"Shinya, what's that?" A voice asked, looking at the strange-looking
cloudy green liquid in the glass Shinya held.
Shinya looked up at Toshiya, surprised. The rest of the band looked at him expectantly. "Nothing." He said quietly.
"What is it? I've never seen anything like it before." Kyo said, trying to take the glass from Shinya, who tightened his grip on it.
Shinya frowned. "It's just absinthe." He said quietly, taking a sip of it, then dumping the rest down the sink, before his friends asked for a drink.
"A-absinthe?" Kaoru asked, looking concerned. "What is that, and why don't you want us drinking it?" He asked suspiciously.
Shinya looked away, licking the last of the drops of absinthe off of his lips. "It's a type of liqueur." He said quietly. "Made from wormwood extract."
"Isn't wormwood poisonous?" Toshiya asked, and the others didn't even bother to ask where he had heard such a thing.
Shinya shrugged. "Slightly, but all alcohol's bad for you." He told them. "It's good." He glanced at a painting that hung on his wall. "Vincent Van Gogh drank it."
"Vincent Van Gogh was insane." Die told him. "Why didn't you ever tell us you drank it?"
Shinya shrugged. "I didn't think it was important. Besides, knowing Kaoru, I'd be forced to stop drinking it." He said almost inaudibly.
"Why--oh, I've heard of that before!" Kaoru said suddenly. "It's illegal in the United States." He told the other band mates.
"Should you be drinking it if it's that bad?" Kyo asked, and they all stared at him, since he was usually the wild one.
Shinya shrugged, frowning. "It's none of your business." He told his friends. "It's just a drink." He smiled. "We should be getting to the studio, ne?" He said, rinsing the glass out before getting ready to leave.
Shinya's eyes snapped open, and he sat up straight. Kyo... "Are you okay?" Die asked him, interrupting his thoughts.
Shinya looked around at them. "Hai." He replied, rubbing his eyes. "Strange dreams..." he muttered. He licked his dry lips. "I'm thirsty." He told them, and grabbed his water bottle. He drained the bottle but remained thirsty, then realized that what he really wanted was some absinthe. He had been having cravings for the emerald liquid, and couldn't wait until the next glass.
He must have had an odd look in his eyes, because Kaoru's face appeared, looking concerned, as always. "Lose something?" He asked.
"Hmm?" Shinya asked, not understanding.
"You look like you've lost something." Kaoru explained.
"Oh." Shinya said. "No, I'm just thirsty." He saw the confused looks on their faces. "I want a real drink." He told them.
This surprised them immensely. Shinya had never been one to drink excessively, so this was completely new. None of them had ever seen Shinya drunk, as far as they knew, he had never been drunk. To hear him wanting alcohol was a shock. "Well, we were just finishing for the day." Kyo said quietly. "You can go, if you want."
Shinya smiled at them. "I'll call you later." He said happily and left quickly.
"Moshi moshi." Shinya said, sounding sick.
"Sick, ne?" Toshiya asked him, frowning. He couldn't see the drummer, but could tell that he was horribly sick.
"H-hai." Shinya said quietly. "I'll be there in a few minutes." He told him, and before Toshiya could protest, Shinya had hung up.
"You look like shit." Die told Shinya as the youngest in the band walked into the studio. "What happened to you? Rough night?" He joked.
Shinya flipped Die off, shocking them once again. "I have a headache, be quiet, onegai." He said quietly.
"You're hungover!" Kyo said suddenly, grinning broadly. "Shin-chan got drunk last night."
Shinya, who wasn't really in the mood to be teased, just gave him the finger as well. "Shut the fuck up." He told the vocalist in the same, quiet voice.
"You're not the same as you used to be." Toshiya told Shinya, frowning. "You never used to swear or drink. What happened?"
Shinya looked at them for a moment, looked how close the four of them were sitting together. He frowned, remembering how easily they joked with each other, how happy they all always seemed. He shook his head. "Nothing."
His friends didn't understand. "What happened?" Die asked this time.
Shinya sighed. "Nothing happened, that's what happened." He told them, and saw the looks on their faces at his somewhat cryptic reply. "Nothing has happened to me for a long time, everything's always the same...no new experiences, no new people, no fun...it's too boring, I need an escape." He told them, and saw that they didn't understand. He shrugged. "It doesn't matter." He said, smiling faintly. "You get drunk all the time, I'm just becoming more like you." He told them, and yawned. "We should get started." He told them and walked away.
