It was another quiet day in Tokyo. Ryouga Hibiki, who had once again lost his way, was heading out of town on the way to the Tendo doujo, with a large bouquet of flowers and a box of assorted chocolates clutched tightly in his hands. It was Valentine's day; he was surely hoping to win Akane's heart – he just had to. The sun was a shimmering jewel of hope as it warmed his back, and the dusty path he strode along boldly wore a wreath of flowers and trees along its edges which seemed to encourage him on, to achieve his goal.
"Oh Akane," he said out loud. "Akane, darling… Today shall finally be the day when two lost souls, searching for eons throughout the lonely road of life without a trace of hope or joy, shall finally become one as kindred spirits! Our spirits will walk unhindered together through fields of diamonds and sapphires, the power of love surging strongly through our blood! You shall be stolen by no one, because we were meant to be! Your heart shall be thine, Akane! Wait for me! Akaneee!" Looking ahead of him he saw, through the sparkling beacons of sunlight bearing down on the path, Akane's gentle hands reaching out towards him as though beckoning him to draw closer towards their heavenly touch. Crystals drifted shining around the fingers and swirled simultaneously in the air. Tears streaming down his face, he grabbed Akane's hands and sniffed, "Yes, Akane! We shall no longer be separated by the foolish distractions of life! It is time!"
Then the crystals and sparkles suddenly dissolved in midair. The slender hands he clutched slowly melded into what appeared to be two large salamis before his eyes. He blinked, and looked up at whatever was attached to them. A pouchy, boar-like face adorned with extremely thick makeup and wearing a most startled expression gazed down at him. Ryouga stared back up, too shocked for words, his mouth hanging gormlessly. Then, timidly, he unstuck his fingers from the enormous hands and took a step backwards.
"S – sorry… uh…" was all he could muster, feeling very flustered and foolish.
Now that he was further back, he could see the swelling bosom under the stretched kimono; the massive person was probably a female. For a moment she stared at Ryouga, apparently lost for words. Then her thick, heavily lipsticked lips curled torpidly into a wide grin, and she giggled girlishly, blushing.
"Well," she purred in an unnaturally deep voice. "I had no idea such a fine handsome young man like you would be so… daring."
"Uh…" Ryouga awkwardly took another step backward as she fluttered her eyelashes at him.
"You know, you're the first man to ever take such an interest in me…" she rumbled seductively, sidling closer to him, one hand on her hip, the other poised fashionably in the air. Feeling somewhat terrified now, Ryouga backed away as much as the woman moved forward.
"No – it's not like-" he stammered.
"Come on, why don't we get a little closer now and get to know each other better?" she boomed, stretching out her spade-like hands and suddenly moving forward. Ryouga gave a gurgled cry of horror, darted out of the path and ran for his life. He could hear the thundering footsteps pounding the ground in pursuit behind him.
"Where are you going, darling?" the woman called after him. Not looking back once, Ryouga leapt over a picket fence onto a house roof, over several trees and around the old cleaning lady sloshing water on the driveway out front Furinkan High School. His gigantic pursuer smashed through all of these in the chase.
"Why does this always happen to me?!" he yelled as he bolted down the road. All of a sudden, the cleaning lady plunged down from nowhere into a garden down the road. Her wooden water bucket and scoop also came tumbling to the ground; however serving poor Ryouga with a great dose of misfortune as they struck the top of his head dead center and sprayed him with water.
Where an eternally lost teenager once stood was now a very soaked, very bewildered black piglet, tottering around slightly amongst a mass of clothes with a large bump on its head.
"Darling! Where did you go?!"
Ryouga, now in pig form, abruptly came to his senses as he heard a familiar booming voice. His ears flattened against his skull with fear as he saw the large woman trotting up the road in his direction, and scooted aside.
"Oh, really! Now where could that hunk have gone?" she huffed as she continued running. Ryouga breathed a tiny sigh of relief. Whilst he was in this state, she would not be able to recognize him, and thus would pass him without a second glance. He would narrowly escape certain doom for sure.
It was a sad irony that although she did not notice him, she didn't notice the bucket and scoop either, and her bulging eyes widened as she stumbled and slipped over them. Somehow - and Ryouga never found out how – she managed to fall sideways… right where he was standing. His squeals were cut off sharply by a huge bosom crashing into the hard cement road.