Disclaimer: I do not own Saw or its characters. This was done purely for my enjoyment of writing it and for the non-profit reading enjoyment of others. No copyright infringement is intended.
Decisions, Decisions
As Lawrence came to, the first thing he saw were bright lights shining above him
Was he in Heaven?
No. Dimly, Lawrence registered how familiar the lights were. He worked under them every day.
They were the bright lights of a hospital room. He was out of the warehouse.
It took a second for that to sink in.
I'm alive. I'm saved.
As his eyes fluttered open, he could see the shape of a woman standing over him, looking very worried. As his vision cleared, he realized that the woman was blonde and familiar, someone he had been so sure was dead.
"Ally," Lawrence heard himself croak.
"Larry? Oh, thank God!" Lawrence felt a suffocating weight press down on him as his wife, beginning to cry, happily hugged him.
Allison pulled herself off of him and looked down at Lawrence, her eyes wet and happy. As Lawrence studied her face, he could see that beneath her happiness was the look of a troubled, haunted woman.
"What happened?" Larry asked. "How in the hell did I get here? Are you all right? Is Diana? How did you escape? My God, I thought you both were dead"
"Larry, honey, calm down. Everyone's fine. Well, one person isn't. Police found Tapp's body. Gunshot wound to the stomach."
Lawrence closed his eyes briefly. "And Diana?"
"She's just fine. Shook up, but fine. She's staying at Mom's for now."
"Where is she? Can I see her?"
"Lare, the doctors don't think it's the best idea right now. You were brought in last night, covered in blood, no foot. Diana's still in shock. She hasn't slept for two days. The doctors think it's best for everyone if we wait a day or two."
"But-"
"Larry, I promise you, she's fine. We all are. She understands that something bad happened and you need to be taken care of."
Resigned, Lawrence sighed and closed his eyes. He was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. "How did I get here?
"Some boys found you passed out in the hallway of that warehouse," Ally said. "They said it looked like you had crawled a long way before you fainted. True, the boys had been graffitiing the walls in the building and thought a severed foot was the coolest thing they'd ever seen, but one of them called an ambulance, and the paramedics called me. When I came here, they told me that you had been very near death when the boys found you. Another five minutes and blood loss would have killed you." Allison sniffled. "I am just so happy you're going to be fine," she said, taking Lawrence's pale hand.
"Me, too," Lawrence said. "Jigsaw's dead and we can just-
His eyes wide, Lawrence broke off. He had just remembered someone. Someone crucial to this whole horrible nightmare. Someone who had given him the strength to stay alive for as long as he had.
Adam.
How the fuck could he have forgotten Adam?
"Ally!" Lawrence said, gripping his wife's hand in panic. "Is Adam here? Is he all right?" If Adam was dead, Lawrence would never be able to forgive himself. After all, he was he who had shot Adam, had left him in that awful bathroom as Adam, bleeding and crying, begged Lawrence to stay with him. Lawrence had promised him – given his absolute word – that they would both be all right once Larry got help for them.
"Honey, the police's main concern is you right now. You and Tapp are the only ones found in that warehouse. For all I know, Adam managed to get out and go on with his life. Just leave it and concentrate on getting better."
"No!" Lawrence yelled frantically. "I need to know if he's all right! Get the police back down there! Have them search the whole fucking place! He's alive! He has to be! I promised him we'd both get out of there alive!"
"Larry, calm down!" Allison said, trying to soothe him, but at the same time feeling alarmed. Her gentle, mild-mannered husband had never blown up like this.
"Please, Ally, I need to know if Adam's OK." Lawrence begged his wife. "Please just do me this favor and find him for me. Please, I'm begging you."
Allison sighed. It wasn't because she didn't want to know what also happened to the man who had exposed her husband's infidelity, but it was because of the fact that for the first time in a long while, Lawrence cared about someone other than himself. And it wasn't her.
It was for some kid who made a living destroying families with his camera.
"All right, Larry," Ally said. "Let me see what I can do."
With that, she stood up and left the room.
Adam, sitting in the pitch black, didn't know how long he'd sat there. A day? Two days? A whole fucking week?
All he knew was that he had spent hours sitting on the filthy bathroom floor, breathing in the smell of blood, urine, and decay, and thought about his predicament and the only thing that was going to free him from this prison.
Death.
But not the death Jigsaw had in store for him: starving to death before rotting away like the dead man on the floor only feet from Adam.
No, Adam had known his death was going to be caused by his own hand the moment the other "dead" man had risen from the floor, very much alive, and said, before sealing Adam in that bathroom, "Game over."
For what seemed like the thousandth time, Adam strained to reach the handgun that lay next to Zep Hindle's practically faceless body, Adam's handiwork from a moment of sheer panic and anger. Stretching out as far as the manacle binding him to the pipe would allow, he felt his fingers brush the very edge of the gun. It was no use. There was no way he could reach it.
Shaking, Adam let out an articulate scream of anger that seemed to tear his already sore throat. He hated this place, he hated Jigsaw, and most of all, he hated the fact that he himself was the reason he was trapped here.
If he hadn't spied on Lawrence, if he hadn't taken Tapp's money and invaded Lawrence's privacy, if he hadn't become the fucking perverted peeping Tom that he was, he wouldn't be in this situation.
Shivering, Adam lay on the filthy floor and prayed for Death to come soon, because he was now sure that Larry wasn't going to.
