Goodbye Mary Ann
"Miss Maroney?" Kenneth's Georgian twang echoed across her dressing room.
"Yes, Kenneth?" came the muffled response.
Kenneth pushed open the unlocked door only to find Jenna Wanda Maroney, star of The Girly Show, sitting upside-down in her chair with marshmallows filling her mouth. Knowing better than to ask what she was doing, Kenneth instead said, "You have a phone call, Miss Maroney." Which was the truth. Parcells can never go wrong telling the truth. Except on Opposite Day. The people of Stone Mountain take their Opposite Days quite seriously.
The woman opened her mouth in surprise. This had the unfortunate side effect of allowing the soggy marshmallows to drip down her face and onto the carpet. "A phone call, Kenneth? Is it Steven Speilberg? I'm in the running for Snake High Priestess in the next Indiana Jones movie, though I thought I told him not to call me here." She cupped her hand around her mouth and whispered, "I didn't want Tracy getting jealous. He's always wanted to play a High Priestess and playing with snakes would just be icing on the cake."
"No, Miss Maroney," Kenneth thought he sounded appropriately sympathetic. "It was someone named Mary Ann. She said you were old friends." Ever since that incident with Tracy's old friend Felix Cited he made sure to check before hanging up, just in case.
Jenna flipped herself upright and ran up to Kenneth, grabbed his shoulders and started shaking him. "Where, Kenneth? Where is the phone?"
"Mi…i…ss Ma…a…ar…ney…y…y." Kenneth tried to pull himself from Jenna's grip, but she was surprisingly strong.
Jenna soon realized that shaking the page was getting her nowhere and let him go. Kenneth guided the visibly anxious actress back to his page desk, where the caller was on hold. As soon as Kenneth picked up the phone, Jenna ripped it from his hand and signaled him to pick the call back up.
"Mary Ann?" she asked as soon as she heard the dial tone disappear.
"Wanda." The voice on the other end responded. Jenna was sure she could hear relief in the voice and maybe even a smile. A smile was good.
"Is…" Jenna's question died in her throat. She swallowed a few times to clear her throat. "Is anything wrong?"
Jenna could hear Mary Ann breathing on the other end, so she knew her friend was still on the line, but it took her another minute to respond. "Can I come visit for a bit, Wanda? There's something I need to tell you in person."
Jenna didn't even have to think about her response, answering "Of course. When?"
"I'm at LaGuardia now."
Jenna checked her watch. With traffic, Mary Ann would be here in forty minutes at a minimum. She had rehearsals for the next three hours. "Come to the GE building. I have to be in rehearsal so I'll have a page waiting for you in the lobby." She glanced at Kenneth. "He's about five foot ten, blond, and sounds like Bobby Jindal."
"Thank you," was the relived reply.
Jenna smiled. As if she could ever say no to Mary Ann. "See you soon."
As Jenna hung the phone up, Kenneth considered her sudden change in temperament. He had never seen the actress actually be serious. He'd seen her act serious, but had never seen her display the actually emotion before. He must be dreaming.
"Wait for her in the lobby? Please?" Now he knew he was dreaming. Jenna Maroney asking nicely?
"Of course, Miss Maroney," he replied. It wouldn't be right to be rude even if he was dreaming.
"Thank you," she said, giving her favorite page a hug. Technically, he was the only page that she knew by name. That meant he was the only page that didn't insult her behind her back, making the ranking quite easy. "She's my height with, um, red hair, I think. She'll either be wearing an expensive suit or a flannel shirt and jeans and she will answer to Mary Ann."
Kenneth gave Jenna a slightly confused smile, as was normal for him around NBC, and headed to the elevator.
Liz was just finishing some rewrites on the week's final scripts when Pete burst into her office.
"Something's wrong with Jenna," Pete said flatly.
Liz rolled her eyes. "She's not pretending to be on Survivor still, is she?"
"No," he replied. "Something else is wrong with Jenna."
"Good. I was getting tired of tripping over empty coconuts." Liz stood up and started walking over to Pete. "What is it this time?"