Toshiya walked, being careful not to slip on the ice. He got distracted by someone and fell, but didn't just fall. He fell and slid down the icy path they had been walking up, hitting his head on sharp parts of the ice, leaving a trail of blood. They watched, horrified, and then ran to where he had landed at the bottom of the relatively big hill.
Shinya let out a yell, sitting up. His breathing was heavy and he was sweating. His dog whined, walking up and looking at Shinya with what was the closest thing to concern a dog could feel. Shinya assured the dog that he was okay, petting her as he thought about the troubling dream. "That's the fourth one." He told his closest friend, the dog, and sighed. "Last night I dreamed--dreamed that Die had died. The night before, it was Kaoru, and before that, it was Kyo." Shinya said, and then gasped, realizing what would come the following night. "Me." He said, staring off into the distance as if in a trance. "I don't want to die." He sighed, looking down at the bed. "I can't sleep." He said, and got up.
"Hungover again?" Kaoru asked Shinya as the drummer stumbled into the studio. "Or drunk?"
Shinya fell onto a chair. "Tired." He mumbled.
"Sure." Die said sarcastically.
"Really." Shinya insisted, struggling to keep his eyes open. "Bad dreams...no sleep." He told them, taking a sip of the coffee he had gotten on the way there.
"Well, Totchi was just telling us about this trip we can go on if we want, to the mountains." Kyo told him. "There's a lot of snow there, it's supposed to be nice, and-"
"No!" Shinya interrupted him suddenly, his eyes wide. He shook his head violently. "No mountains, no snow."
"Or we can go to the beach." Die suggested, as surprised as the others from this outburst.
Shinya remembered his dream that Die had died in, drowned at the beach. "No." He said, shaking his head again. "Why do you want to go places? Isn't it nicer just to stay home?" He asked them hopefully.
"What about some place like London or something?" Kyo tried.
Shinya closed his eyes, shaking his head. He could remember the very graphic dream of Kyo getting hit by a car on the streets on London. "No." He whispered, and then looked at Kaoru. "And no country inns or anything like that." He told him, and Kaoru looked surprised, wondering how Shinya had known.
"Why not?" Toshiya asked, frowning. He looked deeply concerned about something.
"Bad things will happen." Shinya told them. He saw the disbelieving looks on their faces. "Trust me, they will!"
"Baka!" Kyo said. "Nothing will happen."
"Something will!" Shinya said, nearly begging them.
"I say we go to the mountains, whether Shinya comes or not." Die told the rest of them.
Shinya looked at the floor as the others agreed, and then looked at him expectantly. "Are you coming?" Totchi asked, the only really kind voice among them.
Shinya nodded slowly. "Hai." He whispered, feeling defeated.
They walked up the path, Shinya buzzing from the absinthe he had drunk on the way to the hotel. Shinya tried to keep his eyes focused on the ground, trodding carefully on the ice. It was just as he remembered it. He looked up to see Toshiya happily but carefully following Kaoru. Not paying attention, Shinya slipped and came down hard on his hands and knees. He let out a yell, and they all looked back.
Toshiya slipped, landing just like he had in Shinya's dream. When he flew by Shinya this time, though, Shinya grabbed the bassist's arm, nearly getting pulled along as well, but Die grabbed him. Shinya stared at Toshiya as the bassist got up. Shinya was breathing heavily, terrified. "Everything's okay." Kaoru reassured Shinya. "You caught him."
Shinya looked at the ground. "I told you." He said. "I told you bad things would happen! What if I hadn't caught Totchi!" He asked when they opened their mouths to reply. "I know what would've happened!" He told them. "I know."
"Shinya, you're scaring me." Toshiya told him quietly. He put a comforting hand on Shinya's shoulder. "Are you okay?"
Shinya stopped for a moment, feeling the light and beautiful hand on his shoulder. Then he scowled. Toshiya was just being himself, kind and caring. He didn't really care about Shinya, none of them did. He pulled away, standing up. Taking a bottle out of his pocket, he took a long drink from it before recapping it and stuffing it into his coat pocket.
He started to walk away from them, and someone called his name, the voice fearful. Shinya stopped, shocked at who it was that had sounded so concerned. He looked back at Die, who was looking at him plaintively. The younger man hesitated, then scowled again and walked away.