Lawrence could've just left Adam for dead. Hell, he could've simply killed Adam the minute he got the chance. Lawrence was smart: He had that bullet, he could've easily figured out a way to reach the "dead" man's gun and just let Adam have it.
But he didn't. He let his time limit of six hours quickly pass as the two of them tried to think of a way out together. In a moment of terror and madness, Lawrence sawed off his own foot, and, in the one moment Adam was truly afraid of Lawrence, shot Adam to save his family.
The bullet had gone into his shoulder luckily, and Adam, as he lay there as though dead, listened as Dr. Lawrence Gordon, a man known for his common sense and rationality, sobbed uncontrollably, begging to see his family. Adam remembered Larry's astounded face when Adam sprang up and began beating the crap out of Zep Hindle, the man who had threatened to kill Allison and Diana Gordon. The memory of Lawrence's face, chalk-white from rapid blood loss, promising Adam that they would be all right, filled Adam's mind. He began to sob, imagining Lawrence somewhere, dead, unable to get help for either of them.
What he wouldn't give to get out of this place and see Lawrence again, to touch him the way he had touched Adam before leaving: a gentle, assuring caress to his cheek.
Adam's hand went to his right cheek. Beneath his fingers was a small spot of dried blood, marking the place where Lawrence had touched him.
He didn't know if the blood was his, Lawrence's, or Zep's. It didn't really matter.
He just wanted to see Lawrence, to feel Lawrence's hand in his own, to know that he was truly OK.
Dude, you are so gay, the more immature part of him thought. Adam brushed this thought away. Having a brief fuzzy feeling towards another guy was the least of his problems right now. All he cared about was getting out of there.
And he knew with each passing second that that was not going to happen.
Adam shut his eyes and let sleep take over his exhausted body, exhausted from fear, from worry. He prayed that if he was going to die, he hoped it would come to him in his sleep.
Please, God, Adam thought. Either let me out of this or let me die in my sleep. Just grant me mercy and let me die.
Some time later, Adam awoke with a start.
He had thought he heard someone call his name, but that was impossible. Only few people knew he was here, but they were either dead or didn't care about him.
Adam sighed and closed his eyes.
They soon whipped open.
He definitely saw something. A light, perhaps one made by a flashlight. It had shimmered underneath the huge sliding door.
Adam's eyes widened. Had Jigsaw perhaps came to kill him?
He didn't believe for an instant that the madman would set him free.
"Adam? Adam Faulkner?"
A woman's voice.
Am I goddamned delirious? Adam thought.
"ADAM FAULKNER! IT'S THE POLICE! ARE YOU HERE?"
Yes, he definitely heard someone that time. He wasn't dreaming.
He was saved.
"Oh, my God," Adam said, relieved. He weakly pushed himself off the floor a little ways. He was too weak to sit or stand up.
"HERE!!! I'M IN HERE!!!!! PLEASE HELP ME!!!" he screamed.
"In here!" the woman shouted. "In this room!"
Breathing hard, Adam looked towards the door. He heard the familiar sound of it slowly sliding open. He could see the outline of two people.
"Adam?" said the woman tentatively.
"Thank God, over here!" Adam yelled through the darkness.
The flashlight shone onto Adam. He was half-blinded by the light, but he didn't care. He was just so dammed relieved to see another living human being.
Adam felt dizzy. As he passed out, the last thing he saw was the woman's pretty face looking down at him, filled with shock and disbelief.
The young man Dr. Gordon had told police about was real.
They had thought it was the ramblings of delirium. Dr. Gordon was half-dead from loss of blood; they thought that the panic he had displayed before his wife was just some sort of post-traumatic thing. Mrs. Gordon had insisted they comb the warehouse for any sign of another person, just to calm her husband.
The police had thought the search was pointless.
The police didn't know what to think when they heard Adam scream. They had thought Dr. Gordon and Detective Tapp, God rest him, were Jigsaw's only victims
Yet, here was Adam Faulkner, a dark-haired, dark-eyed twenty-eight-year-old, dressed in a dirty white shirt and black pants, manacle wrapped around his ankle, a gunshot wound to his shoulder.
"My God, Gordon was right," said Detective Catherine Gray, the woman who had called Adam's name. "The kid's here."
Her partner, Detective Will Cummings, stepped into the room beside her.
"He's here? Gordon was right? My God." Cummings wrinkled his nose. "Shit, what the hell is that smell?"
Gray felt along the wall near the doorway and soon located a light switch. She flipped it upward, filling the room with light.
The sight that met their eyes was shocking.
The room was a decrepit bathroom, looking as though it hadn't been cleaned in years. Adam Faulkner was in one corner of the room, out cold, his foot manacled to a pipe. A revolver lay in a pool of blood some feet away from him. A man's body lay near Adam, the victim of extreme head trauma. In the corner, still in its manacle, was Dr. Lawrence Gordon's severed foot, blood pooled around it. A long streak of blood ran from the manacle, to the dead body, and then out the door.
"Oh, my God," Detective Gray said. "What the hell happened here?"
Cummings went over to Adam, knelt down, and felt his neck for a pulse. To his relief, he felt one.
"He's alive, thank God. OK, Gray, this kid really needs to get out of here," Cummings said gravely. "He's our first priority. The kid needs food and water, and I really don't like the looks of this wound."
"All right," Gray said, taking out a cellphone. "I'll call the station and have them send an ambulance over."
