A/N I've been working on this one for a while now, but have been waiting until I decided how it will end before I posted the first chapter. I've been writing lots of fluffy crap lately, so be warned, this will have lots of swearing, shooting, stabbing, people being creepy assholes, and most likely smut at some point in the future. It's been a while since I wrote the other ones, but this is a part of my Badass Charlie series, so expect a lot of girl power and the boys being all around morons or babies. Or in Conner's case, both. And while the other two aren't my favorite things that I've written, you can go read Addictions and Stubborn Habbits, if you're bored.

Reviews are always appreciated!

OK, I'll shut up now. :-)

Somewhere in Arizona

"Seriously, you guys wanna stay here?" Conner whined.

Miles groaned loudly as they walked through the derelict town. Charlie moved behind Conner and mimed strangling him for Jeremy's viewing pleasure. Bass, ever the patient father, calmly spoke to his son.

"There isn't another town around here for miles. We either stay here or sleep in the desert, and I don't know about you but a bed would be really nice right about now."

Conner grumbled something under his breath but kept his stupid to himself for the time being. Charlie turned to Bass while they walked and gave him a low bow, mouthing 'thank you' for the temporary relief from Conner's whining. Bass rolled his eyes at her dramatics but smirked smugly nonetheless. Pretty much everything she did made him smile. Ignoring his childish friends, Miles made a beeline for the nearest establishment that promised alcohol.

The strange, little family made their way into the bar, picked a booth at the back and slipped in. Jeremy and Charlie on one side, Bass and Conner on the other with Miles pulling up a chair at the end. It was a good sized place with a nice weekday crowd, a little rowdy, but all the good bars were anyway. A harassed looking waitress with long black hair and a dress that barely covered her ass stomped up to their table.

"What can I get you boys?" Her eyes landed on Charlie, who with her long blonde hair and low cut tank top was definitely not a man, and offered a fake sort of smile in apology. "Sorry 'bout that. So what'll it be?"

Conner steered the waitresses attention toward himself, he must not have noticed her uninterested expression being to distracted by her outfit. "Why don't you bring us a big bottle of the best you've got and then come join us." He waggled his eyebrows at her suggestively. The waitress, who was most likely used to that sort of thing, merely turned around and headed back to the bar with a huff.

Jeremy chuckled and whispered to Charlie. "Strike one." She nodded, they had been through this before.

Conner stared after his new friend with a dissapointed look on his face. No one else mentioned his failed attempt at flirting, they had long since learned that insulting his 'manhood' would only cause more of a headache for them later. The waitress came stomping back with a bottle of something brown and a stack of glasses, she all but slammed them down onto the table before glaring at Conner and prancing away.

The rest of them all shared silent looks of amusement while Miles poured everyone a drink and started sliding the glasses around the table. Once everyone had a drink, he lifted his own glass in a toast. "To..."

This was their own little game, you weren't allowed to drink until everyone had toasted to something. It basically boiled down to 'what are you thankful for?' It could be serious or ridiculous, but the rules were that no one got a drink until everyone was grateful for at least one thing. None of them remembered who started it, but they all seemed inclined to blame Jeremy. Especially on days when none of them were feeling particularly grateful.

"To random towns in the middle of nowhere with half decent bars." Miles tipped his glass at Conner, indicating that he should go next.

Conner growled at him, but raised his glass anyway. No one had ever said what the consequence of not playing was, but they all seemed to know it wouldn't be pretty. "To hot chicks in bars that actually like men." They all chuckled as he pointed at Jeremy.

"To women who like men in general." They all laughed as the game reached Charlie.

"To men who like woman," she said with a grin. They all howled with laughter at that as everyone's eyes fell to Bass who raised his glass.

"To what is, hopefully, some good whiskey." They all murmured their agreements and tossed back the first glass like they did this sort of thing everyday, which really, they did.

Miles hummed as he started refilling his glass. "Not bad stuff, I might have to grab a bottle to go."

Conner, who was still pouting about his less than friendly waitress friend, rolled his eyes. "You always say that."

"Do not."

"Do too."

Jeremy and Bass both groaned. Miles and Conner had a habit of fighting like three year olds over the same toy. "Don't even start you two," Charlie warned them, "or you'll both be on dishes duty for the rest of the week." Both men glared at her but kept their mouths shut. Charlie was like the mother hen of the group, if she said something was going to happen, it did.

Conner drank down another glass, sent Miles another glare, and then stomped away from the table without another word. Miles slid into his abandoned seat next to Bass and the four of them sat quietly together, content to enjoy each other's company for a while, as they watched Conner make his rounds around the bar.

Jeremy broke the silence. "Alright, I'll start the betting at two laundry duties says he'll strike out completely tonight."

Miles tilted his head back and forth, deep in thought. "Nah, two days of dishes duty says he'll get it on the fourth girl. The waitress counts as one."

Bass just shook his head, he never liked getting involved in this particular activity. This was another one of the games that they played. Whenever they stopped in a town, the boys - though mainly Conner - liked to pick up a girl to blow off some steam. Usually, the rest of them entertained themselves with Conner's failures - or on occasion - success by betting on how he would do.

