Author's note: Hello there, thanks for reading, I just want to get a few things out of the way. First off, this story has been floating around in my head for about a year, I started writing it along time ago and just recently came back to it. The story isn't complete yet but i have a rough idea as to how I want this to go and how I want this to play out. I wasn't going to post it until it was complete but I feel if I posted this now I would motivate me to continue writing this instead of abandoning it all over again. I apologizes this first chapter is not my favorite, I tried to give a lot of back stories so you can get a greater sense of the characters but going back and fourth between present day and the past may be confusing for some. I apologize. It might help you to understand this story better if you go back and read my other stories called I told you I'd always be here, and Its not what you think. Both these stories will give you a little background on Jess and may help you to understand this story a little better. You can understand it just fine without read those stories but it might help.. Also I promise there is Jules and Sam in this story, you just have to be patient okay?

I also would like to put it out there that i do not have a beta reader so the only person that looked this over is me, so sorry if there are mistakes . Also I have a disability when it come writing so my grammar is not the best, I apologize. Review are loved and greatly appreciated.

I own nothing but the idea for the story

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Sam rolled over grabbed his pillow and covered his face with it in attempt to drown out the sound of his cell phone.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Sam groaned and rolled over again glancing at the clock, seriously? 2 in the morning! He closed his eyes and reached out for his phone to answer it. Swear to god whoever had the nerve to call him at this hour was going to pay big-

"Sam?" the voice was distressed, he was barely able to understand her though her sobs. Sam immediately opened his eyes siting up in the bed.

"Sarah?" his voice was full of concern. Any thoughts he had of going back to sleep quickly banished from his mind. This wasn't like Sarah, she wouldn't call at this hour unless something was really wrong. "Sarah what's wrong? Where are you?"

She was crying and her voice was shaking so bad it was hard to understand her but she managed to speak between the sobs "The Hospital"

The Hospital? no,no,no,no. The only reason that Sarah would be a complete wreck and at the hospital was if-

"Sarah, Where is Jason? Sarah, is Jason ok?" His voice was panic stricken. Her sobs increased and Sam closed his eyes fighting back tears. God please no. He was home; he was supposed to be safe. "Sarah?" his voiced cracked.

"H-H-He's gone."

Sam swallowed hard. Jason Moore had been one of the men he served with while overseas. Shortly after Sam left on leave to visit his sick great grandmother during his first tour, Jason had gotten hurt during an operation, when Sam herd about it, he immediately headed over to Sarah 's house to check on her to see if she was ok. When she asked why he would do something like that, especially because he had only meet her twice in passing, he look at her and smiled,

"I know how important you are to Jason. Plus I know if the roles were reverse he do the same cause it's just what we do, we look out for our own."

"Am I really that important to him?" She questioned doubt written all over her face. Sam snorted.

"Are you kidding he never shuts up about you, like seriously, I don't think there is a person in Kandahar that doesn't know you two are dating, not to mention that our team probably knows WAY more about your personal life then you would ever be comfortable with."

He doesn't know why or how but Sarah became a big part of their little JTF-2 group after that, everyone on JTF-2 loves her, they all used to write her letters complaining about her boyfriend, she used to write back with the best remarks. He will never forget the time that Matt wrote to Sarah telling her that she need to make Jason stop drooling over her picture because frankly, it was getting obsessive. Her reply:

Sorry Matt, he'll stop dreaming about me when you stop dreaming about Jess which sadly won't happen anytime soon, so I suggest you sticking to bunking with Sam.

-Sarah

The guys hounded Matt for weeks about that and his response to the jokes was the same damn thing every time… "Not my fault she is gorgeous, inside and out" every frickin time. He can still remember doing restock with Matt and Jason and Matt saying it without a sweat, almost like he knew Jess was special.

"Not my fault she is gorgeous, inside and out"

Jason who was behind Matt turned to Sam made gesture as if he was going to puke and Sam snorted.

