Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of its characters, the events that take place are purely fictional and are not to be confused with the actual Bleach storyline.
It was a very uneventful day in research and Developement so it was a bit of a relief when Urahara heard the vice president enter his office, it wasn't that difficult for someone like urahara to hear even though he was doing his very best to be stealthy. Mayuri was directly behind him within a few moments and was staring over his shoulder at the paper work that Urahara had recently finished working on and was now proof reading. Without a seconds hesitation he leaned his head back and kissed his subordinate on the tip of his nose, perhaps that unwanted reaction would keep him better behaved for a while. Being stunned the younger man didn't react as quick as usual to Urahara's tricks so he had plenty of time to duck when Mayuri finally swung at him.
"Your not very nice Mayu-chan, I was only playing around a little" Urahara pouted barely managing calling his subordinate a nickname he disliked while side stepping a low kick before grinning and leaping a good three metres out of Mayuri's reach.
"Perhaps you should mature a little and act your rank. I came in here to tell you that you are behind and I would like to continue the research and experiments on my own. Without your assistance". Mayuri explained in a very formal and buisness-like tone before he quickly wiped his nose on the back of his hand.
"Oh you don't mean that Mayu-chan, besides I have been doing a lot of catching up lately". Urahara explained as he walked up beside his desk and handed the papers over to his vice president."See?"
Looking them over Mayuri's expression didn't change until he had finished, at that point it had turned into a sneer.
"You havn't caught up at all! do you only sleep and goof around all day while you drink yourself to sleep at night? this is ridiculous. Why are you so..."
"Just give me a little more time Mayu-chan" Urahara said in a very calm voice while placing hands on Mayuri's shoulders to silence him."It's really no big deal, in fact you can relax and goof around while I catch up to you. I think that would be fair".
"So I can take the next two day's off"? Mayuri asked, keeping intense eye contact that was beginning to unnerve Urahara a little.
"Yes"
"I can goof around and play all day and no one can tell me to do otherwise?"
"Now your getting it"
"I can get completely smashed and walk home, puke out my insides into a filthy toilet and pass out on the hard tiled floor to wake up stiff and in pain the next morning?"
"Er, if you really want to I suppose".
"Brilliant, the only problem is that I simply loathe all of those things. So I will have to refuse" Mayuri answered keeping his passive face and intense stare. Urahara felt his obi sash loosen, he looked down just in time to see Mayuri drop something in. Before Urahara could slap his hands away his subordinate had pulled it in a tight knot and stepped back. Urahara was desperatly trying to get his fingers in between the folds but it just wasn't working out right. Looking up to find something sharp to cut it open he caught the vice presidents wide smile. The type he had when something particularly evil was about to unfold.
"What the hell is this Mayuri?"
"Your not going to like it, I can guarentee that" he giggled.
Reaching a scapel on his very disorganized desk he cut open the sash and quickly looked down and as he was pulling up the foriegn invention it exploded in his hand. Urahara saw the blood trickling down his fingers before he felt the shrapenel and pain pulsing farther up his arm every second. Flexing the muscles in his hand Urahara discovered that the pain felt as though someone were stabbing a needle through the length of every bone in his arm. The glare he shot at Mayuri didn't seem to have any affect at all, except maybe widen his smile a little more.
"Explain this" Urahara demanded.
"Well simply put, it's a great little device to use in a battle situation. You see ninety percent of the surface area of the ball has to be heated at the same temperature for it to explode. The ideal thing to do with such a thing is to trick the opponent into grabbing it by placing the device in a rather sensitive area. I figured to test wether it would work or not i'd try it out on someone that enjoys playing around a little".
Urahara did hate to have his own words thrown back in his face and felt rather foolish at falling head first into one of Mayuri's 'catch twenty two' situations. The vice president didn't have much going for him in actual combat aside from speed but Urahara had to admit that he more than made up for it in tricks.
"I think it could have turned out worse" Mayuri commented while taking notes on the outcome of the experiment."It could have been a much more embarrasing trip to fourth division if it hadn't worked out the way it did. But it was the second test run so I was confident it would work out this time through. I seem to have worked out the three second delay and overheating problem" Mayuri commented.
In the time it took his subodinate to explain all this Urahara had come within inches of the smaller man and waited till they made eye contact. When it finally happened Mayuri looked as though he was about to move backwards so Urahara made a quick decision to grab him by the patch of hair on his head. Seeing the evident confusion on Mayuri's face he proceeded to run the bloodied hand up the back of his neck. After circling it around to the front of his neck and placing it under his chin he decided to jump to the last stage and close the distance between their lips. After a few seconds he felt teeth pulling on his lower lip and couldn't pull back before they closed. Blood squirted from his lip and before he could even comprehend that it was a very shallow wound a force hit him in the head hard enough to knock him on his ass. A very well placed headbutt he assumed.
"I'm sorry, but I much rather prefer relationships of the female kind" he heard Mayuri state before storming out and slamming the door behind him.
After seeing plently of little lights flash around his head Urahara sat back up and found the notepad that he kept on his person at all times and found the number he was looking for. Number seven of this week, some of the staff were concerned Mayuri may have been trying to subtely suggest he wanted a relationship. So naturally, as president, he was the sacrificial lamb for a very dangerous experiment. Discovering Mayuri's preference. Aparently Mayuri did indeed want a relationship with a female and just lacked regard for personal space, like Urahara had originally assumed but couldn't prove. All turned out relatively well considering he was still conscious, Urahara was expecting a much more vicious attack at that type of invasion. Now the only real challenge was explaining a mangled hand, a cut lip and a bruised forehead to captain Unohana. Somehow he didn't think it could sound any stranger than the truth.
Authors Note: Yeah, so this is my first attempt at writing for Bleach and furthermore writing for two of my favorite Bleach characters. I hope it's funny like I intended and not drawn out and stupid like I think it may be. Either way it's getting edited later.