Title: To Walk Amongst Roses

Rating: R, without a doubt.

Content: Angst, blood, suicide, character death, and swearwords.

Summary: After losing at WM20, Christian hits the bottle and faces some inner demons.

Author Notes: I think the summary makes this thing sound better than it actually is. Basically, I was feeling down and took it out on Christian. I've figured for quite a while that his character has some kind of psychological issues anyway…

This is set in the future, after WrestleMania 20. Basically, Jericho has won their match and gone off with Trish, so Christian goes off on a drinking binge and the following dialogue is what's going through his mind when he gets back to his hotel room.

Just so you know, I so totally had Gollum from Lord of the Rings and Bakura from Yu-Gi-Oh! in mind while writing this thing. *Grins*

To Walk Amongst Roses

Damn you, Chris Jericho. Damn you and your stupid little girlfriend. Damn you and your hot temper, and your Walls of Jericho, and your steel-folding chairs! Who needs you anyway? You might have won our 'Mania match, but this isn't the end. It can't be the end…

Woah, I'm so dizzy. I really need to stop drinking, my head is killing me. Holy shit, where the hell's my room again? Three C? One, two, three…Got it.

Man, is it cold in here? Haven't these cheap-ass hotel jackasses heard of central heating? It's pretty dark too. Where's the light switch?

Leave it off. The moonlight is sufficient enough.

What the hell was that? Is someone here?

In here. Think of me as a conscience of sorts.

A conscience…I'm hearing voices in my head now. Those chair-shots must have really done some serious damage.

It's nothing you don't deserve, you worthless fool. You're lucky that's all Chris did to you after the kind of senseless atrocities that you've put him and Trish through over the past few weeks. They should have beaten you senseless and left you for dead, you bastard.

No! You don't understand! I can explain why I-

You can't explain anything, idiot! All you ever do is mess things up, for yourself and for everyone around you. It's no wonder your brother left you in the dust. No wonder your family doesn't speak to you. No wonder every friend you've ever had has grown tired of you and kicked you to the kerb. You're nothing! Everybody knows it, and now nobody knows it quite as well as your precious Chris Jericho.

I never meant to hurt him…I just wanted us to be happy together…

He could never be happy with the likes of you. You're damaged goods, can't you see that? You're so messed up, you don't even know what's what anymore. How the hell could anybody in their right mind want to be with a psychiatrist's nightmare like you?

It's not my fault…I tried to be a good friend, I really tried!

Ha! A wonderful friend you are! You've done nothing but hurt him and the woman he loves for the past couple of months. Pardon the cliché, but with friends like you, who needs enemies?

I was just trying to stop him from leaving me! I don't want to be alone again.

And you wouldn't have been, if you had stopped acting like the self-centred asshole that you are and allowed someone else be happy for once. If you weren't so damn jealous and conniving, perhaps Chris would still be in your life. But no, of course not! Little Mister Fuck-Up has to work his magic and make a big mess of everything as usual, doesn't he? That's your problem though, isn't it? Everything always has to be about you. Nobody else can ever have their moment of happiness as long as poor little Christian has anything to say about it, isn't that right?

No! This was never for me! It was all for him!

Bullshit! The only reason you want Trish away from Chris is because you want him for yourself. You don't give a damn about how happy Trish makes Chris.

How can she make him happy? She doesn't even love him for who he really is. You saw how she reacted to that bet thing; she dumped him at the first sign of imperfection.

Imperfection…Well, you'd know all about that, wouldn't you, my friend? Face it – No matter what you do, you'll always come in second best. No matter who you end up with, there will always be someone better waiting around the corner for them to dump you for. There's no reason for anyone to stay with a second-rate reject like you. You're nothing but intermission, a little something dull and bland to keep folk mildly entertained in between those things of higher calibre.

Maybe…But I still love him so much…

Love? What do you know of love? If you loved him, you'd allow him to do as he pleases instead of using your usual manipulative schemes to control him and ruin his life. Trish may only love the perfect image that she has of Jericho in her mind, but at least she's a decent enough person not to sabotage his life in the way that you have.

…I've lost him forever, haven't I?

Oh, he's long gone, my friend. And he won't be back.

…He was everything to me.

Well, it would seem that your everything has faded to nothing, Christian. How can you go on now? In light of what you have done and what you have lost, can you even bear to face the dawning of a new day?

I never realised…I've hurt him so much…So much…

You have indeed. But you're hurting too, aren't you? The pain in your heart, I bet it's horrendous, isn't it? Wouldn't you like to stop the pain? Not just your own, but that of others that you have caused too? Wouldn't you like to vanquish the plague of misery that forever hovers above your weary head?

I don't mean to cause people pain…It just sort of happens…I can't seem to stop it.

Oh, but you can. There's a very simple solution to your dilemma, my friend. Simple enough that even you can't mess it up.

What do I do?

First, go into the bathroom…Good. Now, look at the countertop. What do you see?

A toothbrush…A mirror…

No, no! Closer to the sink, beside the cold faucet…That's right, pick it up…Isn't that pretty and shiny? Look at how the light glistens so beautifully on its perfect surface.

…It is perfect…

Yes…Now, with your fingertip, touch it. Test it for me.

Ouch!

Oh, did that hurt? No, don't lick it clean! Just watch, my friend. Watch as the blood trickles slowly down your finger and rolls to the centre of your palm…Isn't that the most perfect shade of red that you've ever seen?

…Like a rose.

The most perfect rose, yes…Wouldn't you like to see more roses, Christian? More perfect, beautiful red roses?

…I wish…I need to forget…

And you will. They will make you forget, Christian. One by one they will bloom, and little by little your memories will fade to black. It is within the depths of darkness that you will completely forget, and from this darkness you will emerge a trouble-free soul. And soon, you will be taken to a place where there is no pain to be caused, or beheld.

No more pain…I know now…I know what I have to do…

Then do it, my friend…That's right, start just below the thumb joint. Press it in as deeply as you can…There you are, see. They're blossoming already.

I'm scared…I'm so scared…

I know, but don't let that stop you. The sooner you do this correctly, the sooner this will all be over, so concentrate…Now, drag downwards towards your elbow, and remember that you're aiming to sever the blue lines. The best blooms grow fastest from there.

It hurts…my god, it hurts…

The sacrificial pain. It won't last. It will be over in due time…Look how beautifully they're blossoming, how quickly they're spreading about your skin, and to the floor…Tell me, do you still feel pain, my friend?

No…Nothing.

Then it's working just as it should be. You'll soon be free, Christian.

I'll be free…

Yes, free from yourself and the pain you cause. Free from your empty and loveless life. Free from the hatred and discrimination from those who just don't understand what it's like to be you…Take your final breath, Christian, and tell me; what is it that you smell?

I smell…I can smell roses…

Then all is well. Congratulations, my friend.

You are free.

*~*~*

Erm…There ya go! Christian's a manic-depressive schizophrenic type person, I guess.

I'm thinking of writing a sequel to this. That said, I think of writing sequels to everything and they never get done, so…meh, see how it goes.

FyreFlie

XxX