"Tell the station to send back-up," Cummings said. "We'll get some guys to look around the rest of the building, see if our friend Jigsaw left any clues as to what happened here and where he is now."
"How do you know it's Jigsaw?" Gray asked.
"Hidden camera," Cummings said, pointing to the one visible beyond a window of shattered glass. "Come on, Catherine, how many killers do we know who like to watch this kind of bullshit happen?"
Minutes later, Allison Gordon was talking to Catherine Gray on the phone in Lawrence's room while Larry listened, his face pale.
"All right, thank you, Detective." Allison said. She hung up the phone and looked at Lawrence.
He tried to read the look on her face. It was impossible.
"Is he-," Lawrence asked fearfully.
"He's alive," Ally said gently. "The police found him and the paramedics are bringing him in now."
Lawrence felt tears come to his eyes as he let out a sigh of relief. Not wanting Ally to see the tears, he quickly turned away and shut his eyes.
"Thank God," Lawrence said, putting his hands to his face. "I thought for sure…..I was so worried….I've never been so scared……Ally, thank you so much."
Lawrence grasped his wife, kissed her, and pulled her into a tight hug, tighter than the one he had given when he had first seen her after his rescue. Allison hugged him back, frowning over his shoulder.
"Honey, I gotta go," she said, pulling away. "I have to pick up Diana. She'll be worried if I don't get back soon."
"But, Ally-" Lawrence said, quickly coming out of his relief. He didn't want Ally to leave, ever. After what had happened, he never wanted to let her out of his sight for a second.
"I'll be back tomorrow morning, all right? I promise." Allison leaned over and gave Larry a quick kiss. "I need to get some sleep and so do you."
Lawrence sighed. "All right," he said. "Tell Diana I love her and give her a kiss from me."
"I will," Allison said as she grabbed her jacket from the chair beside Lawrence's bed.
"I love you, Ally," Lawrence said, saying it more truthfully than he had in months.
Allison turned around and gave him a small smile.
"Me, too," she said.
With that, she left.
Two weeks passed, somewhat uneventfully. Only one thing truly brightened Lawrence's stay in the hospital: seeing Diana for the first time in days.
She and Allison came by three days after Adam had been rescued.
Diana had not been the happy, bright little girl Lawrence had known.
This Diana had a pale, scared face, with dark circles under her eyes. Allison had told Lawrence that Diana had not slept for days, always waking up in the middle of the night, screaming, and having horrible nightmares about a man in black with a gun.
When Diana had entered Lawrence's room hand-in hand with her mother, the first thing she did was burst into tears as soon as she saw her father, laid up a hospital bed, a bandage wrapped around the area where his ankle would have been. Choked-up himself, Larry had held out his arms and Diana had practically dove into them. As Diana sobbed, Lawrence just held his daughter, stroking her hair, assuring her that everyone and everything was going to be all right.
Once she had calmed down, Diana asked Lawrence what the "bad man" had done to him and when her Daddy was coming home. Lawrence couldn't tell a six-year-old what he had done to himself in that bathroom, and had no idea when he was going to get out of the hospital, so he told her what Allison had told him: Daddy would need to be taken care of first, and then he would come home and the three of them would be happy again.
Soon, Allison said they had to leave, and, after a few tearful good-byes from Diana, she and Ally were gone. Letting his wife leave Lawrence's presence had been hard, especially because this time she had taken their child with her.
Since that first visit, his wife and daughter had come over three or four more times. Each time, Lawrence happily and lovingly greeted them, but was still distracted all the same.
Adam was that distraction.
Since getting the news that Adam was alive and was being brought to the hospital, Lawrence had gotten no other news on how his young friend was. Doctors refused to tell him much, only that Adam was in "critical" condition one week, then "stable" condition the next.
If Larry had still had two feet to walk on, he would have gotten out of bed and gone to Adam's room, just to see Adam for himself. But, he was still confined to his hospital bed waiting while a prosthetic foot was created for him. As soon as Lawrence was strong enough, the physical therapist would begin working with Lawrence, helping him to walk on his new foot. Soon after that, he could go home.
Thank God for that.
In a room on the floor above Lawrence's, Adam Faulkner's eyes fluttered open.
He was so tired. So very tired.
As his eyes opened, Adam took in his surroundings. A clean white room. A closet across from his bed. A TV bolted to the wall, near the ceiling. He was in the hospital. Still.
Sure, being in the hospital for over two weeks was sure as hell better than rotting in that dark prison cell of a bathroom, but Adam, being a restless spirit, didn't know how much longer he could take the stupid doctors, shit hospital food, and inept nurses.
He remembered waking up for the first time since being rescued. He remembered being nearly blinded by the whiteness of his room after being so used to the pitch-black. He had been very groggy, and he could only remember asking one thing.
Where is Lawrence?
Doctors had ignored him, and told him details of what happened after his rescue, and exactly what was wrong with him. After being taken out of the warehouse, he was brought to the hospital where doctors found him to be malnourished, his blood level low from loss of blood, and had an infected bullet wound to the shoulder.
Within two weeks, Adam had had several pints of blood put into his body. His health was very improved, and the infection in his shoulder had gone down.
Just yesterday the doctors had told Adam he could go home soon.
All that was fine and dandy to Adam, but the fact remained that he had very little information on Lawrence. He knew Larry was in the hospital, because he had heard Allison Gordon outside his hospital room, asking a doctor about Adam's condition. The doctor had answered, she mentioned Larry, and the two of them had walked off before Adam could learn anything about Lawrence's condition.
