I realize that I have another story to finish, but I had fun writing this and decided to put it up. I have no beta, and it shows. I am open to suggestion, but am a softy so – be gentle, please.
It's all about control.
Sam Winchester stayed in control. Always in control. He was a kid, sure – but in his life, if you weren't in control someone could die: someone like Dean or his dad, or someone innocent who doesn't know about things in the dark. Ever since Sam messed up and Dean got hurt, Sam has been vigilant. A little too vigilant, Dean thought. The kid messed up sure, but Dean was just as much at fault. He forgot to check the salt lines in the abandoned house too. Yeah, dad had given Sam that job but Dean knew that the kid had a lot on his mind. Sam cared about things like school and friends and grades. Dean didn't blame Sam for the sprained ankle he suffered when an angry spirit got the jump on him. Besides, Sam had been taking really good care of Dean, running around getting him everything from cans of Coke and bags of Doritos to helping him up the stairs to the bedroom.
Sam was stressed. He was trying not to show his brother, but Dean knew Sam too well.
"Dude, you are going to have an ulcer by the time you are 18. Calm down Sam!" Dean groused.
"What? Oh…, sorry Dean. I'm fine. Fine. Really. I just need to get these calculations done by 8." Sam was embarrassed that Dean saw his moment of chaotic neurosis. He didn't even realize that he was almost hyperventilating in his breakfast cereal.
"It's fine Sam. Man, you've just got to stop taking this all so seriously. Really. It's just school."
"Just school? Dean, come on man. You may not have cared about school, but I do. You know I have things I wanna do…" Sam's voice trailed off. He didn't want to have this conversation again.
"Okay, whatever you say man, but you're just a kid. You are supposed to be having fun. You know, fun? Girls? Parties? That kind of thing." Dean smiled and ruffled Sam's hair limping his way out to the Impala. "Come on Samantha. It's time for me to take you to school." Dean thought about how uptight Sam had become. He never laughed too loud, spoke too much or got too rowdy. He was everything Dean was not at his age. Sam was in control.
Sam smiled. He shut his book and grabbed his backpack. He hoped his homework was correct. He had worked through this assignment really fast. He thought about how funny Dean was, he didn't have time to have fun. He had stuff to do. Besides, fun wasn't exactly in his dad's vocabulary either. Hmmm. Dad, Sam thought. He'll be home in a few days and we will probably be heading out again to yet another school in another town. Feeling overwhelmed by that thought and so many others, Sam pushed his way out the door and into the running car in the driveway.
Being fifteen sucked: you're young enough to have to have your big brother drop you off at school, old enough to feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. Sam was pissed. He messed up – again. His breakfast-time calculations were incorrect, therefore sending his entire assignment into a tailspin. One wrong number and everything from that point on was wrong too. He failed. Failed. Sam wasn't comfortable with an F. He couldn't remember ever seeing one next to his name before, in fact. His teacher was disappointed in him… and it showed. Mr. Graff had dropped the paper onto Sam's desk with a loud sigh. He hated feeling like Mr. Graff was let down. He had never messed up in his class before. He had always stayed on top of things and been in perfect control.
"Sam!" The voice rang out in the busy high school hallway. Sam turned to see one of his friends, Will running down the hall towards him. "Dude, that sucked!"
"I know, Will. I can't believe I messed it up so bad. Mr. Graff is so pissed at me!"
"I hope you know that I am not pissed at you Sam. The fact that you always let me copy your calculus homework is usually a good thing. You just happened to have messed up this one time. Hell, I wouldn't even have made it this far if it hadn't been for you."
Sam smiled shyly at Will. He knew his friend was a nice guy. Sam helped Will with calculus and Will helped Sam with things like meeting new friends. "Thanks man. I'm going to do everything I can not to screw up like that again."
"You better not!" Will smirked and bumped Sam into the lockers past the math lab. The guys walked together to English, thanking their lucky stars that today was a movie day. Some Shakespeare film about a girl dressed like a guy or something…
At the end of the school day, Sam was heading out to the parking lot to meet Dean. Will and Adam ran up behind Sam before he walked out the exit. "Sam! Wait up!"
"Hey guys, what's up?" said Sam.
"Well" Adam replied. "My big brother Cameron and his friends are having a bonfire out at our uncle's farm this weekend. There's gonna be a ton of people there. It should be a lot of fun. You should try and make it!" Will shook his head emphatically, "it's gonna be epic dude! His uncle is out of town and that farm is in the middle of nowhere. We can blast music and be as loud as we want!"
Sam smiled, it did sound like fun and he knew that Dean is a buddy of Cameron's. Maybe they could go together, hang out for a bit. "Cool, just email me the details and I will try to make it."
"You better!" Adam laughed. "EPIC!" - Will mouthed behind him.
Sam rolled his eyes and laughed while heading toward the familiar rumbling of the Impala.
"Hey Dean." Sam sighed loudly as he plopped his long body into the passenger seat.
"Hey sunshine." Dean sighed back. "Bad day?" He was almost afraid to ask.
"Yeah, kinda. I messed up that homework from this morning my teacher is really pissed off. I knew I should've taken more time. I should've woken up earlier. I should've paid more attention."
"Kid you are giving me a headache with all this shoulda coulda woulda. Stop worrying about how you should have done things. Things just go wrong sometimes. Things just happen. Sometimes you just have to let things happen, Sam. Not everything can be perfectly in control all the time. Besides, sometimes the mistakes end up being more fun than you expected."