"Matt, you better watch out your starting to sound like Mr. Moore over there." Sam joked.

"Yeah Matt you better be careful or might end up getting tied down." Jason added. They were teasing of course but Sam couldn't help but feel there was an element of truth behind their words, that maybe there was something rare and special between Jess and Matt, like Jason and Sarah. Maybe just maybe Jess was it for Matt, maybe she was the one. Which was kind of a strange thought considering Matt was his partner and crime when it came to picking up the ladies and Jess and Matt had only been dating for 3 months. But if Sam was honest with himself, Jess and Matt had been fighting their feeling for a lot longer than that.

"Speaking of Sarah and getting tied down, I was wondering if you guys would help me."

"With what?" the two best friends replied amused. Jason didn't ask for help often.

"Asking her to marry me?" He said timidly as he smiled slowly looking over toward them. Sam and Matt both immediately stopped what they were doing to look up at him. Smiles broke out across their faces; Matt slapped Jason on the back attacking him in a bear Hug.

"That a boy"

"My god Jay, only took you 20 frickin years! I was starting to think you were only dating her because you know we would kick your ass if you hurt her." Sam said as he made his way towards Jason to giving him a friendly jab in the arm. Matt rolled his eyes at Sam and turned towards Jason.

"What Sam really means to say is that we approve of your choice and of course we will help you."

Shit. Had that really been 9 years ago? Where the hell had time gone? Felt like just yesterday Jason, him and Matt were having that conversation. And now they could never have that conversation again about Jules or Jess or anyone, because they were gone. Matt and Jason were both gone. Sam swallowed hard, tears flowing freely from his eyes. Minutes passes as Sam focused on trying to keep his voice from shaking.

"Sarah," His voice was barley a whisper "Sarah It's going to be ok."

"I need him" she confessed and it broke his heart, why did Jason have to go now?

Sam glanced at himself in the Mirror he looked like hell but considering he only got 4 hours of sleep he looked pretty decent. Last night was hell. Once he finally calmed Sarah down enough to tell him which hospital she was at, he told her not to worry, that he be there shortly. After he hung up the phone he ran around the house like a mad man getting everything he would need. While he was looking for his car keys he called Sarah back.

"Sarah, I'm walking out the door now."

"Sam?" The voice was soft and sad but it was not the sobbing mess he had talk to minutes before.

"Jess?" ok now he was confused how on earth did Jess get Sarah's phone?

"Yeah it's me."

"Jess, where's Sarah?"

"She fell asleep in the chair, I think today really wore her out"Jess's voice was neutral but anyone could hear the underlying concern she had. He doesn't know why he's so shocked. Jess was the heart of the team, she held them together though the toughest times, of course Jess would be there for Sarah, it's what Jason would have wanted. Not to mention that it was Jess who introduced Sarah and Jason. Sarah and Jess had met at an old family friend's party when she was on leave. About 2 months later the team was sitting round the debrief table making fun of Jason because the little 6 year old girl who they help rescue was in love with him. They stared calling her the 'future Mrs. Moore', so in turn topic turned to the perfect 'Mrs. Moore'. Everyone took their turn imputing what they thought the perfect woman for Jason would be like, some joking, others serious. When they finally finish Jess just snorted and laughed.

"Sounds like this girl I know."

"Who?" Jason asked curious to see if he knew the girl. The team all turned to her giving her there undivided attention, and she rolled her eyes.

"Calm down none of you know her."the guys stared at her blankly waiting for her to continue, clearly the weren't going to let this go.

"You know what, I shouldn't have said anything." she said getting up from the table and started walking toward the tents exit and that's when the uproar started.

"You can't leave now! Poor Jason wants to hear about his future wife."

"Yeah Jess how could you do that to him?"

"At least tell us if she's hot!"

Jess smiled these guys were so predictable and as annoying as they were, they were all like family to her.

"Goodnight Boys" she said with her back to them as she continued to walk away.