Even now this still infuriated Adam.
Adam looked at the clock on the wall. Twelve in the afternoon.
He wondered how he was going to spend the day. He sure as hell wasn't going to lay in bed, with nothing to do except watch repeats on the clunky old TV.
Doctors had said he could walk around, just as long as he got back by a certain time, didn't overexcite himself and bother the other patients, and didn't leave the hospital.
Aware of his fatigue, Adam threw back the covers and slowly stood up. He was still dizzy. His body was still getting used to the replenished blood pumping through his veins.
Walking out of his room, he flashed one of his dazzling smiles to the pretty young nurse sitting at the nurses' station. She smiled at him and continued what she was doing.
He set off down the hall, letting his feet take him wherever. He met several other patients as he walked down the halls, many sporting injuries similar to the healing gunshot wound Adam had in his shoulder.
Soon, Adam found himself on the floor below his room. He didn't notice that many of the patients were nursing amputations, some asleep, some still out of it following surgery, others talking with their families.
The sight of these concerned families made Adam think of his own family.
His mother and father had no idea where Adam lived, let alone that he was in the hospital. It wasn't their fault; keeping them in the dark was the way Adam preferred it. His parents were decent people, and Adam loved them, but he didn't like to think of what his mother would say about his promiscuous love life, or his father's reaction to Adam's job as a freelance photographer who specialized in putting cheating spouses out in the open.
The last thing he wanted was for them to know that he was currently laid up in a far distant hospital after barely surviving some murderous sicko's twisted game.
Adam was so absorbed in thoughts about his estranged family that he didn't even stop when his eyes skimmed the chart on the wall next to the door of one room. Adam stopped dead in his tracks and backed up a few paces. Frowning, Adam stared at the list of ailments on the chart, written in blue ink.
Severed right foot, low blood level
Status of Condition: Improving.
His heart standing still, Adam's eyes flickered up to the name on the chart.
Gordon, Dr. Lawrence.
Adam simply could not believe it. After two weeks of worry, he had finally found the doctor who had given him the will to survive for as long as he did.
A little nervously, Adam stepped up to the door and peered through the small square pane of glass in the door.
His heart skipped a beat when he saw his blonde-haired, blue-eyed doctor lying in bed, his eyes closed.
Quickly ducking out of sight, Adam gently rapped the door with his knuckles.
He had expected to hear nothing. Maybe Lawrence was asleep.
He had not expected to hear "Come in" in that familiar voice.
Taking a deep breath, Adam opened the door.
Making his presence known to Lawrence, Adam stood in the open doorway, just staring at Larry. Lawrence gaped at him, his blue eyes wide, his mouth open.
"Adam?" he stuttered.
Adam smiled. "Still articulate, as always."
"Oh, my God," Larry said. "Oh, my God."
Adam stepped over to Lawrence, not taking his eyes off him for a second. He sat down next to Larry and just looked at him, not speaking a word as his brown eyes locked with Lawrence's blue eyes.
Gaping, Lawrence put a hand to Adam's cheek, much like the way he had the last time he and Adam saw each other.
Only this time, the touch wasn't one of gentle assurance. This one was one of self-convincing, as though the older man needed solid proof that the younger man was alive, well, and indeed sitting there before him.
Relishing the feel of Lawrence's hand on his face, Adam closed his eyes and rested his head against Lawrence's hand.
Lawrence smiled at Adam, and Adam, returning the smile, leaned over and hugged him.
Larry didn't seem at all put off by this affectionate gesture. If anything, Adam thought that Larry had hugged him harder than Adam had him.
Suddenly embarrassed, Adam pulled away, and cleared his throat, hating that he showed signs of weakness or emotion towards Lawrence.
"Man, Lawrence, what happened to you? How've you been?" Adam asked.
"God, where do I start?" Lawrence said. "Between seeing my wife and daughter and worrying about you, I've been a mess. You?"
"Ah, you know me," Adam said, shrugging. "Getting through shit one day at a time." He paused. "What happened after you left? How'd you get here?"
"According to Ally, some kids found me and called an ambulance. I tell you, it's something else, being the patient in my own hospital. I never realized how cold we doctors are. It's almost impossible to get a clear word out of us." Lawrence chuckled. "My patients are gonna see a new me when I go back to work."
There was a pause. Lawrence and Adam looked at each other.
"What about you? How'd you get out?"
"Cops found me," Adam said simply. "Brought me here. I swear, Larry, if it hadn't been for you, I would still be there in that bathroom." Looking up from his hands, Adam looked into Lawrence's eyes. "I owe you my life."
"Don't worry about it," Larry said. "We did each other a favor. I don't know what I would've done if you had died." Lawrence met Adam's gaze. "I gave you my word that we'd be all right. I couldn't let you down."
"You didn't," Adam said. "We're both here, alive, on the road to recovery. I guess the question is, what happens now? Where do we go from here?"
Lawrence sighed. "Well, I'll go back to my family and job. I mean to take care of my family right this time."
Adam sighed. He honestly didn't know what he was gonna do when he was released from the hospital. Unlike Lawrence, he didn't really have a life to pick up where it was left off. His one surefire plan was to move out of town, maybe closer to his parents. Get a real job. Appreciate his life more.
Lawrence looked at Adam and could read the expression on his face. He didn't say anything else.
The rest of the afternoon passed. Adam stayed with Lawrence until a nurse came in. He said good-bye to Larry and quickly left.