"Well…"
"…Yes?"
"She's acting."
Liz looked at her second-in-command, momentarily stunned. "You mean she's actually displaying emotions?" Pete nodded. "Like a real person would?" Another nod. "Not just some over-the-top performance worthy of an off-off-off-off Broadway performance or the Disney Channel?" Pete shook his head.
"Wow."
Pete pulled her out of the door, saying "You have to see it before it goes away."
Down in the studio, Liz could only stare at her friend as she gave the performance of her lifetime. Even though the sketch was about a jack-o-lantern who became President, Jenna acted the hell out of her part as First Lady Butternut Squash.
"Miss Lemon?" she heard Kenneth's voice coming from behind her. When she turned, Liz saw the page with an unfamiliar woman in clothing you'd expect someone to wear on a farm.
"What is it now, Kenneth, and who is this?" Liz asked.
"Miss Lemon, Mr. Hornberger? I'd like to introduce to you Miss Maroney's friend, Mary Ann," Kenneth replied.
Liz was about to shake the woman's hand when a blond blur pushed her into Pete and grabbed Mary Ann.
The two women didn't say anything as they enjoyed the first hug they'd shared in years.
"Wanda?" Mary Ann said.
"Yeah?"
"Want to introduce me to your friends?"
"Fine." Jenna peeled herself from the woman, but left her arm around her shoulder. "Liz, Pete, this is Mary Ann. My best friend in the whole wide world. Mary Ann, this is Liz Lemon and Pete Hornberger, my best friend in New York and her beard."
Liz wasn't sure how to react to the introduction, so she settled with saying "Hi."
"Hi," Mary Ann replied, adding, "It's nice to finally meet you, Liz. Wanda's told me so much about you over the years."
"Good things, I hope. I can't say that Jenna's ever mentioned you," Liz said.
"What are you talking about, Liz?" Jenna said, punching Liz in the shoulder with her free hand. "I talk about Mary Ann all the time. I told you about how we accidentally blew up the milking machine in high school just the other day."
"Wait," interrupted Pete. "You actually did that?"
"We thought it was just one of your stories," added Liz.
"I bet you thought the story about joy riding in the John Deere was made up too?" Jenna asked as she narrowed her eyes at her co-workers.
Liz and Pete avoided making eye contact with Jenna, not wanting to upset her.
"Oh, look at the time," Pete said glancing at his wrist. "It's time for that thing. With Tracy. That thing with Tracy. See you around."
Pete ran over to where Tracy was standing, leaving Liz alone with two certifiably crazy people and one possibly crazy person.
Kenneth was the next to speak. "So, Miss Mary Ann, why do you call Miss Maroney, Wanda?"
"It's her middle name," Liz replied.
"See," she said, glancing at her friend, "I know some things."
"I know you do, Liz. Anyway, she calls me Wanda and I call her Mary Ann because both our first names are Jen. I'm Jenna and she's Jenny. We started going by our middle names in school when teachers would get us confused," Jenna explained.
"That's great. Listen," Liz said, "I'm sure we'll have plenty of time to talk later, but we have a rehearsal to finish right now. Jenny? You can wait in the audience. It should only be about two hours."
"Alright," Jenny gave Jenna one last squeeze with her arm and then sat down in the front row where she would have a clear view of her friend's acting.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Donaghy, but I couldn't stop her," Jonathan called as Liz pushed her way into the room.
"Something's wrong with Jenna," Liz said as she flopped onto Jack's couch.
"Something's always wrong with Jenna, Lemon," Jack replied.
"Something different is wrong with Jenna than usual."
Jack sighed, realizing he wouldn't be getting back to his actual work until he resolved this latest Liz-tastrophe.
Jack pushed himself away from his desk and walked over to the couch. After he sat down in his armchair next to Liz, he asked, "What's wrong with Jenna and what am I supposed to do about it?"
Liz tucked her legs under her, completely disregarding the no-putting-your-feet-on-stranger's-couches rule, and replied, "A friend from high school has come to visit and she's acting…"
"…What? She's acting weird?"
