Misha sighed as he slipped Castiel's trench coat onto a hanger and stuck it in the wardrobe closet for the last time. He ran his hands down the sleeve, feeling a part of his heart break at the thought of not wearing it again. It's been such a long day, but I don't want it to end. He let the sleeve drop and turned away. He only made it to the door before he returned and pulled the coat from the hanger and folded it over his arm.
His heart ached as he walked through the set one last time. They probably won't bring me back for anything. Cameos or flashbacks. They just want me…Castiel gone. He smiled as he walked through the Bunker kitchen. His stomach grumbled, reminding him he hadn't eaten all day. Again. He took a deep breath, and closed his eyes as he tried to store the smell and the sights of the Bunker set in his mind.
He ran his hand across the large table and headed for the exit. You have to do this. You will say goodbyes in a few days and be back for JIBCON. You can do this. As he reached the door again, music drifted through the Bunker and his steps faltered. He waited a moment and his curiosity peaked, so he followed the sound through the set.
He paused outside of Dean's door. A rush of memories hit him from his time on the set, in this room. The song that floated through on the acoustic guitar was familiar, but he couldn't quite place it until Jensen's voice began singing.
They say don't let them in
Close your eyes and clear your thoughts again
But when I'm all alone, they show up on their own
Jensen paused and cleared his throat and Misha gasped, realizing he hadn't been breathing. Jensen was singing in a lower key than the song played on the radio, but it tugged at Misha's already tremulous emotions. He leaned against the wall out of view of the door as Jensen continued.
'Cause inner demons fight their battles with fire
Inner demons don't play by the rules
They say "Just push them down, just fight them harder
Why would you give up on it so soon?"
So angels, angels please just keep on fighting
Angels don't give up on me today
'Cause the demons they are there, they just keep biting
'Cause inner demons just won't go away
So angels please, hear my prayer
Life is pain, life's not fair
So angels please, please stay here
Take the pain, take the fear
Misha wiped at his eyes. God he's so into this song right now. I want to just hug him. I want him to know he isn't alone. He scrubbed his hands through his hair and wondered if this was Jensen singing or if it were Dean. He leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes as he listened to the emotion in the lyrics.
They say it won't be hard; they can't see the battles in my heart
Jensen's fingers stilled against the strings of his guitar as he clenched his jaw, fighting the whirling emotions in his chest. This damn song. He took a slow breath and let it out before replaying the chorus until he was sure he knew where he was at. It needed to be perfect. He had no words to explain to Misha what was going on inside of his head. When he began singing again, his voice was stronger, if not a little thick.
But when I turn away
The demons seem to stay
Cause inner demons don't play well with angels
Jensen smiled as he pictured Misha the first day on set. God he was so…different. And new. Such a strong presence in an ugly ass sweater. His smile faded as he finished the verse, though his mind was still focused on Misha.
They cheat and lie and steal and break and bruise
Angels please protect me from these rebels
This is a battle I don't want to lose
So angels, angels please just keep on fighting
Angels don't give up on me today
Cause the demons they are there; they keep on fighting
Cause inner demons just won't go away
He opened his eyes and focused on a spot on the wall across from his perch on Dean's bed. It was getting harder to form the words as his throat tightened. He swallowed several times to clear it before continuing. C'mon is just practice. You're gonna cry when he's actually here?
Angels, angels please keep on fighting
Angels don't give up on me today
Cause the demons; they are there
They keep on fighting
Inner demons just won't go away
Jensen's voice lowered as he closed his eyes and poured his heart into the final verses.
So Angel please, hear my prayer
Life is pain; life's not fair
So angels please; please stay here
Take the pain; take the fear
The final chords reverberated through the air as Jensen finished the song. He took a shaky breath and let it out slowly. He jumped when he heard a sniffle that was definitely not his. He turned to the door as he heard a voice curse lightly.
After a moment, Misha stepped into the doorway. Those brilliant blue eyes were rimmed in red and he was still wearing the telltale shirt and tie of Castiel. It was obvious that he had run his hands through his dark hair and the fan's term "sex hair" ricocheted through Jensen's mind. His face heated as he realized Misha had probably heard the whole, horribly practice. Shit.
"Jensen." Misha said, his voice barely above a whisper. Jensen shrugged with a forced half smile and turned away. He didn't hear Misha approach, but suddenly the mattress sank as Misha sat.
"Jensen, that was beautiful." Misha said, trying to get Jensen to look at him. "Absolutely amazing."
"I screwed up a lot." Jensen said with a frown, knowing he wasn't talking about just the song. He looked up at Misha, whose face was inches away. "I have screwed up. I'm sorry. But Mishka…" He trailed off, unsure of what he was trying to say. This was supposed to happen in a few nights. Not right now. I'm not ready.
Misha sighed shakily and sat up straight, taking his face with him. Jensen missed the closeness. Just tell him.
"Mishka…?" He called softly. Misha let his head fall back a little and rolled his eyes over to look at Jensen sideways. Jensen felt a smile tug at his lips.
"Mi…I… This song." He lifted his guitar slightly but let it back down as his mouth and brain fought over what to say. "I…don't." He paused again and closed his eyes. "Misha, I don't want you to leave."
Misha was silent beside him. Jensen wished he just knew how Misha felt. Was he always just acting? Does he really care about me? Am I crazy? Jensen sighed again. He remembered the first time Misha slept over in his trailer and he pretended to be asleep as Misha woke. He remembered the sun cutting through the blinds and revealing their hands entwined. All of the nights where his anxiety-led nightmares turned from terrifying to Misha or Castiel being there, calming him and chasing the terror. He turned to Misha to find his eyes searching Jensen's.
"I need you to stay, man. You're my best friend. You're more than that. I love you, Mishka. I can't handle half the shit that's thrown at me without you. Please don't go."
Tears welled in Misha's eyes as he smiled and leaned forward, pulling Jensen into a hug. Jensen buried his face in Misha's neck and fought back the sob that wanted out.
"I love you too, Jensen. So much." Misha whispered.