By all outside appearances, the fourth moon of the gas giant Yavin was a veritable jungle. The breathtaking orchids that produced their own light shone like stars in the night sky. Vines overtook the walls of the temple, as if the foliage had been planted in between each stone as they were laid. The beauty was overshadowed by the putrid smell of vegetation as it decomposed and scorched in the hot sun. It was enough to make any soldier heave what little Rebellion issued food rations had settled into their stomach. Chest-tightening humidity settled upon anyone who dared step outside the temple walls.
It made Jyn wonder why she shivered so. Her bare arms prickled with tiny bumps as she rubbed them nervously.
Her gloves itched on her fingers, sweat and blood intermingled underneath the cool fabric, her skin pulling each time she squeezed her hand into a fist. As she quickly walked past the starship lift that led to the lower hangar, her eyes darted from one repair bay to the next, each one filled with ships at varying degrees of reparation. The smell of burnt metal assaulted her as astromech droids fired and welded broken parts. The number of ships in the fleet that hadn't returned from Scarif was staggering. Every ship lost represented the lives of brave soldiers, most of whom she'd never met, sacrificing their lives for a transmission whose whereabouts were currently unknown.
Shifting her gaze to the floor she followed the familiar path she'd walked each day since they'd returned. As she came toward the blast doors to the hangar she looked nervously to her right and left in fear that she'd caught someone's attention with her strange behavior. In the corner of the room was a small space of 3 meters, hidden behind the fusion generators that supplied power to the temple. Her frame would remain relatively hidden for as long as she deemed necessary, as long as she remembered to keep still.
The hum of the generators made her chest reverberate. Its dulcet tones calmed her anxious mind. Fusion generators were a modern marvel, able to produce unlimited amounts of energy. She smiled sadly as she thought of her father. How many times had she heard him talk to anyone who would listen about the impracticality of the cost of fusion reactors? His research led him to believe that kyber crystals held the secret to sustainable energy as it could provide power to developing worlds at little overhead cost. The vibration lulled her into a state of slumber.
In the brief time her family lived on Coruscant, her papa would stay up late into the night attempting to finish work impressed upon him by the Empire. She could remember sneaking into the engineering room and allowing the sound of his experimentation to rock her to sleep. Always believing she was clever in her hiding place, she would wake up surprised to find herself back in bed the next morning with a soft blanket tucked around her and the memory of a kiss pressed to her temple.
Jyn curled in on herself as the events of the past few days pressed their suffocating weight upon her. The brief moment she'd shared with Cassian on the beach, the plans of the Empire transmitting off-planet, and the vision of the horizon caving in upon itself as it fell victim to the planet killer. As they'd embraced, fully accepting their fate as sacrifices for the greater good of the Rebellion, a lone U-wing had appeared, hovering over the waves as they churned from the oncoming implosion. She half-dragged, half-carried Cassian until their bodies collapsed upon cold steel of the cargo hold as the door slid shut. Cassian's dead weight lay upon her legs as she'd hunched over him, tightly holding him to her chest as the U-wing shook and dropped in the unstable air. Pulling back and looking into his face, she hadn't seen the Cassian she knew. In his place was the shell of a man, face pallid and fevered. Eyes tightly shut as whistling gasps escaping his chapped lips. Looking toward the cockpit she could hear the pilot cursing as debris filled his flight path. It was like Jedha all over again, except this time everyone who'd arrived with them was dead and there was no certainty the rest of them would make it out alive.
Miraculously they broke atmo and the pilot rendezvoused with the remainder of the fleet. As Jyn held Cassian tightly to her, whispering prayers of comfort in a voice meek as a child, she'd taken a look around her and immediately wished she hadn't.
They were not the only two who'd been picked up before escaping Scarif. Three other humanoid men shared the space, and curled up in the corner looked to be a Drabatan, but she couldn't be sure. Three of the four looked to have already passed. Bodies immobile, the stench of death wafted through the cramped space. The remaining humanoid coughed as blood poured from his mouth. He boasted an exceptionally large blaster wound to the chest. Jyn knew she should get up, check on the others, but she turned her face away from them and tucked herself closer to Cassian as the sound of his labored breathing filled her ears. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. She wasn't supposed to live while so many others died.
The sound of an X-wing taking off from the lower level of the base startled her from her reverie. She was no longer on the floor of the U-wing, but tucked safely behind the fusion reactors. Wrapping her arms tightly around herself, she laid her head against the cool stone and hid once more in her cave, the place where she locked things away when they became too painful to remember.