"Oh Come on Jess! the lest you can do is tell us her name."

"Yeah, come on Jess what's the harm?"

She opened the door and looked back at her team who was all staring at her with puppy dog eyes and sighed.

"Sarah. Her name is Sarah"

Thus started the guy's curiosity about the chick named Sarah. Who was she? Blond? Brunette? Red head? Was she Hot? Good in bed? Jess told them to just drop it and leave the poor girl alone, which only fueled the guys more. When Jess wouldn't give out personal intimate deals on her friend's life the guys all started creating their own ridiculous stories about what Sarah was really like. Finally after 2 months of creative stories and the guys bugging the shit out of her, Jess finally caved and made them a deal. If they promised to do her part of the restock for 3 weeks, she would let them met her when they went on leave. So 2 weeks later at a bar on base Jason met Sarah, and the rest is history.

"When did you get there?"

"I've been with her all night, minus the past 45 minutes, which is when I'm guessing she called you… they need someone to ID his body and Sarah just couldn't do it…" He could hear the stain in her voice, and Sam mentally slapped himself. How could he be so stupid, Jason might have been Sarah's Husband, but Jason was like a brother to Jess and she just identified his dead body.

"Jess..." His voice was soft "I'm sorry, I didn't even think…I'm sorry. How are you holding up?"

"Hey, shhhh it's not your fault Sam, We're all tired," her tone was soft and reassuring.

He shook his head typical Jess always putting others before herself. One night when she was almost too drunk to stand he asked her why. Why she always put others needs before her own. Why she always put him first. She simply turned to him and laughed.

"Sam don't be silly you know why." She said with an eye roll taking another sip of her beer and Sam gave her look.

"I'm serious Jess."

"So am I" she leaned in close to him and mirrored his serious tone and facial expressions, when he didn't crack a smile and call her a jackass her face softened and she let out a breath.

"Look Sam," she soften her tone trying to find a way to explain it to him without making him feel guilty. "It's the same reason you would jump on a live grenade if we were in a crowded room and you saw it…. It just the kind of person you are… and putting other first, It's who I am, it's what I do." She closed her eyes as she took a deep breath leaning back away from Sam. Her next words came out in a soft quiet shaky breath "It's why he feel in love with me."

Her voice cracked at the end and she swallowed hard and he knew she wasn't going to say anything more but she didn't have to, he herd what she didn't say. She did it for Matt. She put other first not only because it was the type of person she was but because when she did she could hear Matt in her head saying how proud he was of her. It was like a punch in the gut, as if he didn't already feel guilty enough… He felt like an ass wanted to say something wanted to apologize and beg for forgiveness but before he could even formulate the words she threatened him.

"Don't," she warned "Don't you dare apologize Sam or I swear to god I'll kill you. It was not your fault; I would know, I was there." Although she was drunk and she was swaying from side to side about to fall over she left no room to ague so it he agreed and let it go.

Sam let out a breath turning to his left to stare at the picture he had hanging on the wall of Matt, Jess,and him from their First tour.

"Jess..." he dragged out her name his voice was raw and full of emotion as he stared down the picture of her. Almost as if begging her picture would help get her to open up.

"Don't Sam," she begged "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine, it's just hard, I mean seeing Sarah in so much pain and not being able to do a damn thing about it…plus seeing Jason…..I mean I know know he is gone but seeing him look like that……" Her voice cracked and trailed off. "I'm just glad Sarah didn't see him."

"What do you mean? What's wrong with his body?"

"Sam?" she breathes out his name in almost a whisper. She sounded just as confused as him. It was quite for a few seconds until Jess spoke softly "She didn't tell you, how Jason died did she?"

He was about to open his mouth to tell her that of course he knew how Jason died but he shut it, because he realized he didn't know. Not because he is a bad friend, simply because as soon as Sarah told him Jason was gone, the how was never his focus, making sure Sarah was okay was, because that's what would have mattered to Jason.