Shinya stood on the balcony of his hotel room. He looked at the moon pensively, sighing. Taking a drink from his glass, he switched his gaze to the snowy landscape before him. "It's so beautiful." Shinya muttered to himself, then smiled when he realized he was alone. "Perhaps I am going crazy." He mused, recalling earlier when Kaoru had told him he was going insane.
Thinking, Shinya finished the glass and got some more from his room. He returned to the balcony, feeling the first signs of being drunk. The only truth is in drunkeness. Shinya thought, smiling. He had written that the first time he had gotten drunk, and agreed wholeheartedly with it.
An idea came into Shinya's head, and he climbed up onto the railing, standing on the six inch wide piece of slippery wood. He laughed, taking a drink, then heard someone yell. Turning, Shinya saw Kaoru and Toshiya. Are those two always together? He asked himself, frowning. "Shinya, get down from there." Toshiya said, looking scared. "You're going to fall."
Shinya shrugged nonchalantly. "Oh well." He told them, and looked back at the moon. "No one would miss me, I'm sure." He giggled and looked at the ground, the height and alcohol making him dizzy. He lifted his foot off of the railing and leaned over so he was in even more danger of falling off
"Iie!" A voice yelled from the doorway as Shinya stood there. "Shinya, don't!" Die yelled, looking more scared that Shinya had ever seen him before.
Shinya looked at Die, not really seeing him. He drained his glass and pushed off of the railing with his foot, falling quickly, everything going black as he hit the ground.
They reached him while he was still alive, the three of them. Kyo heard their shouts and screams and came running as well. "Exactly how it happened." Shinya whispered.
"What?" Kaoru asked, not understanding.
"In the dream, this is how I died." Shinya said, not able to see them. "Everything's black, I can't see." He told them.
"Your eyes are all bloody, but you'll be okay." Die assured him.
Shinya shook his head, groping with his hand until he found Die's. "No, I won't, koi." He told him.
"K-koi?" Die asked, shaking slightly.
"You're my koi." Shinya told him quietly, his voice fading. He was breathing hard, filled with pain. He knew that the end was coming, that he was dying. Shinya reached up and touched Die's face gently, and took a final, smiling breath.
The four of them sat there around the lifeless body of their drummer, shocked. "He's dead." Kyo said in disbelief while tears streamed down his cheeks. He looked around at his friends and realized that they were all crying, and needed to repeat himself for it to register in his mind. "He's dead."
Shinya looked up at Toshiya, surprised. The rest of the band looked at him expectantly. "Nothing." He said quietly.
"What is it? I've never seen anything like it before." Kyo said, trying to take the glass from Shinya, who tightened his grip on it.
Shinya frowned. "It's just absinthe." He said quietly, taking a sip of it, then dumping the rest down the sink, before his friends asked for a drink.
"A-absinthe?" Kaoru asked, looking concerned. "What is that, and why don't you want us drinking it?" He asked suspiciously.
Shinya looked away, licking the last of the drops of absinthe off of his lips. "It's a type of liqueur." He said quietly. "Made from wormwood extract."
"Isn't wormwood poisonous?" Toshiya asked, and the others didn't even bother to ask where he had heard such a thing.
Shinya shrugged. "Slightly, but all alcohol's bad for you." He told them. "It's good." He glanced at a painting that hung on his wall. "Vincent Van Gogh drank it."
"Vincent Van Gogh was insane." Die told him. "Why didn't you ever tell us you drank it?"
Shinya shrugged. "I didn't think it was important. Besides, knowing Kaoru, I'd be forced to stop drinking it." He said almost inaudibly.
"Why--oh, I've heard of that before!" Kaoru said suddenly. "It's illegal in the United States." He told the other band mates.
"Should you be drinking it if it's that bad?" Kyo asked, and they all stared at him, since he was usually the wild one.
Shinya shrugged, frowning. "It's none of your business." He told his friends. "It's just a drink." He smiled. "We should be getting to the studio, ne?" He said, rinsing the glass out before getting ready to leave.
Shinya's eyes snapped open, and he sat up straight. Kyo... "Are you okay?" Die asked him, interrupting his thoughts.
Shinya looked around at them. "Hai." He replied, rubbing his eyes. "Strange dreams..." he muttered. He licked his dry lips. "I'm thirsty." He told them, and grabbed his water bottle. He drained the bottle but remained thirsty, then realized that what he really wanted was some absinthe. He had been having cravings for the emerald liquid, and couldn't wait until the next glass.
He must have had an odd look in his eyes, because Kaoru's face appeared, looking concerned, as always. "Lose something?" He asked.