He hadn't been gone from Lawrence's room five minutes when the urge to see Lawrence again came over him.
He'd never felt this way before, never missed anyone like this.
What in the fuck is wrong with me? Adam thought as he walked back to his room.
He had no idea that Larry was battling with the same confusing feelings.
But Lawrence, being older and smarter, had some idea what he was feeling, although it was not possible.
He was married to a wonderful woman and had a beautiful daughter.
He had a family.
How in the hell could he have feelings for someone else, especially another man, another man who he had known for a mere two weeks?
It simply was not possible.
Before Lawrence knew it, two months had crawled by.
His life had become a mixed bag.
Larry's statement to Adam had come true. With his new, warm bedside manner, he had earned the reputation of being a "different" doctor. He truly was a different person towards his patients: gentle, patient, and made jokes that weren't at the expense of others.
Jigsaw's lesson had been not been lost to Lawrence: he spent all of his free time with his wife and daughter, and cherished every moment he spent.
He was closer to Diana. He spent as much time as possible with her, playing with her, laughing, sharing secrets that Larry had no idea Diana had. Diana loved every minute of it and was ecstatic to have her Daddy in her life again.
He wished he could have his relationship with Allison be just as good.
It simply wasn't. He sensed his wife was slipping further and further away from him
Ever since Lawrence had gone back to work, Ally rarely spoke to him. She had developed a habit of going out at night, but Lawrence felt she had every right. She needed friends, something to take her mind off of that nightmare with Zep. At home, she would act as though nothing was wrong in front of Diana. When they went to bed, she would say a curt "good-night" and would fall asleep.
Meanwhile, Jigsaw had not been caught. There had been a report on the TV saying that a cop, his son, and a number of other people fell victim to him. Lawrence felt sick when he heard how some of the victims died: sealed in a house poisoned by an odorless gas.
It reminded him so much of his and Adam's incident.
Adam. Lawrence had thought of Adam periodically over the last two months, but thought of him as one would think of an old crush: you'd always care about them, but you'd moved on.
Lately though, as Ally grew more and more distant from him, some of those fuzzy feelings for Adam returned.
Although he still couldn't believe that he had a homosexual attraction to someone, Larry no longer denied it. He and Adam been through a lot together and shared a connection that few people share.
There was no denying the existence of that powerful connection.
The longing to speak to Adam gave Lawrence the guts to look him up in the hospital's records. Adam had been a patient there, and as a doctor, Lawrence had the authority to look him up.
While on the computer, Larry realized how little he knew about Adam.
Full Name: Faulkner, Adam James
Date of Birth: 5/26/1977
Hometown: Long Island, NY
Mother: Lillian
Father: James
There had been plenty more. Adam's siblings (one younger sister), health problems (asthma as a child, none currently), and God knows what.
During Lawrence's search, he had found what he was looking for: current place of residence and telephone number. He was surprised to learned that Adam lived not very from where they had been trapped.
After jotting down the address and phone number, Larry reached for the phone, about to call Adam, wanting to hear his voice.
"Daddy?"
Lawrence jumped. It was well past midnight. He turned and saw Diana standing in the doorway of his study, clad in her nightgown and holding her teddy bear. He quickly closed the laptop and slid the paper with Adam's number on it underneath some notes on a patient he had treated that day.
"Baby, what's wrong? Why're you up?" Lawrence asked.
"I had a bad dream," said Diana.
Lawrence held out his arms. Diana came over and climbed onto his lap.
"What about?" he asked.
"The bad man," Diana said. "He said he'd break up you and Mommy.."
Lawrence did his best not to roll his eyes. Diana's dreams of Zep had not gone away. Her hearing of Jigsaw's numerous victims was not helping matters.
"Honey, I promise you, the bad man's gone." Lawrence said soothingly. "He is not coming here. As for me and Mommy, there's nothing to worry about. Didn't I promise that I wouldn't leave?"
Diana nodded and rested her head against Lawrence's shoulder. Larry smiled. He loved it when his daughter was affectionate.
"All right, kiddo," Larry said. "Back to bed."
Pulling Diana into his arms, he stood up. He carried her up to her room and tucked her back into her bed.
After closing the door behind him, Lawrence wondered if he had lied to his daughter. He had no idea what was going to happen between him and Allison.
No, he thought, shaking his head. He had not lied to her. He had told her not to worry.
He didn't want her to know that he was already worried.
The next day, Adam was in his darkroom when the phone rang.
He prayed it wasn't one of three people:
His mom, who was constantly checking on him, seeing if he was all right.
Some cop, hoping for more clues, wanting Adam to describe his Jigsaw night in more detail.
Or worse, Violetta, the vegan punk bitch who had dumped him but now wanted him back because he was now "interesting".
He decided to let the machine get it.
The voice that spoke belonged to the last person Adam thought would call him.
"Hi, Adam, it's, uh, Lawrence. I'm just calling…..you know…..to see how you are, because, y'know, I haven't heard anything. Well, I guess…..I guess you're not there. So…..call me back, if you want, or not….if you're busy-"
Adam sailed for the phone before Lawrence could hang up.
"Lawrence?"
"Adam?"
Adam's stomach dropped at the sound of Lawrence's voice. He hadn't heard from Lawrence since the day they left the hospital.
"How you doing?" Lawrence asked nervously.
"Fine, I got a job," Adam said.
"Great! What's it for?"