"No, no she didn't" he said rubbing his hand over his face as he slowly sat down onto the couch.

Jess sighed. "Car accident, really nasty, they said Jason was going around 95 mph when the car flipped…cops don't know the whole story…." she trailed off again, if asked why she would say it's from lack of info, doesn't want to tell him anything that isn't true. But honestly he knows what she is thinking about, she is thinking that after 9 months in Afghanistan, she though she and the team would be safe when they came back home. Car accidents, sure they happen to everyday people but they were different, they had survived 3 tours in Afghanistan, they should be safe here in Canada, but today just proved they weren't.

"I'm on my way." he said moving his hand from his face to his thigh if effort to stand up and leave but her words stopped him before he even left the couch.

"Sam don't be ridiculous you have work in less than 4 hours." She leaned her head back in the waiting room chair running her hand up across her forehead and though her hair and Sam could tell she was making he her famous "don't be an idiot face" just by the tone of her voice.

"Jess-"His voice tone was accusing but she cut him off.

"Sam seriously, don't argue with me, there is nothing you can do. I'm going to take Sarah over to my place tonight, she will stay with me and we will figure funeral arrangements and everything else in the morning." Almost as if she could read Sam's mind and know he wasn't totally convinced she emphasized her point again. "Seriously Sam, there nothing you can do to help right now, the best thing for you to do is get some sleep you're going to need it."

Sam sighed he hated when she was right.

"Keep me updated?"

"Always Sam"

Ding dong.

The sound of the doorbell made Sam snap out of his thoughts. One more glace in the mirror at his rough appearance and he grab his shirt and pulled it on over his head as he made his way to the door. Hopefully whoever was at the door wouldn't take up too much of his time, he was planning to stop at Timmy's for his coffee and breakfast and after a night like last night he'd be damned if he didn't get it. He pulled open the door to see none other than his beautiful, petite, bad ass girlfriend standing in front of him with a tray of 2 coffees in one hand and a brown paper bag filled with bagels in the other. She smiled up at him. What the hell was she doing here? he tSRU had a training seminar out in Montreal, and commander Halloran had specifically asked Jules to go because she was well rounded in all the aspects of the SRU. She left on Friday morning and shouldn't be back till Thursday, it was only Tuesday, that he was positive of, he had been counting down the days till she got back. His face must have looked like a confused lost puppy because Jules snorted and busted out laughing at him.

"Surprise." he could see the twinkle in her eyes "Miss me?"

"How did you-" he asked puzzled. He was still in shock, still couldn't believe that she was really there, but before he could get the question out, before he could wrap his mind around the fact that she here in Toronto and not in Montreal she cut him off.

"You look like shit," she teased taking a half a step forward closing some of the distance between them. "Good thing the seminar let out early, I think you would've fallen apart without me"

She's joking he knows that, hell he can hear the flirting undertone in her voice, but God. After last night, just knowing she is here and safe with him, it's all that matters. Because it could have been her who got into that car accident last night and it could be him planning the funeral, not Sarah. It took every bit of self-restraint to not call her after he got off the phone with Jess. Only reason he didn't was because he knew she needed to be well rested and on her A game at the seminar. The shock is finally starting to wear off as he takes the coffee and bagels from her and places them on the table next to the door never breaking eye contact with her. And before she even knows what happening he pulls her from her spot at the door and into him as one of his hands makes it way to her back while the other guides her head towards his. His mouth finds hers and he kisses her like he has never kissed her before. The kiss is demanding and hard yet soft and tender all at the same time. She melts against him as her hands snake their way up his body to loop around his neck. She clings to him and kisses him back with just as much passion. The kiss is desperate and hungry, she taste so good he's not sure he wants to let her go, not sure he can. After a minute they finally break apart knowing that if they don't stop now, it will lead to other activities, which in turn would make them late for work, which is not an option, no matter how much he wants it to be. There both breathing heavy as his forehead rests on hers, she's still clinging to him and there almost no space between them.