"Hmm?" Shinya asked, not understanding.
"You look like you've lost something." Kaoru explained.
"Oh." Shinya said. "No, I'm just thirsty." He saw the confused looks on their faces. "I want a real drink." He told them.
This surprised them immensely. Shinya had never been one to drink excessively, so this was completely new. None of them had ever seen Shinya drunk, as far as they knew, he had never been drunk. To hear him wanting alcohol was a shock. "Well, we were just finishing for the day." Kyo said quietly. "You can go, if you want."
Shinya smiled at them. "I'll call you later." He said happily and left quickly.
"Moshi moshi." Shinya said, sounding sick.
"Sick, ne?" Toshiya asked him, frowning. He couldn't see the drummer, but could tell that he was horribly sick.
"H-hai." Shinya said quietly. "I'll be there in a few minutes." He told him, and before Toshiya could protest, Shinya had hung up.
"You look like shit." Die told Shinya as the youngest in the band walked into the studio. "What happened to you? Rough night?" He joked.
Shinya flipped Die off, shocking them once again. "I have a headache, be quiet, onegai." He said quietly.
"You're hungover!" Kyo said suddenly, grinning broadly. "Shin-chan got drunk last night."
Shinya, who wasn't really in the mood to be teased, just gave him the finger as well. "Shut the fuck up." He told the vocalist in the same, quiet voice.
"You're not the same as you used to be." Toshiya told Shinya, frowning. "You never used to swear or drink. What happened?"
Shinya looked at them for a moment, looked how close the four of them were sitting together. He frowned, remembering how easily they joked with each other, how happy they all always seemed. He shook his head. "Nothing."
His friends didn't understand. "What happened?" Die asked this time.
Shinya sighed. "Nothing happened, that's what happened." He told them, and saw the looks on their faces at his somewhat cryptic reply. "Nothing has happened to me for a long time, everything's always the same...no new experiences, no new people, no fun...it's too boring, I need an escape." He told them, and saw that they didn't understand. He shrugged. "It doesn't matter." He said, smiling faintly. "You get drunk all the time, I'm just becoming more like you." He told them, and yawned. "We should get started." He told them and walked away.
Toshiya walked, being careful not to slip on the ice. He got distracted by someone and fell, but didn't just fall. He fell and slid down the icy path they had been walking up, hitting his head on sharp parts of the ice, leaving a trail of blood. They watched, horrified, and then ran to where he had landed at the bottom of the relatively big hill.
Shinya let out a yell, sitting up. His breathing was heavy and he was sweating. His dog whined, walking up and looking at Shinya with what was the closest thing to concern a dog could feel. Shinya assured the dog that he was okay, petting her as he thought about the troubling dream. "That's the fourth one." He told his closest friend, the dog, and sighed. "Last night I dreamed--dreamed that Die had died. The night before, it was Kaoru, and before that, it was Kyo." Shinya said, and then gasped, realizing what would come the following night. "Me." He said, staring off into the distance as if in a trance. "I don't want to die." He sighed, looking down at the bed. "I can't sleep." He said, and got up.
"Hungover again?" Kaoru asked Shinya as the drummer stumbled into the studio. "Or drunk?"
Shinya fell onto a chair. "Tired." He mumbled.
"Sure." Die said sarcastically.
"Really." Shinya insisted, struggling to keep his eyes open. "Bad dreams...no sleep." He told them, taking a sip of the coffee he had gotten on the way there.
"Well, Totchi was just telling us about this trip we can go on if we want, to the mountains." Kyo told him. "There's a lot of snow there, it's supposed to be nice, and-"
"No!" Shinya interrupted him suddenly, his eyes wide. He shook his head violently. "No mountains, no snow."
"Or we can go to the beach." Die suggested, as surprised as the others from this outburst.
Shinya remembered his dream that Die had died in, drowned at the beach. "No." He said, shaking his head again. "Why do you want to go places? Isn't it nicer just to stay home?" He asked them hopefully.
"What about some place like London or something?" Kyo tried.
Shinya closed his eyes, shaking his head. He could remember the very graphic dream of Kyo getting hit by a car on the streets on London. "No." He whispered, and then looked at Kaoru. "And no country inns or anything like that." He told him, and Kaoru looked surprised, wondering how Shinya had known.
"Why not?" Toshiya asked, frowning. He looked deeply concerned about something.
"Bad things will happen." Shinya told them. He saw the disbelieving looks on their faces. "Trust me, they will!"