Charlie watched Conner shmoozing up to some pretty red head that didn't look all that interested. "I bet four first-to-take-a-baths that not only does he leave with a girl tonight, but that he'll leave with two."

Miles, Bass, and Jeremy all stared at her like she'd lost her mind. "What?" She shrugged. "I like getting my bath first, then I don't have to sit in your guys' nasty filth."

They all shook their heads and Bass, who prided himself on not betting on whether or not his son would get laid, said, "bad bet Charlie. He usually barely makes it with one."

Her only response was one of her trademark little smirks.

After a few minutes, the redhead shooed Conner away and Jeremy kept up the running tally. "Strike two."

The younger Monroe steered himself toward a booth full of girls, some of them looked younger than Charlie, and slapped on his best charming grin as he pulled up a chair. They watched him talk to a pretty brunette for about five minutes before a large man with tattoos running up and down his arms came up to stand behind where Conner was sitting. Bass looked ready to move in case Conner needed some assistance, but apparently the boy wasn't all stupid, he said goodnight to the brunette and watched her walk away arm in arm with her boyfriend.

"Strike three. One more and you're on dishes for two days, Miles." The other man shrugged. They all knew that he didn't really mind the dishes anyway.

Conner, who was looking more and more annoyed as the evening wore on, picked out a blonde girl who was wearing a very tight and very tiny t-shirt as a dress at the bar. He seemed to be doing pretty well for a while with his hand gradually sinking lower and lower towards her ass, but just as they saw him lean in to seal the deal, another girl in an equally tiny dress appeared to have an urgent looking conversation with her friend. The two girls talked and the blonde turned back to Conner, said something, kissed him on the cheek, and then hurried out of the bar with her friend.

Jeremy gave a low whistle. "Strike four. Sorry, Miles." But Miles merely huffed a laugh and refilled his drink.

They all pretended not to be watching as Conner stormed back towards their table. "What is wrong with the girls in this town?"

Charlie gave him a look of concern that would have seemed sincere if the others hadn't been listening to her laugh at Conner's expenseI mere seconds ago. "Why, what happened?"

Not noticing her smiling behind her glass, Conner continued to rant. "I had this great blonde chick, huge ass, right where I wanted her and then her little friend shows up and suddenly she has to leave because of a 'business opportunity.' I mean, who is doing business right now, it's the middle of the night!"

Jeremy snorted into his glass, covering it up as a cough while Charlie hid her face behind her hand. Miles however, made no attempt to hide his amusement. "Well I don't know, I'm just guessing here, but hookers usually do business at night. Don't they?"

At that, even Bass couldn't hold back a laugh. Conner glared all around the table. "Ha, ha, very funny. I don't see any of you doing any better."

This was always the bad part about Conner striking out, it meant that they would have to listen to him whine until they made it to the next town and hope that he got lucky there just to make it stop. Charlie wasn't really looking forward to another week of grumpy Conner. So she decided to try and prevent the problem ahead of time.

"I'll tell you what, I'll help you out tonight. How's that sound?"

He looked at her doubtfully. "Are you offering yourself here, or..."

"What?" She made a disgusted face. "No, been there, done that." Miles choked on some whiskey, but other than that, no one even acknowledged the statement. "I mean that I can get you a girl."

Conner narrowed his eyes at her suspiciously. "And why would you do that?"

"Because then you'll owe me one, and I like having people owe me favors."

He thought about it for a moment longer, then nodded. "Alright, deal." Then he added quickly, "but she can't be ugly or old."

Charlie rolled her eyes as she got up from the table. "But when I bring her back, you can't tell her about our deal. I'm just gonna make it seem like I'm talking up a friend."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just go."

The boys watched her approach the bar, her eyes scanning the crowd as if it were a battlefield full of deranged killers rather than a bunch of drunken idiots. Her eyes stopped on something in the far corner and the boys all crained their necks to see what she was looking at. A small table with two woman drinking and laughing sat in the corner of the room. Charlie approached the women and pulled up a chair.

She was gone for so long that the boys had gotten bored and started up a conversation about the successful use of pickup lines. Charlie was lucky she hadn't been there for that portion of the conversation as she probably would have died from laughing too hard.

When she finally did come back, it was with the two women in tow. One was tall, but curvy with light brown hair, the other was shorter and had darker hair, but had the same curvy physique. The two girls were in their early twenties and clearly sisters.

"Girls," Charlie announced, "this is my friend Conner. Conner, this is Laura and Leslie. They've lived here in town their whole lives and said that they would be happy to show you around."

Conner eyed the girls, who were undeniably very hot, up and down approvingly. "Well isn't that nice of them." He stood up and kissed the back of each of their hands. "I can't wait to see what you ladies have to show me."

The shorter girl, who seemed to be a bit younger, giggled while the older girl grinned. "Believe me, we are just as excited as youI are." Then she turned to Charlie and shook her hand. "It was really nice meeting you."

Charlie smiled back and quickly put the hand that the girl had shaken underneath the table. "You too. You guys have fun."

Jeremy waited until the door of the bar had swung shut behind Conner before turning to Charlie with raised eyebrows. "What do you have in your hand?"