"Just taking pictures for a newspaper. Doesn't pay much, but it gets me by."
Lawrence smiled, even though he knew Adam couldn't see it.
The conversation continued with casual chat for about another fifteen moments. It was Adam who brought up what Larry himself had planned to ask.
"Lawrence, you wanna get together? Hang out?" Adam instantly hated himself for sounded so much like some teenager.
"That'd would be great. Lunch tomorrow?"
"I guess."
They agreed to meet at the hospital at the start of Lawrence's break, and then hung up. Adam immediately went to his room and sat on the bed.
Adam was looking forward to seeing the doctor who had saved him, but a feeling filled Adam that made him feel happy, happier than he had ever been, but also a guilty feeling.
The man had a wife and daughter. He was married.
What could happen between them? Could anything happen between them? Adam had long since recognized his feelings for what they were. He wanted Lawrence badly, he knew that now. It was just like any other crush he'd ever had, but this one was more intense.
He had thought that he could never tell Lawrence. It was something that had to remain in the dark.
For the first time, letting Larry know Adam's feelings seemed possible. Maybe he felt the same back. But no, he couldn't. He was married, had a daughter. Didn't he say himself that he was going to take better care of them?
Yes, he had said that.
There was no evidence that suggested that Larry felt anything for Adam beyond friendship.
He sighed.
A few weeks crawled by. Things changed drastically.
Allison was gone from the house every night, never staying in Lawrence's presence longer than the length of dinner.
Lawrence and Adam had become better friends, chatting at night, seeing each other during the day. Often, Adam came over to the house for dinner when Allison wasn't there. He had become friends with Diana, and would usually leave after she fell asleep.
Their relationship was no longer awkward.
Adam had become one bright spot in Lawrence's life. He was Lawrence's comfort after fights with Allison, fights that grew louder with each day: Larry had finally snapped and asked Ally what she was doing at night. Allison always said that she needed alone time, that she was trying to put the past behind her, and always told Larry to leave her alone for awhile, give her some space.
One night, Lawrence left the house. He and Allison had had one particularly nasty argument that Diana unfortunately heard. While Allison comforted Diana, Larry decided to go for a walk so that he and his wife could cool down.
Lawrence walked wherever his feet took him. It wasn't long before he realized he in front of Adam's apartment building.
He had never been there before: his feelings for Adam were becoming stronger, that's why they had never been alone in private. He cared for Adam, sure, but had insisted to himself that keeping his family together was his main priority. He and Ally were going to fix their problems. If it ended in divorce, so be it, but there was no way in hell he'd jeopardize what could be saved.
Larry just needed sanity. He'd let Adam calm him down a bit, he'd go home, get some sleep, and feel better in the morning.
He pushed the buzzer. Adam's voice answered.
"Hello?"
"It's me,"
"Lawrence? What're you doing here?"
"Can I come up?"
"Oh, sure. I'll see you."
Larry took the stairs up to the apartment, looking around at the dinginess of the place.
He knew he wouldn't like to live here.
Lawrence walked down to the apartment at the end of the hall. He knocked.
"Coming, hang on," said Adam.
Soon, the door swung open. There stood Adam, dressed in a white T-shirt and jeans, looking casual, without a care in the world. Adam frowned when he saw how distressed Larry looked.
Suddenly, an overwhelming urge to kiss Adam came over Lawrence. He fought it back.
"Hey, Larry, what's up?"
"Can I come in?" Lawrence asked.
"Sure, sure,"
Taking off his jacket, Lawrence stepped into the room living room. It was messy, just how Larry imagined it to be.
"Lare, are you all right?" Adam asked, concerned.
"Not really," Lawrence replied. "Allison and I had a fight. I needed to cool off. Came here."
"That sucks," Adam said. "What was it about?"
"Shit that's been combed over a million times already, only this time, she's the one doing it, and I'm the one getting pissed."
"Man, I'm sorry."
There was silence. Neither knew what to say.
"I don't know what to say," Adam said. "What's gonna happen?"
"I've got no clue," Larry said, burying his face in his hands. "Everything's so fucked up right now."
More silence. Lawrence looked up and saw Adam staring at him.
"What?" Lawrence asked.
"Nothing," Adam turned away. Lawrence understood immediately what Adam was thinking. He could see the longing in his eyes.
Lawrence suspected it showed on his face as well.
"This was a bad idea. I'm gonna go," Lawrence said, grabbing his jacket and opening the door.
"No, don't go, Lawrence," Adam said. "I like having you here with me."
They looked into each other's eyes.
Adam stepped up to Lawrence and gently kissed him on the mouth. Eyes wide, Larry pulled away. Looking shocked at his action, Adam jumped backwards.
"Oh, man, why the fuck did I do that?" Adam stuttered. "I'm sorry, Lawrence, I don't know what I was doing-"
His words were cut off by Lawrence's mouth on his.
There was no denying it: there was something like hunger in that kiss.
Closing his eyes, Adam put his hands to Lawrence's face and hungrily returned the kiss.
Panting, they broke apart.
"We shouldn't do this," Lawrence said. "It's wrong."
No sooner were the words out of his mouth was Adam's tongue back in it.
Lawrence sighed happily. He knew where this was going. He'd regret it later, but at that moment, he didn't care.
His arms tightly around Lawrence, Adam shut the door with his foot and gently prized the jacket from his hands, letting it fall to the floor. Kissing Lawrence with an intensity that almost frightened him, Adam gently maneuvered Lawrence to his bedroom. They flopped onto the bed, Adam on top.