Cassian stepped out of Central Command with his arm wrapped tight against his chest. After four days in medbay he was itching to get back to work. It seemed more had happened in the days he's was unresponsive than he could have possibly imagined. He'd been asked to debrief after being released and realized his information wasn't much help. Everything he'd conveyed to command had already been reported by Jyn, who'd sat through interviews just hours after they landed. He remembered leaning against her on the beach, but everything afterward was a bit fuzzy. He could vaguely remember someone pulling his shoulders from behind, dragging him across the sand, rocks scraping his back, and the sound of a transport humming over his head. The coolness of metal offered welcome relief to his heated skin. He could remember someone whispering to him, his head resting against soft skin, an elevated heartbeat sounding against his ear. Next thing he knew his body was floating. Dense liquid suspended his body weight in mid-air. The feeling of slowly being suffocated, he knew he'd earned a dip in the Bacta tank.
The base was now crawling with rebel soldiers. Troops were regrouping, and High Command were processing hundreds of new soldiers who'd decided to join the fight against the Empire. Most were Imperial defectors who'd escaped Scarif before their demise. The Rebellion was overrun in their attempt to determine the allegiance of such a great number. Not all were like Bodhi, heroically escaping in an attempt to provide valuable information. He'd proved his fidelity by putting himself in harms way on behalf of the Rebellion. It would be a long process that would take away valuable time.
As Cassian rounded the corner and passed through the fighter bay, he caught sight of pilots and soldiers staring at him with something akin to pity. He knew the look well. It was one reserved for those who returned from war alone. Those who had to live with the knowledge they'd survived while others had not.
Slowing his brisk pace to walk, Cassian stopped with his hand to the blast door in order to catch his breath. Sweat dripped down his brow as he took short breaths. His broken ribs were mending, but they weren't completely healed.
As he peeked around the corner he found what he was searching for, or rather who he was searching for. Jyn Erso had looked like a child the first time he'd met her. Brazen, fearless, and immature. But the days that followed changed his harsh opinion of her. She was young, but not a child. A survivor, facing death, abandonment, and manipulation by the hands of both the Empire and the Rebellion. Instead of walking proudly through the base, telling stories of death-defying feats and facing down legions of Imperial troops, she found solace alone, hidden behind fusion reactors. This was a pattern of hers he'd picked up on before they'd left for Jedha. No doubt a habit she picked up from years of being on the run. He wasn't sure how she slept through the noise of the fighter bay. Though he had to admit, his quarters were located directly above the pilot ready rooms and he found it easier to fall asleep with the rumble of fighters as opposed to eerie silence.
Slowly lowering his body to the cold stone, he bit back a groan as his body protested. Cassian found himself staring at her sleeping form, not quite sure of his need to find her. Involuntarily, she shivered, burrowing further into herself, as if covering her body to protect herself from attack. Softly she began to mumble incoherently, names and places he couldn't identify. Her eyes were moving rapidly beneath her lids and sweat broke out across her forehead and upper lip. Her body remained immobile, her limbs giving no evidence to the fight that was taking place inside her head. A tear dripped unbidden from her eye as she began to whimper. Cassian tentatively stretched a hand out and laid it upon her forearm, hoping to offer comfort without waking her. There was nothing more terrifying than being wakened during a terror-filled nightmare. He'd seen soldiers do horrific things in those moments. Fighting unseen captors, screaming at invisible dangers, sobbing at losses only they could see.
His grip on her arm tightened as her breathing picked up and the words became clearer. Like a memorized liturgy the names poured forth like prayers. Papa. Bodhi. Chirrut. Baze. Kay. Cassian. His name spoken in her broken voice brought tears to his eyes.
Her hand shot out and grabbed him, wild eyes suddenly open and unfocused. She pinned him down with a frightened stare, unsure if the vision in front of her was real.
"Shhh," he whispered gently, never removing his hand. "It's just me, Jyn. It's Cassian."
Her grip on him faltered, confusion evident on her face.
"You're at the Rebel Headquarters on Yavin IV, just after 0900 GST," he finished softly as he checked his chronometer.
Her eyes turned soft as she nodded slowly. But a question still remained unanswered. Her lower lip trembled as she leaned in close and whispered, "Who am I?"
If anyone else had heard her utter such words they would've believed she'd gone mad. Surely she wasn't so out of it that she'd forgotten her own name.
He merely offered a sad smile, understanding the question she was really asking.