She looked over at him innocently. "Nothing."

He narrowed his eyes and then grabbed her arm, yanking it up onto the table. Miles, who had also seen her try to hide whatever it was, grabbed her hand and pried her fingers open. In her palm sat ten shining diamonds.

"Where the hell did that come from?" Bass asked.

"That girl, Lauren or Lexi, or whatever gave it to her. Didn't you see?"

Charlie wrenched her hand back from them with a scowl. "So what, who cares where they came from?"

"But why did she give you money?" Bass looked around the table, finding incredulous looks all around. Then it dawned on him. "Oh my God, did you just pimp out my son?" He hissed across the table.

"Oh, don't be so dramatic Bass. Think about it, Conner got what he wanted, the girls got what they wanted, we got what we wanted. Everybody's happy. It's a win-win."

Bass glared at her while Jeremy asked, "wait, what do we get out of it?"

Charlie grinned and signaled for the waitress, she came stomping over but seemed slightly happier once she noticed that Conner was gone. "Bring us another bottle, would you?" Charlie asked with a smile and tossed her a few of the diamonds.

As the woman came stomping back with their second bottle of the night, Miles actually smiled. "Damn, we should sell him off more often."

Looking at the tempting bottle of whiskey, Bass seemed inclined to agree until he saw the guilty look on Charlie's face. "This isn't the first time you've done this, is it?"

She smiled just a little too brightly, then gave up the charade completely. "Well it was either that or fuck him myself, and frankly, the second one wasn't even really an option. It's like I said, been there, done that, not going back."

Miles and Jeremy both laughed loudly and Bass found himself smiling despite his efforts not to. Miles rolled his eyes and shook the new bottle of whiskey in front of his best friend's face. "You know, if it bothers you that much, you don't have to drink it."

Bass frowned, eyed the very tasty looking drink sloshing in front of him, and snatched the bottle out of Miles' hand. "Nah, the kid's happy, we might as well celebrate."

The four of them toasted to good whiskey, great bars, hot girls, and stupid boys that will do anything to get laid.

XxX

The next morning, they all sat around the safe house waiting for Conner to get back so they could move on to the next town.

"Where is he?" Bass asked for the five hundredth time as he paced back and forth in front of the porch.

Miles, who was sitting on the front steps cleaning his gun while they waited, spared his friend a quick glance. "He's probably on his way. Stop worrying."

But Bass continued to pace. Jeremy merely shook his head and smiled at his friend while Charlie sat against a tree trunk using her knife to clean dirt from under her fingernails. It wasn't unusual for Conner to be late after one of his nights out, but no matter how many times it happened, Bass still worried himself sick about it.

"Will you quit it?" Charlie finally growled at Bass.

He stopped pacing and glared at her. "I'll stop as soon as my son gets back from being with the girls you set him up with. What did you do, set him up with a bunch of closet psychos? What if they've already cut him up into little bitty pieces!"

Raising her eyebrows amusedly, Charlie looked pointedly at something just over Bass' shoulder. He turned, finding Conner watching him with a wide grin.

"When did you get here?" Bass screeched.

"Oh, about the point where I was eaten alive by crocodiles."

Bass' cheeks turned a barely noticeable shade of pink as he grabbed his pack and slung it over his shoulders. "They don't have crocodiles in Arizona, Conner. Don't be ridiculous." He then turned and started heading west, which always seemed to be their default direction.

Everyone else chuckled as they watched him stomp off. "So, how'd it go with the girls?" Jeremy asked Conner as they all moved to follow Bass.

"Dude, those girls were crazy," he answered with a smile. "We were up all night. That's why I was so late."

"Ah, so it was Charlie's fault you were late." Miles turned to his niece with a frown. "Which means that you get to deal with grumpy Bass, since it's your fault anyway." Charlie stuck her tongue out at him, but quickend her pace to catch up with Bass anyways. He ignored her as they fell automatically in step with each other.

"You know," she started, "if you ever need some help with the ladies, I can totally hook you up."

He scoffed. "I don't need the help, trust me."

Looking him up and down, Charlie nodded. "I bet not."

"Did you just check me out?"

"Yes."

Bass looked at her for a moment. "And?"

Charlie shrugged. "It's a shame you're not interested. I'm sure I could find plenty of women ready to pay top dollar for that ass."

"Really?" He smirked over at her. "And what would you pay for it?"

Charlie stopped walking and stepped right up to him so they were standing toe to toe. "I have a feeling..." She brushed her lips along his jaw, making his heart beat frantically in his chest. "That I wouldn't have to pay anything. All I'd have to do is ask."

Bass cleared his throat awkwardly. "Is that what you think?" She merely hummed in response, her lips hovering near his left ear, making his pants tighten uncomfortably. The others suddenly came following around the corner and Bass pushed Charlie away from him roughly before taking off again, leaving her smirking in his wake.

"What did you do now?" Miles asked.

She plastered on her most innocent smile. "Nothing, Uncle Miles. I promise."

But as she followed after Bass, Charlie distinctly heard Miles say, "yeah, right."