I was fifteen years old when I died. My siblings were little, innocent. I have watched them grow up, and I haven't changed. Now I'm their guardian angel.
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My name is Ella Herondale. At least, it was. I am fifteen years old. I have been for four years.
I had two siblings. I was the oldest, they were the youngest. Now I'm the middle; my brother now older but my sister still younger. Cecily was nine, now she's fifteen; a year younger than me. Will was twelve, now he's seventeen.
He blames himself, Will does. He blames himself for my death. He thinks I died because he loved me, because of a curse. That's not true. I died because I loved him, and I would do it again and again, even knowing the consequences.
I want to tell him that, but I can't. He can't hear me, he can't see me. I can't tell him no, this isn't a curse. I can only watch as he shuts himself off, not wanting anyone else to end up like me.
I have spent these years watching over him, my brother, keeping him safe. It got harder when Tessa came along, what with her ability to find trouble, but I managed. He loves her, Will does. I saw it in his eyes when they first met, and I've seen it every time he's looked at her since. It makes me happy to see that she affects him like this. It makes me happy to see him care about someone else, other than himself or Jem. She opened his heart, something he had closed off years ago. I wish I could thank her for that.
He tries to keep her safe. Tessa, I mean. He hides how he feels so she won't end up like me.
If only I could tell him that she wouldn't. But I can't. He doesn't know I still exist, he thinks I've been gone for years.
My name is Ella Herondale, and I'm a guardian angel.
I wrote this in dedication to one of my best friends, who just lost her mother to cancer. I know that she now has a guardian angel watching out for her, watching her grow, seeing her live her life. Stay strong you beautiful girl.
-L