He'd spent so many years running intelligence operations for the Rebellion, posing as Imperial officers, smugglers, foot soldiers, and the occasional slave trader. He'd spend so long undercover he struggled to remember his own name. Willix. Aach. Joreth. There were times he wondered if he was ever really wanted for being Cassian Andor, and not for what he could provide the Rebel Alliance.
Jyn had also lived long under the identity of others. Hiding her name for very different reasons than he. Law breaking, smuggling, and anonymity. Her name was dangerous. The price was high for possession of an Erso. The name had probably sounded like a curse to her for so long, only just earning respect in recent days. But who was she really? Kestral Dawn. Tanith Pontha. Liana Hallik?
Smiling softly, Cassian met her worried gaze, lifting her chin and begging her silently to believe him.
"You are Sergeant Jyn Erso, Daughter of Galen Erso. Leader of the assault of the Citadel Tower on Scarif."
Cassian's voice grew quieter as her face softened and her grip released.
Her head tipped back as she settled against the wall, hand rubbing the back of her neck, releasing the tension that had formed there.
"How are you feeling?" she asked as she quickly looked him over, cursing herself that he had to cram his sore body into the small space she occupied.
"Other than feeling like a bantha sat on my chest, I'm feeling alright. I've got a couple more bacta treatments left, but I'll survive."
"I'm sorry I wasn't there when you left medbay."
It was evident Jyn was having an internal battle. The ease at which she'd once bantered with him, the tightness of the embrace they shared, and her breakdown in the U-wing over Scarif frightened her. She wasn't sure the reason for her sudden shyness around him.
Cassian didn't look bothered by it, in fact, his face had a look of amusement. "I had to meet with High Command anyway, it's not like you didn't visit me at all."
Had he known she'd been there the whole time? Jyn had been sure to not hover over him while he lay unconscious. Between debriefing, checking over the landing transport, and avoiding human contact, she'd spent the rest of her time pacing his room. She shared moments with him he'd never remember. She'd sit next to him, holopad in hand, sharing the most recent news concerning the Rebel fleet. She told him of her childhood, time she'd spent in prison, and any other piece of useless information that came to her mind that would fill the unnerving silence in the room.
"What do you remember?" her eyes dropping to her hands as she rubbed them together nervously.
"Between blinding pain and sedation, I can't say I remember much," he smiled softly as he cocked an eyebrow at her, trying in earnest to get her to lower her defenses. " But 2-1B droids can be quite informative when you ask the right questions."
She watched as dozens of emotions filtered across his face at once. He hadn't been given as much time as she to process everything. He'd probably been briefed on the casualties and assigned his next mission as soon as he walked in to meet the Council. There was never enough time during war to process the horrific things that happened on a daily basis.
"What happened, Jyn?" his voice wavering.
Reports on the holopad could only give you so much information, and they hadn't told Cassian what he needed to know.
Just as her hand had reached for his as they collapsed on the beach, his hand now sought hers, gripping just as tight.
"Please."
Jyn closed her eyes, attempting to access fresh memories she'd hidden away in her cave.
"You passed out, after we made it to the beach. I kept shaking you, trying to get you to wake up. The Citadel was already crumbling, and the ground around us was being swallowed into the shock wave. I tried to cover you because the rocks and sand started pelting us. One of the transports came out of nowhere. He lowered the hatch, hovering about a meter off the ground."
Jyn swallowed visably, remembering how close to death each of them were. "I couldn't lift you because of my ankle,"
A quick glance at her foot confirmed her story. Cassian hadn't noticed the brace when he'd first sat down.
"I just grabbed you under your arms from behind and dragged you to the shuttle. I know I probably caused further injuries from your body being dragged across the rock. We both made it aboard and the pilot took off. It was touch and go for a while. It was like Jedha all over again, except this time, we were the only ones left."
The destruction of the holy city had been devastating, but they had picked up a band of miscreants who'd come to mean more to them than a thousand nameless soldiers.
The destruction on Scarif was a reversal of sorts. Resulting in the loss of each and every one of those friends on the planet below. She couldn't help but feel responsible for both.
"How many others on the ship?"
"Other than the pilot and copilot, there were six, including us." She turned her head away from him, unable to bear his penetrating gaze any longer.
"How many made it back? Other than the pilot?"
Tears dripped down her cheek faster than she could dash them away with her sleeve.
"Just me and you."
It happened before she could protest, Cassian had slid across the remaining space and gathered her small frame into his arms. His calloused hand made its way to her hair as he buried his fingers in its softness. Jyn tucked her head in the hollow of his neck, breathing in his familiar scent. One of her hands tangled itself in the fabric of his shirt while the other grasped at his back. A small groan escaped his lips as she squeezed too hard against his tender ribs. She made to pull away, but he just gripped her tighter. Rubbing his hand in circles on her back, he murmured comforting words in his native tongue, trying in earnest to calm her, as one would a frightened child. He could only imagine the horror she endured on the transport flight.