"Mhmmm. Maybe I should go away more often" she teases.

"No you shouldn't" Her smile quickly banishes from her face, when he doesn't tease her back, only closed his eyes shaking his head as he tightened his arms around her waist. Something is clearly wrong, she can tell.

"Sam?" her face and voice are full of worry. Her hands travel towards his face cupping it in her hands "Sam, what's wrong?"

He opens his eyes to stare at her frantic concerned ones.

"Sarah called last night" He confesses "She was at the hospital, Jason was in a car accident. He…He didn't make it" His voice cracked getting quitter and smaller towards the end.

"Oh my god…" Her hand leaves his face to cover her mouth, only to return to his neck a few second later when she clings to him in a tight hug. She buries her face in chest but not before he sees the wave of grief sweep across her face. She feels awful; she can't even begin to imagine what Sarah is going through. Although she hangs out with Sarah from time to time, she has only meet Jason twice, at the JTF-2 reunions. Sam jokes all the time saying that he should stop coming when they make plans with Sarah because Sarah and her always end up going off without him. Not that he minds, hell he's glad Sarah and his JTF-2 team not only approve of Jules but adore her. Still as much as Jules gets along with Sarah, it's nothing compared to how close she is with Jess, those two are practically attached at the hip. He still really owes god for that. Doesn't really know what he would do if Jess and her didn't get along.

"Sam, I'm so sorry." her face is in the crook of his neck and he can feel the tears in his eyes. She can't see them, but she knows they're there. She doesn't call him out on it, or tell him that it's okay to cry, simply close her eyes and continues hugs him. He is grateful for it, while he has no problem giving the the whole 'it's okay to cry' speech, he can't handle receiving it, he wasn't raised that way, she knows that. Never told her, she just figured it out, it's why they work. Her voice is soft, doesn't wanna cause him more pain but she has to ask.

"When is the funeral?"

He cringes, just like he did this morning when Jess called and told him the date. This is what he wanted to avoid. Doesn't wanna say it. Doesn't think he can handle losing Jason and having Jules mad at him at the same time. He buries his head in her hair and sighs.

"Friday."

Friday. Friday as in this Friday, the one there supposed to spend celebrating their anniversary. Technically, there anniversary was last Thursday but with a hectic work schedule and Jules being sent away for the seminar, this Friday was the first time they could actually celebrate. They both agreed that come hell or high water, Friday was date night, just the two of them, no exceptions. Told her for this year's anniversary he was treating her to a fancy dinner with candles, red wine, the whole 9 yards. He even got a reservation at Crystal Springs, one of the most elegant restaurants in all of Toronto. She protested saying he didn't have to spend that kind of money on her, he told her not to worry about the cost that she was worth it. She would always be worth it. She will never admit to it but she's excited, practically counting down the days till Friday. He doesn't go all out for her all the time, not because he doesn't want to simply because Jules doesn't allow him to. He'd buy her the world if she let him, but she would much rather have him save his money. She's fine with staying at home and just ordering a pizza, because to her it doesn't matter if there in a fancy restaurant, at Timmy's, or at home curled up the couch. She loves him, not the fancy dinners, not the expensive wine, him. So as long as he's there, she doesn't care where they go or what they do. After a long debate Jules finally got him to agree to her ways but with one exception, he was allowed to go all out for special occasions, like Friday. Stupid Friday, promised her they would do whatever she wanted, well looks like he's breaking his promise to her. But wait, it gets better. She bought a new dress, won't let him see, wants it to be a surprise, well looks like that's not happening, why you as? Because he is frickin breaking off the date. He's an asshole to put it lightly; he deserves to die a slow painful death.

But she doesn't scream, kick his ass for breaking the date, instead she relaxes in his arms. Some of the tension that has been in her since he told her about Jason fades. She pulls back out of his embrace and walks over to grab her phone off the table by the door, to confirm what she believes their work schedule for the coming week is.