"No," Liz said definitively. "I mean she's acting. Actually acting for once."
"And this is bad because?" Jack had to ask. Of course, he knew that if Jenna started acting well in comparison to Liz's writing, it would be bad for Liz, but he decided against saying that outright.
"It isn't bad, at least not for the show," she said. "It's bad because I don't know what her friend is doing here. She showed up yesterday afternoon, completely out of the blue. I don't like having someone near Jenna that can change her like that and I don't want this to turn out like that incident with Verna. Jenna doesn't deserve to have people mooching off of her like that."
"Again, what am I supposed to do about it?"
Liz bit her lip for a moment, considering her situation. She didn't want to confront Jenny outright because she might be wrong about her motives, but she wasn't very good at doing things subtly.
"Can you talk to her? Jenna's friend, I mean?" Liz asked. "You figured out Verna's motivation and got her to back off. I'm not good at that kind of thing."
Jack snorted. God, why did Lemon have to rub off on him like that? Anyway…
"Fine," he answered. "I'll solve your little puzzle. Is there anything else I can do for you?"
"Nope." Liz stood up and then pulled Jack to his feet. "They're in Jenna's dressing room right now. We can get this done quickly if you come now."
Jack rolled his eyes at her enthusiasm, but followed his friend towards the elevators.
The door to Jenna's dressing room was open about a foot. Liz stood next to the door and gestured for Jack to go in first. Jack adjusted his tie and entered the room with his normal swagger. Liz heard the door slam and quickly realized that he had left the room like it was on fire.
"Jack?" she asked. "What happened?"
"That was Jenny Shepard. Director of NCIS," Jack whispered harshly at his friend.
"Huh?"
"Naval Criminal Investigative Service."
"Again: huh?"
"It's a federal law enforcement agency. Like the FBI."
"Oh." A sudden thought hit her. "Wait, how did you recognize her?"
"I've memorized the face of every person in the government who can send assassins after me."
"Why would that help?" Liz asked, trying to be Jack's voice of reason. "Couldn't she just send assassins after you from wherever she works? She could assassinate you even if you've never seen her before."
Jack opened his mouth to respond when Jenna poked her head out the door, saying "We can hear you, you know."
Jack's shoulders slumped for a second but he quickly regained his usual posture and strode confidently through the door with Liz following right behind.
"Director Shepard." Jack greeted the woman with a firm handshake.
"Mr. Donaghy," Jenny replied.
"Are you really the director of NCSI?" Liz asked.
"No," Jenny answered.
"She's the director of NCIS," Jenna added.
An awkward silence filled the room. Jack was too nervous to speak, fearing the woman might send assassins after him if he did. Liz was embarrassed about thinking the worst of her friend's friend, and possibly afraid of the assassins as well.
Jenny broke the silence, saying, "Well, it was nice meeting you, but I really should be going. My flight leaves in a few hours and traffic is going to be a pain."
Seeing that her two friends weren't leaving the room, Jenna asked, "Would you mind if we said goodbye in private?"
Liz and Jack, still unwilling or unable to speak, left the room.
Jenny gave Jenna one last hug. As Jenna pulled away, face slightly soggy, she asked, "Do you regret it? Helping me helping me with that thing?"
Jenny laughed wiping away her own tears. "Never. There are many things I regret. Men I've been with. Orders I've given. Jobs I've done. No, helping you was never one of them. I could never regret what we did." Giving Jenna one last squeeze, Jenny added, "It's time I fixed a mistake I made ten years ago."
Jenny Mary Ann Shepard pulled away from Jenna Wanda Maroney for the last time in their lives. Jenna couldn't help thinking that Earl had to die, but if life was fair, Mary Ann wouldn't have to. Not yet. Not like this.
Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS, 30 Rock, or Goodbye Earl. We don't have nearly enough 30 Rock crossovers. I sought to remedy this. See Goodbye Earl on Youtube for my inspiration.