When Larry felt the rock-hard bulge in Adam's jeans, he appreciated for the first time just how young Adam was. It had been years since he'd gotten that hard. Back on his and Ally's honeymoon.
Adam peeled off his shirt, and then Lawrence's. With a pang of sympathy, Larry saw the scar where he had shot Adam.
Clearly, Adam wasn't thinking of anything past painful memories. Thinking of nothing but the pleasure that lay ahead, Adam began to kiss down Lawrence's neck and onto his bare chest. He heard Lawrence give a moan of pleasure and smiled to himself as he let his hand drift down to Lawrence's crotch.
He felt an erection that never come close to rivaling his own.
Together, they worked at each other's pants, and soon found themselves exposed in all their glory.
Adam entered him, groaning with pleasure. His hand massaging Lawrence's crotch, he looked into Lawrence's eyes and saw nothing but pleasure etched into his face.
To Adam it was as though the only people in the world were the two of them.
This was their moment. Nothing could ruin it. Not Allison, not Jigsaw.
This moment was about only the two of them.
Soon, the sensation of the most amazing orgasm neither had felt before flooded their bodies. Dimly, Lawrence marveled at how fast it had come.
Sweating, panting, they broke the contact between their lips, but did not for an instant let go of each other. Adam rested his head on Larry's chest. As they caught their breath, Lawrence raked his fingers through Adam's dark hair, damp with sweat.
"I love you," Larry whispered.
"I love you," Adam whispered back.
When Lawrence woke up the next morning, he found himself in a strange bed, lying next to someone who wasn't his wife. All sorts of things filled Larry's head before he remembered the night of passion he'd had with Adam.
He smiled down at Adam, who was fast asleep, looking peaceful.
Something like contentment filled Lawrence. It had been a long while since he'd felt like this. Relaxed, no problems, nothing to worry about, in bed with someone he loved.
Larry's eyes widened at a sudden thought.
Ally.
What the fuck have I done? What the fuck am I doing? I love Ally. I'm staying with her. I can't just leave her and Diana.
But what about Adam?
He couldn't deny that what he felt for Adam had gone far beyond typical lust during their night. He had meant what he said to Adam. He felt the way about Adam the way he had felt about Allison when they were dating and well into their marriage.
Had felt. Did he truly love Allison?
Yes, of course.
But was he in love with her?
"No," Larry said. "Not anymore."
"Huh?" Adam grunted in his sleep. He cracked open his eyes and focused them on Lawrence. He smiled and put a hand to Lawrence's face.
"Hey, lover."
"Hey,"
He pulled Larry into a warm kiss. Closing his eyes, Lawrence melted into the kiss. When it was over, he jumped out of bed and began getting dressed.
"What's up, Lare?" Adam asked.
"I'm going home,"
"Why?"
"Ally. We've got things to talk about, stuff to work out."
"Oh," Adam said. "So……what? It's me or her?"
"No," Lawrence said. He sat down next to Adam. "I know who I want: you, it's been you since we left the hospital. And after last night……I'm not in love with Allison, I know that now. I just can't be with you and her at the same time. I'm gonna talk to her today."
Lawrence stood up and went for the bedroom door. He looked back at Adam.
"Something has to change."
He left.
Lawrence expected his wife to be sound asleep in their bed when he got home.
After all, it was six in the morning.
He wasn't expecting her to be sitting at the table with coffee, wide awake.
"Hey, Ally," Larry said, closing the kitchen door.
"Where were you, Larry?" Allison said, frowning.
"Just out," Lawrence said.
"All night?"
"I needed to clear my head."
There was a pause. Allison then said quietly, "Larry, I want a divorce."
Lawrence stared. "What?"
"I want a divorce," Allison said. "It's time to do it."
Lawrence sat down next to her. He felt the same way, but he needed to know why Ally did.
"Lawrence, I know about Adam," Ally said. "I know what you did last night."
She began to cry.Larry frowned. He couldn't deny it.
"Ally, I'm sorry, I'm so, so, sorry,"
"How long have you……been this way?"
Lawrence paused and looked down at the table. "Since the hospital."
Allison looked up, her face red. "The hospital? So, what, you've been gay for three months? You couldn't have told me sooner?"
Lawrence met her gaze. "It's not like that. And no, I couldn't have told you."
"Why the fuck not?"
"After everything that happened with Zep and Jigsaw, we were going through so much. My foot was healing, Diana was having nightmares, and you kept getting more and more unhappy. I just wanted to make everything better. I wanted us to be a family. I didn't want to lose you again.
"I thought my feelings for Adam would go away. I love you and Diana so much, I didn't want to make another mistake and lose you. But the feelings kept growing, getting more intense. Ally, I love Adam. There's something between us. I can't explain it."
"So the hell we went through was wasted on you? It was meant to open your eyes to your wife and child and instead it opened your eyes to your gay feelings for some lowlife?"
Lawrence bowed his head. "It did both. I still want you and Diana. But I want Adam as well."
"Do you love me?" Allison asked.
"Yes, of course," Lawrence said.
"No," Allison asked. She looked into his eyes. "Do you love me?"
There was a brief silence. Lawrence knew what she meant. She was inquiring if he loved her with that all-consuming lust, the way he had felt about her, but now felt about Adam.
"No."
Allison shut her eyes, feeling the blow of his words. "And Diana?"