"Baka!" Kyo said. "Nothing will happen."
"Something will!" Shinya said, nearly begging them.
"I say we go to the mountains, whether Shinya comes or not." Die told the rest of them.
Shinya looked at the floor as the others agreed, and then looked at him expectantly. "Are you coming?" Totchi asked, the only really kind voice among them.
Shinya nodded slowly. "Hai." He whispered, feeling defeated.
They walked up the path, Shinya buzzing from the absinthe he had drunk on the way to the hotel. Shinya tried to keep his eyes focused on the ground, trodding carefully on the ice. It was just as he remembered it. He looked up to see Toshiya happily but carefully following Kaoru. Not paying attention, Shinya slipped and came down hard on his hands and knees. He let out a yell, and they all looked back.
Toshiya slipped, landing just like he had in Shinya's dream. When he flew by Shinya this time, though, Shinya grabbed the bassist's arm, nearly getting pulled along as well, but Die grabbed him. Shinya stared at Toshiya as the bassist got up. Shinya was breathing heavily, terrified. "Everything's okay." Kaoru reassured Shinya. "You caught him."
Shinya looked at the ground. "I told you." He said. "I told you bad things would happen! What if I hadn't caught Totchi!" He asked when they opened their mouths to reply. "I know what would've happened!" He told them. "I know."
"Shinya, you're scaring me." Toshiya told him quietly. He put a comforting hand on Shinya's shoulder. "Are you okay?"
Shinya stopped for a moment, feeling the light and beautiful hand on his shoulder. Then he scowled. Toshiya was just being himself, kind and caring. He didn't really care about Shinya, none of them did. He pulled away, standing up. Taking a bottle out of his pocket, he took a long drink from it before recapping it and stuffing it into his coat pocket.
He started to walk away from them, and someone called his name, the voice fearful. Shinya stopped, shocked at who it was that had sounded so concerned. He looked back at Die, who was looking at him plaintively. The younger man hesitated, then scowled again and walked away.
Shinya stood on the balcony of his hotel room. He looked at the moon pensively, sighing. Taking a drink from his glass, he switched his gaze to the snowy landscape before him. "It's so beautiful." Shinya muttered to himself, then smiled when he realized he was alone. "Perhaps I am going crazy." He mused, recalling earlier when Kaoru had told him he was going insane.
Thinking, Shinya finished the glass and got some more from his room. He returned to the balcony, feeling the first signs of being drunk. The only truth is in drunkeness. Shinya thought, smiling. He had written that the first time he had gotten drunk, and agreed wholeheartedly with it.
An idea came into Shinya's head, and he climbed up onto the railing, standing on the six inch wide piece of slippery wood. He laughed, taking a drink, then heard someone yell. Turning, Shinya saw Kaoru and Toshiya. Are those two always together? He asked himself, frowning. "Shinya, get down from there." Toshiya said, looking scared. "You're going to fall."
Shinya shrugged nonchalantly. "Oh well." He told them, and looked back at the moon. "No one would miss me, I'm sure." He giggled and looked at the ground, the height and alcohol making him dizzy. He lifted his foot off of the railing and leaned over so he was in even more danger of falling off
"Iie!" A voice yelled from the doorway as Shinya stood there. "Shinya, don't!" Die yelled, looking more scared that Shinya had ever seen him before.
Shinya looked at Die, not really seeing him. He drained his glass and pushed off of the railing with his foot, falling quickly, everything going black as he hit the ground.
They reached him while he was still alive, the three of them. Kyo heard their shouts and screams and came running as well. "Exactly how it happened." Shinya whispered.
"What?" Kaoru asked, not understanding.
"In the dream, this is how I died." Shinya said, not able to see them. "Everything's black, I can't see." He told them.
"Your eyes are all bloody, but you'll be okay." Die assured him.
Shinya shook his head, groping with his hand until he found Die's. "No, I won't, koi." He told him.
"K-koi?" Die asked, shaking slightly.
"You're my koi." Shinya told him quietly, his voice fading. He was breathing hard, filled with pain. He knew that the end was coming, that he was dying. Shinya reached up and touched Die's face gently, and took a final, smiling breath.
The four of them sat there around the lifeless body of their drummer, shocked. "He's dead." Kyo said in disbelief while tears streamed down his cheeks. He looked around at his friends and realized that they were all crying, and needed to repeat himself for it to register in his mind. "He's dead."