Disclaimer: I take no responsibility for Nick going psycho. Or CSI's getting killed.
A/N: Inspired by the Brig Block Tango, which was written by my two best friends.
Rage Diary Tango
GIL
Solo
CATH
Dating
RICK
Games
GREG
Uh uh
SARA
Pepper
BRASS
Donuts!
LAB RATS
He just went psycho
He just went psycho!
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
SOPHIA
I betcha you would'a known he was insane!
GIL
Solo
CATH
Dating
RICK
Games
GREG
Uh uh
SARA
Pepper
BRASS
Donuts!
NICK (Spoken)
You know how people
think you're not capable
enough to take care of yourself. Like Grissom.
Grissom passed me over for assignments.
I NEVER get solo assignments. So one day he's handing them out,
And I get really irritated, when
Grissom gives the solo case to Warrick. Again.
So when the boss-man goes into
his office, to admire his bug
and his foetal animal collection… Yes, his foetal animal collection…
Gross. Well, I said to him,
I said, "You'd better give me that solo
assignment right now..."
and he didn't.
So I took my handgun out
and I fired two warning shots...
...into his head.
NICK (singing)
He had it coming
He had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there
If you'd have heard it
I betcha you would
Have done the same!
NICK (Spoken)
I met Catherine when I started working
at Vegas Crime Lab, years ago
back when I was just a CSI 1
and we hit it off right away.
She was such an awesome woman.
If something when screwy with my love life
Like my hooker girl getting murdered, she'd sort it out.
And then I found out,
The producers wanted us to date.
Me and Catherine?
Providing character moments on the show?
...oh, no, not with that brat of a daughter
And that crack-whore of an ex. So one
night, when she came to work, I fixed her
her coffee as usual.
You know, some girls just can't hold
their arsenic.
NICK (singing)
She had it coming
She had it coming
She might have been pretty
In her prime
But then the producers started
That evil rumour!
It was a murder
But not a crime!
NICK (Spoken)
Now, I'm best friends with Warrick
don't get me wrong or nothing.
And we play PS2 every second weekend.
Just a little healthy competition.
But one time, he got a little crazy.
"You really shouldn't play so hard, Nicky,"
he says. He was crazy
and he wouldn't shut up,
"You really shouldn't play so aggressive."
And then he ran into my steak knife.
He ran into my knife TEN TIMES!
NICK (singing)
If you'd have been there
If you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same!
GREG (Spoken in Norweigen)
Mit kersek, en itt? Azt mondjok, hogy a hires lakem lefogta a ferjemet en meg
lecsaptam a fejet. De nem igaz, en artatlan
vagyok. Nem tudom mert mondja
Uncle Sam hogy en tettem. probaltam
a rendorsegen megmayarazni de nem ertettek meg...
NICK (Spoken)
Do you want to take this outside?
GREG
Uh-uh, nooo thankyou…
NICK (Spoken)
Sara Sidle was like my sister, and
we both got on really well with each other, and
with the labrat, Greggo,
Who did our lab work for us.
Now, he could find the DNA in anything,
That me and Sara picked up at Crime Scenes
One, two, three, four, five… condoms, drinking straws,
blood drops, blood spatter, and fingernail clippings.
So this one night after a crime-scene, we're down at the hotel Bellagio,
the three of us, boozin', havin' a few laughs and
I ran out of peanuts, so I go up to the bar to get some more.
I get the nuts, turn around, and there's Greg pouring
pepper in my beer, and Sara laughing like it's some kind of joke.
Well, I was in such a state of shock,
I completely blacked out. I can't remember a thing.
It wasn't until later,
when I was washing the blood off my hands,
that I even knew they were dead.
NICK
They had it coming
SOPHIA
They had it coming
NICK
They had it coming
DAVID
They had it coming
NICK
They had it coming all along
ECKLIE
They had it coming all along
NICK
I didn't do it
ARCHIE
He didn't do it
NICK
But if I done it
DR ROBBINS
But if he done it
NICK
How could you tell me that I was wrong?
NICK (Spoken)
I loved eating donuts
more than I can possibly say.
I even felt guilty about shedding
those quarter pounds... at the gym.
But Brass, that stupid cop,
wanted the donuts all for himself.
He'd come in every night
to the Break Room
and eat them all.
He's eat the plain,
Cinnamon,
Chocolate and sugar donuts.
I guess you could say he and I got along
alright - we only had one disagreement:
He saw himself as alive
and I saw him dead.
HODGES
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum
GIL (Spoken)
Isn't the Periplaneta americana fascinating?
CATH (spoken)
I'm a little busy right now.
WARRICK (Spoken)
I win again!
GREG (Spoken)
FUNTAIN WATER!
SARA (Spoken)
Lighten up, Nick, it was just a joke!
BRASS (Spoken)
I'm sorry, did you want one?
GIL
Solo
CATH
Dating
RICK
Games
GREG
Uh uh
SARA
Pepper
BRASS
Donuts!
NICK
They think it's all a big joke… until the shooting starts!