He knew what it was like to hear the sounds of death without the ability to comfort those in pain. The crying, the screaming, and then the silence. To not be allowed a moment of composure before having to answer to authority on the details of your mission. He'd been in surgery, and she'd been before a firing squad of the Rebel Command, alone.
He wondered if she'd eaten, or slept, other than infrequent naps in the dark corners of the base.
He pulled back from her, gripping her shoulders. Her head still bowed, she refused to face him.
"Why don't I take you back to your quarters? You can get some rest, and then we can go from there."
Her eyes looked panicked, and he wondered if he'd said something wrong.
"What is it?"
"I wasn't assigned a space in the barracks."
As Cassian cursed under his breath, a murderous look crossed his face at the lapse in judgment of the Rebel High Command.
Jyn didn't seem to be bothered. She didn't expect to be provided for. She had grown accustomed to fending for herself. It made her that much more impossible for him to understand.
"It's not their fault. I came in here as a pawn of the Alliance, and I know we had a deal. I provide the information they want, and I don't have to go back to Wobani. I never officially joined the Rebellion anyway, remember?" her sad smile met his face of disgust.
"After we came back they were overrun with defectors, injured soldiers, and reports of missing intelligence officers. I'm sure I wasn't high on their list of priorities. It's fine, really. I spent the first couple nights on the transport, then I just found places around the base I knew I wouldn't be bothered."
Tempered anger simmered in Cassian's voice. "Even defectors of the Empire and prisoners of war are assigned a place to lay their head, Jyn."
She just smiled back and answered, "I guess that's the benefit of running for so many years. You can't miss something you never had in the first place."
Cassian bit back a groan as he shifted himself against the stone wall and stood. He put his hand out in invitation to her. She looked at him questioningly before taking his hand.
"Where are we going?"
"Officer's quarters," he answered simply, offering no explanation as to why she was being pulled along.
Cassian kept a tight grip on Jyn's hand as they walked to the second level of the temple. He tried to walk at a slower pace, taking her injury into consideration. Other officers and soldiers watched them in silence as they passed. Some acknowledged Cassian with a nod, others just stared. Whether in shock at their return, or judgment at their insubordination to the Council, he couldn't be sure. Questions were forming in their eyes, but he didn't dare stop to answer.
Jyn made to pull her hand away, but Cassian held tighter. "Let them stare," was all he uttered to her.
As they arrived at the door, Cassian released her hand and pressed a code into the terminal at the door. The light flashed to green and the door slid open, cool air hitting them as they walked into the room. His quarters were small, but accommodating. Bed, refresher, and seating area. A luxury for any soldier of the war. Too bad they were never in one place long enough to enjoy it.
"Sit," he ordered softly, nodding his head toward the bed.
Cassian went to the refresher and came out minutes later with a wet cloth and a bowl of water. Placing the bowl on the bedside table, he took the cloth and kneeled in front of Jyn. Nodding toward her hands he asked softly, "May I?"
Jyn nodded her head, unable to get her mouth to work long enough to answer.
He released the clasp at the base of her wrist and pulled off the first glove as gently as possible. Her skin stuck to the fabric in places as dried blood acted as an adhesive. Her nails were jagged, some ripped down to the quick. Her knuckles had been scraped and bruises were visible on her fingers. She hadn't realized how sore they were until he had them in his own grasp. Taking the cloth he gently scrubbed her hands, careful not to irritate the wounds any further. He would stop each time she gasped or whimpered, whispering an apology each time.
As he took her other glove off and began to clean the skin he tentatively spoke, "Seeing as you've cleaned up since Scarif, as evidenced by your clean clothes, how is it that your hands are in this shape?"
Her silence begged him not to press. He looked up and met her worried gaze. His expression one of trust and understanding.
Jyn looked away, staring blankly at the wall behind Cassian's head.
"They wouldn't let me see you. No one would tell me what was happening. I needed something to do, they wouldn't give me anything to do."
She turned her gaze back to him, his eyes unguarded and safe. An expression she knew he reserved only for a very few.
"I went back to the transport. They'd left it sitting in the cargo bay after inspection. They didn't have enough people to recover all the ships that returned, so I volunteered to clean up the cargo hold."
"By hand?" he questioned, seeking understanding.
