Brisk wind snuck through the dark room's cracked window, but couldn't hold up to the warmth of Mihael. His forehead melted into Nathan's chest; he'd fallen asleep mid-kissing the planes of the albino's body, arms wound around his neck as though Nathan were a beacon and Mihael was drowning.
Nathan, however, was restless, haunted by dreams he'd never wish upon even his own murderer. Fear surged up his body, jolting him forward- but the weight of his sleeping boyfriend kept him still. Sweat beaded on his silver eyebrows as he looked down, expecting to find Mihael's blue eyes meeting his own. But they didn't. They went unbothered, not even squinting, just deep in his dreams; but something else then grabbed Nathan's attention. Red, dim lights stared at him from the corner of the room, telling him it was 2:37, that he needed to go to sleep. It was routine: unwilling exhilaration now, undesired lethargy later. As badly as Nathan wished it could, the alarm clock never convinced him. Instead, his grey eyes met the ceiling, frantically studying the random, raised textures and filigree-like cracks in hopes of boring himself back into unconsciousness.
It didn't work.
Shaky breaths and a hurried heartbeat that replaced what should have been dead air went unnoticed by Mihael, whose naked body peacefully rested on top of his boyfriend's. Nathan took comfort in it, ghosting his fingertips along the grooves of the blonde's spine, rewinding himself back to the burning, lively passion the two created between themselves just hours ago. A subtle blush rose to his cheeks as he found himself wanting it again, but he wouldn't dare wake the other. For now, he substituted with more delicate touches: brushing his fingers through the sandy locks, flattening palms along his rough sides, stopping once he reached the little dimples embedded in the small of his back. It felt nice. Though Nathan had no desire to be dependent on others -particularly after so many years of revolving his life around a certain detective's death- he couldn't see himself living a normal life without Mihael anymore. What Nathan lacked in emotion and compassion, he made up for at night, flooding the air with screams and futile swings at nothing.
Recently, silence replaced the violence and morning came without an episode. Sometimes. Nathan accomplished this by trying to wake himself up in the middle of the night before they had a chance to offset, less so for his own sake but to avoid scaring Mihael; twice now, he slipped, unable to recall what he did. But he knew it was unforgivable; both times the blonde woke up with a bruise he didn't go to sleep with. Nothing detrimental, especially considering Mihael's own strength and thick skin- but the fact that he laid any hand other than a loving one on him broke his heart, and Nathan hated himself for it.
While he got better at manipulating the physical symptoms, everything else stayed. His grey eyes shone like saucers, wide and shiny with glints of terror. It wasn't worth bringing Mihael into it. It just wasn't. Through a handful of half-truths Nathan convinced the other that they were just nightmares, that the whole occurrence was a rare one and needed no worry.
God, he didn't want to lose him. Nathan ran his fingers through the maize hair again, lowering his eyelids as a tear rolled down his cheek to his ear. All Mihael had ever done was reassure him, love on him and guarantee he'd be there- with his own crude, albeit well-intended, mannerisms.. But he didn't know, and Nathan intended to keep it that way. Mihael doesn't need that burden. Not on top of everything else he deals with.
A mumbled voice spoke up from beneath the cover, and Nathan lifted it to find his boyfriend looking at him, concern overpowering his smile. "You okay?"
"Yes." Nathan nodded, tapping his lips against his boyfriend's forehead. For a moment he thought Mihael was finally seeing through him, ready to call him out. But he didn't. He lifted his hands, tangling them in the man's snow white curls as Nate took Mihael's head between his own palms, kissing him once more. "Yes, I'm fine. Go back to sleep."
The blonde ran his lips up the albino's neck, sighing sleepily. "Are you going to?"
Nate lay his head on the pillow, unable to meet his eye. "Mhmm."
The smile in Mihael's voice was audible as he pressed his face back to Nathan's body. "'Kay. I love you."
"I love you too."