"Ok good, we don't have work on Saturday morning, so we can leave on Friday in the morning and stay the night," She concludes, there is no trace of anger, resentment, or hurt in her voice, just relief. Relief that they can both go to the funeral together. Relieved that she can be there for Sarah and him. Relived that she won't have to sit a work and wonder if he is really okay. She knows he's a big boy and can take care of himself, but that doesn't stop her from worrying. After his sister died, he learned how to put on a brave face, and how to appear okay when he really wasn't. It's the reason why he holds everything in, why he refuses to let others see him cry. Why he doesn't want to appear weak. He has hard time letting people in, tends to push people away when things get tough, afraid that if there to close to him, they might see though his façade. It took a while but Jules finally broke through his façade, and now she sees what none one else can, the fear, the broken heart, the sadness. Knowing she is one of the only ones who can see it, only fuels her instincts to make sure his is okay for herself and not take someone else's word.

"That is unless you want to be there early," her eyes are still glued to the phone. "In that case we can leave Thursday night after work an-"

Doesn't even finish her sentence, before he grabs her and kisses her. This kiss is full passion; Sam uses the kiss to tell her everything he can't find the words for. Like how amazingly perfect she is for not even mad about Friday in the slightest, how he just pulled the most dick-headed move on earth, and she just dismissed it as nothing. How He is so frickin relived she isn't mad, how grateful he is that she understands, how lucky he is that she is his girlfriend and not somebody else's. He already loves her more than anything in the universe and he just fell more in love with her, he did even think that was humanly possible. He wants to tell her all this but he doesn't know how, so instead he pours every bit of emotion he is feeling into the kiss. The kiss catches her off guard, but she quickly recovers and kisses him back, for she feels what he trying to convey. Before she even knows what's happening he has her pined against the wall while one of her hands frames his face with the other is in his hair gripping it, pulling him closer. Typically this would be the time when he would slip his hand down her waist, to her ass and seamlessly lift her into the air as she wrapped her legs around him, and he would lead them towards the bedroom, typically. However this time his hands slid down her body to rest on her hips as he slowly leaned back breaking the kiss. He closes his eyes and stares down at her as he shakes his head.

"You should be pissed at me." He whispers, his tone is not accusing at all, it sounds more like he is simply stating a fact.

"That's a matter of option." she breaths out breathless looking up at him. Her brain is not really up for mind games right now. Right now all she wants is to make sure he's okay, to make sure he isn't going to push her away, just wants him to know she's always going to be there no matter what, because there is no place she would rather be. And after that kiss, being mad at him is the furthest thing from her mind. He looks away closes his eyes and sighs.

"Friday was supposed to be our night and I jus-"

"Do you think that matters?" She cuts him off in a soft gentle tone. Her hand reaches up to crease his face as she says it bringing his face so he looking directly at her. When he doesn't respond she sighs and he opens his eyes to look down into her brown ones.

"Sam it's not like you wanted to ruin our plans for Friday, things just happened. Things that were out of our control." She emphasizes her last sentence just in case he was still viewing this as his fault. "Plus were not braking the plans, were just changing them around a little bit" she smiles at him as he reaches up his hand to run his fingers though her hair.

"But you been looking forward to this all week, you even bought a dress and-"

"I'll use the dress the next time we have date night" she concludes, cutting him off once again, pausing to soften her tone. "Sam, I know you wanted Friday to be a night about us and our love for one and other, and now it's not. But I promise that night will happen, maybe not Friday like we planned, but someday soon, I'm counting on that. So yeah it might not be at crystal springs like you had planned, but so what, who cares? As long as were together, that's all that matters."

He stares down at her with nothing but pure love, looking directly into her eyes as his hands framed her face.

"You're amazing you know that? I don't deserve at all" he moves his forehead rest against her's as he speaks "I love you so much Jules, So much." His voice cracked at the end and she leaned up to kiss him.

"I love you too Sam."