Jyn nodded bleakly. Cassian had often heard the old adage of having one's blood on your hands, but this was something else entirely. She'd scrubbed the metal and grating of a U-wing fighter with her bare hands. His blood, and that of their deceased passengers. Paying penance or some such nonsense she would probably say, but as far as he was concerned there need not be any blood on her hands, for each and every soldier whose life was sacrificed did so by their own volition.
Cassian finished washing her hands, though stains were still evident around her fingertips. There would always be blood that refused to be washed away. Wrapping tape around the bruised knuckles, he brought them to his lips and kissed them softly, his scruffy face tickling her sensitive fingers as he did so.
"You are a brave woman, Jyn Erso."
After putting things away, Cassian sat down in a chair across from the bed. Propping his legs up against the end of the bed, he crossed his arms over his chest and closed his eyes.
"I should probably go. Let you get some rest." Jyn made to get up and leave but was stopped by Cassian's legs blocking her path.
With eyes still closed he murmured tiredly, "You are not leaving this room until you get some proper sleep. You might as well accept it, I can be just as stubborn as you."
Too tired to argue, Jyn took off her shoes, wincing as she turned her ankle just so. Lying back against the pillow, she turned to face the wall.
Cassian should have run by now, far away from someone like her. She wasn't any good for anyone. Something about her sent people running.
"Cassian?" she whispered
He mumbled an acknowledgement.
"When I came to see you. What do you remember?"
She had a feeling he was aware of more during his stint in the medbay than he was willing to share. She remembered rambling on while she sat with him, talking just to keep the silence at bay. She told him of the image. The one in her mind, the place that she hid. She had shared it with someone else she trusted once, regretting it ever since that day. But what would Cassian do with that information, if he knew?
Turning her body to face him she found him in the same position as before, only his eyes were open, soft and kind.
"You told me about your cave."
She nodded as tears dripped down her face. She didn't dare move, and neither did he.
"It looks like the tunnel where you hid as a child. When Krennic came to take your father away. You hid in the cave for hours, a small oil lamp turning light to darkness as you waited in fear. Your father had been taken, your mother killed, and a group of death troopers were looking for you. You stayed until Saw came for you. The image, it lives on, in your mind. It's where you seek shelter, where you hide when you're scared. The place you leave things when you can't bear to look at them anymore."
Her gaze dropped to her hands as she gripped the pillow in fear.
"Look at me, Jyn."
She did as he bade, his eyes holding her, refusing to let go.
"You don't have to hide anymore."
She lay there in relative silence. Nothing but the sound of her breathing and the occasional rumble of aircraft taking off from the base. Cassian's gentle breath was a welcome comfort, solid and steady.
Tucking her hand beneath her chin she closed her eyes, allowing her mind to settle, and her body to rest for the first time she could remember since she was a child, watched over by her Papa.
Cassian slowly opened his eyes, peering at Jyn as he heard her breathing settle into a slow and deep pattern. Her grip on the pillow had loosened and her hand was tucked beneath her head.
The holopad on the table beside him lit up with an alert. Thankful the sound had been disabled on the device, he lifted it to put his credentials in to receive the message. The color drained from his face as his heart threatened to beat out of his chest.
The words he feared flashed upon the screen. Death Star. Alderaan. Tantive IV captured by Imperial Star Destroyer Devastator. In possession of stolen battle station plans.
There would be a meeting of High Command as soon as possible to discuss the Alliance's next move. Below the message were new orders that would be discussed in detail after the meeting. It would not be a spy mission, nor a recovery effort. He was being sent out as a scout, to search for a new location to house the new base. The knowledge had spread of Yavin IV since Scarif, and it wouldn't be long until a strike would be planned against them.
Setting the holopad down, he dropped his head in his hands. His mind began to race, questioning all the lives that had been sacrificed on Scarif, all of the days and nights spent scouring intelligence reports and recruiting soldiers. Had it all been for naught?
He looked over at Jyn, sound asleep, a gentle smile on her lips. None the wiser of the events unfolding elsewhere in the galaxy. He wouldn't wake her, not yet. She deserved to sleep in safety, in comfort, if only for a short time.
HE knew when she woke, she would be tempted to run, to hide from him, and from all they had worked so hard for. But he refused to let her. They would face it together.
Rising slowly from his seat he went over to a small cabinet and pulled out a soft blanket. Placing it over Jyn's small body, he tucked it around her gently. He leaned close and pressed a soft kiss to her temple, lingering as he touched her soft skin. Brushing her hair behind her ear he whispered softly, "Sleep well, Stardust."