"Wow." Sam replied. "And that concludes Deep Thoughts with Dean Winchester."
"Bitch! See if I help your sorry ass feel better again!" Dean smirked. "Anyway, speaking of deep in thought, dad called. He will be back on Monday then we are headed out."
"Whatever." Sam sighed. "Hey, I forgot. You know Cameron Reed? His brother Adam said they are having a big bonfire at their uncle's farm this weekend and we are invited."
"Cool. Sounds good. It beats limping around the house this weekend waiting for the pizza delivery guy." Dean loved a good party. He thought that Sam seemed as though he could use some fun too.
Will, Adam and Natalie waved as they made their way over to where Sam was sitting by the bonfire. Natalie was beautiful in a "geek-girl" kind of way. She had long dark hair, big beautiful eyes and big black glasses. She always wore these beautiful, long, golden earrings that made a small tinkling sound when she brushed back her hair. She smelled like flowers and Sam secretly longed to bury his face into her soft, wavy hair to take it all in. The three friends were laughing and joking as they made their way over to Sam. Will had a bottle of tequila in his right hand, which he handed over to Adam, then Natalie. The bottle was held out to Sam as an offering. He knew that his friends wouldn't give him a hard time if he didn't want to drink, but he did admit he was curious. Sam looked over to Dean for approval or disapproval. Dean smiled and nodded a sort of "go ahead" kind of nod his way. Fine, Sam thought as he brought the bottle to his lips... It was disgusting! How did Dad and Dean drink this sort of thing? It burned all the way down and made his stomach feel like it was on fire. He looked over at Dean questioningly, making a face. Dean just laughed and sipped his already open beer.
It was a beautiful night. The fall air was crisp but not cold. The bonfire was raging, the music was loud and Sam was having fun. Actual fun. The friends had settled into an area strewn with old blankets and lawn chairs. The heat of the fire kept them comfortable. The burn of the tequila made things… funny. Everything was funny to Sam. Adam and Will were comedians and had Sam and Natalie grabbing their stomachs trying to gasp in some air between laughs. For once, Sam didn't care what people were thinking about him. He didn't care if he was laughing too loud or carrying on too much. Will and Adam left for a moment to find some chips. Adam said something about "needing Pringles like he needs air to breathe". Sam and Natalie were left sitting next to each other on an old quilt, laughing and leaning into one another.
"You're beautiful. You know that?" Sam said quietly.
"Yeah, and you are drunk, Sam. And sweet. Sweet and drunk." With that, Natalie leaned into Sam and softly kissed his lips.
"Thank you." Said Sam as he slowly sat back, looking at Natalie. Trying to cover up his embarrassing gratitude for the kiss, Sam hurried to find words. "You are sweet and drunk too." Natalie laughed and leaned into Sam for another soft, warm kiss.
Dean smiled at witnessing this and turned back to talk with a group of friends burning marshmallows. Atta boy, he thought to himself.
"Whoops! That rock came outta nowhere!" Sam stumbled next to Dean on their way back to the car. Dean chuckled as he grabbed Sam's elbow to steady him. Sam wrapped his arm around Dean's shoulders at this. Sam was such a sweet drunk, thought Dean. The brothers laughed and talked on the long walk across the field to where the cars were parked. Sam was lightly slurring his words, which made Dean snort to himself a few times. He liked this Sam: the Sam who didn't care what others thought, the Sam who hung out with friends and kissed pretty girls by a bonfire. He didn't need to be completely in control. He could just go with the flow and see where life takes him. Dean thought with a mixture of sadness and hopefulness that college might be a place where Sam could be happier like this. Not drunk all the time of course, well… maybe some of the time. It is college, after all.
"Dean? Oh Dean? You with me? I thought you only had one beer?" Sam smiled over at his big brother.
"What? Oh yeah. Only one, sport. Someone had to be the designated driver and since you don't drive anyway… that's me. I win, I guess."
"I'm glad we came. I got kissed, I drank tequila… ooh! And I made s'mores with flaming marshmallows! I didn't think about calculus once tonight, Dean... or hunting…"
"Sam, you are a funny drunk. You need to get plastered more often" laughed Dean.
Sam stopped in his tracks and looked up at Dean with weary eyes. "I've made a fool out of myself, haven't I? I knew it! I knew I shouldn't act so stupid. I lost control and now you think I am an idiot! Oh god, does Natalie think I am an idiot too?" Sam looked devastated.
"Sammy, Sam! Look at me. Slow down, okay? I was just kidding man. You are acting fine. You are not out of control. You just had a little fun. You didn't act like an idiot. You acted like a kid! Like a 15 year old kid."
Sam looked down at his shoes. "Okay Dean."
Dean grabbed Sam's chin. "Do you trust me Sam?"
"More than anyone" Sam said with big, soulful eyes.
"Cool. Then believe me when I say that you are okay. Now, let's have some more fun. Are you hungry? I'm hungry. I could eat a cow."
"Dude you are always hungry. But right now, I am too. I could really go for… for… for some pancakes. Yeah, pancakes! Gooey, syrupy, slippy pancakes."
"Slippy, huh? Sounds good to me. Let's go get some." Dean smiled and patted Sam's shoulder.
"With extra butter."
"With extra butter. Got it." Dean nodded with conviction as he smiled at Sam over the Impala.