desires, not her.
"Is this…all truly worth it?" she asked herself.
She couldn't answer that question anymore. But she didn't want to dwell in it any longer. Even if it mattered, it was too late to act on it anymore.
She took off the mirror from the wall and laid it on the ground face down. She felt it has lost its use.
As she walked down the hallway to the main door, she found herself thinking about the future. She found herself imagining a bunny who also falls in love with a fox but happens to live in a society where that's okay. She didn't live in that society, and perhaps never will. However as a cop, she can protect and serve those who fight for that kind of society. The very idea made her smile. It was just a moment but it was the first genuine smile for what felt like the first time in forever. It was bittersweet, but it was enough for now.
"Today is another good day," she reminded herself. She managed to put on a smile and opened the door to the outside world.
Author's Note: I'm sorry it didn't have a happier ending, this was just a story that I've had inside me for a long time and I had to tell it. I hope you guys enjoyed it. If there's a large enough demand, I might think about continuing this story, but I'm not making any promises. And lastly yes, I was inspired by the song Reflection from Mulan.