"She's my everything. I love her more than anything. You know that."
Ally sighed. "I know," she smiled. "Me, too."
The kitchen was silent.
"I can't believe this is happening," Ally said.
"I know," Lawrence said, taking one of her hands. "Me, too."
After Lawrence had left, Adam had gotten dressed, his head full of the night's events.
The night had been something of a blur when it occurred, but now, every kiss, every touch, every sound was crystal clear in his mind.
For the millionth time since waking up, Adam went over the moments that stuck out in particular.
His skin buzzing when he felt Lawrence eagerly return the kiss that had started it all.
The feeling of warm, sweaty skin against his own, every single moan filled with pleasure.
The long-awaited, long-desired words: I love you.
Falling asleep next to each other, Larry's arms wrapped around Adam's bare waist.
Adam smiled to himself as he remembered waking up to the sight of Lawrence there.
He missed Lawrence already. He wanted Larry to just come back, wanted to feel Larry underneath him, wanted to kiss Lawrence to no end.
Adam sighed when he remembered why Larry had left the apartment in the first place: he needed to talk with his wife.
About him.
Adam felt horrible at the thought of Ally. And Diana. He felt like a homewrecker. He was taking Lawrence away from his wife and daughter.
This was all his fault.
No. It wasn't his fault at all. This was Lawrence's choice. He was choosing to be with Adam.
But what if something were to happen, something that made Lawrence realize that it might be better to stay with his wife?
Stop playing "what-if", Adam told himself sternly. It'll be all right.
However, he felt it wouldn't. He'd lost Lawrence once.
He didn't think he could lose him again.
For the rest of the day, Adam did what he could to keep his mind off of Lawrence, spending most of the day in his darkroom, leaving it later in the afternoon after realizing he needed food and to do laundry.
He had done pretty well until he was at the laundromat and discovered a particular stain on a particular bedsheet.
When he got back from the store at around five 'o clock, he checked his voicemail. No messages.
He put his food away and sat down at the table.
He stared at the phone, wondering if he should call Larry.
No. Lawrence would let him know what was going on.
He sat there for a good hour, smoking cigarette after cigarette.
He didn't know which wait was worse: the wait he went through in the bathroom, waiting for life or death, or the wait he was going through now, waiting for whether or not the person he was in love with would come through the door.
At around six-thirty, he was all smoked out. He decided to go for a walk. He needed fresh air.
He stood up and went for the front door, not bothering to put on a jacket.
He pulled open the door and was immediately rooted to the floor.
Lawrence stood out in the hallway, a suitcase in his hand. He looked up at Adam.
"Hey," he said.
"Hey," Adam said.
"Adam," Larry began. "I have to tell you……one of the reasons I came by was because, well……it's over between us."
Adam felt his face go pale. Biting his lip, he looked down at the floor. Their relationship was over before it even started. He should have known this couldn't last.
"Me and Allison," Larry continued. "It's over."
Adam looked up. Had he heard Larry right?
"What?" he asked.
"I told Allison everything," Lawrence said. "We're getting a divorce. She wanted one, too. She's known it was time to do that for awhile now. Diana knows what's happening. We've decided it would be a good idea if I moved out as soon as possible, so Diana can get used to me not being there every day.
"So….." He held up the suitcase and gave Adam a small smile. "Would it be all right if I lived here for awhile?"
With a sigh, Adam took Lawrence in his arms and gave him a deep kiss. Lawrence kissed him back, letting the suitcase thump to the floor as he put his hands to Adam's face. When the kiss was over, they broke apart and rested their foreheads together, like the way they had in the bathroom, before Lawrence had left to get help.
Taking Lawrence's hand, Adam led him back to the bedroom. As they slipped their clothes off of each other, their hands exploring every inch of each other's bodies, they took this time slowly. Their lovemaking was not as quick or as rushed as it had been before. There was no need to hurry.
They had all the time in the world to enjoy each other.
Later, completely spent, Lawrence lay in Adam's arms while Adam stroked his love's damp blonde hair. Larry looked up at his lover and looked into his brown eyes.
"We're going to be OK?" he asked.
Adam looked down at Lawrence and smiled at him, the answer in his eyes.
"I wouldn't lie to you."
Epilogue
Time passed. The Gordon divorce was granted, citing "irreconcilable differences".
Allison and Lawrence were given joint custody of Diana.
Diana had cried when she heard the news of her parents' divorce, fearing that her daddy would leave, but Lawrence promised her that he would always be there for her.
Lawrence and Adam were together, but it never showed on the outside. They kept their relationship private.
Before Larry knew it, a year passed. He had what he considered the perfect life. He saw his daughter regularly, his job at the hospital was getting enjoyable, thanks to the fact that what made Adam so likable to everyone had rubbed off on him. Most importantly, he was truly happy in his love life, even if he considered his relationship a tad unorthodox.
After all, the only people who knew about his relationship with Adam were Allison and Diana. Ally had been kind enough not to mention it in the divorce proceedings, and all Diana knew about it was that Daddy loved another man. She didn't understand it, but she accepted it, and grew to think of Adam as something of an uncle.
Every now and then, Lawrence thought of his and Adam's ordeal in the bathroom. He and Adam were lucky to have gotten out of that.
He thought of the thing Jigsaw said to the survivors of his "games".
"Some people are so ungrateful to be alive. Not you. Not anymore."
That statement held true to both Lawrence and Adam.
They weren't ungrateful for being alive.
Not anymore.